christmas tenderness

Once again Ferns has made a very smart comment about me. 

 You are a soft-hearted woman, there is nothing wrong with that as long as you don’t get pummelled by it over and over again.

I figured it would probably be helpful to explain what`s going on in my life right now.

Basically: My grandma, with whom I live, is in a very bad condition. She suffers from dementia and cardiac insufficiency and it is breaking my heart to watch her getting weaker and weaker on a daily basis.We are taking care of her as a family, no outside help is involved. And I think it is fair to say that I am the one who does most of the work in regards to grandma.

Christmas Eve was draining. One of the strangest evenings in my whole life.

At the one hand, it was a very peaceful and quiet evening. Only grandma, me and 2 other persons. We had good food, nice talks and even sung lots of Christmas songs, with grandma remembering every single line of each Christmas song. But at the same time there was the constant aura of "good bye" in the room. As it looks now, it was the last Christmas Eve we celebrated with grandma. And even now, just writing this post, tears are running down my face. It is just so fucking sad.

Grandma had big health problems in May already, and in the last 7 or so months, every morning, one of the first things I do is checking if she is still alive....

I love her so much. I can not find words to describe what she means to me.

In such a situation, when I am kind of fighting against death constantly, I am not expecting real troubles comming from the friends/partner/ or even internet friends.

I have this feeling of: when times are tough, we need to stick together. And I am willing to give people whatever they wanna have, in order to make them happy. My reasoning is something like: If I am not in a position to be really happy myself right now, if I am not able of stoping grandma from dying (i know, I know... I am not superhuman....) I want at least have happy people around me. And I want to give what I can give.

I still believe that being "nice" does pay off in the end. I do not want to become bitter or mean or egoistic. I want to keep that "naivete" that so many seem to see in me. I need to stick to that alledged naivete, I need to believe in the good of people, because there is nothing, absolutely nothing naive in my real life these days.

So, in closing, there is a good chance that I will be pummelled in the future. I know I am giving people a lot. But I am doing it consciously, in order to not lose my mind with all the real life challenges.

"Jack`s blowjob lessons"

Have been asked to write a book review. And always the helpful woman that I am, I agreed to write a few words.

The book I am talking about is called "Jack`s blowjob lessons". You can order it online;  here is the link. Jack aims to give women advice on how to give a man the best and hottest blow job ever. The book  is all about how to make a blowjob a fantastic experience for the man. 

When Jack the author contacted me, I had to actually laugh. Frankly, I doubt that he ever read my blog. He seems to be one of the men that I would truly enjoy to spank :-) According to his own words he is very good looking, had received more than 1000 blow jobs and only very few women were alledgedly able of giving him a mind blowing blow job..... He says:

"Nine out of 10 blowjobs are -  absolutely shit" and  "How am I to completely fall in love with someone who can`t completely satisfy my needs as a man?"

He goes on by saying:

"You need real advice, from a real guy, that has real experience with getting head – with more than one girl, on more than one occasion. I’m a bit of an asshole, or maybe I look like that – but girls love me, and there’s nothing I can do about that."

Can you understand why I think it would be fun to spank him, lol?

His book is not a "femdom" or "flr" book. While reading it, I often thought that my blog is not exactly a good place to pimp his book. But due to the fact that I have never ever given a blowjob yet, I thought I could probably actually learn something from the expert :-) 

And, Jack made a very convincing point in his book in saying:

"You will be the one out of 10 girls that know how to really satisfy their man – and he will love you for it, he will beg you for more and he will do ANYTHING you tell him to. Not only will he be eating out of your hands, he will feel as if it was his duty to repay you with amazing sex, favors and presents. You’ve got the “blowjob skills” – you’ve got the power :-) "

Well, "having power" does sound good to me. So I read the whole 154 pages of the book.
Jack covers many areas. He is among else speaking about having the right attitude while giving a blowjob, about the best blowjob positions and about the most effective blowjob technics. I did not really learn too many new things, but it was nice to have it all put together. And I am always interested in learning things that alledgedly make my partner feel fantastic. I want him to be happy and everything that makes him happy is definitely something that I am willing to have a closer look at.

In his book, Jack puts a lot of pressure on women. He is basically saying it is the womans job to be as submissive as possible while giving a blowjob. And I thought: "Damn, that`s not exactly the kind of thing I want to read :-)" But then he continues by saying that as a woman, while giving a blowjob, one should enter a special "state of mind". This statement put me back on track, lol. I know everything about entering a special state of mind. I have done so many "mind games" in the last months, I can truely say I am an expert on the mind. And his explanations made a lot of sense, even though not all of them are adaptable to a flr- lifestyle.

The book is sold for 47 $ and I wish Jack all the best and hope he will become really rich through that book, lol. I like the idea of making money with a blowjob manifesto. I would not consider Jacks book to be among the "must-read-books" on this planet, and it is not as good as my excellent thesis that will hopefully be finished in this millenium, but there are quite a few good snippets in it that help a woman to understand how to make a blowjob an awesome experience.

dominant Germans (part 2)

Ok, judging from the number of visitors on my last blog post, the subject of "dominant Germans" seems to interest many of you.  Not sure what you are hoping to find though. I was not thinking much when I posted that clip from the European parliament. If  at all, lol, I have been thinking how hot it would be for me to give Nigel Farage a spanking :-)

So, if one of you knows him and can arrange a meeting for me with him, go ahead please :-)

But only, because he has got so much fire in him. He is standing there, attacking all of them, full of self-confidence and to me, it would be interesting to see his softer sides

Personally, I think the thing Max Mosley is into

(You can get an idea of it here)  is terrible. I have been in Dachau, saw the area where the concentration camp was built on. I spoke with many witnesses, My grandma told me a lot about these times back then and my grandfather was a prisoner of war in Norway for many years.

Strangely, michael m`s comment did not offend me at all. Partly because Michael is  something like an internet friend to me and partly because there is just no way for any German to defend him/herself in regards to the events of WWII. That`s just how it is. As a German, I did grow up with the knowledge that terrible things have been done by my ancestors.And if the Tommies feel that we still deserve to be punished for it, we have to accept that. I do not believe in charging one crime up against another wrong doing. As a German, after the Holocaust, we will always lose in such a summation.

From an adult kink and D/s point of view:

Spanking and the kind of domestic discipline I am interested in seems definitely to be something that is much more common in the US than it is in Germany. Almost all my contact requests are coming from men from the US. Do not know why it is like this.

dominant Germans

We are all living in a german dominated Europe :-)

femdom sui generis

I never chose to be a dominant woman. I never consciously made a decision to start dominating people.

Actually, my life would be much easier without my dominant side. I could be together with one of the many vanilla german men and be a happily married wife.

Basically: Being into this thing we do just happened to me.

I never claimed to be a super domme. I think I made it perfectly clear right from the beginning of this little blog that I have many insecurities. But this is not something I am ashamed of. It´s just part of my personal history.

Labels do not interest me. So, I don`t care much if I am having a FLR or a femdom relationship. Heck, I am kind of "guessing" my way with the English language anyway.

The following comment clarified things a lot for me.

