A reader asked me a while ago:
I'm interested though in what you like about the US compared to Germany if you care to talk about it.
I pondered that question a long time. And the answer I gave myself surprised me quite a bit. The answer is: I like Germany much better than the USA. I am a bit reluctant to open that discussion. Here on my blog I am usually staying away from anything political as much as I can. Therefore please note: Here comes MY very personal opinion. I am not saying it is the objective truth, I am just saying it is my own anecdotal experience and my own point of view.
I love the Americans, I really do. And always have.
How do you explain a feeling? It´s hard to do. And it´s even harder to explain why you feel what you feel.
- I have rarely met an American abroad that I did not like. I like that they are so easy to get in a conversation with, I like that they are so laid back.
- I grew up in a city where the US Army had a base. And I remember, even as a young teenager, I always wanted to see/meet these cool men.
- I love the language. I started learning English in 7th grade and have never ceased to learn and love that language. In school and later in life I also learned Latin, French, Spanish, Swedish, even some Portuguese, but the only language that really was of interest to me was English. When I was in France a year ago, I could hardly speak a word French anymore, even though I used to be fluent in it. English has taken over in my brain :-)
- I remember, during the time when I dated the German guy, one evening we were watching YouTube together, and we were watching an English show. He suddenly said to me: "can we switch to something German , please". And I only thought: "What? I cannot watch only German tv and shows for the rest of my life. That's impossible". It was at exactly that moment that I realized: "he's not the one for me."
- During law school I worked in a Marriott hotel in Munich, there were many American guests, I loved every minute working there. It was just FUN talking with the Americans and they always tipped exorbitantly. ;-) They were always easy to recognize, with their polo shirts on, of course always neatly tugged in, and their sports shoes. :-)
- American English makes me feel good. It triggers feel good feelings in me. And it allows me to be more open and fearless and to see more of my own worth.
I received the following comment recently:
I think your husband was unfortunately right due to the way society is. Again, I don't know what the view of bdsm is in Germany but in the US I think he would be looked down on. I know I would be and its why I am in the closet. I don't post face pictures of myself even on vanilla dating sites making it hard to meet women. Someone told me bdsm in Europe is looked on like a hobby or interest for the most part.
Here its looked on unfavorably. Submissive women can fit in easier to society but definitely not sub men and dominant women have a hard time. Sub women would be looked at unfavorably if they say they enjoy having the man in charge or being punished. Being sub goes against American values of individuality, to serve another is not in keeping with the culture.
Yes, there is a difference between how bdsm is seen in Germany and in the US. I really do think that it is easier for German men to be openly submissive. I do think that the German society is indeed much more open and accepting to bdsm. I never had a problem with having my kink. My brother knows about it and doesnt care a bit, my mom knows about it and is fine with it. I am sure that my deceased father would be ok with it and my step father too. people might not share our kink, but they are fine with us having it.
I think the German society is still very much influenced, if not traumatized, by the events from 1933-1945. There is no doubt that we were "the bad ones". It is still hard to stomach what horrific things the Germans did. It is a huge guilt that the Germans have to carry. We grow up with the knowledge that our ancestors fucked up big time. And this knowledge is rubbed in our face over and over and over again. It never ends. It is always in the back of our minds. And the feeling of: "You are forgiven, everything is good again", just never comes. (Just recently we were invited to have dinner (post pandemic of course) with a friend of my partner, and the friend said to my partner: "My wife is Jewish. I hope there won' t be a problem with your German wife?" )
In Germany, we learned to be open minded, to question our believes, to question our own actions and to accept that we are flawed people.
And I look in surprise and with a bit of envy on so many US men, who actually and honestly and really believe that they are living in the greatest country of the world. I shake my head in perplexity. Why do you believe that? What is it that makes the US so extraordinary in your opinion? It must be pretty cool to have such a childlike and simple view of the world. I wonder often what it feels like to grow up with the believe of: "we are the greatest", instead of: "we fucked up big time."
In Germany, for decades, it was impossible to even think about uttering the words: we are the greatest.
And tell me, what exactly are these people who are so proud of the USA actually proud of? I really dont see many reasons that make the USA better or greater than so many other countries.
Nobody here in the US gives a shit about environmental protection. Let's just keep using plastic and cans and let our children deal with cleaning it up.
Gas is cheap, why even looking into ways to use the car less? Let's keep living as if climate change does not exist.
And all the hatred for the immigrants... I can tell you, immigrating is one of the hardest things I have ever done. And I am not coming from a place of war or drama. Btw: did you know that the American consulate, when handing out the green card, also hands out a flyer which states the immigrants rights in a domestic violence situation? Obviously there are a lot of Americans out there who beat their new wives up once they are in the country...
The whole homeless situation in big cities is making me wanna cry. And all that so many people do is buying a Mc Donalds burger for a homeless person and thinking they did a great act...
Speaking about food: the quality of the food here is so much worse than in Europe. People in the US are obviously not used to cooking for themselves anymore. In the food you can buy are tons of artificial ingredients added and I am not surprised that so many Americans suffer from diabetes. It is hard to eat healthy food here. The whole system is set up to make you buy fast food...
People are so financially unprotected and poor that they actually have to go to work despite being covid positive... I could go on and on. And I really do think it is bewildering that people are actually PROUD to live in a country like this.
But hey, at least the lawn looks perfect, so that the neighbors think I got my shit under control....
