what does the kink stand for?

For you, personally, what does domestic discipline stand for?

What parts of your personality, what feelings, what fears and hopes do you hide in real life and only show them in a domestic discipline context?

What feelings don`t you dare to outlive in the "real world"?

Don`t give me an obvious answer, such as: " it´s hot to be dominated by a strong woman".

I wanna know what is behind...

• What is it that gives you that special feeling in your stomach? When can you usually feel it the most? 
• What makes you submit even though you know you are not gonna enjoy the next few moments too much?
• What is the driving force behind your interest in domestic discipline?
• What do you (hope to) gain by being the submissive partner in a dd relationship?

Let me know what is going on in your head...

early bed times and loss of privileges

With the right guy, age play is great. It can be unbelievably hot to treat a grown man like a young boy. I said many times that I think early bed times, groundings and loss of privileges are effective domestic discipline tools. I used all of these punishments. And it has always been fun for me and very hard for the man.

In a way it is easier to accept a spanking than accepting being sent to bed at an early time or being grounded for some time. I think this is due to the fact that the man can be pretty passive while getting a spanking. It hurts, it is a bit embarassing but at the same time the person being spanked is getting a lot from the spanker. Time, dedication, attention, touching, scolding, ...the spanker gives a lot. And the submissive partner gets it all. The submissive partner is in the center of  the spankers attention. It is pretty much impossible to spank somebody and not give him my full intention.

Adding to this the fact that as a good loving and caring dominant woman I think it is my duty to make sure that I do not actually "hurt" him in  a bad way, I need to pay attention to his words and body language all the time. I might be angry with him and punish him for his acts, but I will always make sure that he is safe and knows that he is loved.

All he has to do is: submitting to my dominance. Once he is over my knees, he is receiving what I am giving him.

In regards to early bed times, groundings and loss of privileges however, the man is not receiving much. Instead, important things are taken away from him. He does not get my attention. He does not feel me. I dont care much if he is ok, because I already KNOW that he won`t be harmed. It might hurt his male ego a bit, but this is exactly what I am intending, so, I am not worried about it :-)  In these scenarios he is not the center of my attention. Far from it. I might have fun or be on the phone with a friend, while he is sent to bed alone with nothing to do but trying to fall asleep or waiting for me to follow him to bed. This makes submitting really hard. And I cannot tell you often enough how much it means to me when a man submits to me in such a way.

punishment lines

IMHO punishment lines are one of the most underestimated punishments in a domestic discipline context.

A very long time ago, I punished a man by making him write lines. And I loved it. I loved all of it.

I enjoyed my power while telling him that he is expected to write me the lines,
it was fun hearing from him how much he does not want to write the lines
it was hot telling him "Yes, I am serious, I really want these lines"
and it touched my heart when I got the lines by regular mail.

Punishment lines can be such a great thing. Most men hate writing these lines, but for me as a woman, getting the lines is big.

In a domestic discipline relationship so much is going on in the head only.
And many things just do not make sense. (what sense is there in standing a man in a corner or telling him to wear panties to work or denying him to have an orgasm for days and weeks...)
And some punishments are in reality just chores that one of the partners has to do anyway. ("I expect you to sort out the garage today" or "the house better be spotless when I return").

The lines however are different insofar as they are a palpable sign that he cosiders me to be someone special. Sure, I could make a man make me buy a diamond ring or a Mercedes. This would be something palpable too. But the lines are a sign of love and respect because they are so absurd. There is no sense in writing them. Most men dont get turned on by it. They cost the writer a lot of time and emotional overcoming. Writing lines sucks :-)

But getting the lines is fantastic. They are a sign that the man is willing to do whatever I tell him to do, just because I want to or just because I think it would do him some good to spend some time on a desk and to write one sentence over and over again. On top of it, it is a punishment that does not cost me much energy.
Plus: It does not give him much attention from me while he is doing it. He is expected to be quiet and sit down and write  without getting an attaboy from the woman. The whole scenario is pretty strange. And one has to ask oneself: why is he doing it?
And the answer is: because he wants to please me. Because he thinks I am worthy to be submitted to. Because I am special to him.

could I live without dd?

 Not too long ago a very good friend asked me:

"would you be willing to marry a vanilla man?"

And my answer was: Yes, I would .

The thing is: I want the real deal. I want raw emotions. I want a man who is willing to show me his soul. And I want a man who is courageous enough to follow me wherever I might lead him.

Could this all happen in a vanilla relationship?

I guess so.

