an item of written comment

Thanks to all of you who commented on my last post. I do realise that the question was of such a kind, that for many of you it was not easy to come up with a definite answer. However, I have been interested in your "gut feeling".

As promised, here me thoughts on what you wrote:

Rachel: NO because I am the female child not the favored one. aj had an older brother and was not an athlete but just a nice guy.

For me, the fact that it is a story about men only is pretty much irrelevant. It is a strange thing, and I know that many of you might not agree with me here, but in my life, it does not matter if a person is male or female. I treat them pretty much the same. At least as far as I can tell... it is alway difficult to assess own behavior.
Some of you have written to me in the past that they get "weak knees" around a beautiful woman. To me, with an attractive or good-looking man, this has never happened.(It has not happened with a handsome woman either , just so you know...). For me, its more as if I would meet or talk to a human being only. Male or female... does not really matter to me.

Tony: Yes, More to the prodigal son as I did most of my things my way. Still I associate myself more to elder brother in the the story where the father ask's the two bother to go the vineyards and elder one says no and he goes at the end and the other one vice verse.

Tony, you really got me thinking. Bringing up that second story did confuse me quite a bit. Because I have not made up my mind who I tend to be in that parabel. Maybe we can talk about that story in "Tina`s advanced bible class" :-)

Scally: I had always thought I was a goody-goody because justice and fairness mattered so much to me that I had to try to embody it always. But I view my life as far as money and material things is concerned then I would certainly mimic that of the prodigal son - only without the happy ending of reunion.

I have 'wasted' money as others would see it, but for me it was about engaging with life and investing in other people's livelinhood. Moreover, it was also about trusting life and not thinking that I need to 'store up wealth' against a God/Universe that will not provide.

But I suppose the story is not really about material wealth but rather spiritual, and I suppose Jesus wanted us to stop embracing the animal instincts and instead embrace our 'spiritual father' / i.e. our divininty.

Either way, I would be the prodigal by choice. I don't value goody goody types. I value those who are prepared to be human, to mix with others without judgment, and to be honest with who and what they are. Why come to earth if only to be divine.

Lets start with your last sentence: Why come to earth if only to be divine? As I said, I am pretty much the older/good son. All my life I have tried to be there for other people. I am the typical helper.

Might be due to a lack of support from "grown up" adults while me being a child. I learned from an early age that I had to be reasonable and sound and "good" and responsible. Because my parents, especially my dad, was not (always) like that. My dad did not have a good reputation in my family and in society, he still does not have it..and so I tried as hard as I could to show the world, that I am worthy of their respect.

I did not make troubles at school, had no excessive party life, did not do drugs, went to law school even though I hated it, have most of my life been very frugal with money, am now living with my old grandma and her old sister...and still, the people who I wanted to impress, I did not succeed in making them think my dad is ok and I am ok too. All I managed to do is: they are now scared of me, because when I am together with them now, I pretend to be a hardass lawyer who is afraid of nothing. And they buy it. But deep in my heart I am deeply sadened that we do not actually like each other.

Justice and fairness do matter to me, no doubt about that, but I am not a hard judge. Really not. In 99% of cases I do understand exactly why the other person acts the way he/she does.And there is almost always a good reason for their behavior.So I do understand all the "prodigals" in the world. And I understand your valid point with "trusting life" and "engaging with life". I did not see a need to store up too much money either, even though that is changing lately:-).

However, what sucks is the fact that the older son has been there for his dad all the time, without getting a reward at all.There is not even a "well done my good and faithful son". This is still very hard to stomach for me, even though I do understand the story is not about the "good" son. But hey, that makes it even worse...The "good" son not even gets his own biblical story?

Michael: I am an older son and took quite some time to understand and like this likeness from the Lord. Let me add, that I do think it is spoken as an invitation to the originally chosen people of Israel. In a vein, similiarly to the stupid virgins or the guest which cannot come to the fest...

Michael, you are giving me hope. so it is actually possible to be an older son and like this likeness? Cool! :-)

Tes: I am the "only" son. The only child for that matter.

Only child or not, you can still get lost...And btw. and this is another point that drives me crazy: In the german translation the likeness is called "the lost son" whereas in the english translation its known as "the prodigal son". Sigh, not really helpful...

