Friday, November 18, 2011

femdom sui generis

I never chose to be a dominant woman. I never consciously made a decision to start dominating people.

Actually, my life would be much easier without my dominant side. I could be together with one of the many vanilla german men and be a happily married wife.

Basically: Being into this thing we do just happened to me.

I never claimed to be a super domme. I think I made it perfectly clear right from the beginning of this little blog that I have many insecurities. But this is not something I am ashamed of. It´s just part of my personal history.

Labels do not interest me. So, I don`t care much if I am having a FLR or a femdom relationship. Heck, I am kind of "guessing" my way with the English language anyway.

The following comment clarified things a lot for me.
It's easy to "submit" to a spanking or a scolding, if that's what turns you on. But it takes being truly submissive to deny yourself small pleasures simply because she said so. 
One of my most profoundly submissive moments occured at a party. I reached for a second handful of peanuts and my wife very quietly said, "No.". If I could have, I would have dropped to the floor and kissed her feet right there and then. 
I never quite understood why it is possible to make some men do really big, kinky things but in small things they would show resistance. After having thought about it for quite some time, I understand now that my "alledgedly" small things are not small at all. I usually spend a lot of time in understanding the man and his feelings. My "small" demands are always custom made for my partner. And the resistance I was getting was always linked with these custom made orders. Because I was hitting an "interesting"spot of his personality.E.g: It was hard for the man concerned  not to have the glas of wine. It was not fun or game.

A man once wrote me: "I am longing to cry for you". It was a statement that touched my heart very much. Because this is exactly what I want. I want that my partner is giving himself to me. I want him to show me sides of himself that he usually does not show to other people. I want the key to his heart. I want to have the power of being able of bringing him to tears. And I want the power that goes along with being able of giving comfort and care.

It is never smart to compare oneself too much with other people. There might be people out there who you just can not compete with.  So, YES, I know, there are women out there who are far more dominant than I am. (And btw: just so you know, to me, the size does not matter at all.)

I would never make a man get a tattoo or a branding for me. I am not interested in these signs of power. But I would -and actually did- threaten "my man" that I would go and get his initials inked on my body if he does not behave right away. And I know he knew that I would follow through with this thread.

I am fed up with all the comments of:
"your wanting to be a dominant woman.... maybe it´s all a theory only"
"you are not a dominant woman but a woman with very vanilla dreams"

What are these people expecting?????????? I AM a woman with very vanilla dreams, yes. But at the same time I happen to have very kinky and dominant needs too. I am not interested in domming "vanilla" men. I do not want to "make" men submit to me. And frankly:  I can not do that.

Me, I want to receive a gift from the man. The gift of his submission. And once that gift is in my hands, I might come up with pretty demanding and  kinky ways to let him feel his submissive side.

And obviously, these demands can be "too much" for some of the men. I have a tendency to wanting the men in my life to feel good. But I do have another tendency  of pushing the very same men in all things emotional. And these pushs, believe me my friends, are not so easy to deal with at all :-)

So I will stick to my way of dealing with the men in my life. It might be an unique way and it might not be for everybodys taste, but it is the way that fits best to my personality.

Thursday, November 17, 2011

healing and mind-fucks

Have been spending a lot of time reflecting, meditating, praying and crying.
Things are healing and I am growing emotionally.
Learned many things about me and life in general.

Here is one of the things I realized as far as domestic discipline is concerned:

For me...
it takes courage to outlive my dominant side
it takes courage to be the disciplinarian.
it takes courage to fuck with a man´s mind.

There are many men out there who are dreaming of being disciplined by a young, tall, powerful (and german, lol) woman. The stories of  F/m couples are hot and being a submissive guy to a dominant woman obviously seems to be a very exciting thing. Being "tortured" and "mind-fucked" by a woman seems to be something that is definitely worth having.

I am a dominant woman. I really am. I had my first orgasms as a teenager while masturbating to F/m or M/m scenes. Even today, I usually masturbate to domestic discipline scenes. I love hearing a man`s voice break during a punishment. I get turned on by scolding a strong and powerful man. I think it´s unbelievably hot to hear a man say: "Yes, Ma`am" to me. I enjoy coming up with custom made ideas in order to get under the man`s skin and in order to really make an impression on his submissive side.

This is the sort of clip I like.  And it is a personal goal of mine to make a domestic discipline scene a good scene for the man.I do not care too much about what implements to use. I do not have a fetish. The only goal I have is to find the trigger points in my partners mind. And once I found them, I am not hesitating of using them (against him, lol).

One  thing that definitely throws me off balance is when the man is refusing to submit. When I develop an idea of what to do with him and how to fuck with his mind, and if then, out of the blue, the man does not obey.

Note: I am not talking about playful disobedience here. I am talking about a serious refusal. No joking around, no fun. Just a  "Nah... this does not turn me on. This is not hot to me. I am not interested in doing this/ or getting this done to me."

Of course, I believe in "safe , sane and consensual". No doubt about that. And if the partner is not able of doing something, me, with my big heart, I am the first person to understand him and to accept his decision. That is not a problem for me. Not at all.

What is a problem for me is, when the man asks me to generally dominate him, if I come up with a fantastic, personalized idea and when than the man is not willing to follow through with his submission. There are few things that are a bigger bummer for me than wanting to dominate a man and meeting a "nope, won`t do it".

I am not talking about big things here. I am not expecting my partner to submit to being raped by 5 of my clients:-) I do not want my partner to give up all his freedom in life and to be under my control always.
I am instead talking about  little things that he does not want to do but that I want him to do. Things I want him to do, because I enjoy seeing him "suffer" for me. Like for instance: Not watching a football game on tv. Not having the glas of wine while being in a fancy restaurant. Just some small things that make me smile.There is even one man reading this blog, who refused to have a cup of coffee in a coffeeplace for me ;-) Can you believe this?

The problem is: I feel a deep affection to all men I ever offered domination.
Many men have asked me to be their dominatrix/disciplinarian, but only few were able of actually making me dominate them.I told you all in lengths about how I am wired and about what I need in order to open myself up to a man. So, if a man was able of opening me up in a way that I am willing to dominate him, I do not expect a real resistance once the domination has started. And walking away and saying "ciao baby, it was nice, let`s just move on" does not do it for me. Because I do not want to walk away. I want to stay and experience things with exactly that person who has already made me interested in him.

For me, submission is a gift. And a man who is withdrawing his submission is punishing me. Because basically, in not submitting, he is telling me: you did not read me well. You did not deliver the right things. You did not chose the right approach.

Getting such a message is hard to stomach for me, because in the end, I want to please the guy.

Does this make sense to you?