sure, let's talk about me

I have been asked: what's behind The Strong Woman? Who is she when she's not feeding the sexual fantasies of hundreds of men?

Imagine you are on a first date and your lucky companion wants to know all about you, Tina, the very real person sitting across from him.

On a date I am pretty much an open book. Nothing is off limits. You can ask me anything and I might ask you all sorts of questions too. I dont like small talk. I always prefer having deep conversations

your proudest accomplishments,

Passing the bavarian bar exam. It consists of 11 consecutive days of exams and each exam is 5 hours long.

your most wistful hopes.

To get so much in shape again that I can run a marathon again. Last time I finished one was in 2008.

On a more serious note: I would love to change the american prison system. It's so fucked up, I am having a hard time to grasp that people are actually housed the way they are.

Why did you choose law over medicine or engineering?

 I am interested in humans and their feelings. I could talk about it all day long. 

How did you learn to write so well in English? I started to learn English when I was in 7th grade and never stopped learning. 

 

What do you miss most from Germany, other than certain people 

Being connected with nature, 

sitting in outside restaurants, 

going on long walks with friends, 

using real cutlery instead of plastic one, 

people paying attention to the environment and being aware that there is climate change and polution indeed.

What kind of books do you enjoy, music you listen to when alone?

I love reading about psychology and listen to musicians like Udo Juergens,  another song from udo J ,  Roland Kaiser or  Howard Carpendale. I also like Roger Whittaker. 

Do you have a favourite television show? Is there an actor or actress you just can't watch?

I love HOUSE MD and loved NCIS. I dont care much about Leonardo di Caprio. 

I hate stand-up comedy. It is not funny to me. And it is very hard for me to even  get the jokes because so much depends on a very good knowledge of the american language. And I hate it when people make jokes about anything related to Hitler and that time.

Favourite childhood treat? Everyhing my grandma cooked. 

Meal you most enjoy making? Pasta. Its quick and easy. But I am actually a pretty good cook. I used to and loved to make delicious meals for my mother in law.

Restaurant you love going to? I love Sushi. Going to a sushi restaurant is a sure way to make me happy

What colours do you most wear, what fabrics do you favour? Is there a season you prefer over others?

I dont care much about clothes. I am super easy in that regard. These days I am actually wearing my husbands golf shirts to work and shorts in all sorts of colors. I totally love to be outside. I prefer the summer  because I can go to the beach,

How would you define your political beliefs? Are you religious?

I am religious, yes. I am catholic and got married in a catholic church. But I dont agree with everything catholic, obviusly. 

As far as my politicak beliefs are concerned: I am a liberal.

 

I am not good at balance in a relationship

In response to my last blog post, I received some interesting questions:

"But what about YOU? What do YOU want from an F/M relationship, what does it do for you? Is it sexual, as it is for most men? Forgive my crudeness but does it make you wet? Or is it more cerebral? Is it a desire for power, to be heard and respected and it's a way of achieving that? Does it give you a sense of worth that you feel is lacking in a more balanced relationship?

Do you want a man to give up everything to you, every atom of his being to simply obey you? I can understand the attraction of that, I think, but how does that work in real life? There are jobs and family and illness and celebrations and grieving and a million other things that make up life and that are more joyful or more bearable when shared with a partner. I don't think I could handle having those profound moments in my life dismissed by the woman I was devoted to, no matter how deep my submission." 

I am having problems answering some of these questions. I realize that my inner censor starts to kick in before I even bring my thoughts on paper. Nevertheless, I" ll give it a try.

For me, a F/M discipline relationship is sexual, yes. It turns me on very much. It always has. It's the stuff I masturbate to. It makes me wet and happy and gives me a wonderful feeling of being seen.

And it is also cerebral, yes. I have a huge need to be heard and respected. And domestic discipline has given me great moments where these needs were  met. The thing is, in my vanilla life I am a very service oriented person. It makes me happy to help other people and to support them and to be there for them. That's why I always had many clients when I was working as a lawyer. The people could feel that I was honestly interested in their well being. I genuinly cared for them and they could feel it. The same is happening in my new job as a nanny now. The toddler adores me and the parents value me because I am the most reliable nanny they have ever met. I tune into their needs and try to meet them. And more often than not I am very successful at it. 

