new findings

Over the last couples of weeks I got a better and better picture of what I want. What kind of a relationship I want, and what I want from the man in my life.Which is a good thing. It feels like there is a big change in my life and in the way I do see myself. My journey into a real life, loving, consensual domestic discipline relationship is not over yet. It is however one of the greatest adventures I ever started.

When I entered law school it was difficult and an adventurous thing too. However there was a strict, given plan how to proceed and finish. It was clear from the beginning that I would study criminal law in the first term, civil law at a later time and public international law more at the end, right before my final exam, which was sceduled to be taken after 4 years.

In the ongoing journey about finding the right man there is however no masterplan. Big surprise :-) For me, it was difficult to understand, that I am the one who can have a shot at so many different things. That it is me indeed, who can decide which route to take. In the past I just did not dare to believe that my domestic discipline dreams could actually become reality one day. And I was not willing to accept a compromise as far as my sex life and private life goes, just to have a partner to sport during social events and family meetings.

After opening the blog, I learned, that there is no need indeed to compromise as far as my domestic discipline cravings go. I need a man who I can love with all my heart. I want to admire him for who he is. And punish when I feel necessary.There are men out there who are trying to find a woman just like me.And that is such a good feeling.

Of course I am still willing to compromise within a relationship.Thats for sure. And I am not one 24/7 hardcore dominatrix looking for a slave to oppress. However, I am just not willing to abstain from my decision to not enter a vanilla relationship with a vanilla guy. Why even should I, if there are men, who want me to be exactly as I am  :-)

living in Germany

I have just been offered a nice way of posting a new entry without revealing too much personal feelings. I really do appreciate that.Therefore : thanks FD.

The question was: what is it like living in Germany?

I do belive, generally speaking, the germans are very open minded. And there has never been an administration as diverse as the current one.
We have a woman as political leader,"Angela Merkel",YESSSSS!
Our foreign minister ("Guido Westerwelle") is homosexual and brings his male partner to social events,
our secretary for youth, families and senior citizens ("Kristina Schröder") is born 1977, my point is she is really young.
The secretary for finances ("Wolfgang Schäuble") is handicapped. He sits in a wheelchair after having been attacked some years ago by a mad man.
The secretary of defence ("Karl-Theodor zu Guttenberg") is a nobleman; or actually he comes from such a family.
I could go on like this for days.

What else...It is definitely a social state or welfare state here.
Going to university is for free. No fees.Which is fantastic.
If you are a student and your parents are poor, you can get very interesting student loans to finance your private life, while focusing at the university. If you are facing a legal problem and can`t afford one of my battlesome colleagues, you get a "voucher" from the court and you can get a free consultation with a lawyer of your own choice. The lawyer just sends his bill to the court. Even though he can not ask for more than a special amount of money.

And if you are really in trouble, with no money and job, the state does indeed pay your rent and supports you with a monthly amount of 350 € for you to spend on your own disposal. 

Compulsory health insurance? Sure. We got it. I did not meet one single person lately who could comprehend the problems many americans are seeing as far as the US health reform goes. I am not going into detail here, just mentioning it.

Alcohol? There are parts in Germany, especially in bavaria, where beer is not seen as alcoholic beverage but as a stapple food :-) Legally, young people are allowed to drink beer at the age of 16. And they all do...All other- more alcoholic- drinks you are free to consume at the age of 18.

Crime? Not really an issue. Living here is not dangerous. Of course, sometimes bad things happen, but generally speaking it is a very safe place to be.
Prostitution: Legally permitted, but not in all areas of the cities.

I like living in Deutschland. I would not say it is the greatest country on earth but that is probably due to the fact that over here, we are all still very reluctant to say "I love my country". The events of 70 years ago make it still difficult to identify themselves with the country. It changed quite a bit after the soccer world cup 2006. Since that time it is for instance ok to have a national flag on your car or on your house. Before the world cup, that was an almost impossible thing to do without making people think you are one crazy, horrible right, right, right wing devotee.

  

it´s getting personal

I realise a wondrous thing is happening:
Writing this blog gets more and more difficult.

I did not expect such a developement. Maybe I am just to naive ;-). This site is still pretty new, not even 10.000 hits, and still I feel a big transformation, as far as my ability to post new entrys goes. I am afraid I do not any longer feel able to write as open and frankly as I used to do. However, I hope that ability comes back to me.

