Thursday, January 28, 2021

my american life

I am living here in the US now and I feel pretty confused. 

It feels like I reached the mountain top and I am asking myself: what now? Where do I go from here? What dreams do I still have? What do I wanna do with my future?

For years and years it has been my dream to be happily married. And moving to the USA has been my prime focus for the last 3 years. And now these 2 huge dreams have become reality and I feel like: What now?

My life is still pretty much a white canvas. 

I dont feel much energy to focus on getting a job here in the USA. I am still pretty burned out from my German law firm. I am still working on German cases at the moment, but not as many as I used to do when I was living in Germany.

I love the life of a house wife. It feels wonderful. I cook daily and love it. I dread getting back to working in the business world. I am not ready yet for the fast paced American business world. And I dont have any idea what I could do to earn my money in the future. I guess there have to be companies and people out there who need somebody with exactly my set of skills, but I have no idea how to find these people/companies.

If any of you lawyers and law people out there, and I know there are many of you reading my blog, lol, have an idea for how I should proceed business wise, dont hesitate to drop me a friendly line.

I have been offered a side job that is very much out of my comfort zone. Not sure if I am gonna take it. I promised myself to never ever bring myself in a business situation where I am always stressed and nervous and scared to make  a mistake.

I miss you guys and I miss interacting with you. I miss you a lot. I dont really have anything to say to you when it comes to the kink though. The only man in my life is my husband and he was very clear in saying: Leave me out of the blog.

It feels like I dont believe in ttwd anymore. It feels like a huge charade. It used to be such a huge part of my life in the last 10 years, but it seems like what I was looking for and dreaming about does not exist for me. I have even stopped watching porn. 

I wanted the real domestic discipline deal. But I opted for love when I had to chose between dd and love.