I think here on my blog I might sometimes come off as weak and needy and whiney. But I  know that in my life I am able to solve all the problems that life is throwing in my direction.I had to learn at an early age to be responsible and self reliable. I am a problem solver. And I had to solve most problemes of my life alone. I am always full of ideas, I see opportunities, I am very flexible and I am always working on different projects. 

I sometimes ask men who contact me " tell me about yourself: what do you need me for, are you benefitting by being pushed or by being slowed down?"  I personally prefer the men who are driven, who need to be slowed down a bit. I can relate to them much more. 

But the past shows that I seem to attract men who (for whatever reasons ) are blocking themselves a bit from reaching their potential. I think they feel attracted by my strength and my energy. They enjoy the fact that a strong woman is there for them and their needs and they dont see that I need pampering too. My mom tells me it is hard to see/understand/know that I have needs too because allegedly I radate so much energy and ideas and an air of: I can do it.

T have been asked: " Is it a desire for power, to be heard and respected and is it a way of achieving that? Does it give you a sense of worth that you feel is lacking in a more balanced relationship? Thinking about it, yes, it is exactly like that, In a more balanced relationship, in my experiencem for me. there is no balance but I am doing all the heavy lifting. And that sucks. Big time. 

I see the man's submission in a relationship as a sign that he sees and appreciates and values everything I am doing fot him and the relationship. I work my ass off to make money, I keep the house clean, I cook, I go shopping and do all sorts of errands, etc ettc etc. And in a way, I am ok with it. But I want to have the feeling that the man sees and values what i am doing for him. I am ok with me being more driven than he is, and me having more ideas and me being out working while he is playing golf with friends. 

The man on my side has a good life. I will always make sure of it. The one thing I need from him is to let me have control and power in the privacy of our relationship. I am not expecting him to be my slave, but I want him to have my back. 

Why F/M Domestic discipline is a game only

As you all know, I love evertything related to F/M domestic discipline. It has always turned me on. And I know that I have written here often that it is not just a game for me. It is super meaningful and deep and emotional for me. It really is.

But nevertheless, over the years, I realized more and more that it is in fact a game only. And I gotta tell you that realization sucks. In my experience, the men in my life do what they wanna do. If they want to submit to me they do, if theu dont wanna do it, they don't. And there is nothing I can do about it. I am not interested in abuse. I dont wanna be abused and I dont wanna be an abuser. Threfore it is totally in their hands what they wanna do. And I am in the position of taking and accepting the breadcrumbs of submission that are thrown into my direction.

I do of course understand the concept of 'consensuality" and I totally get it that the submissive partner needs to have a say in the whole thing in order to be safe and feel safe and cared for. But in reality that means that he has got all control and I got none. 

If he is not in the mood for it,  he wont do anything I want.  I have never been in relationships where I , even in a vanilla setting, could just rely on my power as dominant woman. " Do this, because I say so".  I could, when the guy was in the mood, but God forbid I wanted something at a time when he did not want it or when I wanted something that he did not wanna do/give.

And on top of it all is the physical power dynamic that exist between most men and women. It is a scientific fact that men are physically stronger than women. I am actually a strong, big, tall woman. I know I've got a lot of physical strength. But I had to learn the hard way that men are stronger. I remember one time when a drunk boyfriend wanted to drive us home and I said: "no, I am driving." He just reached over and forcefully ripped the car keys out of my hand. I did not even stand the slightest chance.

Basically: the woman can pretend to be in control, but in reality the guy is physically stronger and able to do whatever he wants.

In the past, I got a lot of pleasure out of coaching and supporting men, and giving them warm and loving maternal guidance, but lately I am finding myself more and more thinking: "You wont get anything from me."