Maybe my new reluctance to share my thoughts is because I did exchange mails with some readers and these people could see behind the curtain.The almost clinical, nonpersonal atmosphere is gone.

At this point I am not sure how to deal with the new situation. It feels like now, that I know a lot of you readers, I somehow should cater to your needs. What a stupid thought, I know, especially in a dd/ FM blog...But it is still my blog and I can write whatever I think :-)

Am I supposed to understand you, men?

A friend mailed me the other day:
"I had a bitch of a girl-friend who kept me on my toes most of the time and I would have done anything to please her (anything reasonable.)"

I´ve been thinking about that statement for quite a while. 
To be honest, I just don´t get how that general concept works. How can it be, that being a bitch and keeping him on his toes, would get a man to do everything for his lady? It´s just that for me, the idea of being a bitch carries negative connotations. Maybe it is indeed because of my good catholic background. As far as I can judge my own behaviour from the past, (and that sure is a difficult task...,) there were not many moments were I did resort to being bitchy. I do not actually recall one single incident where I made a conscious decision of being a bitch. (Whatever that might mean).

Don´t get me wrong. I did not absent myself from the field of domestic discipline. The idea alone of "keeping him on his toes" makes me smile. I want to see him putting effort in pleasing me. And to know that he is going to do something (you name it: chores, preparing to receive a spanking, getting the car gased, having to wait before being allowed to orgasm, joining me to the gym for a workout...), even if he really does not want to, just because I tell him, is A-W-E-S-O-M-E. I do want him to accept whatever I mete out. But IMO this can only work if the man can be sure that I am not going to misuse my power, that I am going to respect his limits and take his fears, issues, trials and tribulations into consideration

I prefer being in a relationship with a self-confident, manly and somewhat self -contained man who honors and respects me for being the (hopefully) decent person I am. I do not want a separation between real-life and relationship-life. My dad once told me many years ago: "Tina, I do realise that girl-friend I am having does not have a good character. She does not do me any good. However she´s just too great in bed". Such a "relationship" is definitely something I do not want to have.

For me it is important that my partner is loving me for my behaviour inside and outside our relationship.

One last conciliatory thought for today: The person who sent me the above mentioned statement ended his mail by saying:
"I think to be a dominant woman is a position that should be undertaken by someone who is happy, confident and capable. Above all there should be good communication and an adult attitude to solving problems."
Seems to me there`s just not too big a difference between what men and women are trying to find...

My day in the brothel

Sometimes strange things happen...Today was definitely one strange day for me. I have been in a brothel.

A male friend of mine, I know him from business and politics, has been in my law firm today for a meeting about some reconstruction measures. My office does need a bit of remodeling and the guy is an experienced craftsman. And he is in a relationship, which is kind of important for the following events.

After having seen my law firm, he explained to me, which measures could and which could not be taken. He had some great ideas and said: "You know, I did something like this in one of the houses I own. Do you want me to show it to you? "

(Btw: even being a lawyer, I am NOT loaded! The guy probably is, but I am not).

Sure, I wanted to see what he has done. When I arrived at his house, I realised it is well known in the city for being a brothel. I mentioned that and he said that indeed 2 of the 4 appartements in the house were rented by whores and that he´d be able to ask them for a rent twice as high.

Of course I was now curious and wanted to go in. When does a woman have the possibility of seeing a brothel anyway...

We went to one empty appartement, where he showed me the remodeling work he had done. It was well done and impressive. So we stayed in the appartement for quite some time, when he mentioned that some more work needed to be done here.

The whores wanted him to build another separat room for some bdsm scenes. So the walls needed to be changed. I laughed and said something like: "If the women want to have a bdsm-studio, they definitely do need a St. Andrews cross. Just ask me, I can explain everything to you".

Without even blinking he said: "I already have it ready and waiting in the other appartement".

It was so much fun. I felt safe, because I knew he´s in a relationship. I even do know his partner. So we continued talking about bdsm and related stuff and I told him a bit about my blog. Not every detail, but I was testing the waters :-)

Somehow I mentioned that I did get a lot of attention from american men. And I said something about oral sex. Don´t remember what exactly...you know, me being a lawyer, talking the wole day, there´s no way for me recalling every single sentence :-)

And suddenly he said: "this is so hot". And I was fully unaware and just asked: "what?" He countered: "I do not care if you have contact to every single american on the planet, as long as it is me, who can do the part of orally pleasuring you."

