Have been spending a lot of time reflecting, meditating, praying and crying.
Things are healing and I am growing emotionally.
Learned many things about me and life in general.
Here is one of the things I realized as far as domestic discipline is concerned:
For me...
it takes courage to outlive my dominant side
it takes courage to be the disciplinarian.
it takes courage to fuck with a man´s mind.
There are many men out there who are dreaming of being disciplined by a young, tall, powerful (and german, lol) woman. The stories of F/m couples are hot and being a submissive guy to a dominant woman obviously seems to be a very exciting thing. Being "tortured" and "mind-fucked" by a woman seems to be something that is definitely worth having.
I am a dominant woman. I really am. I had my first orgasms as a teenager while masturbating to F/m or M/m scenes. Even today, I usually masturbate to domestic discipline scenes. I love hearing a man`s voice break during a punishment. I get turned on by scolding a strong and powerful man. I think it´s unbelievably hot to hear a man say: "Yes, Ma`am" to me. I enjoy coming up with custom made ideas in order to get under the man`s skin and in order to really make an impression on his submissive side.
This is the sort of clip I like. And it is a personal goal of mine to make a domestic discipline scene a good scene for the man.I do not care too much about what implements to use. I do not have a fetish. The only goal I have is to find the trigger points in my partners mind. And once I found them, I am not hesitating of using them (against him, lol).
However:
One thing that definitely throws me off balance is when the man is refusing to submit. When I develop an idea of what to do with him and how to fuck with his mind, and if then, out of the blue, the man does not obey.
Note: I am not talking about playful disobedience here. I am talking about a serious refusal. No joking around, no fun. Just a "Nah... this does not turn me on. This is not hot to me. I am not interested in doing this/ or getting this done to me."
Of course, I believe in "safe , sane and consensual". No doubt about that. And if the partner is not able of doing something, me, with my big heart, I am the first person to understand him and to accept his decision. That is not a problem for me. Not at all.
What is a problem for me is, when the man asks me to generally dominate him, if I come up with a fantastic, personalized idea and when than the man is not willing to follow through with his submission. There are few things that are a bigger bummer for me than wanting to dominate a man and meeting a "nope, won`t do it".
I am not talking about big things here. I am not expecting my partner to submit to being raped by 5 of my clients:-) I do not want my partner to give up all his freedom in life and to be under my control always.
I am instead talking about little things that he does not want to do but that I want him to do. Things I want him to do, because I enjoy seeing him "suffer" for me. Like for instance: Not watching a football game on tv. Not having the glas of wine while being in a fancy restaurant. Just some small things that make me smile.There is even one man reading this blog, who refused to have a cup of coffee in a coffeeplace for me ;-) Can you believe this?
The problem is: I feel a deep affection to all men I ever offered domination.
Many men have asked me to be their dominatrix/disciplinarian, but only few were able of actually making me dominate them.I told you all in lengths about how I am wired and about what I need in order to open myself up to a man. So, if a man was able of opening me up in a way that I am willing to dominate him, I do not expect a real resistance once the domination has started. And walking away and saying "ciao baby, it was nice, let`s just move on" does not do it for me. Because I do not want to walk away. I want to stay and experience things with exactly that person who has already made me interested in him.
For me, submission is a gift. And a man who is withdrawing his submission is punishing me. Because basically, in not submitting, he is telling me: you did not read me well. You did not deliver the right things. You did not chose the right approach.
Getting such a message is hard to stomach for me, because in the end, I want to please the guy.
Does this make sense to you?
Yes, it makes perfect sense (and welcome back).
ReplyDeleteThis relates to my last comment where I saw you struggling.
It sounds like you are choosing men who like BDSM play because it's hot, but who aren't actually submitting to you, and believe me, there are many many many more of the latter than there are of the former and you need to hone your skills in picking the ones who fit you.
This is a huge topic... I really need to do a blog post on it rather than rabbit on here.
Ferns
It's easy to "submit" to a spanking or a scolding, if that's what turns you on. But it takes being truly submissive to deny yourself small pleasures simply because she said so.
ReplyDeleteOne of my most profoundly submissive moments occured at a party. I reached for a second handful of peanuts and my wife very quietly said, "No.". If I could have, I would have dropped to the floor and kissed her feet right there and then.