There is no doubt in my mind that I like kink and anal sex and spankings and corner times and bringing a man to his limits and making him cry. I think it is unbelivably hot to have the power to make a man do or not do some things. Orgasm control is something that makes me smile every time I only think at it. And I still remember the first time I had a man over my knees and spanked his bare butt with my hand. I can not even see a man wearing a belt without remembering how I used a belt on a mans butt.

However, the kink alone is not enough for me. I want the feeling that dd and kink evokes in me. The intimacy and the belonging, the commitment and the bonding, the trust and the understanding between the partners.  I think if a vanilla man offered me these feelings without kink, I would gladly accept his offer.

a proper scolding

I have done my homework and by now my scolding abilities have definitely improved. Remember all my whining about me not being able to scold properly in English?  Well, I am pretty sure that problem is gone now. My English is sometimes still -let´s say- "questionable", but this does not prevent me anymore from scolding like an expert :-)

I really am into giving  tongue- lashings. I think they are a very valuable tool for making a punishment a real punishment. They help a lot in creating the right atmosphere for the actual punishment. I want the man to feel it in his stomach, long before he feels it on his butt. I want to hear a pretty high number of "Yes Ma`am" long  before I even start to walk him in the corner or make him go over my knees or tell him that he has lost some privileges.

I enjoy hearing a man trying to calm me down, trying to soothe me, trying to convince me that he is sorry and that he understands why I am unhappy and that he will never do "it" again. This is better than any actual foreplay can be.

I love these moments, when I know that the man really does not want to be punished right now, when he is trying to talk his way out of the puishment, when he is coming up with reasons why he does not deserve "it".
And when I, -while all this talking is going on-,am dead sure that he IS going to be punished. And he, even though he knows too that there is no chance to get away with it, is still hoping that this time, just this time, I might give him a carte blanche.

writing assignment

Happy New Year

After being in a terrible mood over the last months, the New Year definitely brought back some of my old power and strengths. I am feeling alive and full of dreams and hopes and inspiration again.

2010 was the year in which I was all focused on exploring my sexuality and finding the right partner.

In 2011 pretty much all I did was trying to somehow cope with personal drama and loss.

And 2012 is going to be the year in which I am focusing on money and business.

This is a request to all those of you who have had a chance over the last one or two years to get in a somewhat closer contact with me. Please do me a favor and drop me a short private e-mail and let me know what you think what the areas are that I am really good at. Close your eyes, listen to your gut feeling, think of me and then write me what -  in your opinion - my outstanding characteristics are.

I am about to do some major changes in my life and I need as much input from friends and people who "know" me as possible.

christmas tenderness

Once again Ferns has made a very smart comment about me. 

 You are a soft-hearted woman, there is nothing wrong with that as long as you don’t get pummelled by it over and over again.

I figured it would probably be helpful to explain what`s going on in my life right now.

Basically: My grandma, with whom I live, is in a very bad condition. She suffers from dementia and cardiac insufficiency and it is breaking my heart to watch her getting weaker and weaker on a daily basis.We are taking care of her as a family, no outside help is involved. And I think it is fair to say that I am the one who does most of the work in regards to grandma.

Christmas Eve was draining. One of the strangest evenings in my whole life.

At the one hand, it was a very peaceful and quiet evening. Only grandma, me and 2 other persons. We had good food, nice talks and even sung lots of Christmas songs, with grandma remembering every single line of each Christmas song. But at the same time there was the constant aura of "good bye" in the room. As it looks now, it was the last Christmas Eve we celebrated with grandma. And even now, just writing this post, tears are running down my face. It is just so fucking sad.

Grandma had big health problems in May already, and in the last 7 or so months, every morning, one of the first things I do is checking if she is still alive....

I love her so much. I can not find words to describe what she means to me.

In such a situation, when I am kind of fighting against death constantly, I am not expecting real troubles comming from the friends/partner/ or even internet friends.

I have this feeling of: when times are tough, we need to stick together. And I am willing to give people whatever they wanna have, in order to make them happy. My reasoning is something like: If I am not in a position to be really happy myself right now, if I am not able of stoping grandma from dying (i know, I know... I am not superhuman....) I want at least have happy people around me. And I want to give what I can give.

I still believe that being "nice" does pay off in the end. I do not want to become bitter or mean or egoistic. I want to keep that "naivete" that so many seem to see in me. I need to stick to that alledged naivete, I need to believe in the good of people, because there is nothing, absolutely nothing naive in my real life these days.

So, in closing, there is a good chance that I will be pummelled in the future. I know I am giving people a lot. But I am doing it consciously, in order to not lose my mind with all the real life challenges.

