A lot has been written about "subspace", that very special place the submissive enters when he totally trusts his dominant partner, and totally immerses in a scene. Subspace is the moment when a submissive can completely let go, when he becomes one with the "scene" and totally forgets the "real world".
Today I´d like to make a few comments about the feelings I have while dominating a man.
For me, being mentally and emotionally in the "dommespace" is a very refreshing and revitalizing experience. "Dommespace" is an enormous source of energy, power, happiness and well-being for me. The kink, and living my dominant side, is helping me to get in alignment with my natural positive attributes. It helps me to see my natural beauty, my natural perfectness, it showers me with optimistic thoughts, it gives me a sense of "all is well". It helps me to get in the vortex.
In my daily life, I am both very dominant and very submissive. As a lawyer I tend to be a fearless mercenary who leads the clients out of the legal and emotional jungle. I know I can be a dominant asshole in court. I sometimes even intentionally provoke the opponents in court, just to let everybody know who is boss, lol, namely me ;-) But at the same time I am "prostituting" myself to my clients. The clients tell me what they want, and I do what they want me to do.
Quite a few of the cases I am working on at the moment are cases that I personally would solve totally different in my private life. I don´t think that the clients are choosing the right way in having a legal dispute. And I told them about my concerns. But they did not listen to me, wanted to keep going the way they had started, and me, I am fighting battles for them, battles that are completely useless and a huge waste of my time and energy.
It´s like they tell me: "Tina, jump."
And I say:" really? swimming would be much easier and faster"
And they say: "it is a matter of principle for me. The opponent needs to learn that he cant behave that way".
I tell them: "do you want to be right or happy?"
They say to me: "Tina, you have to understand, the opponent is treating me sooooooo badly, I cant sleep at night, he is not respecting me as a person, he has done this with other people as well, he needs to learn a lesson. etc etc etc"
At this point I usually ask myself: Why am I trying to "argue" with my own clients? And in the end I ask my client: "ok, sigh, how high do I need to jump?"
My brother had the "pleasure" of being present during 3 such conversations I had with clients today. And his conclusion was: "I wonder how you can do this. This is unbearable. These people are totally crazy. They need to see a psychiatrist, not a lawyer". Most of the time, people are not having legal problems, but unfinished emotional business that manifests itself in a legal dispute. But at the same time: they are my clients.
Generally speaking: In my business life I am quite often in situations where I am expected to be submissive to my clients and at the same I am expected to be a mean and dominant attorney who is gonna kick the opponents ass.
In a way, some of my clients are powerfully topping from the bottom, and I don´t like this.
In my private life I want a man who is generally dominant in life, but who is submitting to me in his private life. I want the special gift of his submission to me. I don´t want other people to know that he is submitting to me in the relationship. I want it to be a secret, a special thing between the two of us. Nothing I want to brag about in public, but something I want to immensely enjoy in private.
The more dominant the man in real life is, the more I enjoy dominating him in our private life.
I dont want him to enjoy the scenes too much. Because if he does, it feels like I am catering to his needs and pampering him and trying to please him and making him happy. (And I do this anyway in the relationship. Of all the things I have ever been accused of in a relationship, neglecting the needs of my partner has never been a reproach I had to hear.)
For me, in my little sexual mind, the scene is hottest and best, if the dominant man who loves me and even told me so, submits to something I want him to do /experience/undergo without really liking it too much.
This is why I for example love punishment lines so much. Punishment lines are not sexual or hot or kinky in itself. The man has to sit down and write the same line over and over again. Sometimes for hours. There is no instant gratification for him. He is not sexually teased, he does not enjoy it,
If a man is writing these lines for me, it is a good way for me to get deeper in my "dommespace". Him writing the lines catapults me easily in a horny and kinky state of mind. The underlying message I get from him by writing the lines is:
"I trust your leadership. I know that you know what you are doing. I am not trying to manipulate you or make you change your mind. I respect that you are in charge. I acknowledge that you are having my best interests in mind, and even though I hate writing the lines I do love you enough to write them for you."
If the man shows me his submission in such a way, my mind seems to expand, I tend to have good new ideas, I get in a great mood, I get energetic, I get adventurous, I feel invigorated and I get turned on.
If subspace is a good tool to "forget" the real world, dommespace for me is an awesome tool to live life to the fullest and to experience the real world in all its beautiful colors. It is like dommespace helps me to see all the potential that real life has to offer. It very much empowers me. Once I am in dommespace I feel refreshed, I feel alive, I feel like "Nothing is impossible".