Being sub goes against American values of individuality, to serve another is not in keeping with the culture.
The commenter is right. I do think that is very sad though.
We all have a need to be connected. We all have a need to help and support and uplift one another. We are social creatures. It seems strange to me that this is not valued much more.
I love hearing your views on AMerica! I think it is a great country but definitely needs fixing. Your thoughts on food and the green lawn are so spot on. We've been dumbed down through decades of public school which indoctrinated us into a mindset. I know many ignorant people who don't know the difference between educated and intelligence. I can't tell you the last time I heard someone say they were wrong or I'm sorry. We had a friend many years ago bring his new wife from Germany to out place. We made dinner at home. She said it was the first time someone cooked at home for them and appreciated it. I appreciate you, hope your well. A.
ReplyDeleteThanks for your support and your well wishes. It is much appreciated. I am ok, I am just sometimes getting overwhelmed by a culture shock. When I was here in the past, it was always for a limited time only. It felt like vacation, where normal rules dont apply. And now I am thinking: What? you really eat and live like this ALL THE TIME?
DeleteMy parents met on an American base (Erding) in Germany. My father (Dutch) was seconded from his air force to teach electronics to US personnel and my mother (German) was teaching the children of American servicemen. This was in 1953. In 1954 they emigrated to Canada and a few years later had me (lucky them!).
ReplyDeleteIn 1954 there was still considerable anti-German sentiment in Canada and my mother frequently encountered hostility. It kind of soured her on Canada and led to a lifelong homesickness for Germany. In her mind, Germany was much more refined and cultured and just better in every sense. She went back several times over the years for visits and I'm sure would have gladly moved back permanently. The German (and Dutch) diaspora here is not centrally located, unlike other immigrant groups. There's no Little Berlin in the middle of Toronto or several blocks of Bavarian shops in Vancouver. So she couldn't even maintain links with home through those kind of ties. I'm sure if she had been able to be more open-minded - and if she had been treated better when she first arrived - she would have come to enjoy her new homeland much more.
My father, on the other hand, never looked back. He worked with many other Europeans but they all spoke English at work. He never once expressed any longing for home and only went back for funerals. His only concession to his Netherlands roots has been that awful salty licorice they like and the occasional herring.
As for comparing kink friendliness between countries, I have no idea. I never discussed it with my mother (now that would have been quite the conversation!), so I have no comparison. I can state that submissive men in North America are objects of ridicule in TV and movie comedies and BDSM in general is mocked, scorned, or ignored.
Embrace your new life but don't compare it to your old; it's unfair to both and most of all, unfair to you. Never forget where you're from but never forget where you're going.
All the best!
Thank you, FL. What a great comment. Yes, lol, that might have been an "interesting" conversation with your mom :-)
Deletehttps://dominajen.com
ReplyDeleteThanks for the link. Much appreciated.
DeleteThanks for your insight.
ReplyDeleteI haven’t been to Europe so not sure how accurate my views are.
It seems to me the US is less bound by social class.
I’m a conservative and my view is government isn’t supposed to solve every problem. Taxes seem to be higher there.
We are more of a consumer society.
Is any country “the greatest?” I do think the US has done more to help other countries than any other country ever did. Some might be self serving but a lot is not.
We are more close minded about sex. Other things are more direct I think because with a big country it can be hard to understand others so you have to be more direct.
To me it seems like Germans really don’t have a sense of humor. The image is strict and stern.
Pebble
Thanks for your comment, Pebble.
DeleteI think your observations about America are, in general, spot on. Given the direction of our country recently, I'm far less proud to be an American than at any time in my life. Yes, I still love my country...that's not inconsistent with seeing its short-comings.
ReplyDeletePebble's comments contained an important note. He/she has never been to Europe. That's true of most Americans. Only 1/3 even have passports. They've been nowhere, so they have no idea how good it is in many other countries. In fact, American ranks outside the top 10 -- much less #1 -- in many categories of health and well being.
To his point about taxes, yes they are higher in much of Europe. But those people are, by and large, far happier than Americans. The burden of high taxes are more than offset by far better services and security than can be found here.
Anyway, I've gone on too long, but I was taken by your observations.
Stay safe and enjoy the best of America. We're such a divided country, and at least 1/2 of us agree with your comments.
Regards,
Graham
Thank you, Graham.
DeleteI do appreciate your comment very much.
I'm an American who was legally trained. Public schools used to be good in the U.S. but now they are only good in well-off places. I was lucky enough to be well-educated at top-flite universities. People don't learn civic values and they resent taxes because it is a vicious circle--taxes are cut as are services. Taxes were once high for the rich and we were a far better country then. I know I'm different because I've travelled a lot, lived in Europe and Asia, and enjoy cooking and good restaurants (once we get through the pandemic). There's a kink world in America and it sometimes takes some looking to locate it. I'm generally dominant and will now and then want to be sub to the right woman--not to a man. I don't even like dominating men that much but I'm both bi and a switch. You can meet some sophisticated and educated people in the U.S. but you have to find them and be introduced--it's a big country. I do hope things improve in terms of your experience in the U.S. I do like Europe a lot but I prefer living in the U.S. I'm in the Northeast but the Bay Area in California and other places on the West Coast are great. There are lots of other good places, too. I've enjoyed your writing here for years and wish you all the best. I do apologize for going on about myself so much but you should know that I've long admired your strength.
ReplyDeleteJan, good to hear from you. :-) Thank you for your encouragement and support.
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