It's easy to "submit" to a spanking or a scolding, if that's what turns you on. But it takes being truly submissive to deny yourself small pleasures simply because she said so. 

One of my most profoundly submissive moments occured at a party. I reached for a second handful of peanuts and my wife very quietly said, "No.". If I could have, I would have dropped to the floor and kissed her feet right there and then. 

I never quite understood why it is possible to make some men do really big, kinky things but in small things they would show resistance. After having thought about it for quite some time, I understand now that my "alledgedly" small things are not small at all. I usually spend a lot of time in understanding the man and his feelings. My "small" demands are always custom made for my partner. And the resistance I was getting was always linked with these custom made orders. Because I was hitting an "interesting"spot of his personality.E.g: It was hard for the man concerned  not to have the glas of wine. It was not fun or game.

A man once wrote me: "I am longing to cry for you". It was a statement that touched my heart very much. Because this is exactly what I want. I want that my partner is giving himself to me. I want him to show me sides of himself that he usually does not show to other people. I want the key to his heart. I want to have the power of being able of bringing him to tears. And I want the power that goes along with being able of giving comfort and care.

It is never smart to compare oneself too much with other people. There might be people out there who you just can not compete with.  So, YES, I know, there are women out there who are far more dominant than I am. (And btw: just so you know, to me, the size does not matter at all.)

I would never make a man get a tattoo or a branding for me. I am not interested in these signs of power. But I would -and actually did- threaten "my man" that I would go and get his initials inked on my body if he does not behave right away. And I know he knew that I would follow through with this thread.

I am fed up with all the comments of:

"your wanting to be a dominant woman.... maybe it´s all a theory only"

"you are not a dominant woman but a woman with very vanilla dreams"

What are these people expecting?????????? I AM a woman with very vanilla dreams, yes. But at the same time I happen to have very kinky and dominant needs too. I am not interested in domming "vanilla" men. I do not want to "make" men submit to me. And frankly:  I can not do that.

Me, I want to receive a gift from the man. The gift of his submission. And once that gift is in my hands, I might come up with pretty demanding and  kinky ways to let him feel his submissive side.

And obviously, these demands can be "too much" for some of the men. I have a tendency to wanting the men in my life to feel good. But I do have another tendency  of pushing the very same men in all things emotional. And these pushs, believe me my friends, are not so easy to deal with at all :-)

So I will stick to my way of dealing with the men in my life. It might be an unique way and it might not be for everybodys taste, but it is the way that fits best to my personality.

healing and mind-fucks

Have been spending a lot of time reflecting, meditating, praying and crying.
Things are healing and I am growing emotionally.
Learned many things about me and life in general.

Here is one of the things I realized as far as domestic discipline is concerned:

For me...
it takes courage to outlive my dominant side
it takes courage to be the disciplinarian.
it takes courage to fuck with a man´s mind.

There are many men out there who are dreaming of being disciplined by a young, tall, powerful (and german, lol) woman. The stories of  F/m couples are hot and being a submissive guy to a dominant woman obviously seems to be a very exciting thing. Being "tortured" and "mind-fucked" by a woman seems to be something that is definitely worth having.

I am a dominant woman. I really am. I had my first orgasms as a teenager while masturbating to F/m or M/m scenes. Even today, I usually masturbate to domestic discipline scenes. I love hearing a man`s voice break during a punishment. I get turned on by scolding a strong and powerful man. I think it´s unbelievably hot to hear a man say: "Yes, Ma`am" to me. I enjoy coming up with custom made ideas in order to get under the man`s skin and in order to really make an impression on his submissive side.

This is the sort of clip I like.  And it is a personal goal of mine to make a domestic discipline scene a good scene for the man.I do not care too much about what implements to use. I do not have a fetish. The only goal I have is to find the trigger points in my partners mind. And once I found them, I am not hesitating of using them (against him, lol).

However:
One  thing that definitely throws me off balance is when the man is refusing to submit. When I develop an idea of what to do with him and how to fuck with his mind, and if then, out of the blue, the man does not obey.

Note: I am not talking about playful disobedience here. I am talking about a serious refusal. No joking around, no fun. Just a  "Nah... this does not turn me on. This is not hot to me. I am not interested in doing this/ or getting this done to me."

Of course, I believe in "safe , sane and consensual". No doubt about that. And if the partner is not able of doing something, me, with my big heart, I am the first person to understand him and to accept his decision. That is not a problem for me. Not at all.

What is a problem for me is, when the man asks me to generally dominate him, if I come up with a fantastic, personalized idea and when than the man is not willing to follow through with his submission. There are few things that are a bigger bummer for me than wanting to dominate a man and meeting a "nope, won`t do it".

I am not talking about big things here. I am not expecting my partner to submit to being raped by 5 of my clients:-) I do not want my partner to give up all his freedom in life and to be under my control always.
I am instead talking about  little things that he does not want to do but that I want him to do. Things I want him to do, because I enjoy seeing him "suffer" for me. Like for instance: Not watching a football game on tv. Not having the glas of wine while being in a fancy restaurant. Just some small things that make me smile.There is even one man reading this blog, who refused to have a cup of coffee in a coffeeplace for me ;-) Can you believe this?

The problem is: I feel a deep affection to all men I ever offered domination.
Many men have asked me to be their dominatrix/disciplinarian, but only few were able of actually making me dominate them.I told you all in lengths about how I am wired and about what I need in order to open myself up to a man. So, if a man was able of opening me up in a way that I am willing to dominate him, I do not expect a real resistance once the domination has started. And walking away and saying "ciao baby, it was nice, let`s just move on" does not do it for me. Because I do not want to walk away. I want to stay and experience things with exactly that person who has already made me interested in him.

For me, submission is a gift. And a man who is withdrawing his submission is punishing me. Because basically, in not submitting, he is telling me: you did not read me well. You did not deliver the right things. You did not chose the right approach.

Getting such a message is hard to stomach for me, because in the end, I want to please the guy.

Does this make sense to you?

dangerous dd

For me, getting involved in dd acts and talks can be a dangerous thing.

I am a giver. Most of the time, I give much more than I receive. This should not be a problem, with me being christian and all that..., but in reality it is a big problem.

Help, support, time, dedication, legal advice... you name it. I am giving and giving and giving. In real life, I am always busy with taking care of other people and other peoples problems.

I am giving so much, because I can relate to these people and I am sensitive enough to understand that they are in need (whatever their need might be).

If a submissive man approaches me, if he is telling me about his wants, needs and fears, my natural instinct wants me to give him what he needs. I want him to feel good again and I want to provide him with whatever it is that he is craving and missing. 

Due to this character trait of mine, many men have used me to provide them with wanking material only. That´s not generally a bad thing. The world needs good wanking material :-) However, doing that, namely serving these men, gives me the feeling of being worthless and not seen at all.

A friend gave me the advise: "The trick is not to tell them anything and sound dominant at the same time". But this is not something I am good at. Actually, with me, it is always all or nothing.I have never used that"trick" that my friend has been mentioning.