I laughed and just said "you wish", because there is no way for me to get involved with a man who is already in a partnership. Then we left the brothel again and parted amicably.

However the incident made me realise that I have obviously developped over the last weeks a much stronger female and dominant vibrancy. Which is a good thing, I guess. 

     

Can I really go for MY fun?

I was wondering lately, if being the woman in a loving domestic discipline relationship reallly gives me the possibility of persuing my pleasure in the first place. I am sure some men are thinking right now: "what is she even asking?".

I am not 100% sure myself where my problem lies or if there is a problem at all. So I`ll try to explain what is keeping my mind busy.

Generally speaking, I do have a very strong inner feeling of being responsible for my partner`s pleasure. I want him to feel good and be happy. Nothing bad with that, I guess.

However I mean it more in a way like Laura Schlessinger would approve of.
Something along the line of: it is the womans duty to serve the husband, if the man is satisfied, chances are much bigger that the life for the woman is better too, yadda, yadda, yadda

You have to know that I come from a background where I`ve been told- well not told as in explicitly stated, but more shown and taught in various subtle ways- that the womans task is to keep the man happy and therefore granting him his wishes. Sexual or not. I realise that such a thinking does not fit to the grandma I described in an earlier post, however I´ve not been raised by my grandma alone :-)

In essence my dilemma is the following: I definitely do have very dominant aspects in my personality. And I want to live them in a relationship. Damn, my whole blog is build around that wish. On the other hand I do not yet dare to act accordingly.

A couple of days ago I chatted for hours with a great man. It went well, we had fun, we talked about this and that, shared so much intimate detailes, laughed a lot. However, after our computer session ended, I found myself wondering If I did really everything to make it a good experience for him. My main concern was, if it had been cool for him.

Or another example: I get a lot of chat requests. I just do not have the time to chat with all the people who want to chat with me. (After all, there is still this little thing called "my law firm"... ). And still, I feel somehow obligated to answer these people. Definitely not a very dominant trait. Or maybe it is exactly because of my dominant personality that I feel always responsible for each and everyone...
I don`t know, I am confused...

Ok, here is the new deal for now:

To all new men out there who are interested in writing me:
Write a comment in the blog.

To my "older" friends:
I write as much as I can. Really.

And to the man who might be Mr.Right:
I am always here! ;-)

How much pain is enough?

I´m not much into inflicting pain on a man. However sometimes I think it is just the proper thing to do.
OMG, what a statement. And this coming from me, an expert in humanitarian law...  Let me elaborate a bit. :-)

It is the power game between a woman and her man that I am most interested in. And power can be manifested in many different ways within a domestic discipline relationship. That is why I like various non corporal punishments like orgasm denial, corner time, keeping the man nude within the house, making him do chores...All measures that make him keep in mind, that inappropriate behaviour does not pay out. These punishments do not actually "hurt" him. Well, I realise one could argue about that statement as far as orgasm denial goes :-)

There´s no doubt that I am willing to punish my man for mistaken conduct. And I am prepared to use all means that work in reaching my goal, thus giving the man an attitude adjustment.

So, in a loving domestic discipline relationship, if need be, I would not hesitate one moment to give the man a spanking. And I would not stop just because "it hurts". I kind of like it, when the man is crying real tears. Be it from the actual pain or from the embarrassement of having himself to submit so deeply to me.

"Punishment requires pain. If it is to be real the male has to genuinely have something to worry about." I did read that phrase a couple of days ago and I have been thinking about it quite a lot. In the end I came to the conclusion that for me, the statement is true indeed. Even though I am interested in having a loving relationship with a guy I think the man should always know, that if he misbehaves, there are going to be real and sometimes hard consequences.This does include corporal implications. And I will make sure that he does not like these consequences.

My general willingness to inflict pain does however not enfold inflicting cruel, long lasting or unnecessary harsh pain. First of all I do not believe in inflicting excessive pain and secondly it just does not feel right to me. It is not my cup of tea.

