Saturday, August 20, 2016

a lesson for Gregory in real life domestic discipline

Gregory was in a sad mood yesterday. He was feeling blue and doubting his professional skills. From my perspective, there was no reason at all for him to doubt himself or to doubt his professional skills, but it was not really possible for me to reach him emotionally.  His inner talk was harsher than I could or would ever be with him.

I wanted to hug him so badly. I wanted to touch him, and feel him, and let him feel me. I know that I can be pretty convincing when I am physically around. I am good at comforting or scolding ;-) But it is almost impossible for me to support him in one way or the other through mere text messages or through Skype while other family members are around.

So I insisted on having private time with him. I demanded his obedience, even though he was not really in the mood for it.

We postponed our "time together" 2 or 3 times during the course of the day, but in the evening he showed up on Skype and was all mine.  

I did not lose much time and told him to strip and show me his cock. It felt unusual cold, because there was no foreplay at all. Not even some amicable banter. I usually try to create a good atmosphere for the two of us first. But I did not do that yesterday. 

I was not angry at him, so I did not bring any fire in the scene. And the warmth of my love did hardly get through to him. He seemed resigned and disheartened. 

I made him present his cock to me, which brought me in a very good mood immediately, and then told him to stand in the corner for me. 

He stood in the corner, and for a while it seemed like he was emotionally getting calmer and more relaxed. As soon as he was motionlessly standing in the corner, I was once again amazed by his beauty and by the fact that this impressive man is mine now.

I made him stand in the corner for about 15 min, during which I once in a while made him change the positions of his arms. He was obeying and quietly following my orders. But I could tell, just by watching his body, that he was not ok. I knew, something was off. 

I told him to turn around and to face me. I wanted to see what´s going on. I looked at him and I saw that he was still very sad and dispirited.

At that moment I wanted nothing more than to caress his face and hold him in my arms.

He apologized to me. He said something like: "I am sorry. I am just not feeling good today. I am not in the mood for "it". I am not in the right frame of mind."

And this is when I - surprisingly even to myself, lol- used all my female power over him and told him: 

"Gregory, I am sorry that you are feeling so sad. But you know, that does not really matter right now. Right now your job is to please me. At the moment, my needs are more important than your needs. This is how it is now."

I will never forget the look on his face that moment. Astonishment, surprise, understanding, acceptance. I could tell he had not been expecting such a statement from me. And at the same time he knew that in a domestic discipline relationship it is my "right" to make such a statement and to demand obedience even when he is overwhelmed by feelings from the realm of "real life". He did not try to argue with me. He knew I was right. But it was tough for him. 

That moment pretty much marks the change from "play" to "real life domestic discipline". He was not in control anymore. He had to do what I wanted him to do, despite the fact that he was not in the mood for it.

I did not make him get back in the corner. I made him sit down with me and talk instead.  I could tell that he wanted to end the conversation a few times, but at the same time he knew that I expected obedience from him and that obedience at that moment meant: staying and talking to me. So he stayed and talked.

We talked for a while, I told him: "Yeah, I understand, your life really sucks. All these problems. And on top of it you are not even allowed to come" ;-)
(He did not think that was a funny comment,  lol, but I do.)

For me, the fact that he stayed in the conversation, even opened up to me, shared some stuff with me, was very cool. I liked it a lot. And the fact that it was difficult for him made it even hotter for me. 

He did relax somewhat during our conversation. I threw some love bombs on him. Told him how much I appreciate him in my life. And after a while I told him that I am now satisfied, that I very much liked his obedience today and that he is now free to go on with his day.


  1. Did you get a sense for how he felt about all of this? Did he consider it to ultimately be a good experience that maybe even distracted him from his problems or did he consider it just something unpleasant that he had to endure despite what he was going through personally?

    1. I think now I know. ;-(
      It´s not his cup of tea. It seems to be something unpleasant for him. Another chore. Another demand that takes away from his already limited time.

      He just told me that he is busy and that he has to prioritize. And my task, a writing assignment he had, has to wait till he has more time again.

      It sucks the air out of me. Obviously there is a fundamental lack of compatibility. If my dd activity is seen as just another of many tasks he has to do, the situation is not ideal at all.

  2. I'm sorry. It may just be a blip, and it may be that he is too overwhelmed with whatever is happening to him now.

    I asked because sometimes, it can actually work the other way. I read one post by a domme who had a sub who was actually in a great deal of very serious and dangerous psychological and emotional distress, something far beyond what Gregory dealing with. She went into full domme mode, and the distraction and change in focus for him really ended up helping him quite a bit and probably saved his life.

    That's not to suggest it was the situation here, but rather, that I thought it might have helped him to have to focus on you instead of the insecurities that may be plaguing him (which are the type of thing with which I am intimately familiar).

  3. I found an old comment that expresses exactly what I have been feeling on some level but what I could not find the words for.

    "Often times men simply don't understand how much confidence it takes for a women to give a man an order. You need to have a very basic confidence that your man will do as told. Any little back talking from a guy can shake a women's confidence level. It takes even more confidence to punish a man. You think to your self is this big, strong, six foot man going to really kneel in a corner because I am ordering him to do so. "

    Domestic discipline is not about making a man miserable but about making his life better. However, during the administering of a punishment or during the times when "orders" are given, the man might not like them at all. It might be difficult for him, or unpleasant, there is no fun involved....but pure discpline. No wonder a man is reluctant to "jump to it".

    And this is when it gets difficult for me. I am starting to ask myself: Am I doing the right thing? Am I wanting too much? Is he really going to do so, just because "I" want him to?

  4. That's a really interesting comment and raises points I never thought of before.

    I'll offer a couple of thoughts based more on what i've read than what I've done because I have never had a DD relationship. What you describe I find interesting and compelling, but most descriptions I have read do not describe something that seems intended to make the man's life better. I believe that is your intent.

    The first thing is that real life sometimes gets in the way. I've seen people describe how some of the DD or kink gets put to the side when real life presents urgent challenges that have to be dealt with.

    I don't know if Gregory is facing those kinds of problems or not. However, it seems like you were enjoying a long distance DD relationship before you went to New York, so I wouldn't assume that he is not interested in anything other than hard corporal punishment unless he said that.

    If you are pursuing the kind of relationship you want, it's not "wrong", it's just what you want.

    I got the impression that he did plenty of things just because you wanted him too. Maybe that's changed, but that seems unlikely.

    That said, if he is facing some real problems with his business or his confidence about it, he may just be too overwhelmed right now to do what you want him to do given what he is facing. If he is having real trouble meeting the obligations of his work, maybe what you're asking of him just feels like too much--at least temporarily. In general, nothing you ask seems like too much, but I don't know what he's going through.

    You probably need to talk through all this quite a bit to figure out the answer.

  5. Just keep trying.
    I'm voting for you.