christmas tenderness

Once again Ferns has made a very smart comment about me. 

 You are a soft-hearted woman, there is nothing wrong with that as long as you don’t get pummelled by it over and over again.

I figured it would probably be helpful to explain what`s going on in my life right now.

Basically: My grandma, with whom I live, is in a very bad condition. She suffers from dementia and cardiac insufficiency and it is breaking my heart to watch her getting weaker and weaker on a daily basis.We are taking care of her as a family, no outside help is involved. And I think it is fair to say that I am the one who does most of the work in regards to grandma.

Christmas Eve was draining. One of the strangest evenings in my whole life.

At the one hand, it was a very peaceful and quiet evening. Only grandma, me and 2 other persons. We had good food, nice talks and even sung lots of Christmas songs, with grandma remembering every single line of each Christmas song. But at the same time there was the constant aura of "good bye" in the room. As it looks now, it was the last Christmas Eve we celebrated with grandma. And even now, just writing this post, tears are running down my face. It is just so fucking sad.

Grandma had big health problems in May already, and in the last 7 or so months, every morning, one of the first things I do is checking if she is still alive....

I love her so much. I can not find words to describe what she means to me.

In such a situation, when I am kind of fighting against death constantly, I am not expecting real troubles comming from the friends/partner/ or even internet friends.

I have this feeling of: when times are tough, we need to stick together. And I am willing to give people whatever they wanna have, in order to make them happy. My reasoning is something like: If I am not in a position to be really happy myself right now, if I am not able of stoping grandma from dying (i know, I know... I am not superhuman....) I want at least have happy people around me. And I want to give what I can give.

I still believe that being "nice" does pay off in the end. I do not want to become bitter or mean or egoistic. I want to keep that "naivete" that so many seem to see in me. I need to stick to that alledged naivete, I need to believe in the good of people, because there is nothing, absolutely nothing naive in my real life these days.

So, in closing, there is a good chance that I will be pummelled in the future. I know I am giving people a lot. But I am doing it consciously, in order to not lose my mind with all the real life challenges.

"Jack`s blowjob lessons"

Have been asked to write a book review. And always the helpful woman that I am, I agreed to write a few words.

The book I am talking about is called "Jack`s blowjob lessons". You can order it online;  here is the link. Jack aims to give women advice on how to give a man the best and hottest blow job ever. The book  is all about how to make a blowjob a fantastic experience for the man. 

When Jack the author contacted me, I had to actually laugh. Frankly, I doubt that he ever read my blog. He seems to be one of the men that I would truly enjoy to spank :-) According to his own words he is very good looking, had received more than 1000 blow jobs and only very few women were alledgedly able of giving him a mind blowing blow job..... He says:

"Nine out of 10 blowjobs are -  absolutely shit" and  "How am I to completely fall in love with someone who can`t completely satisfy my needs as a man?"

He goes on by saying:

"You need real advice, from a real guy, that has real experience with getting head – with more than one girl, on more than one occasion. I’m a bit of an asshole, or maybe I look like that – but girls love me, and there’s nothing I can do about that."

Can you understand why I think it would be fun to spank him, lol?

His book is not a "femdom" or "flr" book. While reading it, I often thought that my blog is not exactly a good place to pimp his book. But due to the fact that I have never ever given a blowjob yet, I thought I could probably actually learn something from the expert :-) 

And, Jack made a very convincing point in his book in saying:

"You will be the one out of 10 girls that know how to really satisfy their man – and he will love you for it, he will beg you for more and he will do ANYTHING you tell him to. Not only will he be eating out of your hands, he will feel as if it was his duty to repay you with amazing sex, favors and presents. You’ve got the “blowjob skills” – you’ve got the power :-) "

Well, "having power" does sound good to me. So I read the whole 154 pages of the book.
Jack covers many areas. He is among else speaking about having the right attitude while giving a blowjob, about the best blowjob positions and about the most effective blowjob technics. I did not really learn too many new things, but it was nice to have it all put together. And I am always interested in learning things that alledgedly make my partner feel fantastic. I want him to be happy and everything that makes him happy is definitely something that I am willing to have a closer look at.

In his book, Jack puts a lot of pressure on women. He is basically saying it is the womans job to be as submissive as possible while giving a blowjob. And I thought: "Damn, that`s not exactly the kind of thing I want to read :-)" But then he continues by saying that as a woman, while giving a blowjob, one should enter a special "state of mind". This statement put me back on track, lol. I know everything about entering a special state of mind. I have done so many "mind games" in the last months, I can truely say I am an expert on the mind. And his explanations made a lot of sense, even though not all of them are adaptable to a flr- lifestyle.

The book is sold for 47 $ and I wish Jack all the best and hope he will become really rich through that book, lol. I like the idea of making money with a blowjob manifesto. I would not consider Jacks book to be among the "must-read-books" on this planet, and it is not as good as my excellent thesis that will hopefully be finished in this millenium, but there are quite a few good snippets in it that help a woman to understand how to make a blowjob an awesome experience.

dominant Germans (part 2)

Ok, judging from the number of visitors on my last blog post, the subject of "dominant Germans" seems to interest many of you.  Not sure what you are hoping to find though. I was not thinking much when I posted that clip from the European parliament. If  at all, lol, I have been thinking how hot it would be for me to give Nigel Farage a spanking :-)

So, if one of you knows him and can arrange a meeting for me with him, go ahead please :-)

But only, because he has got so much fire in him. He is standing there, attacking all of them, full of self-confidence and to me, it would be interesting to see his softer sides

Personally, I think the thing Max Mosley is into

(You can get an idea of it here)  is terrible. I have been in Dachau, saw the area where the concentration camp was built on. I spoke with many witnesses, My grandma told me a lot about these times back then and my grandfather was a prisoner of war in Norway for many years.

Strangely, michael m`s comment did not offend me at all. Partly because Michael is  something like an internet friend to me and partly because there is just no way for any German to defend him/herself in regards to the events of WWII. That`s just how it is. As a German, I did grow up with the knowledge that terrible things have been done by my ancestors.And if the Tommies feel that we still deserve to be punished for it, we have to accept that. I do not believe in charging one crime up against another wrong doing. As a German, after the Holocaust, we will always lose in such a summation.

From an adult kink and D/s point of view:

Spanking and the kind of domestic discipline I am interested in seems definitely to be something that is much more common in the US than it is in Germany. Almost all my contact requests are coming from men from the US. Do not know why it is like this.