Wednesday, August 17, 2016

orgasm control

Most of the time Gregory has permission to jerk off whenever he wants to. His life is hard anyway, with me being so far away ;-)

But sometimes I just tell him: 
"No, you cannot play with yourself. I don`t want you to. I want you denied, and needy and horny as hell. I want you to wait till you get my explicit permission to jerk off again."

Usually the story goes like this:
He is obedient and does what I tell him to do. 
It turns me on so immensely that I tell him pretty soon again: "Now come for me".
Which he does, and I enjoy.
Win- win ;-)

Yesterday I told him again: 
"I dont want you to come. Wait till you get my permission again." 
He replied by texting me "yes ma `am ".
So far, so good.

 In the evening I sent him a message:
Gregory, you were allowed to jerk off yesterday night, you are forbidden from doing it tonight.
I made an executive decision. 
Instead of jerking off tonight I want you to write me 50 lines:
"Tina, thank you for keeping me denied."
Stay good for me, my pretty boy! 

It was not much. Just 50 short, sweet and easy lines. All I wanted was a token.

I woke up to an email from him in which he explained to me that he could not write the lines because he was too exhausted after a very long day. He was telling the truth, his day, especially his evening had been filled with other important things he actually had to do. But still, I mean 50 frigging lines of seven words?

My first reaction:
I felt hurt. I felt unrespected. I felt like a fool. I felt like an idiot. I felt not valued and I felt angry. I felt like: I am too fucking stupid to even be a proper domme to the guy I love. 
He is doing what he wants, and I am like a suburban housewife who is pretending to be a domme..

But now my process of coping started by "sugarcoating" the thing for myself. By changing perspectives. By trying to be open minded. By trying to put myself in his shoes, by giving him the benefit of the doubt, by finding lessons in it for me.  

I was asking myself: what can I learn from this? What am I learning right now? why am I in such a situation right now?

My experience is: people rarely try to actually hurt me. Its more that they are dealing with their own life, or acting in a "not ideal" way because they are dealing with own stuff.

For me, it is very important to be in control and big picture and forgiving.   I honestly dont remember one person I hold a grudge against. In a way, I try to see all people as teachers. Of course, it is difficult, and sometimes I am struggling with it, but in the big scheme of things it is highly important for me to not let the actions or words of other people affect me too much. 

I am a criminal law defense attorney in my heart. I always try to find mitigating circumstances in other peoples behavior. Always. And I do believe Gregory when he said he was too exhausted for it. 

He had had tons of things to do, and I had slowed down  his schedule quite a bit by asking him to practice drawing sketches with me in the afternoon for about an hour. Which he had done and which I had enjoyed very much! But still, I wanted to teach him a lesson. I wanted him to know: it pays to be obedient. So I sent him the following message:

Gregory, I am so sorry to hear that you could not write the lines. 
I understand you were too exhausted. I know you had a very long and busy day yesterday.
The thing is: I wanted to give you the most wonderful release this morning. I wanted you to come for me and come under my guidance this morning, and wanted you to be all relaxed and content and happy when you start your super busy wednesday. 
Unfortunately, you didn't write the lines, which means you can't get a release today. 
I hope your hot, sexy cock is not making too many problems today. You have to somehow find a way to deal with being horny and denied today. 
Sorry, my pretty boy. You know, I love your cock. And I love playing with your cock, but we can't do it today.
He took it well. He obediently accepted my decision and I got a "yes ma ´am " from him. 

We had a good conversation later today. He is denied but happy, I am happy too and I am enjoying the fact that he is denied. He tells me often that he loves me. And me, I am so much in love with this guy, there are no words for it :-)


  1. You should deny him for at least a week at a time, this is good for your relationship, keep him denied and his service, obedience levels will be high, after orgasm a man becomes lazy, energy drained and his submission, service and obedience to you are lower, one week should be the minimum denial period.

  2. I really hope you don't take that advice.

    1. I get inspiration from all sorts of sources. But in the end, I always do what I want and what I think is appropriate in the situation :-)

  3. Check this out

    1. I had a look at it. It´s an approach I had heard before. But with Gregory I will follow my own gut.

  4. No worries, Gregory is fine , and so am I. I told him to stay a good boy for me now and that maybe one day he will even get permission to come again ;-)

  5. That blog is what prompted my comment.

  6. I don't understand him, you didn't expect too much from him. It was just some minutes of writing which could even have helped him to calm down after an exhausting day. But you reacted just right, well done!
    Just ignore this stupid blog which has been recommended, far away from reality...

    Greetings from Hamburg,


    1. Thanks for your comment, Chris.

      I think there is a difference between fantasy and reality. In reality things dont always work out as perfect as in fantasy. Gregory is a real man, with a real life. He is used to taking care of his own business for a very very long time. The fact that I am in his life now and even wanting control in so many aspects, is new and sometimes challenging for him.

      And me, I am a real woman with real insecurities....I am not a hardass bitch who gets turned on by seeing a man suffer. Pampering him is as much fun for me as punishing him.

      And btw. sometimes I think being pampered is as scary for him as being punished. Maybe even scarier.

      But for the record and for those interested: he is still not allowed to come.

  7. Tina: You might find some of the comments enlightening in this post regarding Gregory's failure to write the lines you ordered him to write:

    1. This comment from anonymous represents pretty much what I feel too:

      "If he breaks the agreements of our relationship intentionally, I will have a discussion with him about why he did it and how we can prevent it in the future. However,it will erode my trust in his submission a little. If it happens again, we’re going to have another conversation. But the trust that he will submit will be damaged again. And I will start backing off. I won’t try to force him. I won’t demand his submission. (Because I really can’t make another adult do *anything* he doesn’t want to do)I’m not going to “take control.” That isn’t my style at all. I want him to give the authority to me that we agree on then continue to choose to give me that authority every day.

      Eventually, if he were to continue to stop holding up his end of the bargain… submitting, then I’m not interested in my end either… and my domination efforts will go elsewhere."