"my husband hates it"

Every so often one can read in femdom blogs the phrase "my husband hates it!"

And in a dd context I LOVE to read these statements.

Rene wrote:

"Any random domme in one of those blogs will state over and over again that her husband sooo hates this or that, that he feels sooo humiliated doing this or that, that he makes sooo much resistence ... but nevertheless, SHE, the uber-domme doesn't give a damn about it - she will urge him, force him and in the end always get her will, regardless whether he agrees or not."

I do not quite agree with Rene here.

Me, personally: I love to read Ms. Marie`s blog. And this post of mine here is not supposed to be a commentary to her blog solely. I am only using her blog as a good example of what I am talking about. (ahhhh, my English is not getting better..., sorry to all native speakers!)

There are a couple of things that I find really attractive in "the my husband hates it" statement:

"my": The woman uses the possessive pronoun. There is no doubt that she thinks there is a bond between the two of them. She does not distance herself from her partner. My mother for instance, when she is speaking about her husband these days, she uses the words: "the man with whom I happen to be married for the last 30 years..."

"husband": meaning the man has made a public commitment. He is willing to show the world that the lady is actually his lady. This is important to me. I could never live in a relationship where the man is not willing to commit himself to me. I could never be a secret mistress. Or better: I would not want to be one and I have no intention of ever becoming one. I do not care so much about the actual marriage. Being a lawyer, I know exactly that a piece of paper can not safe a partnership...., but I need to have a commitment.

"hates it": the woman obviously knows what her man likes and what he does not like. There are enough women out there who have no clue about what her partner needs, craves, loves or hates.

Most of the time I can feel that the women would not actually hurt the man.This is especially true in Ms. Maries case. Even though I have never spoken with her and not yet contacted her, my gut feeling tells me that there is no need to worry for the husband ;-)

When the foundation of safe, sane and consensual seems to be missing, I usually stop reading the blog right away. However, this does not happen too often. And again, this is not the case in Ms. Maries case.

To me, it is a big turn on to read stories where the man is "forced" to do things, even though he does not want to do them, or hates doing them.

I come from a background where the men always got what they wanted. I am not used to men doing what (we) women want. I have no problems serving my man. In real life I am no bitch.

But the beauty for me with the "my husband hates it" stories is:

These men, like servingB or MsMaries husband, would not do these things for all women. Far from it. (Or at least that is what I assume/hope, lol). They only submit to their individual wifes.The vanilla world has no idea how far they are actually submitting. So in essence, they are only doing it for their wifes and themselves.

So the question is: Are they doing it for themselves or for their wifes?

As we all know here in our little community, d/s does have an attraction to many men. There are many aspects that are generally considered to be just hot. For instance: a man going down on a woman. And that is only an example I am using for the sake of the argument.

But see, the point is: Me, personally I find no pleasure in having a man going down on me. So if I would accept a man submitting to me in such a way, it would actually be hot for him, but boring /not interesting for me. Basically the whole concept of femdom would be counterminded. If I (would ) let a man go down on me, I would do it in order to make him happy, not me. It would be another example of "me giving".

But in femdom we are talking about "women receiving". And more than any sexual deeds I am craving for signs that my partner actually wants to please me.

If a man is e.g. doing  snow angels in the nude ( I just love that idea, sorry, I can not help myself...) he does not do it in order to get his own pleasure in the first place. The pleasure might come from the knowledge that he is actually submitting to his woman and from the knowledge that he is pleasing his wife, but for him, while doing it, I think there is not much pleasure involved.

However for the woman/wife, him doing such things just because she told him so, is a HUGE token of love. A sign that she is much more to him than any other woman on this earth. A sign that he wants to please her. A sign that he wants to show her, how much she means to him.

And to me, the more the man "hates it" the bigger gets his gift to his wife when he is actually doing it.

I like to see men trying to plead their way out of it, trying to negotiate a way out, only to hear the woman say: No, I will not change my plans, you will do as I tell you to do.

THAT is hot in my opinion. And the fact that the woman cares about him and would not actually hurt/harm him goes without saying!