commitment! not games!

I am pretty sure that everybody who still had any doubts if I would be a woman indeed will know now for sure that I am female. I am afraid only women can come up with posts like the following, lol.

In a relationship I don`t like to play games and I don`t do it. I like to laugh and I like having fun, but I don`t like to play. If I am interacting with people, either on my yahoo-e-mail account or in real life, it  means that I put in as much honesty and sincerity as I have. I think about the other person a lot, try to understand him or her. I want to figure out how the other human being is "ticking"

I have been told by a reader that I am way too intellectual. That I would be overly reasonable. But I think I am just the opposite. As soon as I get in contact with another human being, my emotional gates are all wide open. I don`t protect myself much emotionally. I share my feelings openly. I am more than willing to let the other human being in my heart and in my soul. And I am 100 % positive that I overwhelmed one or two of my readers who contacted me with my willingness to share private stuff with them and let them see in my heart.

I had a long discussion with my mother and my sister a couple of days ago. And both told me how much fun it would be for the both of them to go to a place/restaurant/discotheque/gym, only to find out  if the man they are having a crush on is there. They go there, just to wait and see if he will show up or not. Just to get a kick out of the excitement of not knowing if he is there or not. In case he is there indeed, they will be secretly watching him and watching what is he doing. Things like:  Did he order beer or  wine? Is he with a friend or alone? Why is he wearing a red t-shirt today and not the blue one he usually wears?.....

I am attracted to my man because he is not a player! If he says he is going to do something, e.g. call me, he does it. And if he knows that he won`t /can`t do something, he just tells me so. Sometimes he gets pretty silent, but I am able of understanding even his silence by now. In a way, he has almost always been an open book for me.

I do not like to hide my feelings either. I am not afraid of sharing them openly. For instance: If I want to talk to a man, I just call him. I don`t wait for his call in order to give him the feeling that he is still chasing me. If I am interested in a man, I let him know that I am interested in him. Why on earth should I pretend to be NOT interested only to MAKE him interested in me? This is a concept I will never understand.

I am not expecting a fairy tale life and a fairy tale romance. No need to tell me that life can be hard... My life is pretty difficult these days. Just a few minutes ago the ambulance was at our home for the 7th!!!!!!!!!!!!!! time this year. It is UNBELIVABLY exhausting. Almost always a matter of life and death.

And  furthermore, I am a lawyer, I know that a marriage can turn into an ugly divorce. I know that relationships can break. I am not actually dreaming of a knight in shining white armor. I am not expecting my partner to be perfect. I am not even expecting a marriage. But I am expecting a commitment.

(And if this whole post does not make much sense to you, I understand it. I just needed to vent...)