Wdspoone: When I look at this parable and the fact that it really speaks to different sides of a single persons character, it is hard to decide which (if either)I tend to lean toward the most? I can clearly point to examples where I have been a reprobate but there are also those too that show where I can be responsible and self disciplined. Therefore the question is not so much which one am I rather, which one shows up more often and in what circumstances? In the final analysis, I would have to conclude that I would most certainly exhibit behaviors that a more responsible female would feel obligated to ...um...correct! :D But other than that I am pretty much a perfect angel! hehe

Lol, I agree, you could use a firm female hand in your life :-) And yes, the question is actually which side shows up more often and in what circumstances.

ServingB: I've never wanted (material things) from my parents nor envied siblings who have. I have "loaned" siblings considerable amounts of money without them repaying a dime; however, I do not rejoice like the father in this parable, as my siblings borrowed the money making clear their intention to repay, and I have no respect for those siblings because they lack integrity. My experience/feelings are only remotely connected to this parable - too complex for reduction, I'm afraid.

ServingB, if I would have such a fullfiled sex, relationship and dd life, I would not even be answering questions like the one I asked :-) Sounds pretty much as if you tend to be one of the "good" sons...

Rich: I was the "good boy". My sister took care of prodigality.

Rich, thats what I call a short but all-embracing answer.

FD: I was the good oldest son, the favored one with two younger sisters.

But not to get all religious on you, but the parable is not about the prodigal son. It is about the love of his father for his son even when he screws up.

If you are a parent, you would understand.

Get religious on me as much as you want. Thats ok with me, I actually like that :-) I do understand that it is about the love of the father. And I know that we are all sinners and do need the fathers love.Me being the good girl, I have always been paying attention at bible school :-) The last sentence however was a deep hit...Never tell a woman who has no kids that she would understand if she had kids. For woman, having kids or not is always a very difficult subject. And even though I do not have kids, I have grandma, who is almost like a kid now :-) 

Tom: I am clearly more like the older son.

I always took my responsibilities very seriously, especially when they involved my family or my friends.

Thanks for that precise answer.Thats what I wanted to hear. :-)

Jack: I am the youngest, 'the baby'. The favorite of my father as he and I are most alike in the family. My mother would sometimes ask me to speak with my father because he would listen to me if no-one else. I miss him.

Hmm.. hard to tell if that makes you "good" or "prodigal" son. And Jack, I like to hear that you were having such a good dad-son relationship!!!!  I think there are only a few things on earth that make women as happy as seeing a father and a son get along very well.

spankedbywife: Well, as a Pagan (Wiccan, actually and no, we don't worship 'Satan' as Satan is a Christian god), none of this works for me, at least.

"The story includes the following:

who asks his father to give him his share of the estate"

Since when is it the father who has the option to pass on the estate. Why not the Mother. After all, if we follow the ideal of a Female Led Relationship, shouldn't property be passed on through the Matriarchial path?

Sorry, but the bible and its silly, patricarchial viewpoint just doesn't seem to apply. Give me that 'old (really old) time (Matriarchial) religion'. I prefer the Goddess path.

We could so debate over religious subjects :-) I am wondering if your wife really wants matriarchy. My impression is that women, even in a flr, still want their men to be strong and powerful. Me, I do want that.And I think, matriarchy is as bad as patriarchy. It should be a matter of the people in a relationship only, to decide who is going to be the senior partner and who the junior partner. 

It ´s late here now. I need to go to bed and get some sleep.Will let you know more about my initial thoughts and my theory soon.

short question

Hi everybody!

After having written so much about me, I want you to answer one short question for me. And I do not expect a very long answer. A short statement or a single word only is ok.

It is a question I have been thinking about quite often lately. And I do have my own theory as far as that question goes, even though wdspoone does not quite fit in my theory yet. But he might be the "famous exception" :-)

We are all pretty much similar, as we all feel a special attraction towards domestic discipline. And I am pretty sure there is not one person among us, who has not reflected about the "why on earth am I attracted to these kind of things" question. I do not have a solution either, but I do have a theory :-)

Since I actually did give up all my plans of ever finishing my §$%&%$""§$%% legal thesis, I need another area of doing some research...

I expect you all to be quite familiar with the biblical story of the prodigal son.
If not, go and read it:  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parable_of_the_Prodigal_Son

And here comes my question:


Have you always considered yourself to be the "prodigal" son or the "older/good" one?

Me? definitely the "good" one. In the past, there has not been the slightes doubt in my mind that I am the good one. And I hated that story with all my heart. I only recently started to feel at least a bit as if I would be the prodigal son. What about you? 

sometimes life is...