Are you with me so far? Because it is getting even more complicated:

In order for me to open up to a man, in order for me to let myself fall and let my guards fall, I need to feel a special bond between him and me. Don`t get me wrong. I have no problems with sharing my feelings openly. Even at the very beginning of a platonic/not sexual relationship with a stranger. However, what I am refering to right now is a deep embedded insecurity and a deep embedded fear of mine of not being good enough, not worth it, not lovable.

Usually, if a man is willing to submit to my guidance, I can be pretty dominant in the beginning. I am Ms. "Know it all" and honestly, in all modesty, I pretty much AM "Ms. Know it all". I understand him and can relate to his wants and needs and I am making sure that he is feeling great.

Only- at this point of time is when I usually tell him that I have wants and needs too. I do have enough own problems and sorrows and worries. And I need a shoulder to lean on too. However, due to my alledged "invincibility" many men are just overwhelmed with my- for them- "sudden" change of personality. For them, totally unexpected, the strong and not wavering "Tina" is becomming "little tina", a girl who is trying to find love and acceptance and support too.

What is left is a mess:

the man feels overwhelmed and betrayed, after all, he thought he would be dealing with some sort of Ms. Perfect, always in control, always strong...
and me, I am feeling guilty for "wanting too much" and not giving him what he wants....

scolding part 2

I  just remembered one scolding event with my man. Had almost forgotten about it :-)
We were having a terrible argument about something I had done.

We had been at an old womans place to pick up some stuff. I had not known the old lady. And before we went there, my man told me:

"Tina, I am really not looking forward to seeing her. She is so getting on my nerves. I do not want to talk with her much.Lets just go in there, let´s take the stuff and leave right away again."

Sure, no big deal. That is what I thought and said.

But when we were in the house, the lady started questioning my man with hundreds of questions. And I wanted to protect him from her and spare him the inconvenience of having to deal with her any longer.

In order to give him time to pick up the stuff undisturbed, I said to the lady: "why don`t you show me around? I have not seen the property before." And off we went. She led me to a room with a piano, and I sat down and started to play piano for the old lady.

After a while I went to look for my man. He was already waiting at the car and lets just say: he was not happy.

We drove of and he gave me a scolding like I had never received before in my whole life. I had no chance of calming him down.

He felt really betrayed. And at one point he said to me: "didn´t I tell you that I wanted to leave as fast as possible?" ... He went on by saying: "I do not speak german. I can not tell it to you in german. But maybe you will understand it better in Spanish."

And he started to scold me in fluent spanish. Up until then I had not even known that he does speak spanish indeed.And even though my spanish is much worse than my English, I fully understood what he was saying :-) His message was pretty clear.

So maybe you are right and I am worrying too much. I think my English will do just fine :-)

I wanna scold :-)

I really would like to be able to scold properly !

You might not believe it, but it takes me actually a long time to write these posts. My English is, (as you can see easily... ,) far from perfect.

This usually does not matter too much. Most of the time I am able of making you all  understand what I am wanting to say.  And my man is pretty good at reading my mind by now. With him, I usually do not need any words at all :-)

However, good English skills would really be useful in my relationship as far as scolding is concerned.

I am a woman who is used of using words. I like words, I like writing and I like talking. I spend most of my day doing nothing but dealing with words. And I can be really creative with words. I do know how to attack somebody, how to calm somebody down or how to comfort somebody by using words alone. That is not difficult at all for me.

There is only one area in my life where I can not always easily resort to words. And that is as far as scolding in a dd setting is concerned.

My personal guess is, this is because if I want to scold properly, I need to do just too many things at the same time.  :-) I need to know exactly what I want to say, it is essential for me to be really pissed off, it is necessary to speak in a stern and dominant manner, I need to  watch his body language in order to see if I am making any impression on him at all  and I need to speak fluently.

Doing these things all together and in a different language is still impossible for me. And that is a pitty :-) I really would love to give good scoldings. For me, words are an essential part of a good dd scene. And me, word lover who I am, me of all people I can not use scolding too much as part of a punishment session....

Life is just not fair :-)

Spanking threat

I told you in an earlier post that my man once threatened to spank me.He did not follow through with it, and I would not have allowed him to spank me at the time. You know, me being all shy and unexperienced an all that  ;-) And furthermore I had to establish my dominance over him first.

He had asked me right at the beginning of our relationship if he could ever spank me. And my response was pretty short and clear: "No!" His answer was pretty sweet: "If this is what you want, I will accept that. I am willing to submit to you."

And only because he was so understanding of my wants and needs I am able to write the following words :-)

Now, my answer would be different. I am pretty sure that I will let him do it, if he asks again and if he asks nicely :-) And of course he would need to provide me with a good reason why he thinks I should be spanked.

If indeed I had given him a reason to feel that a spanking is in order, I would  submit to him. It´s not a very hot thought for me. It would not be a permanent role reversal. It would be an extraordinary event. I still am no switch. I would not get any pleasure out of it. It´s not something that I am craving. But I would submit, because it would provide me with an opportunity to show him how much I love him.

just some clip that makes me smile

punishment in front of others

Just a thought in regards to punishing a man in front of other (especially vanilla) people.

As I can read in various blogs, some of you think it`s a hot thing, some think it is really something to be afraid of.

In a relationship with me, a punishment in front of others will never happen.

I think all dd related activities are really a personal and private thing. It affects me deeply. Both handing it out and the fact that the man is willing to take it.If I do these things, my emotional gates are wide open.

If other people are involved, in my way of thinking, chances are pretty good that these people will not get the depth of what is happening in front of their eyes. And I just don`t want anybody to have a chance to dirty something that is in fact pure and pristine.

dd and tears

Most of the time it is very easy for the woman in a domestic discipline relationship to serve the man`s need. Teasing, sexual attention, a self confident demeanor, some corporal punishment and a bit of orgasm denial usually work very well.

The thing is, a woman, any woman can do these things without getting emotionally involved with the man. A woman does not need to be in love with a man in order to give him a proper spanking. There is no need for the woman to get emotionally involved in the scene at all. In a way, the person doing these things to the man is exchangeable. The whole concept of paid dominatrixes works like that. The woman is doing something in order to make the man happy without actually really caring about the man.

From what I hear and read, for men, going to a paid domme can be a very fullfiling and great experience. And that is absolutely ok. Good for these men. I am always happy if people do have a good time :-) 

In a relationship with me, I think the much harder part is on the man´s side. To make me really happy he needs to do much more. At least for me, it is very important that the man is valueing "me", as a person. It is not possible to make me happy without getting emotionaly involved with me. In order to give me a good sexual experience, I need to have a long foreplay. Foreplay not necessarily in a sexual kind of way, but in a "babe, I am genuinely and honestly interested in your well being" way. I need to be sure that I am not exchangeable with another woman.

And that is, why for me it is really important that my partner is willing to share tears in front of me. If the man is  willing to cry in front of a woman is usually the litmus test if  she is only "a" woman or "the" woman.

will it ever go away?

Do you think being into this thing we do will ever go away? Is it possible to be interested in domestic discipline only for a period of time, but not for the whole life?

In my case, I have been into these things since I was a teenager. And I am pretty sure that I will be into it till I pass away. I never consciously chose to be interested in it. It is just something that "happened" to me.