On a side note: on this day 9 years ago my grandma passed away. And shortly after that my boyfriend ghosted me. I feel a bit embarrassed to say that, but I still think of him often and I am pretty convinced that I am still traumatized by his ghosting. 

Allegedly he is in a relationship now and in a way I am happy for him, but I am also still hoping and wishing and craving that he would reach out to me and that he- by reaching out to me- would help me to find the peace of mind that I am so longing for. 

I am pretty sure that he is not reading this blog anymore. And I think he has no frigging idea how much I am still hurting from his ghosting. Sometimes it feels like: "yes, I am finally over it/him" but sometimes the pain is still so overwhelming that I am doubting the right of my whole existence. 

Rationally I do understand that he had his own problems in life and that he did what he did because he is generally avoiding difficult conversations. But emotionally I am thinking: "WTF? Am I so damn worthless that I dont even deserve your attention and your compassion? what we had was so deep and so wonderful for me, I gave you all I had to offer, I would have thrown myself in front of a truck for you, and you chose to ignore me for the rest of my life?"

It takes a certain kind of cruelty to do to someone what he is doing to me.And I hate it that I am still thinking of him, missing him and longing for his approval.

the benefits of making a man write lines

I know, most of you know the following all too well. Nevertheless, I thought it might be good to have the following info in one place:

Discipline and correction: Writing lines can serve as a disciplinary measure to correct unwanted behavior or actions. It reinforces the power dynamic and provides a tangible consequence for the man's actions, helping him learn from his mistakes and improve his behavior.

Symbolic submission: The act of writing lines can be a symbolic representation of the man's submission to the woman. It reinforces the power dynamic and allows the submissive to demonstrate obedience and submission through a physical task.

Mindfulness and focus: Writing lines requires concentration and focus, which can help the man practice mindfulness and be present in the moment. It can encourage him to focus on the lesson or behavior he needs to address, allowing for deeper reflection and understanding.

Reinforcement and memorization: By repeatedly writing out lines, the man reinforces the desired behavior or lesson. The act of physically writing can help ingrain the lesson in his mind, making it more memorable and improving the chances of behavior modification.

Communication and connection: The punishment of writing lines can serve as a form of communication and connection between the dominant and submissive partners. It reinforces the power exchange dynamic, establishes clear boundaries and expectations, and can strengthen the bond between the partners through shared experiences and mutual understanding.

Discipline and accountability: Writing lines can serve as a means of enforcing discipline and holding the man accountable for his actions or behaviors. It provides a tangible consequence for his actions and can help him reflect on his behavior.

Reflection and self-awareness: Writing lines can give the man time to reflect on his actions, consider the consequences, and think about alternative behaviors. It promotes self-awareness and encourages him to take responsibility for his actions.

Communication and power dynamics: Within a domestic discipline or power exchange context, writing lines can be a form of communication between a dominant and a submissive. It reinforces the power dynamic, establishes boundaries, and reinforces the man's role and obedience.

And here are a few reasons why I find it wonderful when my man submits to me:

Relationship dynamics: In my relationships, a power exchange dynamic can bring balance and harmony. When a man willingly submits to his wife, it can establish clear roles and responsibilities, reducing conflicts or power struggles. It can create a sense of structure and stability within the relationship.

Emotional connection: The act of his submission to me deepens the emotional connection between us. It requires trust, vulnerability, and open communication, fostering a sense of intimacy and understanding. The power exchange dynamic provides a framework for me and my partner to explore and meet each other's needs on a deeper level.

Mutual satisfaction: In a dominant wife/submissive husband dynamic, both partners can find satisfaction in their respective roles. The wife enjoys the sense of control and leadership, while the husband derives pleasure from fulfilling his wife's desires and experiencing the thrill of submission.

Personal growth and self-discovery: Engaging in a submissive role within a relationship can be an opportunity for personal growth and self-discovery. It can help the man explore his own desires, boundaries, and identity, leading to a better understanding of himself. At the same time this dynamic allows me to explore my own desires and gives me the framework for being courageous enough to go for my own needs.