I got it from my grandma

The other day we had a family celebration and a distant cousin told me, he would not remember much about my family, but there`d be one incident he could never forget. Of course I asked him to tell me the story and so he did:

Maybe 50 years ago my grandmother and my gradfather were driving in a car. Actually my grandma was driving and my grandpa was front passenger. This alone makes me smile. You know, despite the fact that we germans do have the greatest cars and the one and only "autobahn", it was not at all common 50 years ago for a woman to sit behind the steering wheel and for the husband to be a passenger.

Somehow they got into an argument. My grandma wanted my grandpa to stop smoking and to promptly extinguish the cigarette he´s been smoking. My grandfather however did choose not to do what his wife wanted and continued smoking his cigarette. Bad decision.

Obviously being a real dominant wife she stopped the car at the parking lane and told her husband to leave the car right away. This time he did not argue, he did as told and got off the car. My grandma however, she started the car again and just left him at the roadside. The poor guy was therefore forced to WALK back home, a distance of 20 km, which is nearly the distance of a half marathon....

It reminds me of courtly love and minnesang

At the beginning, when I opened that blog, I felt powerless and insensible because of some things that were going on in my life. And I got to admit I never would have thought that this internet -blog and the people answering me and exchanging e-mails with me would change so much in my life.

I told you, I did receive a lot of attention from submissive men. When men contact me through my e-mail account, I usually do ask them to write a bit about themselves, so that I can have a better idea of who is actually approaching me. Most men did as I told them and I felt like the queen of the world, because awesome men were actually trying to convince me, that they would be the right partner for me.


And I got to admit it was a strange feeling to suddenly have so much power. Power over real and strong men, over men who shared their intimate feelings, wishes and hopes with me. And to make it even better, these men wanted me to use my power. Wanted me to master them.

And I realised it is really difficult not to fall into the trappings of power. I do not want to hurt any of the men who wrote me. Even though there is probably no way to avoid hurt feelings sometimes....Therefore I did post in a very early stage about my new hanky-panky with an interesting man.

Obviously the expectations from many men towards me and my ability to understand exactly what they want are very high. Naturally it is not easy for me "to deliver".

I remember one man who mailed me. He did send me just 2 or 3 friendly sentences. I answered him that I would like to get to know him better and wanted him to write me a nice and meaningful e-mail so that I could understand who he is and what he wanted. He did however send me again a very short note, just asking something about my sexual preferences. I was not sure if he just wanted to play or what was going on, so I told him basically: "I am not going to answer you before I get the mail I wanted you to write to me. And don`t you dare to complain, because I did not even ask you to write the letter by hand." It was apparently not what the man had wanted to hear from me. I have never heard from him again.

I am mentioning this short episode because the man didn`t actually understand how important it is for me to be "courted".  I am not interested in writing solely about jerk-off stuff. I am however curious about understanding the man, his way of thinking, his fears, his interests. And if I think he is juicy, than I have no problem with talking about almost everything. In that case I don`t hesitate to provide him with as much jerk-off information as he wants to. (At least as long as I dont decide to deny him having an orgasm...but that is another story).

I need to be sure that the man approaching me is in fact a strong, independent, self-assured person. And he needs to make a point of being interested in me. As a person. Not only as a potential dominatrix. The man has to convince me, that he is on the one hand strong enough to fight the full risk, that he does not actually need me to survive his own life, but that he is on the other hand willing to submit to me freely.

Just think of courtly love and minnesang!

If you are not familiar with the concept, I just googled it for you:
"The "courtly love" relationship is modelled on the feudal relationship between a knight and his liege lord. The knight serves his courtly lady with the same obedience and loyalty which he owes to his liege lord. She is in complete control of the love relationship, while he owes her obedience and submission. The knight's love for the lady inspires him to do great deeds, in order to be worthy of her love or to win her favor." http://cla.calpoly.edu/~dschwart/engl513/courtly/courtly.htm

update and report of success

Since I did not post here for some days, I thought it might be a good idea of giving you a very short update on what has happened on my "adventurous journey" ;-).

So far I did receive quite a lot of attention from men from Great Britain, Germany and USA and I got to tell you, I really do like receiving that attention! I spared no effort in my blog, more than 100 e-mails have been sent by me and it looks like it was worth the trouble.

