I have always been open here on my blog. And the following post follows that tradition.
It is not easy to share it with you , but I think it is an important development in my life and in my journey into kink.
Here is the gist of it:
Before I opened the blog, I did not have a sexual relationship or a kinky encounter with any man.
I was a virgin, both sexually and as far as the kink goes.
The first years are well documented here on my blog.
Then I fell in love with a man who seemed to like the kink. We had good times and we decided to marry. I played with open cards right from the beginning. Everything was on my blog. I didnt hide my sexual preferences.
The vanilla aspects of our marriage are good. People are telling us we are a great couple.
In the marriage he let me know verbally and through actions that he is not interested in doing kinky stuff with me any longer.
He still likes the kink, but not doing anything with me.
Well, the question I was facing was: "what now?"
I tried for a while to make him change his mind, but I did not succeed. And me begging him to please let me dominate him is pretty much the least erotic scenario for me.
He made clear that he isnt interested in any kinky activity with me (anymore).
A couple of weeks ago I made one last effort, I dressed up nicely, looked at him with mischief and told him: "Get dressed, let's get a room for a few hours." He stayed on the couch saying: "I am not coming."
So now I am living with a husband who I love and who (allegedly) loves me, but who doesnt give a shit about my sexual desires.
I was never interested in having a boyfriend on the side, or a slave or somebody who enjoys being bossed around just for the fun of it.
And I dont even see a way for me to get my sexual needs met. My husband is not into me/the things I am offering sexually. And me, I dont want a 3rd person involved. It just sucks.
I did the coaching thing recently, it was fun for a while, but one of the guys was not happy with it/me, (I think), and it triggered me badly. So I stopped that.
I dont have any hope anymore to ever get my kink needs fulfilled.
The two men I love or loved stopped doing it with me and I lost all my hope.
All I am doing is masturbating to porn. My life as a dominant woman has ended .
Oh and it is the pandemic, I still havent found a job in the US, and am feeling alone in a foreign country.... but that is a different story.