"Allen Leuten recht getan, ist eine Kunst die keiner kann."

Do not have much more to say today...


I am just fed up with constantely being the center of reproaches.

punishments

I am generally willing to discipline a man if he should need it. However: Discipline, correction or punishment is only coming to my mind, if there is a real reason to address some issues.I do believe in the concept of rewarding good behavior and punishing bad behavior. Pretty easy to understand, I think.

Reasons for me to step in and make a man change his behavor can be various. Due to me being german, the best way to keep out of troubles with me is, if you understand the meaning of "prussian virtues" :-)  

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prussian_virtues

It´s all a question of finding the right balance. And there is not "one fits all" way of how to deal with submissive men. The question "when are you going to punish a man" pretty much depends on the man and his persona. For instance, I might think a punishment is in order if a man is

• not telling the truth to me
• rude or impolite
• making me wait
• working too hard,or not hard enough
• not paying attention to my needs
• exercising too much or not enough
• not sticking to his words
• disobeying me
• etc.

Which leads us direct to the next question:
How am I going to punish a man?

I do believe that the punishment should fit the crime.
I might choose one of the traditional domestic discipline punishments, such as giving him a spanking, corner time or making him write lines. Besides from that I do not hesitate to come up with other forms of punishments. It is all a matter of how to best make a deep impression....

Early bed times: Sending him to bed early is definitely something I might resort to. The idea of telling a grow up man that he has to go to bed right away, even if it is way too early, does have its appeal to me. I like the fact that he has to "go" to bed himself. While getting a spanking, he can pretty much stay passive, the woman is the one who needs to do all the action. But in giving a man an early bed time, he has to actively participate in the punishment. He has to actually go to the bedroom, undress, go to bed and stay there...even if he most likely would prefer to do many other things. I like that being sent to bed early gives the man the opportunity to think about "why" he has been punished. I will make sure that he will not be bothered in the bedroom by tv, phone, internet etc., so he can focus on his actions that led to him being in bed now...


Orgasm control is a very good way of getting a mans attention. A constant pressure in his most private parts will make sure that he remembers to pay attention to me and my needs. Due to stress and obligations it might happen that a man is not paying attention to my needs as much as I would like him to do. So in that case a time of chastity and orgasm control might "help" him remember that I am expecting his attention. It will make sure he does not forget that I am in his life too :-) I like the idea of him being forced to ask for permission if he wants to have an orgasm. And don`t think for a second that I might have pitty with him and just give him permission. Nope, won`t happen. I will only give him permission again when I am sure that he has understood that I am the one in charge and that I am to make the decisions. It´s about teaching him to not forget the woman in his life.

Sports: Exercising is another very domestic discipline relevant topic.
I want my man to take good care of himself. And exercising regularly is one way of making sure that he is doing just that. If for some reason the man should stop exercising at all, I am not pleased and I will make sure he knows about my feelings.I might give him a warning, might tell him in uncertain terms what I am expecting and then he better stick to a moderate exercising regime. In case he should still not exercise regularly, I will make sure myself that he is doing it in the future. And be assured, it is not going to be fun for the man... I might choose to make him get up early for some time to spend the first half an hour of each day on the treadmill, or I might choose to go to the gym with him and be his strict personal trainer myself. I would not even hesitate to make him work out on the bedroom floor under my close supervision. It could happen that I am sitting in bed comfortably,watching tv or reading, while he is doing push-ups, sit-ups and more on the floor untill I allow him to come to bed ...

On the other hand, if you are a sports addict, if you can not imagine a life without exercising, there is a good chance that I might bar you from exercising for some time if I think your behavior was not acceptable. If you are one of the men who needs sports and exhaustion in order to "feel good", it might have a much bigger punitive effect on you, if you are stopped from working out for some time and made e.g. to stroll in the nature. I might tell you to go for a walk in a park and report me back about the color of the leaves or the different kind of trees...Not really hot, I know. But see, we are talking about punishments here. And as I said, the punishment has to be custom made for the man and the deed.

Living with me, loss of privileges is something that could happen easily too.
There is no law in the world that says it is your right to have as much coffe as you want on any given day. And who says you are allowed to have the glas of wine everytime you want to?
You got a speeding ticket too much...well, maybe its time for you to get information about the public transportation system in your area.I hate speeding and maybe you will hate being forced to hand over your car keys to me as much as I hate speeding...
I might even decide that it is time for you to stop watching tv or surfing the internet for a while. With me being a diet coke addict, I do know from personal experience how effective these kinds of punishment can be...