There are a few men with whom I exchange e-mails on a regular basis. And one gentleman who might be "the one". It is however to early to know exactly where it is heading to with him and me, but I am willing to give it a try on all accounts.

 

post spanking routine?

After answering litteraly dozens of questions and mails, I do myself have a question to all the men out there.

What am I supposed to do with you right after the punishment?

The reason behind that question is the following deliberation: I do read a lot of spanking stories. Fanfiction spanking stories if you want to know it in detail.

No worries, I am not going to force you to read this stuff, even though this might be a sound punishment for probably all men. ;-) Most of the stuff I read is written by women and most likely for women. And between the ladies there seems to be an understanding that the spankee should be held and kind of comforted after being chastised. For me, until now, such behaviour went without saying.

However, as far as my blog life goes, none of the men ever mentioned everything like this. I´ve been told many times how much a strong female hand is appreciated and how great an improvement in the man`s behaviour can be reached by the women being strict. But not one single man ever spoke about the need of being hold afterwards.

Let´s just say I did dress you down, gave you a spanking, you are crying (hey, this is my blog, I can choose any scenario I wish for), I ask you something very creative like: did you learn your lesson, you say: Yes Ma ám... and then? How are we going to proceed?

Write me your experiences, your hopes and your dreams as far as any post spanking routine is concerned.

spankings

Writing fantasy porn is a thing I am not good at. I tried it and it just did not work...I decided to stick to the truth in this blog anyway, so I am afraid you won`t be finding any hot "jerk of" stories here. I do not have any real spanking experiences yet. Unfortunatelly. I told you, that is why I started this blog in the first place.

However I am going to share with you what kind of things I would like to experience. I am going to tell you what I would ask for if a fairy godmother would come around and grant me my wishes.

I would like to have a partner who is willing to submit to my spankings over my knee or wherever I decide for the spanking to happen. I do not have a fixation to over the knee spankings but if it shows that they are the most effective in getting my point through, I am more than willing to stick to them.

I do not have a favorite implement for handing out spankings either. As long as it works, almost every tool is fine with me. I bought a hairbrush the other day even though I did not actually need it for my hair, just because it had such a nice form. And probably because I was surfing too much in the internet... Anyway, everytime I see that hair brush, I am wondering now what it woul feel like to actually spank a man`s bottom with it. I almost can not wait for the real life experience.

Besides the hairbrush I am especially interested in using a belt. Specifically my partners belt. For me, the idea of having the man wear the punishment tool always within reach  is just awesome. I am surrounded with belt- wearing man. The belt to me is something so manly. Having him being forced to hand over his belt to me, for administering a hard spanking, turns me on just thinking about it.

And I actually do believe that the spankee should cry real tears when I am administering a spanking. For me it is important to know that the punished man has learned a lesson. I understand that for some men the crying part is something really difficult and that they are only able to let go if there is a deep trust to the woman.That is fine with me. I do not want to be a dominatrix for single meetings but the women who shares her life with a special man. Mutual deep trust is a prerequisite for such a relationship. 

no punishment yet, hurt feelings instead

I know, I promised to write more about punishments. And I am going to. However I feel the need to shortly adress another issue first.

As I mentioned right from the start I am a beginner as far as real life domestic discipline is concerned. Even though in theory I do know a lot about it, in practice everything is new to me and my journey in this different lifestyle has only just begun. At this point of time I am still trying to understand whats going on within me and in other peoples mind. 

To complicate things, there seems to be a tacit agreement among men, that me, the women, as the dominant part, is supposed to know exactly what she is doing. The truth is I don`t always.

In a few chats/mails with readers I got the dim feeling that the men, who opened up to me quite a lot, were not really comfortable with my response or my words. And I do not talk about a kinky way of being uncomfortable here.

Sometimes I am pretty skin-thinned myself, especially if things are concerned that are so depply engraved in my personality as my wish for a domestic discipline partner.

Therefore, just to make it clear:
If I should have somehow hurt your deepest inner feelings, I did not do it deliberately. As much as I want to dominate you in a relationship, as important is it to me to respect and pay heed to your emotions.

my general approach to being a disciplinarian

I`ve been asked what type of structure I would employ in a relationship, such as rules I would insist upon and the punishments that might be expected for failure to follow them.