I just always knew that it feels right, that it turns me on, that it makes me feel better. It took me a long time to finally get actively involved in the scene. But all these years I was dreaming of doing "it" one day. And when I finally did it, it felt great. I immediately felt at home and at peace. It was mind blowing. I can honestly say that all the experiences I made with my man were worth the long waiting.

It created such a deep level of belonging, trust and understanding between the two of us, that I am willing to spend the rest of my life with him, even if he should never want to get involved in it again. Which I am of course not hoping for!!!!

So, you men out there, what is your personal experience:

once a submissive always a submissive?

whipping boy

I have been asked if I am trying to find a whipping boy. And there is only one answer to that question: "No! "

A whipping boy is not at all what I am interested in. I get no satisfaction in whipping, hurting, punishing or disciplining a man for no reason at all. I am not into hurting people. I am not a sadist, not even in the harmless realm of kink. 

As far as domestic discipline is concerned, I need a strong emotional bond between me and the person I get involved with. Spanking somebody without really caring for the man just does not work for me. If I would whip a man, just because I am stressed and in need to vent, would most likely make me feel terrible afterwards.

I am a very emotional person. I have pretty good access to my mind and to my heart. And I expect the people in my life to give me access to their emotions and feelings as well. Physical acts without emotional bonds are just not interesting  for me. I just do not need another person to rub my body on while masturbating.

So the question is:

How am I to proceed? Me wanting to do some dd action and my man busy with important other real life stuff?

I will try to outwait the situation. I will take what I can get from my man.

And I will enjoy the things I can have with him.

His mind might be not free for kink and domestic discipline at the moment. But I hope that his interest in the subject will come back sooner or later.And even if it comes never back again, even if he will be the most vanilla man on this planet, I will stay at his side. Just because I love him.

patience

I am craving some domestic discipline action. I would love to live out my dominant side again. Spankings, corner times, orgasm denial, teasing and much much more. I sooo want to get involved in these kind of things again.

But there is no chance for me to do that with my man right now. His mind is on other very important things. He is already under enormous pressure. There is just no space for any kinky thoughts or acts at the moment. Adding new pressure in any form to his life is just not an option right now.

We are communicating every day. I understand that he needs to put all his energy in the thing he is doing right now. And I am grown up enough to know that there are moments in life when even a smart, beautiful, dominant and loving woman can not get what she wants.

Generally, I am willing to patiently outwait the situation. I am willing to spend the rest of my life with this man. But still, this is a very diffcult situation for me. I do not want to start anything with another man. I am not interested in watching porn. I want to dominate MY man. But all my efforts of starting some domestic discipline action are met by his indifference or plain disinterest.

In a way it is actually funny. I have been waiting for this man all of my life. I am the queen of waiting for Mr. Right. I think I waited for more than 15 years... I finally found him, I love him, I had some great domestic discipline moments with him and now I am back in my waiting position again. Arghhhhhhhh, this is just crazy!!!!

I know there are like hundreds of men out there who are dreaming of getting their wife interested in dd. But me, unorthodox as I am and with a perfect precision, I chose the one man who once was interested in domestic discipline and probably does not care about dd any more....

dominance and love

Things are ok here  right now. One major drama occured: my new prof thinks I can not use much of my old 250 pages thesis "draft" for the thesis I am about to write under her supervision. This pretty much means the work of 5 years is worthless...

But I was able to suck up that information much better than I had expected. I am now working on a new thesis structure/outline...

I am feeling pretty content right now. And that is because my man has been chatting with me for hours on a daily basis lately. He is very present in my life these days and providing me with the feeling of belonging, care and love I am needing.

I am enjoying the time we can spend with each other, connected through the computer and connected through the history of about one year of long distance relationship.

To know that we are still together is a wonder in itself. All odds were against us. And there was one moment when I  actually sent him an e-mail, telling him that I am ready to end the relationship because there seems to be no way for the two of us.  But in the very same e-mail I told him for the first time explicitely that I love him. (what can I say... to me such a behavior is absolutely logical, lol).

Yesterday we had a 3 hour long conversation. We only talked about one of my legal cases. No sex talk, no exchange of hot thoughts, no teasing at all. But when I went to bed that night, I felt so relaxed and calm as if he had just given me the best orgasm ever. I was filled with the feeling of contentment, the knowledge that I am loved and I was full of hope that we are going to find a way to hold each other in the arms again sooner or later.

In the beginning of our relationship I bossed him around quite a bit. And he was submitting to me in many ways. I "owned" his body. I called the shots. We did A LOT of domestic discipline related things. Early bed times, lines, orgasm denial and much more. It felt great. I was on a power rush ;-) And it was not bad for him either, I am sure about that!

From todays perspective, it looks as if all these "little exercises" only prepared us - as a couple- for being strong enough to stay together even though we are still in the middle of the economical and emotional storm.

Now, he is submitting to me on a very different level. I have no control over his body right now. He is free to do what he wants as far as me controlling his body is concerned. I don`t dominate his body.

BUT: I am dominating his mind! He is submitting to me in the deepest possible way. He is submitting to me emotionally. He is submitting to me in accepting my love.And sometimes, accepting that one is loved is the hardest thing indeed.

to clench or not to clench :-)

....that is the question :)

In my "figging" post  I mentioned that the man clenching his butt cheeks makes a hand spanking much more difficult. A ginger root would definitely help to solve that little "problem". But thinking about it, I realized that there is much more to say to the "clenching question".

It is true that I prefer for the man to "unclench" his butt cheeks while being spanked. He should do nothing to make the woman´s job difficult. Bottom line: "Stop wriggling, stop clenching and get your hands out of the way." These ground rules are very easy to understand and not too demanding, don`t you agree, lol.

But, and here comes a big but: At the same time I think it is kind of "boring", only half the fun so to speak, when the man is not moving at all and absolutely passivley and very stoically, just accepting whatever the lady chooses to hand out.

IMHO, for the woman, here is the line between
being a mean, heartless and sadistic bitch who is hurting a man she does not really care about
and
being a loving and considerate woman who is disciplining her man for some unacceptable behavior or deeds.

I want to see that it is difficult for the man to accept what I am handing out. I want to be sure that it is no walk in the park for him. I want to see him struggle to stay in position. I want to see him fight internally to fullfil my demands. I want to be sure that I am actually making an impression.

But most of all, I want to see him actually submitting himself to my authority. I want him to be active. I want him to actively participate in the punishment. I want to see him honestly comply with what I am doing.

That is probably one of the reasons why I have not used any bondage yet. See, in my way of thinking, once the man is in bondage, he just has to accept. There is nothing he can do to get out of the situation. In a way he is "forced" to take what the woman is handing out.

But me, personally, I like to see him staying in the situation by his own will, determination and resolve alone. For me, the fact that he is submitting himself to my authority is a token of love from him to me. And that token gets bigger the harder it is for him to do what I want him to do.

