I got my answer.
I called him and he rejected my call.
No words needed to understand that message. It´s the same meaning in both the English and the German language.
I just had a huge proxy fight/argument with my brother about it. My brother is an actor, a very good looking womanizer and he is always surrounded by beautiful girls who adore and admire him. I know that he has done this "just disappearing and going into no contact"-thing with quite a few girls.
I asked him why he had done it and his reply was: "I just did not want to talk, I just did not feel like saying good bye to her in a decent way."
My brother told me in very clear words that I am an idiot for pining for my man and that I should delete the emails and burn his pictures in the garden. He says that my/the man was sending a very clear message by rejecting my call.
What both of them don`t understand is:
I need a decent good bye from him in order to be able to move on.
For me, it is very hard to find closure without it.
What we had was very special. In many aspects. The time with him was without a doubt the best time in my life. I still trust this man with my life and he actually has proven many times that he trusts me more than anybody else. And I am still pretty sure that he would throw himself in front of a car for me in order to safe me from harm.
I do understand that our paths are separating now, and I understand that he is not interested in an emotional, dramatic, "why are you leaving me"-scene :-) I do not even want an explanation for the break up. I do have a pretty good idea now why he left. What I wanted is a big picture talk/text exchange along the line of:
Thanks for being a part of my life in the last years.
I wish you well.
Have a nice life.
Sending me an email or text message like this takes about 2 minutes.
And I will NEVER understand why he did not do it.