That question is not as easy to answer for me as you probably might think. I do not have a list on my fridge, stating in detail what I want in a domestic discipline relationship and what I do not want. There is no comprehensive body of legislation. It is more of a gut feeling.

I do however have made up my mind as far as some concrete acts are concerned. The following examples are however just that: examples. So do not consider that an exhaustive enumeration.

As a matter of fact I do not want my partner to steal.
No problem, you might think. But that "no stealing-rule" does actually include fluffy hotel bath robes and towel. I am familiar enough with the hotel industry to know, that  a lot of people just take it for granted, to keep the bath robes even after check out. For me, this is not acceptable. To be honest, I don`t like people committing crimes in general. I do know, there are women out there who fall for the "bad boy typ of man", but be assured, I am not one of them. I expect my partner to be decent and to deal fairly with others.

Never be unreachable.
In times of mobile phones, iphones and blackberrys that rule should not be difficult to follow. I want to share my life with my partner and therefore tell him if something important has happened.There might be situations where I just want to be able to hear his voice. Sometimes I just need to inform him about changes of plans.

No lying.
I already wrote about that rule at length in an earlier post.

Show respectful behaviour towards me and my family.
A couple of days ago I met an old friend. Our friendship goes way back to kindergarten. That is probably why I tolerate quite a lot of things from him. However on that day he has been really impertinent. We met by chance at a classical concert and I was accompagnied by my mother and my grandmother. He saw us and immediately said to me : "Wow, your mother looks really hot!!!" What a stupid thing to say. I mean, ok, my mother looked hot, but she is my mother after all. And I do not want to talk about my mother with him. It is not his prerogative, btw being in the presence of his own wife, to comment on the "hotness" of my mother. Furtheremore it was in the presence of my elderly grandmother... Regrettably I was not able to give him an attitude adjustment on that day. But next time I am going to see him this incident is definitely going to be on the table again.

Never mess with my diet coke.
I am afraid I need to elaborate on that rule quite a bit, needn`t I ? First of all, I do not like coffee. However, I am addicted to diet coke. Coca Cola, Coke Zero, Pepsi, Pepsi Max, you name it... As long as it does not have any sugar but a lot of  caffeine in it !!!
I am mentioning this, because just today I am stuck without any of it. My "dear" younger brother did drink my last Pepsi yesterday and did not care to keep supplies coming. Now I am supposed to survive the whole day in my office without that beverage and therefore I am pretty pissed.

Don`t expect me to be your "mama".
If I`d wanted a child I`d have one. Even if I am probably going to lose quite a few readers by saying that. I told you before: I am not into role play. I am trying to find a partner for an adult domestic discipline relationship, not a child. In fact, if I hand out punishments to my partner, it is basically because he is an adult and did not behave accordingly. Only the fact that he is a grown up man with responsibilities and obligations in the "outside world" makes it interesting for me to take him down a peg or two within our relationship. As far as my experience goes, punishments that are sometimes considered as punishments for children are just suitable for that purpose.

This leads me to my next point: Punishments.

The other day someone commented about how big a waste of time an early bed time would be. In this context I can assure you that being send to bed early is just one possible means of punishing my partner. There are many other ways of making sure the man understands I am meaning business. I know, you are all curious what these punishments might be. Be patient. I am going to write about it in my next post. lol.

punishment and early bed times

I only hand out punishments if I think the man`s behaviour demands my reaction. If my future partner was very well behaved, I would not punish him. In my view, a punishment is supposed to change the demeanour of the person punished. If my partner was well behaved, nothing needs to be changed. In that case I am going to make sure he has no doubt about how happy I am with his conduct.

But calm down, all you readers who are thinking "too bad". What is the likelihood of a man being in a relationship with a strong, dominant women and not sliping up?

Generally speaking, I do not punish for accidents. Accidents just happen. If there was no intent on my partners side, I am pretty sure we can find a mutual solution.

I am not so sure about "maintenance" spankings. I did not arrive at a decision as far as these are concerned. It probably depends on the man and his ability to obey me in general.