As for the clenching question:
Actually I don`t mind if a man clenches his butt cheeks in order to better deal with the pain. It is absolutey ok. I mean, lets not candy-coat the reality: Spankings do hurt.....The pain is real...
But in a perfect scenario, I would want him to relax his butt again before each new slap :-)

commitment! not games!

I am pretty sure that everybody who still had any doubts if I would be a woman indeed will know now for sure that I am female. I am afraid only women can come up with posts like the following, lol.

In a relationship I don`t like to play games and I don`t do it. I like to laugh and I like having fun, but I don`t like to play. If I am interacting with people, either on my yahoo-e-mail account or in real life, it  means that I put in as much honesty and sincerity as I have. I think about the other person a lot, try to understand him or her. I want to figure out how the other human being is "ticking"

I have been told by a reader that I am way too intellectual. That I would be overly reasonable. But I think I am just the opposite. As soon as I get in contact with another human being, my emotional gates are all wide open. I don`t protect myself much emotionally. I share my feelings openly. I am more than willing to let the other human being in my heart and in my soul. And I am 100 % positive that I overwhelmed one or two of my readers who contacted me with my willingness to share private stuff with them and let them see in my heart.

I had a long discussion with my mother and my sister a couple of days ago. And both told me how much fun it would be for the both of them to go to a place/restaurant/discotheque/gym, only to find out  if the man they are having a crush on is there. They go there, just to wait and see if he will show up or not. Just to get a kick out of the excitement of not knowing if he is there or not. In case he is there indeed, they will be secretly watching him and watching what is he doing. Things like:  Did he order beer or  wine? Is he with a friend or alone? Why is he wearing a red t-shirt today and not the blue one he usually wears?.....

I am attracted to my man because he is not a player! If he says he is going to do something, e.g. call me, he does it. And if he knows that he won`t /can`t do something, he just tells me so. Sometimes he gets pretty silent, but I am able of understanding even his silence by now. In a way, he has almost always been an open book for me.

I do not like to hide my feelings either. I am not afraid of sharing them openly. For instance: If I want to talk to a man, I just call him. I don`t wait for his call in order to give him the feeling that he is still chasing me. If I am interested in a man, I let him know that I am interested in him. Why on earth should I pretend to be NOT interested only to MAKE him interested in me? This is a concept I will never understand.

I am not expecting a fairy tale life and a fairy tale romance. No need to tell me that life can be hard... My life is pretty difficult these days. Just a few minutes ago the ambulance was at our home for the 7th!!!!!!!!!!!!!! time this year. It is UNBELIVABLY exhausting. Almost always a matter of life and death.

And  furthermore, I am a lawyer, I know that a marriage can turn into an ugly divorce. I know that relationships can break. I am not actually dreaming of a knight in shining white armor. I am not expecting my partner to be perfect. I am not even expecting a marriage. But I am expecting a commitment.

(And if this whole post does not make much sense to you, I understand it. I just needed to vent...)

figging

Just recently a friend did not know if one needs to peel a ginger root before adding ginger to a dish. I don`t like to eat ginger. It is said to be healthy, however it is not what I like to eat.  And for some reasons my thoughts started wandering...

There are other things I would like to do with a ginger root ... Namely: figging. I have never done it (and in case you are wondering : never received it either) but it has a special attraction to me.

I  like to give a spanking. On the man´s bare butt and over my knee. I am just very old school. Don`t let you delude from all the vanilla stuff I am sharing with you! My dominant side is still there!

Once upon a time, when I was giving my first spanking, I learned that it is in fact very difficult to really make an impression on the man`s butt by only using the hand. I realized that only, when the man was already spread out over my knees and when I had no other implements in my reach..... Due to the fact that I did not want to interrupt what was going on, I decided to "sacrifice" my poor right hand to the scene :-) I spanked him with my right hand and with all the force I could possibly  muster. And I can proudly report: I was successfully getting through to the man, lol.

However, after the spanking my hand was kind of damaged too. I remember clearly grabbing the next can of coke out of the refrigerator in order to cool down the hurting hand. Actually, I could feel the hurt even days later...But it did not bother me much, because it was a nice remnant of a great event.

I have been thinking a lot about this spanking since then. And I came to the (not so new...) conclusion that the man clenching his ass cheeks makes giving a hand spanking much more difficult. Of course, I could  have told him to relax his wonderful cheeks, but I was new to spankings and could not think too clearly myself at the time.

Since then I am dreaming of using a ginger root in order to make sure that the man does not clench his cheeks. I just like the idea of figging a man. During a spanking, I would not even need to tell him to relax his butt. The ginger would be a good enough reminder for sure....

christian faith and F/m domestic discipline

I wrote that post in 2011 and I still think it is true.


I am a Christian. I was baptized roman catholic and am lately going to a Lutheran church in my area. Even though I don`t go to a catholic mess too often, but prefer visiting Lutheran services, I would never change from being a catholic to becoming a Lutheran. My friend Tonja did that, and we talked about it a lot, but for me, the decision is made. I want to stay a member of the catholic church even though I know that there is a lot going on that is just wrong... But my roots are in the catholic church and I see no sense in cutting them off! So I will stay a member of that church and I will  keep trying to give the church new spirit from within :-)    

I want to live in tune with my Christian faith.My faith is important to me. There are many aspects that I do not understand and many things I don`t agree with,especially in context with the roman catholic church..., ( AND COULD ONE OF YOU GIVE ME AN UNDERSTANDABLE EXPLANATION OF THE CONCEPT OF TRINITY, lol, PLEEEEEAAAASSE...)  but generally, I consider myself a Christian.I believe in a loving and caring God, a God who will never let us down, a good shepherd who is interested in the well being of his flock. 

There is no doubt about the fact that domestic discipline and Christian faith are going very well together as long as the woman is the one who submits to the man. There are quite a few bible verses that point in that direction, e.g. "For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. (Ephesians 5:23)". 
Or this one: "Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting for those who belong to the Lord" (Col 3: 18).


Generally speaking, it is often said that it is the woman`s job to serve the man. But as you all know, in my relationship, I am the one who wants to be on top. I want to be the one who administers domestic discipline.I want to be the "head" :-)

This seems to be a strong contradiction.I know. However, seriously, this has NEVER EVER given me the slightest headache at all. For me it is very easy to be a dominant woman and at the same time a faithful believer. And especially after having started to write a blog on F/m domestic discipline, I became even more convinced that it is absolutely ok to be a Christian woman and at the same time feeling an attraction to F/m  domestic discipline.

I am convinced that by being a dominant woman I am actually serving my man. I give him what he is longing for, I provide him with what he needs, I take care of things that he can not take care alone of. Ever given yourself a spanking? Not really hot or satisfying, IMO.

I would even argue that in most dd relationships, the one who is on top is actually serving the one who is on bottom.

When I opened my blog, I got e-mails from many, many men who wanted me to dominate them. There is without a doubt a lack of dominant women out there. And these men are craving the strong hands of a dominant woman.I am having what many men want from a woman. A sincere and loving and dominant heart.

