Friday, June 24, 2016

domestic discipline and the crying man

I ´d like to say a few words to the following comment:

Anonymous wrote: 
While I do like to submit to a strong woman, I have to say the thought of her enjoying spanking me to the point that I cry doesn't sit well with me. I guess some guys like it (and even crave it), but it feels mean-spririted and nasty to me. I can't seem to get past that.
I have met wonderful men in my life. I like men. My overall experience with men is great.

I have given quite a few spankings in my life. And not always did the man cry.  Actually, most of the time the men did NOT cry. 

In my life, there are many reasons to spank my man. And  making him cry is not always my goal. Sometimes I just want to get my point across. 
Sometimes I want to play with his him.
Sometimes I want to punish him.
Sometimes I want to reestablish my power.
Sometimes I am catering to his needs.
Sometimes I want to make him understand that I dont accept his behavior. 
Sometimes I want to pamper him with an erotic spanking. 
And sometimes, ...
sometimes I want to provide him with a much needed emotional release. 

For me, in my life, generally speaking, it is very easy to open people up emotionally. I do this all the time and I do it with ease and knowledge, both in my private life and professionally. I show them my openness, I make myself vulnerable and usually people can't do anything but reciprocating my openness with openness.

I can be unbelievably understanding, because I am honestly interested in the man and in his story. Even though I might seem strict, and even though I enjoy punishing my man in a domestic discipline context, deep in my heart I am a defense attorney. I dont like to prosecute people. I want to understand them, I want to comfort them, I want to make them smile again.

And often, the men in my life carry a lot of pain with them. I can tell, because I have had my share of pain in my life,

Sometimes the pain is so deeply embedded in the man´s heart that it is very difficult to get access to it. Dealing with the pain seems to be too difficult and bottling it up seems to be much easier for him. But as we all know, suppressing intense feelings can carry a heavy emotional toll.

Spankings can be a very effective means to help him to let go of some of the tension, to let go of the hurt and the stress. During a spanking he does not need to talk about feelings, feelings he maybe does not even understand himself. He does not need to come up with solutions. He does not need to be strong. He can just submit to me and be.

I am taking over. I am taking control. There is nothing he can do but staying over my knee and accepting whatever it is I choose to do next. It might be humiliating, yes.  It might be hurting, yes. But at the same time I am making sure I am telling him: You are safe with me. You can let go now. You are very important to me. I am willing to provide you with boundaries and stability, I care about you very much.  

In such scenarios, the feelings can be overwhelming. And it has happened, that the man started to cry. And these moments are super precious and deep. However: the tears did not come because I was giving him an unbearable amount of pain. Far from it.  My message is more along the line of: You are a wonderful human being. I care about you. I see you. I want you to be happy. And if this means I have to spank your naked butt every day for the rest of your life, to make sure that the message sinks in, I am more than willing to do that for you. 

7 comments:

  1. Miss Tina, you get it. Totally, absolutely, completely get it. The tears are the sign that the elusive but much-desired state of feeling safe and loved and cared for has been reached. It is the pinnacle of any spanking scene, real or for play.
    Your pretty boy is one lucky fellow.

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  2. It was my comment that prompted the post.

    I think the bottom line is that how you think about the crying and what actually prompted it is strongly dependent on the relationship between the people involved.

    I don't dispute that crying can happen as an emotional release that the spanking triggers. I definitely get an emotional release from being spanked, but it's not usually crying.

    However, I have been pushed to the brink of tears by the pain, not by any feelings of being loved or cared for, and I have read descriptions of scenes on other blogs where the amount of pain inflicted prior to the crying suggests that it was not just some emotional release. In my most recent case, it happened within a role playing scene with a pro for whom I had no emotional attachment (and vice-versa). Unless you ask the person being spanked, you don't really know what did it.

    I read one description from a woman who likes to make her man have orgasms before she beats him because he cries every time. That made my skin crawl.

    However, I do believe that the dynamic descried here can be the case. It really depends on the relationship between the two people. I think spanking can be really enjoyable and I really like the stress relief aspect of it. Seeing anyone cry is kind of a trigger for me, but I get what's being said.

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  3. I loved reading this post. Experiencing what you have described is something I would love to do but doubt it will ever happen and that saddens me. I believe that to be that vulnerable (and to have her be equally vulnerable from her position of power) would be a deeply bonding event. Thank you for sharing such a beautiful post!

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  4. Tina: I am curious. I'm finding your approach to all of this refreshingly unique.

    When you say: "My message is more along the line of: You are a wonderful human being. I care about you. I see you. I want you to be happy. And if this means I have to spank your naked butt every day for the rest of your life, to make sure that the message sinks in, I am more than willing to do that for you."

    Are these things you are actually saying out loud to the man? Or is it just something you are thinking? If you're not actually saying them, how is the message getting conveyed to the man, especially if there is humiliation and pain involved, as is typically the case in any spanking scenario?

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  5. @all: Thanks for all your friendly comments.
    I am going to ponder about your words and gonna probably reply in another post.

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  6. Indeed. I have had the luck of being put over a woman's knee and spanked by her (very thoroughly) to tears.

    It probably was less the pain (though it was indeed VERY painful, the brush left marks that lasted for almost a month), but the intense feeling of closenes to her and submission that came over me while being held down by her and getting punished.

    Shortly after the tears started to flow, the spanking stopped. Kneeling next to her and having my tears gently wiped away was without any doubt the most fullfilling moment I have ever experienced in my life.

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  7. @anonymous:

    "Shortly after the tears started to flow, the spanking stopped. Kneeling next to her and having my tears gently wiped away was without any doubt the most fullfilling moment I have ever experienced in my life."

    Aftercare is wonderful, indeed. I completely agree!

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