Wednesday, July 27, 2016

being slapped in the face

 Judging from the stats of my little blog , you all wanna read more about face slaps. Your wish is my command.

I have been asked:


He said he was forcibly resisting being spanked, and that led to him being slapped in the face. I'm interested in your take on that, especially as a lawyer. From a legal perspective, the most logical inference that people would draw from forcible resistance is that consent to the spanking has been withdrawn, making it an illegal assault. Of course, the chances that it would be pursued legally are probably nil. However, that still begs the question of how to DD partners conduct themselves when consent has apparently been revoked.  
in that situation of forcible resistance, would you consider consent to be withdrawn, and if so, would you continue to try to force compliance via face slapping or otherwise? 

I can say one thing for sure: If I have the SLIGHTEST feeling that the man is withdrawing his consent, I stop whatever I am doing. I am not stopping because of the cops or fear that legal problems might arise. This is not something I even think about. I never even had legal problems in my whole life. In my life, with the relationships that I have, 3rd parties are never a problem. The bond between the man and me is always very strong. 

Even today,  without having spoken with my ex for about 2 years, I am 100% confident that he would (if actually necessary)  throw himself in front of a car for me. And the very same feeling I have with Gregory. Even though we only know each other a very short time, for me it is clear that he would do me no harm and that he cares about my well-being very much. And I care about his well-being very much and would not do any harm to him. We never speak about it because it is so obvious for me. 

Gregory and I had a huge as in HUGE argument when I was visiting him. I had done something that led him to believe that I had caused him A LOT of problems. (I had not actually caused any problems, but he did not know that at the time.) He was FURIOUS with me. And I was not exactly happy with him either. His emotions were super raw that night. And despite the feeling of betrayal he was feeling, despite his anger, despite his fear, we still spent the night in the same bed, next to each other. That night he probably had felt like I had stabbed him in the back, and still he let me be close to him. Despite the fact that he felt very much betrayed and hurt by me, he trusted me. And first thing in the morning we cleared the situation and the misunderstandings.
In hindsight, this night and our huge argument that night only strengthened my believe in Gregory and in the fact that he is worthy of  my attention and love.

So, if I have the feeling that the man is withdrawing his consent, I dont stop because I fear legal problems. I stop because if he is withdrawing his consent, I immediately lose all interest in "dominating" him. Gregory could tell you that he encourages me often to be strict with him, to punish him and to let my dominant side shine through.  And there are times when I am super strict with him. (I will tell you one day about the night when I told him to strip and stand in the corner. I watched him over Skype and let him stand there for 90 full minutes....). I need him to encourage me to be strict with him because I want to be sure that he is actually ok with what I am demanding from him.

If a man withdraws his consent, I see no sense in dominating him anymore. Because what I want from him is a gift. I want the gift of his submission. I want him to be strong, and strong minded and independent, and if he is all that, his gift of his submission to me is super valuable to me.

If I tell my partner in a domestic discipline context to do something, and he does not do it, I feel like a fool, like an idiot. I don`t get angry with my partner, and I don`t want to slap him in the face. I just feel very humiliated and tell myself: "well I am not gonna give him that much power over me again." 

From my point of view: the kink is something that we both have to want. Both the man and I need to want to do this. And if he refuses to obey, I am not gonna force him into submission.
In a way, I let him  have the power. It´s his decision whether he obeys or not. It´s his decision to resist or not. I don`t want him to test out some boundaries. I don t want him to brat.  I am offering him my heart, and it is his decision whether he takes it and obeys or ignores it and shows defiance.  

7 comments:

  1. Wow. Great post, Tina.

    James

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  2. Hi Tina,
    Since I was the one reporting the experience of being slapped in the face,I should follow up on James's comment.Neither time did I feel I was withdrawing consent and my instant obedience to her just reinforced that. If I had withdrawn consent I would have used my safe word but nothing like that happened.Being slapped just reminded me dramatically that she was in charge and actually made it easier to accept her authority when I was rebelling because slapping me just underscored how serious she was.I don't think anyone outside the relationship can determine when consent is present or withdrawn. Every relationship is different and a third party doesn't belong in it making judgements about it.
    Paul

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  3. @Paul: Sorry if I gave a different impression. I do understand you and I can understand what dynamic you are describing. :-)

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  4. @Paul: I was not trying to insinuate that you were withdrawing consent, and your subsequent characterization of the event confirmed that you were not. I was just using the situation generally and asking Tina how she would handle it. I apologize if I offended you.

    I was just in another discussion on a board the other day where someone else asked about the implications for consent if spankee tried to flee and was forcibly restrained in particular when the parties don't have a safeword so there is no way agreed upon way to verbalize the withdrawal of consent. One thing I've noticed is that safewords are not as common in DD as in BDSM scenes, so I was curious how the withdrawal of consent gets handled if there is some non-verbal manifestation of it, such as forcibly resisting.

    James

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  5. Faceslapping should always be done in a safe way without causing lasting damage. The face can be quite a vulnerable bodypart.
    So when applied it should be in a controlled way, not with a fist,
    not against the neck, not against the ears, eyes or otherwise in the face but on the cheeks. I think the 'shock effect' or 'attention request' is more important than actually causing pain.
    To some men it is a strong kink being slapped in the face (not mine),
    or even to some, being kicked hard in the testicles.
    However it depends on agreements. When discussion consent I think it is very important to mention wishes and also .. limits.
    As for consent : I think there is a general consent. You don't give consent at the beginning of each spanking.

    Regards,
    appie

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  6. I agree with the comment about the cheek, avoiding other parts of the face. I have slapped several men as part of discipline including my husband. It doesn't have to be very hard and shouldn't be used very often. As the poster said the effect of a slap when a man is resisting control is immediate and powerful. I think I got the idea from old movies and I have no idea why it works so well because compared to a spanking its just a firm touch. It may be the male ego is reached via his head and face because I can think of other gentle methods that work well like grabbing an ear or cupping his chin in my hand while forcing eye contact. Spanking a man is at least 50 percent mental and all these help
    Terry

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  7. Speaking for myself, the reason why I believe it works so well is because getting hit in the face is, for me, a very shocking event, even when it has happened in the middle of a fight and someone landed a punch in the face.

    In the type of scenario the post concerns, if you really do not expect it to happen, there is a somewhat paralyzing moment of disbelief. Because, for me anyway, regardless of the level of force, getting hit in the face indicates gross disrespect, a serious escalation of conflict, and a violation of my boundaries, all of which can stop me in my tracks. I pause and go "what is happening here"? That sort of temporary paralysis would make it very effective for the person that hit you to get you to comply with whatever you were resisting.

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