Did you ever read Ms Marie`s blog ? I like it very much. She seems to be tough and dominant and fearless. And her man has to undergo quite a lot of really difficult and challenging tasks in order to fulfill her remarkable demands. But at the same time, it is clearly to be seen ( at least for me...) that she is putting a lot of thoughts into giving him exactly what he needs. The fact that she is enjoying it as well is a nice addition, but overall, I think the one who profits most from her newfound dominant behavior is her husband.She keeps telling in the blog, that it has not always been a femdom relationship between her and her husband. She says that in the early years of their marriage he was the one who called the shots. In the past, she was the one who was submitting to him. And I think, as strange as this might sound, this serving heart of her can still be seen in the new F/m relationship.

Take this picture for instance. Did you see how nicely she is dressed? I am sure you did. But the question is: why did she chose these hot clothes? she could have worn just any regular clothes. She knew she would whip him and that he would probably cry from the whipping. But there was no need for her to get dressed up for doing it. You know, there are no hot, long, leather boots needed to spank a man in the woods :-) And did you see how lovingly she puts her left arm on his butt? To me, this does not look threatening at all.

She might be strict with him, she might expect him to do things that many men just would not do, because they would be too afraid of doing it... but whatever she is ordering him to do, she ALWAYS keeps his well-being in mind.

Furthermore: I have been aproached by quite a few men who - without making much polite conversation- wanted me to dominate them verbally/in writing. In my very beginnings as a blogging woman, I once in a while answered these men and went along with what they wanted me to do. But whenever I did that, I felt as if I would be used by them and in a way I felt abused. These men did not see me, they did not see the person Tina, all they saw was a woman who could give them what they needed and wanted. After all of these "sessions" I felt as if I just had served a client. All of my focus had been on the man and -even though I like dd and dominating a man- it had not been too much fun for me. It felt too much as if I had just been used.

In my relationship with my man however, everything is different. I love my man. And I know he loves me. He made sure that I know he cares for me. And I think he has no doubt in his mind that I care for him too.Our relationship is based on a solid foundation of love, respect and trust. In such a relationship I don`t mind being dominant with him and by doing that, serving him.Don`t get me wrong, I generally like to be dominant, however, what I don`t like is the feeling of being used. With him, I never had the feeling of being used. It always felt right, whatever we were doing, vanilla or dd.

Me, personally, I chose a strong man. I am convinced that he is even stronger than I am ;-) In a way, if he is submitting to me, he is giving up his natural authority over me freely. He trusts me and loves me enough to hand over all control to me. And by doing that, he allows me to serve him.

How on earth could I not care for his well being ? Whatever I do, seriously, WHATEVER I do, I am always considering his well being too. I want him to be ok, I want him to get what he needs, I want him to be happy. And now tell my, don`t you think I am serving him? I surely do! And the woman serving the man, isn`t that what the bible tells us to do, lol ?

attitude adjustment

Here I am again. My spirit is high, my mood is good and: Yes, I am still interested in domestic discipline :-)

I gave myself an attitude adjustment recently. I knew for a long time that I needed to change a few things in my life and now it looks as if I was able of changing the most important part: my attitude.

All problems I ever mentioned in this blog are still there. But my attitude towards it changed. It looks as if I found a way for myself to deal with all that is going on without ruining my own health and life.

I missed the domestic discipline aspects in my life in the last couple of weeks or months, but it just did not feel right to get involved in anything dd. Neither for me nor for my man. I sometimes come up with creative ways to discipline a man, but without a sense of humor these punishments just don`t work. And due to enormous real life problems, both of us were lacking our sense of humor recently...

I know, I know, punishment is punishment, and discipline is not supposed to be fun.I already told you: Actually the more the man does not like "it", the more I am interested in doing it to him.  But nevertheless, my caring and loving traits are very strong. I see no sense in adding problems to a persons life by expecting compliance with the unorthodox (but still hot!) ideas I sometimes have. Dd might be a good means of letting go of some of the stress that has been building up over time. But in my experience: there is a point when the problems are so prevailing that punishing and disciplining the person you love just does not make any sense at all.I am following one basic rule: whatever I do in the area of dd, I do it out of love for the man.

Last week I was (hopefully) reaching the peak of my despair. And now I set my mind on enjoying life again, come hell or high water....

  

on belonging and bratting

After some really, really, really hard days, I am finally feeling better. I started eating healthy, went to the gym, I lost some weight and my hair looks fantastic. What more can a woman ask for? lol

The law firm is growing and  I am getting better and better in billing people (Hey, this is not easy for me! "lawyer" is not a synonym for "money driven idiot"...) But I finally managed to develop an attitude of: "As soon as I get your advance payment, I will start reading your case files".

I finally upbraided my new staff member. Which was very out of the ordinary  for me and not very pleasant for her. The day after the  reprimand she called in sick... Or actually, she had her mother call in, obviously she did not want to do it herself... Well, she is still young...

My family member who is sick will be out of the hospital today. But there is obviously the need for a heart surgery...

I learned just recently that a good friend of my family, a fifty something years old man, a very high ranking representative of a German automotive supplier, gets regular beatings from his wife. And beatings as in: he gets hurt and abused. "Beatings" as in: NOT safe, sane and consensual...

Hear my words: One day I am going to write a script about a single week of my life. Even though I guess  Hollywood might reject it, they will think it is exaggerated... :-)

As for domestic discipline:

For me, in the end, domestic discipline is about belonging to somebody. Giving or receiving domestic discipline without really caring for the partner is just empty violence.

For me, it is all linked with the one question:
"Is my partner so dear to my heart that I am willing to put in all the energy, labor and feelings that adhere to correcting somebody ?"

Administering discipline can be exhausting for the dominant partner. At least for me, it requires a lot of thoughts, feelings, emotions and energy. In a way, by my willingness to administer discipline, I show my partner that he is special, that he is different from all the other men on this planet, that he is the one who is actually "deserving" my attention and affection. Actually, last Christmas, I sent my man an email with some (for him...) very unpleasant questions. And I am pretty sure, when he got that e-mail on Christmas day, he thought: WTF? :-)

But the truth is, I had spent many hours thinking about him and me and how to best address these hard subjects. The message I sent him on Christmas day was actually the strongest love message I could come up with. If he would have been just  "a friend"  I would have sent him a typical X-mas card, nothing more.

But instead, I wanted him to know that I care enough about him to not let him get away with "it". 

I read a couple of  Bonnie-jo`s blog entries recently. And I really like her. She seems to be a great person. I love reading her thoughts. Not sure if I understand her correctly, but I think she is bratting a lot. Testing the limits, so to speak. And I realized, this is something I have never done myself. Seriously! I am telling you, I am a good girl ;-)

Generally, I want to please people. My way of getting some kind of balance in my life (usually, lol, right now does not count. There is no such thing as balance in my life...)  is by being a feisty attorney in business life. I need a complement to (almost) always being gentle and nice in private life.

The reason why I just don`t test the limits in private life is simple. I am afraid there is nobody who would be caring enough and strong enough to accept the challenge and to show me some boundaries. I never had a strong authority figure in my life. In the past, I did not know what it feels like to have one (male) person in my life, a person who will stay by my side, no matter what.