The naughty spot:
When I have been in the US, I have actually seen for the first time in my life a "naughty chair" for a little child. And it made me smile a lot. "My man" and the childs dad were talking computer stuff I did not understand anyway and therefore, while the men were having the conversation, I only marveled at the chair from afar :-) There was a saying written on the chair, something like: While sitting here, think about what you did, but never forget: we love you!
To think about a naughty spot in a dd setting gives me hundreds of ideas ;-)  "Line writing" does have such a spot in his life. However, he does not mention it very often.
http://linewriting.blogspot.com/2010/08/spot-of-bother.html
I am sure no man on this planet "likes" to be sent to the naughty spot. Anyway, my point is: punishment for a man....naughty spot....yes, can happen!

Just to make it absolutely clear:
if I punish a man, my main goal is not to make it a hot and kinky experience. There will be other times, when I will be intending to do just that... but not when I hand out a punishment. No mixed signals from me.
A punishment from me will always be unpleasant and difficult to stomach. The punished man will not like it. I will make sure of that with all my big heart :-)

it comes from a place of love and concern

In his recent post,

http://maamyesmaam.blogspot.com/2010/09/flr-dd-win-win.html

wdspoone is addressing the female point of view as far as domestic discipline is concerned. Since I did not post much kinky thoughts recently, here my two cents. And btw., while writing that post I realised that for me the reasons to like dd are mostly vanilla :-) Sorry. I have been willing to share some really hot thoughts with you, but as you will see, I ended up writing pretty much about vanilla things...

Sure, for a dominant woman like me, the aspect of having power and control is cool.

Or to be more specific: it´s hot :-)  It turns me on quite a bit!

To have a man do as I tell him to do...well, that is still so unusual and unfamiliar to me, but nevertheless it thrills me in ways I can hardly describe. 

To me, it is not so interesting to always start a heavy and long "hardcore" sex scene with a man. I am generally willing to do that and I (think I might) enjoy it once in a while, but mostly I prefer the subtle things. Little orders that make clear that I am in charge.

Most of the vanilla things of life can be turned into a dd relevant experience anyway. For instance: Dinner needs to be prepared. Thats a given. And in my understanding of a partnership one of the partners has to do it anyway. And I am not hesitating to be a "good wife" for my man :-) So I will do it myself quite often. But there might be times when I want him to prepare the meal. In that situations I will tell him in uncertain terms what I want him to do. And I expect him to go and do it without much fuss. There is not much kink in telling somebody to get dinner ready. However, in my opinion, its more a question of how to tell him that it is his turn to prepare the meal today.

I think I am usually pretty laid-back. A lot of my time I am busy with making people around me feel good. Therefore it will be very easy to understand for a man when I am in dominant mood.Which is a good thing, because I have been told that men are not as good in reading minds as women are :-)  When I am in dominant mood, the usually very kind and giving "Tina" will change into a strict and not wavering woman. All I need for that transformation to happen is the conviction that I am actually wanting the right thing and that I am not asking too much from my man. But once I am sure that these conditions are met, I don`t hesitate to make my partner do as I tell him to do.

However, as I stated many times before, for me, its not about making the man feel bad. I just enjoy having the possibility of  impacting  another persons life. For me, personally, domestic discipline is a way of expressing my raw feelings. And thats why I would never start any dd things with a man I am not deeply connected with.

In my life, domestic discipline is about...

• taking care of him
• letting him know about my feelings
• wanting him to be happy in his life
• providing him with some structure if he should need it
• preventing him from doing stupid things
• stopping his inappropriate behavior

And, hold your breath, all you submissive men out there: At least for me, a big part of it is also about...

• serving him
• wanting to be there for him. 
• fulfilling his needs. 
• giving him whatever he needs at any given situation.

Despite all the good reasons why I like domestic discipline, there is still the fact that the man will not always enjoy fulfilling my demands.As hot as "submitting" to a woman might sound in theory, the reality is often different.Writing lines is in most cases not fun. Doing the laundry for hours..., being sent to a corner or given a real spanking...not always fun.

