good lines, anybody?

 I am so happy that I am finally feeling energetic and happy again. My old bubbly self has come to surface again and I am full of hopes and ideas for my future. I am still not sure which direction I am going to take in my life, but I can report that the old strong woman is back :-)

I am pondering job options from getting into the american legal field, to opening my own home decluttering business to getting a random 9 to 5 job or becoming a pro domme. As you can see, lol, I am really still at the brain storming phase. There are soooo many options, lol. 

But now, without further ado,  lets talk about a more interesting subject:  Namely writing lines in the F/M context.

I am working on a little kinky side project at the moment, (I will tell you more about it in one of the next posts), and I am wondering:  when it comes to writing (punishment) lines for your wife/lady/domme, what is a line that worked for you? I mean: what is a good line that triggers all the right good spots in your heart, mind and dick?

Write it down in the comments or send me a short email.

naked, vulnerable and happy

The bar exam and all its related stress is over, I have finally emotionally arrived in the US and I am feeling more self confident and empowered than I have felt in a long time.

When I started this blog more than 11 years ago, my focus was on 2 things: 

1. To find a man who loves me 

and 

2. to live out my kinky side with that man, aka having a female led relationship

As you all know, my journey into the female led relationship world has been quite a rollercoster, with many ups and downs. But I can report that I have succeeded in both aforementioned goals. :-) And not only that, it feels like an added bonus that I "found" you all and the great community that we are. I  feel very very blessed indeed.

The things that I actually did pray for 11 years ago when I opened my blog, these things have become my reality now.  And I am wondering sometimes: is this really true? Did I really make all that happen? This is all too good to be true. :-)

Over the years, with the help of many wonderful, brave and submissive men, I have finally learned to express my own needs in  a relationship. In the past, ( as you all know, lol), even when I was interacting in a femdom context with a man, I was way too often focused on his needs. 

But now it seems like I have finally overcome that pattern and I am loving my new life immensly.

I have become so much more self confident, I am amazed about myself, lol.

Stripping myself off of my German lawyer job/identity was one of the most courageous moves I have ever done. Being a lawyer was like an armour for me. Like a protection that makes it impossible for the world to hurt me. 

I was always very fine with seeing men in my life/ in  my relationships naked and vulnerable, and it was always MY pleasure to tell them that it is ok to be naked and vulnerable. But for myself I had different standards. I did not allow myself to show the nakedness and vulnerability that I demanded from the submissive men in my life. But this all has changed now. Giving up my identity as a lawyer and cutting the chords with Germany was so frigging difficult for me that I thought: well, I might as well do a complete job and get rid of some other " emotional armour" too.

Since then I am so much more emotionally vulnerable in my marriage, I am surprising myself on a daily basis.  :-) And the great thing is: Me being vulnerable around my husband helps him in being vulnerable around me (again) too. 

As a couple we had experienced what many of you guys experienced too: It was hard to keep the kink alive when the unsexy real life took over. But now , with my new found energy and confidence, our kink life is finally great again. I touch him constantly and ( among else..lol) "force him" into public displays of affection that had been unthinkable just a little while ago.

If you take away just one thing from my blog post today: Keep the dream alive. Be persistent. Dont give up. It is all so worth it. After so many years of search and trial and errors, I finally found what I was always looking for: A happy life in a female led relationship with a husband who loves me.

bar brain

 The bar exam is finally over, and what can I say,...it was TOUGH!

It's hard to find words for it, it feels like I spent the two bar exam days in a trance like state.

It was super super super stressful. 

The essays were easier than I thought, or better: they were doable. Even though challenging. 

The first day started at 11 AM time and ended at 9PM my time. It was tough to go through it, but ok. I sort of knew what I was doing. The questions on the essays seemed familiar enough so that I could actually answer them and write something. I never had a moment of: "WTF? I have no clue." 

But on the second day, I was already emotionally exhausted from the first day, I was surprised by the difficulty of the questions. 

The multiple choice questions were very very hard. The challenge was to stay focused for soooooo long. I had done about 1200 of these questions in preparation, but ' in hindsight' I should have done twice as many.

There were many very long questions, and it took me endlessly to just read them. Me not being a native speaker was definitely a disadvantage, lol. 

A lot of people were facing computer problems with the examplify computer program. I was pretty lucky, and my screen only froze once. I called the emergency tech guy and he helped me to unfreeze the sceen, but it was all a bit crazy.

And not to forget:  the camera was on all the time and I wasnt allowed to move much and I could not even take a sip of water during the testing and it was generally just a very very very stressful two days.

I am very glad that I can relax now.

The results will be out in November.

My timing was pretty perfect. The day after the exam was my birthday and I had a wonderful calm and fun day with my husband and a friend.

Now my brain is slowly getting back into normal mode. But bar brain is a real thing, lol.