As far as I understand, bratting is a way of asking the partner:
"Are you loving me enough to correct me?
Am I important enough for you to not let me act that way?
Will you stay by my side even if I don`t deserve it?
Are you willing to spend your precious energy in correcting and disciplining me?"
So, in a way, Bonnie-jo has much more courage than I have. Me, I have never ever asked a person such hard questions. Neither with words nor with deeds.

On the other hand, if I think a man belongs to me, there is not the slightest doubt that I will release enough energy to make sure he knows what I feel for him.

on weakness

As you all know, I am going through a difficult time. I am feeling tattered. The last weeks have had quite an impact on my well being. I had a family member admitted to the hospital last friday, and I remember clearly sitting in the ER and starting to pray, in order to not faint myself.

Right now, I do not know where to start in order to make my life easier again. I just do not know how to get back to my old relaxed way of living.

I told my man that we need to talk, but we have not actually had "the talk" yet. I guess neither me nor him is looking forward to that conversation.

Generally, my current situation is not a situation I would love to be in. The feelings I am having lately are not feelings I would love to experience. But hey, life is not a bed of roses. It just is the way it is.

The strange thing is: Some people (both  real life friends and internet friends) seem to have a problem with the fact that I am not always strong and in control. They are not used to see me so out of control and they just can not deal with the Tina I am right now.

On monday, I had a conversation with my best friend Paul. Paul is about 60 yo and knows me since I was a little child. We never had a love affair, but we spent many nights together in the same room and when I was working in the US, he came to see me and we had a good time together. I was always coaching him on his love life and he listened to my advice in regards to the relationship with his 2 sons and his exwife. I was always the one who knew what to do and who had an explanation for peoples behavior, acts and deeds.

Last monday however, we talked on the phone and I told him about some really difficult aspects of my life. And while doing that, for the first time ever with him, I started crying. I cried from the bottom of my heart. I felt devastated and I told him that I am feeling that way. I needed him  to be strong for me, to comfort me, to tell me that things are going to be allright again. But he did say not such a thing. Instead he started to attack me and to tell me that I am wasting my life, that I am living an illusion, that I am making the wrong decisions, that things will NOT work out in the end.

I somehow ended the conversation without telling him what an asshole he is....I am an attorney and I know all about good "walk away- statements". Statements that end a conversation and always give you the opportunity of having a good and fruitful conversation with the opponent in the future again. But I realized that Paul, my best friend, had become my opponent the moment I showed him my weakness. And I just did not expect that to happen...

Anyway, the thing is:

to all of you who are feeling annoyed by my constant whining

I am doing the best I can in order to not break down.

And to those of you who still support me:

Thank you very much. It means a lot!

And to the rest of you:

There will be a time when my posts deal with pure domestic discipline again :-)

new findings

 ServingB describes pretty good what is going on in my relationship.

Though I don't know the specifics of the situation your man faces, I truly believe that if someone loves you and understands the love you wish to give to him, then he ought to embrace your desire to travel to be with him. He should not deny what you wish to give. I did that one time with B about a year ago - chose to remain by myself rather than be with her when she wanted to comfort me, and I realized immediately how much that hurt her and how wrong it was of me to deny her what she wished to offer me.

My man is preventing me from standing at his side. And unfortunatelly, he is preventing me successfully.

I did not actually expect him to decline my offer to fly to him. And when he did that, it triggered a lot of feelings within me. Feelings from my past. Feelings of  rejection.

In the last few days however, I realized that he is most likely following a bigger, alpha male concept of  "I am a grown up man, I need to sort out my problems alone".

The problem is: I am not familiar with such an attitude. The men in my family usually relied on other people to solve their problems. (I am not saying that is a better way of walking through life. All I am saying is: That is something I am used to).  And me, personally, I am the queen of sharing problems. A problem shared is a problem halved. Even though I make the tough decisions alone, I usually need to talk about it with friends or family for hours before the decision is made.

There is no doubt that my man has to face the challenges of his life himself anyway. As much as I wanted to provide him with a solution, I can not do that.

However, what I could do and what I would want to do is: to be there for him. To comfort him, to pamper him or to discipline him. I am ready to give him some emotional support. It would please me to do that. It would make me happy. In spending some time with him, I could gain some strength for my own life. It would probably boost his energy and my energy at the same time.

Unfortunatelly, I am backed up in a corner right now. I asked him for his opinion, said I would not do anything against his will. He shared it honestly with me. And now I have to deal with it. It is my turn to just accept it and suck it up.

  

the irony of life

You may finally welcome me to the club. Which club?

The club of those who have been chucked.

He never said it with so many words, but I think his feelings for me just are not longer as strong as they used to be. My feelings for him however are still the same. 

I wanted to fly to him soon, but he does not think it is a good idea for me to come and see him. He says the reason for his decision is linked with the fact that he has to deal with some major challenges right now, and that is  true. No defensive lie. I know exactly what he is talking about and these things are not related to me. But on the other hand, if he really would want to see me...

Ironically, that blog entry is my 100th post. So basically, in the last 99 posts I went all the way as far as a relationship goes. I wanted to fall in love. I searched a man. I found him. I had the time of my life with him. And now I am suffering from heartsickness. 

In hindsight however, I would do everything exactly the same. 

feeling guilty

hub01 wrote in a comment to servingB: 

"The worst part is not the correction session but the feeling that you let her down."

What a wonderful statement. Short and pure and wonderful. And so true. It is true both for the submissive man who wrote it and for the dominant woman. I just can not stand the feeling of letting somebody down.I hate being let down, but even more, I hate letting another human being down. And the more I care about another person, the more I hate letting him/her down.

Outside the world of domestic discipline, I had not know that such men actually do exist...Men who are willing to accept correction by their wifes because they have let her down. A man who feels terrible about the fact that he let her down.  A man who is punishing himself  internally way more than his wife could punish him externally.....If a man with such an attitude lets a woman down,in such a case the dominant woman has the task of administering a sound punishment and at the same time, by doing just that, freeing him from his feelings of guilt and giving him a much wanted clean slate again.

Maybe surprisingly for some of you, in my relationship with my man, there were already 2 (kind of major) incidents in which I let my man down. I mean I let him down in his way of seeing things. Me, I have disagreed with his assessment in the beginning, but in the end, if it comes to the question whether a partner has let the other one down or not, the opinion of the partner who feels hurt is more important than the opinion of the "perpetrator". And he definitely felt hurt. So lets just face it: I hurt him. I let him down. (Can you sense my catholic background... mea culpa, mea maxima culpa...)

My man has apologised to me many times. For many small things he did or did not. But it looks as if I am the one among the two of us, who has to apologise for the big things. And I did apologise from the bottom of my heart. The question is only: what is one of my apologies really worth?

I feel terrible for hurting him. I would like for him to tell me over and over again that things are ok again. But on the other hand, I don`t want to bring the touchy subject on and on again. And I think it is not fair to expect the one who has been hurt by my actions to comfort me now.

I believe deeply in the concept of comforting the partner if he/she should need it. But I do not believe in expecting comfort from somebody who feels hurt himself.

From a pragmatic point of view, it is so much easier to sort things out, if you do not have to rely on words alone....

