i am still surprised

I am still not over the fact, that there are men out there who are generally willing to start living in a domestic discipline relationship. I did not dare to dream that big.... Of course, I always knew that such relationships do exist. But knowing that and getting real life offers is something totally different.

Another new and important factor for me is, that it seems to be possible indeed to combine my dominant side with my need to be caring and be cared for. I learned, that as a dominant woman it is still possible to ask for a pampering and for some cuddeling. Here again, I just did not believe that I could get everything at the same time. Due to the lack of a real life dd-relationship I did watch many spanking and femdom videoclips. However, in most of them I just missed the genuine love and care for the partner. Too many clips are just about administering "empty pain". And this is not at all what I am interested in. To me, the "administering pain aspect" gets only interesting, if there´s a deep understanding, trust and love between the partners. In my world, there is no need to make my partner miserable just to make him miserable. Far from it. I want my man to flourish.Want him to use and live all his gifts and talents.

new findings

Over the last couples of weeks I got a better and better picture of what I want. What kind of a relationship I want, and what I want from the man in my life.Which is a good thing. It feels like there is a big change in my life and in the way I do see myself. My journey into a real life, loving, consensual domestic discipline relationship is not over yet. It is however one of the greatest adventures I ever started.

When I entered law school it was difficult and an adventurous thing too. However there was a strict, given plan how to proceed and finish. It was clear from the beginning that I would study criminal law in the first term, civil law at a later time and public international law more at the end, right before my final exam, which was sceduled to be taken after 4 years.

In the ongoing journey about finding the right man there is however no masterplan. Big surprise :-) For me, it was difficult to understand, that I am the one who can have a shot at so many different things. That it is me indeed, who can decide which route to take. In the past I just did not dare to believe that my domestic discipline dreams could actually become reality one day. And I was not willing to accept a compromise as far as my sex life and private life goes, just to have a partner to sport during social events and family meetings.

After opening the blog, I learned, that there is no need indeed to compromise as far as my domestic discipline cravings go. I need a man who I can love with all my heart. I want to admire him for who he is. And punish when I feel necessary.There are men out there who are trying to find a woman just like me.And that is such a good feeling.

Of course I am still willing to compromise within a relationship.Thats for sure. And I am not one 24/7 hardcore dominatrix looking for a slave to oppress. However, I am just not willing to abstain from my decision to not enter a vanilla relationship with a vanilla guy. Why even should I, if there are men, who want me to be exactly as I am  :-)