Truly dominant women are rare. Most do it simply to please their partner for a while, then refuse to continue.
From what I have read in your blog, what you have to offer is something rare and special, a relationship based on trust and respect and exposing vulnerabilities on both sides. And it will take a rare and special man to understand and appreciate it, to know that obedience doesn't mean losing his independence, it means strengthening the bond.
Don't give up, he's out there somewhere.
Ok, blog post written... it's long!
ReplyDeleteIt's here: When your submissive says 'no'.
I hope it helps.
Ferns
Hello Tina,
ReplyDeleteWelcome back. I'm so glad to see you posting again, though I'm sorry you've had sadness.
What you wrote makes a lot of sense. I hope you find the right man for you.
Michael_Michael
@Ferns: Thanks a lot for you blog post. It is much appreciated!!!! Helped me a lot in understanding what´s going on.
ReplyDelete@FL: So there is hope for me, lol? You obviously understand what I am trying to find and hoping for. Thanks for your words.
@Michael: It has been a rough time lately. But my spirit is still good :-) Your friendly support means a lot to me.
As Elton John sings, "How wonderful life is with You in the world."
ReplyDeleteI think most men are not accustomed to Loving Discipline, tho they need it badly.
Instead, husbands like my nephew of 42 (a hunkier Keanu Reeves), get scornful, dismissive, Vanilla Domination 24/7.
You are a Treasure beyond rubies. Disobedient men do Not deserve Your attentions.
Naughty men, Yes! Men will be Naughty. Nothing tames us better than the intimate Discipline of Spankings. Frequent, Severe, and Loving.
I know that from personal experience.
I am ashamed for my gender by the timid, hysterical, ridiculous men you describe. They do not deserve You.
God Bless, and may You find better men. I know You will.
By the way, if that clip is an indication of the sort of thing that turns you on and the type of discipline you wish to administer, you are going to make some deserving man a very lucky fellow. Lucky and well behaved. :)
ReplyDeleteHmmm.
ReplyDeleteFerns' post on her blog is pretty good, but I went and read her last comment on here (Dangerous DD) and that one's even better. The post on her blog is a sensible way of handling a breakdown in expectations in a couple who have something more going on than a shared kink. What you wrote sounds like you're doing scenes with guys who want to play at domination. They sound pretty selfish, either they should meet you halfway or they should go to a pro. Reread Ferns' earlier comment and see if it doesn't fit.
Also, great video!
@Tina: You're most welcome.
ReplyDelete@agr: "Ferns' post on her blog is pretty good, but I went and read her last comment on here (Dangerous DD) and that one's even better."
Just 'pretty good'? Pfftt... come on!!
And you are right, my last comment was related more specifically to Tina's issue with choosing the wrong men. If you choose a wrong 'un, you are never going to get anything except 'Nup, not hot, not doin' it.'
Ferns
Hi Tina,
ReplyDeletewollte nur mal wieder einen Gruß aus Österreich dalassen! Ist immer gut, von dir zu lesen!!
Always good to read sometimes from you, God bless you!
Are you still attending lutheran church,what attracts you to protestant church as a woman?
ReplyDelete@Richard: Ahhh, it`s not THAT bad with the men in my life :-)
ReplyDelete@ajr: Always good to hear from you!
@Thomas: Lieber Gruß zurück :-)
@Alexanders: Thanks for stoping by and commenting on my blog. Yes, I am still attending a lutheran church. Will probably write more about the "why" in the future. Right now I am busy writing some legal papers.
I want to echo much of what has been said - especially that it is good to hear from you and see you coming through and out of your pain.
ReplyDeleteI think there is a difference between submission, as a sexual play, and general obediance to a woman. I fall very much into the second one. I am not much into BDSM at all, less than Cathy in fact, but I do like and want to be obediant to her, for all sorts of psychological reasons and needs of my own. But none less that simply seeing her smile and know that I am obediant to her.
The type of things you listed - not having the wine, etc - I thought were actually rather beautiful and romantic. But then, for me, domestic discipline is about the control and behaviour that takes place outside the bedroom. :)