Right now I am stuck in Germany, with countless problems, whereas my man is somewhere at the other end of the world, with no possibility to personally fly to me either. We just do not have a chance of personally working things out. All we have are words. But sometimes, words are just not enough.  

"my husband hates it"

Every so often one can read in femdom blogs the phrase "my husband hates it!"

And in a dd context I LOVE to read these statements.

Rene wrote:

"Any random domme in one of those blogs will state over and over again that her husband sooo hates this or that, that he feels sooo humiliated doing this or that, that he makes sooo much resistence ... but nevertheless, SHE, the uber-domme doesn't give a damn about it - she will urge him, force him and in the end always get her will, regardless whether he agrees or not."

I do not quite agree with Rene here.

Me, personally: I love to read Ms. Marie`s blog. And this post of mine here is not supposed to be a commentary to her blog solely. I am only using her blog as a good example of what I am talking about. (ahhhh, my English is not getting better..., sorry to all native speakers!)

There are a couple of things that I find really attractive in "the my husband hates it" statement:

"my": The woman uses the possessive pronoun. There is no doubt that she thinks there is a bond between the two of them. She does not distance herself from her partner. My mother for instance, when she is speaking about her husband these days, she uses the words: "the man with whom I happen to be married for the last 30 years..."

"husband": meaning the man has made a public commitment. He is willing to show the world that the lady is actually his lady. This is important to me. I could never live in a relationship where the man is not willing to commit himself to me. I could never be a secret mistress. Or better: I would not want to be one and I have no intention of ever becoming one. I do not care so much about the actual marriage. Being a lawyer, I know exactly that a piece of paper can not safe a partnership...., but I need to have a commitment.

"hates it": the woman obviously knows what her man likes and what he does not like. There are enough women out there who have no clue about what her partner needs, craves, loves or hates.

Most of the time I can feel that the women would not actually hurt the man.This is especially true in Ms. Maries case. Even though I have never spoken with her and not yet contacted her, my gut feeling tells me that there is no need to worry for the husband ;-)

When the foundation of safe, sane and consensual seems to be missing, I usually stop reading the blog right away. However, this does not happen too often. And again, this is not the case in Ms. Maries case.

To me, it is a big turn on to read stories where the man is "forced" to do things, even though he does not want to do them, or hates doing them.

I come from a background where the men always got what they wanted. I am not used to men doing what (we) women want. I have no problems serving my man. In real life I am no bitch.

But the beauty for me with the "my husband hates it" stories is:

These men, like servingB or MsMaries husband, would not do these things for all women. Far from it. (Or at least that is what I assume/hope, lol). They only submit to their individual wifes.The vanilla world has no idea how far they are actually submitting. So in essence, they are only doing it for their wifes and themselves.

So the question is: Are they doing it for themselves or for their wifes?

As we all know here in our little community, d/s does have an attraction to many men. There are many aspects that are generally considered to be just hot. For instance: a man going down on a woman. And that is only an example I am using for the sake of the argument.

But see, the point is: Me, personally I find no pleasure in having a man going down on me. So if I would accept a man submitting to me in such a way, it would actually be hot for him, but boring /not interesting for me. Basically the whole concept of femdom would be counterminded. If I (would ) let a man go down on me, I would do it in order to make him happy, not me. It would be another example of "me giving".

But in femdom we are talking about "women receiving". And more than any sexual deeds I am craving for signs that my partner actually wants to please me.

If a man is e.g. doing  snow angels in the nude ( I just love that idea, sorry, I can not help myself...) he does not do it in order to get his own pleasure in the first place. The pleasure might come from the knowledge that he is actually submitting to his woman and from the knowledge that he is pleasing his wife, but for him, while doing it, I think there is not much pleasure involved.

However for the woman/wife, him doing such things just because she told him so, is a HUGE token of love. A sign that she is much more to him than any other woman on this earth. A sign that he wants to please her. A sign that he wants to show her, how much she means to him.

And to me, the more the man "hates it" the bigger gets his gift to his wife when he is actually doing it.

I like to see men trying to plead their way out of it, trying to negotiate a way out, only to hear the woman say: No, I will not change my plans, you will do as I tell you to do.

THAT is hot in my opinion. And the fact that the woman cares about him and would not actually hurt/harm him goes without saying!

virginity and submission

When I started  my blog last year, I had not had much sexual experience.

To tell you the truth, I was still a virgin. I had never given myself to a man.

I had kissed a man, I had given a  hand job to a man, I had faked an orgasm when a man was touching me, but nothing more.

(Yes, I am serious.... you can close your mouth now. And btw I know about 3 or 4 hot women in her thirties who are still virgins...)

In a way, my blog life was a jump start into exploring my own sexuality. I was really fed up with the fact that I had never exerienced what it felt like to be in a partnership with a great man, to touch him,to feel him, to do all the "interesting" things with him. I was not so much missing the sexuality but more the emotional feeling of closeness and belonging.

I was not shy or fearful  as far as sexuality is concerned. I have always been open and frank about all things related to sexuality. I started masturbating when I was about 15 years old, and I am sure, as far as the "masturbation frequency" goes, I can compete with many of the male readers here :-)

Due to the crazy life of my father, I had always known what is going on in the world as far as sexuality is concerned. He did not molest me or anything, but he always shared his lovelife openly with me. Even at a time when I was not ready to hear about it yet.

In hindsight, domestic discipline and D/s was the perfect way for me to experience what I have been longing for in the past for many many years. My man was able to surrender himself to me in a way that still takes my breath away.

When I flew to him for the first time, both of us had to get used to each other. Which was to be expected. I basically just moved into his place. He had no chance of getting rid of me .... I was suddenly in his life.

And it went perfectly well.

Of course, there were a few challenging moments for both of us, but the fact that he agreed to me being the dominant one, even though I was in reality the "weaker", or "less experienced" one, made things very easy for me. His wonderful submission allowed me to live my dreams, allowed me to experience myself in ways I had only dreamed about.

I remember clearly thinking: That is so good, so easy, things are just flowing between us.

I have never asked him about it, but I guess my man could just feel that even though I was pretty dominant to him on some occasions, I would never actually harm him. And right now, when I am thinking at him, I feel like a loving mother for a child. I care about him on so many levels. I admire him for his knowledge. I can look up to him because he is older and more experienced. I love the way he treats me, so caring, so polite. And sometimes I just want to kick his butt ;-)

And I love that he gives me so much power.

The submissive male is actually the one who decides if and how far a woman can be dominant with him.

If you look at the picures of Ms. Marie and her husband, you can see that he is way taller and stronger than she is. And even though she sometimes uses restraints on him, there is no chance that she could actually treat him the way she does, if he would not agree to it. Shock collar or not ;-)

In the videos that servingB is posting, he is on the bed without any restraints at all. He could get up easily, but he accepts freely whatever B hands out.

And for me as a woman, such an attitude is fantastic. It is a sign of love one just can not get outside the d/s world.

I did not decide to have sex with a man in a vanilla relationship. Never really had it. There was just not enough incentive for me to surrender to any vanilla man.

But to my man, who surrendered himself to me, I will always submit unconditionally.