I never chose to be a dominant woman. I never consciously made a decision to start dominating people.
Actually, my life would be much easier without my dominant side. I could be together with one of the many vanilla german men and be a happily married wife.
Basically: Being into this thing we do just happened to me.
I never claimed to be a super domme. I think I made it perfectly clear right from the beginning of this little blog that I have many insecurities. But this is not something I am ashamed of. It´s just part of my personal history.
Labels do not interest me. So, I don`t care much if I am having a FLR or a femdom relationship. Heck, I am kind of "guessing" my way with the English language anyway.
The following comment clarified things a lot for me.
It's easy to "submit" to a spanking or a scolding, if that's what turns you on. But it takes being truly submissive to deny yourself small pleasures simply because she said so.One of my most profoundly submissive moments occured at a party. I reached for a second handful of peanuts and my wife very quietly said, "No.". If I could have, I would have dropped to the floor and kissed her feet right there and then.
I never quite understood why it is possible to make some men do really big, kinky things but in small things they would show resistance. After having thought about it for quite some time, I understand now that my "alledgedly" small things are not small at all. I usually spend a lot of time in understanding the man and his feelings. My "small" demands are always custom made for my partner. And the resistance I was getting was always linked with these custom made orders. Because I was hitting an "interesting"spot of his personality.E.g: It was hard for the man concerned not to have the glas of wine. It was not fun or game.
A man once wrote me: "I am longing to cry for you". It was a statement that touched my heart very much. Because this is exactly what I want. I want that my partner is giving himself to me. I want him to show me sides of himself that he usually does not show to other people. I want the key to his heart. I want to have the power of being able of bringing him to tears. And I want the power that goes along with being able of giving comfort and care.
It is never smart to compare oneself too much with other people. There might be people out there who you just can not compete with. So, YES, I know, there are women out there who are far more dominant than I am. (And btw: just so you know, to me, the size does not matter at all.)
I would never make a man get a tattoo or a branding for me. I am not interested in these signs of power. But I would -and actually did- threaten "my man" that I would go and get his initials inked on my body if he does not behave right away. And I know he knew that I would follow through with this thread.
I am fed up with all the comments of:
"your wanting to be a dominant woman.... maybe it´s all a theory only"
"you are not a dominant woman but a woman with very vanilla dreams"
What are these people expecting?????????? I AM a woman with very vanilla dreams, yes. But at the same time I happen to have very kinky and dominant needs too. I am not interested in domming "vanilla" men. I do not want to "make" men submit to me. And frankly: I can not do that.
Me, I want to receive a gift from the man. The gift of his submission. And once that gift is in my hands, I might come up with pretty demanding and kinky ways to let him feel his submissive side.
And obviously, these demands can be "too much" for some of the men. I have a tendency to wanting the men in my life to feel good. But I do have another tendency of pushing the very same men in all things emotional. And these pushs, believe me my friends, are not so easy to deal with at all :-)
So I will stick to my way of dealing with the men in my life. It might be an unique way and it might not be for everybodys taste, but it is the way that fits best to my personality.
You are right "this thing we do" can just happen and it can be triggered by pretty much anything.Sometimes you just get no choice no matter how hard you try to pull away from it, and once it gets you that's it, it's there for life.And that goes either way, if you are dominant or you are submissive.
ReplyDeleteWhen you say "I want that my partner is giving himself to me. I want him to show me sides of himself that he usually does not show to other people. I want the key to his heart".
That is what it is all about and when a man does that he puts his heart,soul and total trust in the hands of that woman.That is a gift to the woman also and one that should be cherished and looked after.It is also a gift to the man that he is lucky enough to have a woman who is willing to accept his submission.
I can feel your anger at the way things are and the things that people have been saying.But the only person that counts is you, so take no notice and do what you know is right, and what you heart tells you.
I am sure in time you will find what you crave in life, just don't give up keep on believing.Sometimes dreams do come true!.And by the way your English is excellent.
I am honoured that you quoted my previous comment and pleased that it seemed to have resonated with you. Would it be alright to email you directly from time to time? I'm sure you are already flooded with emails.
ReplyDeleteAs for the nonsense of you "not being dominant"; it's just that, nonsense. NOBODY is dominant or submissisve 24/7/365, certainly not within a real relationship. There are real world issues that require meaningful discussion - kids, finances, vacations, careers, etc. - which cannot take place without setting aside D/S, at least temporarily. And the idea that there is a "right" way and a "wrong" way to practise D/S is ludicrous. Whatever way satisfies you and your partner's physical and emotional needs is the only way.
dd4life: thanks :-)
ReplyDeleteFL: sure go ahead.
A profound explanation. The willing submissive man who catches (and receives) your attention is lucky indeed. I am a man. I have vanilla thoughts. I never thought I would wish to submit to a dominant woman. The wish just came upon me; slowly dawning upon me. So the genuine, considerate dominant woman like you, and the willing submissive man like me, do the dance that we wish to do. If we're lucky. Thanks for your post.
ReplyDelete@ Michael: Thanks for your comment. Keep the comments comming :-)
ReplyDelete