I do not think that dd is helping me to be a better person. Its almost the opposite. I am pretty sure that I am doing ok in life. I mean, I am a human being, I do have my faults and problems. But my general feeling is that I am doing a fantastic job already in feeling guilty about my own failures and flaws. So I do not need dd in order to address these issues. :-)

For me it`s still a big deal if I, in a dd scenario, order the man around. Because in some way, me being the "Big Boss" does not quite fit in my understanding of myself. And being demanding and strict feels not always right to me. So in a way, dd is sometimes giving me the impression of NOT being a good person. Does this make sense to you?

I can tell you, that I am at all times aware of my responsibility towards the man in my life. Thats why I do not "play" with peoples feelings. I have written here many times that I expect a man to open up to me. To let me know whats going on within him. And that expectation, combined with the fact that the man is submitting to me in a domestic discipline way of life, puts him in a very vulnerable position.I do know that. That`s why it takes a very strong man, to be "my man".

I realised some time ago, that it needs a man who is very strict on himself,  a man who is expecting high standards from himself, in order to enter a domestic discipline relationship. Not one single man who ever wrote me in regards to this blog did seem to be a "player" (for the lack of a better word).In my experience, the men attracted by the dd- type of lifestyle are in general much more reliable, earnest and dependable than the rest of the male species.

And I am truely convinced, that sometimes it is the job of a dominant woman to prevent the man from punishing himself too much. Its her job to step in and stop him from beating himself up far more than he actually deserves. Wdspoone says:

I am strongly motivated to be a better man, to be a better partner, to be a better lover, to be a better citizen to name a few.

I am truely convinced that the man writing these words is already a fantastic man. From an objective point of view, there is no need for him to try to be even better.Ok, it might be an american thing...Always wanting to be better and bigger and more successful :-) Sorry , could not resist...

So the question is: what do I want ?

And here I think I am pretty much in sync with all women on this planet: I want my man to be a rock for me. I want him to comfort me when I feel sad. I want him to listen to my neverending stories (or at least pretend to listen...). I need a man who respects me. A man who accepts me just the way I am. A partner who makes me laugh. A man who is smart enough to understand my crazy thoughts.

Do I need dd in order to have all that? I don`t think so. I am sure there are men out there who are giving all that to their ladies without submitting to domestic discipline. On the other hand: If a man is submitting to me, if he is accepting my decisions, even if he might not like them too much, there is no need for him to convince me with words that he cares about me. His actions speak louder as words could.

not everybody lies

Hi everybody! I am finally back in Germany.

My trip to the US has most definitely been one of the craziest things I have ever done in my whole life. However,  I can honestly tell you: I do not regrett flying there for one single moment. In fact, I loved being there the whole time.Wish I was there now...


In a way it has been "the trip" of my life.
The time in the US was full of challenges and new experiences.
I had the chance of growing in ares where I would have least expected it.
You want examples:

• Well, I got pretty much rid of all fear of dogs I ever had :-)
• I realised that I do have indeed great relationship building competencies. I have not been so sure about that in the past. Now however, I just know that I dont need to worry any longer as far as that aspect is concerned.
• very important people do not intimidate me
• my religious faith has been deepened
• I accepted that I do have a tendency to attract unusual people with unusual stories. This is just something that happens regularly in my life. This time, I did - inter alia- indeed meet an international arms dealer at the beach. During an initially very superficial conversation, he suddenly started to tell me about his weapons business... So if you should ever meet me, it will say  as much about you as it says about me :-)

And I learned one other very important thing. And this might probably be the most interesting point for you, my readers:

Even though one can read often how much people would lie on the internet, and even though Gregory House keeps telling the world that "everybody lies", as far as this blog goes, that assessment isn`t true. I do not lie here in the blog and the (majority of) people who write me do not lie either. Over the last months I did meet or talk to a couple of readers of my blog. And not one of that talks has been a disappointment.

And neither has meeting the man in the US  been a disappointment. Far from it.
I felt safe and secure and cherished. He took good care of me! It`s as simple as that.
Even though I had never met him before, it worked out perfectly. I was just right in trusting him. And I love that he trusted me too. I just know that he trusts me far more than he has trusted anybody in the last years. And for that I thank him very much. Because he, as the private person he is, is giving me the greatest gift of all in opening up to me, sharing his feelings with me and letting me touch his inner soul.

I know, you guys wanna read about the kinky stuff. But to tell you the truth, the vanilla aspects of that meeting have been overwhelming. And I don`t think he would be ok with me sharing what or even if anything kinky has happened.