There is no doubt however that I am going to punish my man, if he does not stick to the deals we made or if he neglects the rules I set. In law school  I `ve been taught: "pacta sunt servand". It basically means: "stick to your word or die trying it". This saying has become second nature to me. Therefore I am going to make sure my partner understands it too and acts accordingly. If we agreed upon him not coming home late, he better comes on the dot. If it was his turn to clean the kitchen, the kitchen better be sparkling. If he promised to stop smoking, I do not want to nab him with a cigarette.

There can also be situations where I make my man to accept unpleasant decisions "just because I can". My reasoning behind that is: I do want my partner to keep his strong points. I want him to have an interesting life. I support him to succeed in his job. I encourage him having hobbies and/or doing sports. Therefore I am allowing him great latitude. However, If I have the impression that his attitude towards me is slacking, I am going to make sure he understands that he can not proceed that way.

To me, "early bed times" are an interesting sanction. I am determined of implementing that action in any future relationship. As far as punishment is concerned, I understand many men are only interested in the spanking part. However, spankings combined with other forms of punishments might be much more effective.

In case he screws up, my future partner has to be able to stomach being send to bed by me at a very early time. I know this is hard to take and mortifying but I am not going to refrain from handing out that punishment. I want him to undress and go to bed. No reading, no phoning, lights out and shutters down. And if I think it is time for him to go to bed, I do absolutely not want to get in an argument about it with him. Even if the soccer world cup final is on tv. The fact that he is not tired is of no interest to me either. Far from it. I like the idea of him being forced to lay in bed even though he is wide awake. Gives him the possibility to deliberate his prior behaviour. I want him to understand that even if I let him his space in many aspects, I am still the decision maker in our relationship.

spankings and power

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I am gonna give you a slap in the face!

Yesterday a short episode from some time back came to my mind.
A couple of years ago I used to work for a criminal defens lawyer.

My job was basically to talk to the defendants on the eve of the arraignment. I had to explain to them what was going to happen and had to answer all kinds of questions to them.

For me,this was a challenge in itself. Being german, having never studied criminal law in the US and all the time being expected to give adequate information to people in real trouble was not an easy task. However, I somehow managed to jam with my experience from the german criminal system.

The fact that english is not my first language at all was not really helping either... I remember, I always had to obtain some information from the defendants for my boss. Sometimes I was not even able to understand/translate what the people were telling me. Just thinking at that time really makes me wonder how I got by.

Anyway, one day I had to talk to a young hispanic man, probably around the age of 20. We were sitting next to each other on a narrow bench in a back room of the court house and the poor guy was handcuffed to the bench.

As far as I remember, it was not a very serious crime the guy had committed. So we talked, I told him that it doesn´t look that bad for him but that he definitely had to stay out of trouble in the future. Suddenly he looked at me and said something like: "What are you going to do if I get in trouble again?" And without me even realising it, my dominant personality took over.

I touched his face gently, looked him deep in his eyes and said: "If you get in trouble again and if I see you in here again I am gonna give you a slap in the face".

As soon as I had said that, I became really nervous. Had anybody heard what I had just said? Fortunately the guards have been busy with something else and had not paid attention to my words.

The man however had clearly understood what I said. He somehow accepted that answer and just smiled.

Interesting test

I just made this test over at
 http://www.bdsm-test.com/ .
Dominant, thats what I am!

What I want

Relationships where both partners switch or role play don't really interest me.
I am looking for a man who is interested in entering an exclusive relationship whith me. A relationship in which I am the dominant part and he is the submissive one.

I am not looking for a slave or someone who calls me mistress and at the same time licks my boots, but for a man who is prepared to obey me. Someone who is willing to accept my leadership, even though I might make demands that force him to leave his comfort zone.

I'd like to develop a healthy and somewhat vanilla relationship with both an erotic and disciplinary twist as there is nothing I enjoy more than handing out a proper punishment if needed. Oops, does this all sound contradictory? I hope not.

Someone told me: "lawyer, you are not into the stereotypical bdsm but just a natural dominant in charge woman who is willing to discipline her partner." Sounds pretty true to me.

In my oppinion, some of the spankings you see described on the net  are unnecessarily harsh, and possibly exaggerated. I belife a wife does not need to hand out a very long or very cruel spanking to be effective and to make her point.
However, what do I know?  It is the man`s butt who is going to get it. If  he really needs or want an ass trashing, no problem, I am prepared to bring it on.