Sunday, February 11, 2018

male submission

A little while ago, when Gregory and I were driving in the car, we talked a bit about the kink and our sexual wants and wishes. Doing this in the car is easier for us, lol, because we can both look forward and dont have to look at each other. We are humans after all ;-) 

I said to him something along the line of : "I cant wait to spank you again". (I always say that, lol, because I am obsessed with his body and especially with his pretty butt.)

He smiled, but then he said: "I hope you dont think less of me."

I was not sure what he meant, and so he clarified: 
"When you spank me, when I am submitting to you, ... I hope you still see me as a real man?"

I reassured him quickly that there is nothing for him to worry about.

The longer answer to his question would be:

(And: As always, I am only speaking for myself. I dont know what other women think and I don`t claim to have all the answers. All I know though is how I feel in that regard.)

For me, the feeling that a man is "a real man", a manly man, a man who is standing on his own feet, is a condition precedent to giving him a spanking or starting any other kinky activity with him.

I am only interested in doing "this thing we do" with a man who is - in my opinion- manly, and strong, and awesome, and special. I need to be convinced of his strength and his manliness in order to only consider doing anything kinky with him.

I like the challenge such a man is offering, I like the resistance he is feeling towards submitting.

The less likely the guy is to "submit" in real life and towards other people, the more I cherish and value the submission he is offering to me.

I think it takes a real man to submit to a woman. It takes guts to go over a womans knees. It takes courage to give up control. It takes "cojones" to trust another human being with your body and soul.

Generally in life, if I sense weakness or deep insecurity in a man, my modus operandi completely changes. I switch into the role of the helper and supporter and encourager. This comes very easily to me. I dont mind encouraging people, but it is not a dynamic I am craving when it comes to my sex life. 

I love to dominate a guy who usually does whatever he wants. I want to top the top ;-)

I have written it in my blog a thousand times already, but it is still true: I see submission as a gift. A gift from the man to the woman.  

I dont want a man to go over my knee because he really fears me. And I dont want to have a guy over my knee who thinks that I am a free service provider whose job it is to spank him to an orgasm.

In a relationship, I understand that the man is giving me power and control over him freely. It is his call for how long and how far he hands over the power to me. 

Me, I have never ever let anybody spank me. I was never courageous enough to give up that much control. I do understand how difficult it is to just "trust and let go". So, with all that in mind, how could I possibly think less of a man because he submitted to me? 

The submission of a man to a woman he loves is, in my eyes, one of the most romantic and wonderful things he could possibly do. :-) 


  1. This male is spanked, my wife stated from the beginning, men are little boys in adult bodies and past experience proofed this, it was to be addressed starting with me. The spankings are for real, always over her lap. The worse part is I get an erection, and part of the spanking is I must masturbate, then get the spanking, boy does it hurt afterwards. I would have it no other way. Our sex life is great.

    1. Great to hear that things are working out for you and your wife. :-)

  2. As always, a beautifully written and thought-provoking post.
    I think your own embrace of kink is what allows you to see submission as a gift and the submissive as still manly. If you leaned far more to the vanilla side of things and didn't "get" femdom/BDSM/FLR/whatever, you might have a different perspective. Seems a lot of women do. They might indulge their partner at first, out of love, adventure, attempt to spic things up, but if they're not truly kinky themselves, eventually they tire of it and want a "real" man. But if their man is a true submissive, it's very hard for him to go back to a more traditional dynamic and very difficult for her to erase the mental image of him crying over her knee.
    I completely understand Gregory's concerns; no man, however submissive, wants to be seen as anything but his love's desire. And in that, Gregory is clearly extremely fortunate.

    1. Things between Gregory and I are getting more and more serious :-) I am very happy to have him in my life.

  3. Oh, well, as you said you speak for yourself. Here's mine. The male slave is at the bottom of the D's hierarchy. First is the male dom, second is the female domme, third is the female slave and the bottom rung is occupied by the male slave. There is little "manliness" in a male who submits to humiliation and physical dominance. Their submission is an acknowledgement that they are less than and therefore they must submit to their better. Their true self is revealed in these moments. By kneeling, they acknowledge that they are not of the world of real men. To grovel is to lose that privilege.

    1. Thank you very much for the input. It is much appreciated.