a real email exchange

A friend, a reader of my blog, wrote me a while back: 

" One of the things that I really like is the concept of act like a child...be treated like a child....that could mean, regular over the knee spankings with my legs going up and down, with my bottom bare, with my panties just below my cheeks or down at my ankles....and tears coming from my eyes....scolding over your knee when I misbehave...followed by corner time....now the other child like punishments you talk about such as early bedtime, being sent to my room, grounding, needing total permission for anything. This is such a great turn on and yes I have been thinking about all of this in the naughtiest of ways...

And here is what I replied: I think it shows clearly that I cared about him. I still do. But I have not heard from him in a long time.

"I know that there is a child in you that is longing to be seen and longing to be taken care of. This is probably what I always could feel with you. I told you many times that I care about you, without actually knowing why I do care about you sooo much. I mean: in your regular life, I am 100% sure, you don`t signal: "I want to be taken care of. I want to be loved, I want to test my boundaries. I want to know that you care about me."

It always felt interesting between you and me. 

I know that I have something that you are lacking in your life (and of course vice versa, you got a lot that I am not having).I am super in all things emotional. I met the attorney general of my state recently, during a dinner debate, and even with him did I speak about feelings. He did not want to do that, did not want to be led to unfamiliar territory, but I did not care ;-) 

Feelings and emotions are what I am best at. And I am actually strong emotionally. I am strong enough to hold you and guide you through emotional and physical pain. And the domestic discipline thing is a perfect way to make you understand: "you are important to me. I won`t let you get away with bad behavior. I will not hesitate to make you understand that even you have to follow some rules. You better get your act together or there will be some consequences that you won`t like." 

For instance: sending you to bed early (or maybe in your case: telling you to stay in bed for 2 hours longer, lol) is a perfect way to make an impression. I can already feel it in my stomach.  My stomach is a very good indicator :-) And I like that feeling. 

I can almost see you negotiating with me "but Tina, it´s important, I need to get up, I need to make that phone call, I have to do this and that.." 

I would of course never really interfere with your business. But if I wanted to teach you a lesson, I would not hesitate to give you a time out... All you had to do is accept my decision and stay in bed. And if you did not do that, if you did not surrender to me, I would just get one of your very own belts and use it on your bare bottom for a while to get my point through to you.

With me, you would cry regularly. I can sense that you don`t allow yourself these softer sides as often as you deserve. I am often wondering: where on earth are you "storing" all your emotions? You cannot show them in business, that is clear. But you need to have a place to "let go" at least once in a while.

And in a way, I´d really like to have that part in your life. I can feel that you are not giving that little boy inside you enough space. I know how hard it is to always stay in control, to always make the decisions, to be the leader and to deal with all the big problems... 

I cannot really "play" domestic discipline stuff with you at the moment. For many reasons. But I can assure you that I am here for you anyway.

With me, you will always have a safe place."

being a lawyer again

I am working as a lawyer again and so far it's great. 

The transition back into law was much easier than expected. I work with and for a team of young men, I call them "my boys". They are treating me well and I enjoy that I finally am the master of my own time again. 

I do everything remotely. The law firm is in Germany and the clients are all German too. I work from 6 am to 2 pm  or 3 pm and can spend the afternoon at the beach or meditating or meditating at the beach, lol.

I finally have time for the kink again. And I love that I have finally time to blog again too. The last one and a half years were crazy busy. I felt so constricted. I am glad that it is over. But I can also feel that I have grown as a woman.

I am not sure where my journey is going as far as the kink is concerned. My husband is not willing to do anything kinky with me and I am still pondering what I wanna do about it and if I wanna do something about it...or not.

In the last months I have pretty much ignored that I am a woman. That is something that I can do easily. In the past I used to do that for years. I just lived as a human being and the fact that I was a woman was completely irrelevant.

I was so happy when I finally had tapped into my femininity and focused on my sexual desires for a while. but now I feel like: The fact that I am not living it anymore is not as bad as it was, because for a decade or so I had a super interesting and colorful sex life, and the blog helped me a big part in having it.

At the moment I am not sure where I want to go with my sexuality. My husband is not giving me what I want, but I am nevertheless pretty happy in my vanilla relationship with him at the moment. We can spend a lot of time together now, most days we both work from home. My friends were warning me and saying: "It will be difficult when the two of you are suddenly together that much, " But it seems like we are both enjoying it. If I have to do phone calls, he is super quiet and when he is making phone calls or seeing clients at home, I am super quiet. We are working together like a fine-tuned machine. It's nice.

I have become pretty unreliable in answering my emails on my strong woman account. I apologize to all of you who have written to me and did not get a reply. I just don't know where to go, figuratively speaking. I feel at ease with getting turned on by female dominance and male submission, I am at peace with my love for spanking a man's butt. I think it is cool that so many of you are living this lifestyle. It feels like there is not much to explore anymore.

When I did the job interview for the legal job, I realized in the last minute that I am still logged in into my strong woman account. When I turned the camera on, instead of "Tina Mueller" it said "The strong woman". I laughed when I saw it. I was so relaxed, when the interview began, I just told the interviewer with a nice smile: ahhh, i am logged into the wrong account. Ignore the "strong woman", my name is "Tina Mueller". I figured: well, if by coincidence they should know about this blog and make the connection. so be it. But it was no problem, they hired me.

I do not longer counsel or coach men in any way, shape or form. I dont play with my readers anymore. In the past I did not really play either, it was always very meaningful to me when I had a D/s interaction with someone. But lately it feels like: I dont want to have a close emotional connection with anyone else but my husband. I don't want to do anything with a man who is married to another woman who is not interested in his kink. I don't feel "responsible" anymore to solve other people's relationships. I am not interested anymore in helping men to secretly living the kink.  

I have become much better in keeping boundaries and taking care of myself.

The one guy I still spank is a wonderful human being. He is intelligent and emotional smart and has a big heart. My husband knows all about it and is fine with it.