"Jack`s blowjob lessons"

Have been asked to write a book review. And always the helpful woman that I am, I agreed to write a few words.

The book I am talking about is called "Jack`s blowjob lessons". You can order it online;  here is the link. Jack aims to give women advice on how to give a man the best and hottest blow job ever. The book  is all about how to make a blowjob a fantastic experience for the man. 

When Jack the author contacted me, I had to actually laugh. Frankly, I doubt that he ever read my blog. He seems to be one of the men that I would truly enjoy to spank :-) According to his own words he is very good looking, had received more than 1000 blow jobs and only very few women were alledgedly able of giving him a mind blowing blow job..... He says:

"Nine out of 10 blowjobs are -  absolutely shit" and  "How am I to completely fall in love with someone who can`t completely satisfy my needs as a man?"

He goes on by saying:

"You need real advice, from a real guy, that has real experience with getting head – with more than one girl, on more than one occasion. I’m a bit of an asshole, or maybe I look like that – but girls love me, and there’s nothing I can do about that."

Can you understand why I think it would be fun to spank him, lol?

His book is not a "femdom" or "flr" book. While reading it, I often thought that my blog is not exactly a good place to pimp his book. But due to the fact that I have never ever given a blowjob yet, I thought I could probably actually learn something from the expert :-) 

And, Jack made a very convincing point in his book in saying:

"You will be the one out of 10 girls that know how to really satisfy their man – and he will love you for it, he will beg you for more and he will do ANYTHING you tell him to. Not only will he be eating out of your hands, he will feel as if it was his duty to repay you with amazing sex, favors and presents. You’ve got the “blowjob skills” – you’ve got the power :-) "

Well, "having power" does sound good to me. So I read the whole 154 pages of the book.
Jack covers many areas. He is among else speaking about having the right attitude while giving a blowjob, about the best blowjob positions and about the most effective blowjob technics. I did not really learn too many new things, but it was nice to have it all put together. And I am always interested in learning things that alledgedly make my partner feel fantastic. I want him to be happy and everything that makes him happy is definitely something that I am willing to have a closer look at.

In his book, Jack puts a lot of pressure on women. He is basically saying it is the womans job to be as submissive as possible while giving a blowjob. And I thought: "Damn, that`s not exactly the kind of thing I want to read :-)" But then he continues by saying that as a woman, while giving a blowjob, one should enter a special "state of mind". This statement put me back on track, lol. I know everything about entering a special state of mind. I have done so many "mind games" in the last months, I can truely say I am an expert on the mind. And his explanations made a lot of sense, even though not all of them are adaptable to a flr- lifestyle.

The book is sold for 47 $ and I wish Jack all the best and hope he will become really rich through that book, lol. I like the idea of making money with a blowjob manifesto. I would not consider Jacks book to be among the "must-read-books" on this planet, and it is not as good as my excellent thesis that will hopefully be finished in this millenium, but there are quite a few good snippets in it that help a woman to understand how to make a blowjob an awesome experience.

dominant Germans (part 2)

Ok, judging from the number of visitors on my last blog post, the subject of "dominant Germans" seems to interest many of you.  Not sure what you are hoping to find though. I was not thinking much when I posted that clip from the European parliament. If  at all, lol, I have been thinking how hot it would be for me to give Nigel Farage a spanking :-)

So, if one of you knows him and can arrange a meeting for me with him, go ahead please :-)

But only, because he has got so much fire in him. He is standing there, attacking all of them, full of self-confidence and to me, it would be interesting to see his softer sides

Personally, I think the thing Max Mosley is into

(You can get an idea of it here)  is terrible. I have been in Dachau, saw the area where the concentration camp was built on. I spoke with many witnesses, My grandma told me a lot about these times back then and my grandfather was a prisoner of war in Norway for many years.

Strangely, michael m`s comment did not offend me at all. Partly because Michael is  something like an internet friend to me and partly because there is just no way for any German to defend him/herself in regards to the events of WWII. That`s just how it is. As a German, I did grow up with the knowledge that terrible things have been done by my ancestors.And if the Tommies feel that we still deserve to be punished for it, we have to accept that. I do not believe in charging one crime up against another wrong doing. As a German, after the Holocaust, we will always lose in such a summation.

From an adult kink and D/s point of view:

Spanking and the kind of domestic discipline I am interested in seems definitely to be something that is much more common in the US than it is in Germany. Almost all my contact requests are coming from men from the US. Do not know why it is like this.