Wednesday, June 30, 2010


I got the following comment:

"You seem to have changed over the last three months and from what seemed to be someone with a great ideal and lots of ideas, to someone with a huge amount of passion, wisdom and love to give."

The words made me think a lot. And I realised that I did change indeed since starting my blog. The journey of finding the right guy through the internet has definitely had an impact on my whole life. I am much more self-confident now and I know for sure that I do have something to offer that many men would like to have.This alone gives me a much better standing in my private life and in business life as well.Its all about how one sees oneself in life,isn´t it? ;-)

The blog has given me an insight in the male minds like nothing else before in my life. And the really good news is, that you guys are just fantastic. I did not think that men could write so touchingly about their feelings, their fantasies and their hopes.I did receive mails, written in such an honesty and openness,... I did not expect that at all. In most cases it felt like I would owe it to the sender to at least answer with a few lines.Which I did.

And it was not alwasy easy for me. That I can say for sure. To give you and idea how hard work corresponding with you guys actually was, I can tell you, that I did send more than 1 200 e-mails from my then new opened yahoo account. And not two of these mails were written in standard phrases. I tried to address each commenter and writer personally. Sure, some of my mails were longer and better than others, but basically my intention was to respect each comment. Right now I am wondering myself how I managed to keep my law firm running during that time....

Today I sometimes feel like the younger "Aunt Kay". I am sure you know her all.The lady from "disciplinary wifes club". :-) Without even intending to, suddenly I seem to be considered an expert on the subject of femal led relationships and domestic discipline. And in a way, I actually am an expert now. Thanks to all of you who shared fantasies, real life experiences, success stories and wrong decisions with me.

A problem is right now, that I KNOW that I have a lot to give to some of you. And I really want to, because that is just part of my personality. And sometimes, just from a mail, I can FEEL exactly what the guy is missing in his life and I know that I could provide him with these things... However, that is a difficult situation for me, because my main intention is and always was, to focus on "the right man" and not so much to have many different men in my live. I am sure, you all know stories about dominant women having different sub men in different cities... I soooo could have that, no doubt about that. But that is not my cup of tea at all. Lately I have been "breaking up" with a few of my dear writers in order to get my emotional life under control again and in order to take care of my needs in the same way I do take care of the needs of a man who is dear to my heart.

And one last comment:
Spanking or kissing, corner times or teasing, hot sex, punishments or gentle touching... in the end its all about having someone in my life who really cares about me!

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

talk, talk, talk ...and spanking

What needs to happen for me to spank a man?

First of all, I will not spank any man if I do not really feel conected with him on a very deep and emotional level. So the really hard part for a man is to convince me, that he is actually worth being disciplined by me.

This might be much more difficult for some of you, than you probably realise. Because it means, that you need to talk to me about your feelings, your fears, your traumas and dramas. And it takes time...much time. I expect you to share a lot of information with me.And you will not get anything in return right away.

I am talking about sharing difficult information here. Information that you are usually not giving away to anybody else.I will ask questions about all parts of your life. Personal questions about your parents, your ex-wife, about religion and your believe, about your job, money ,sports, not to forget about your underwear :-)...I want to know as much as possible.

But no worries, I am a good listener. I love to listen to other peoples stories. I am able to pretty much talk about everything. Hey,I´ve been told that I am right in line with Dr. Laura, Dr. Phil, and Dr. Drew.If you have no clue who these people are, then chances are that we do not match in real life :-)

Talking to me is not a punishment. I don´t make you talk to me in order to make you feel bad, but to maybe make you feel good... one day. And think about it, talking to me does have its advantages. In real life, when is there actually anybody out there anyway who listens to your experiences, hopes, dreams and fears with real interest? And at this early point of time I do not even ask for your real name.So this is actually not a bad deal for the man, dont`t you agree.

However, and I am sharing really valuable information here, my advice is, with all this ongoing talk about you and your life, never forget that I have hopes and dreams and fears too. So do not forget to ask me about my life now and then at least. And no, questions about my panties, my sexual preferences or my willingness to accept your oral pleasures won`t do.As far as I am concerned the line "don´t talk, just kiss" does not work at all. Because if you don`t talk to me (in lenght...), there is no way to kiss me at all.

But once I set up my mind that you are actually worth my time, dedication, sorrow and love, I will not hesitate to give you a spanking if need be.Do I hear a sound of relief from some of you that I am finally addressing the "interesting" aspects? Well, get used to the fact, that for me the one does not go without the other.

Basically, once you found the way in my heart, there are two ways to make me give you a spanking:

A) you really piss me off or let me down. In that case I will blister your butt till you won`t sit comfortably for a long time. It will be about me expressing my dislike of your attitude or behavior.


B) you show me your best side. If I am happy with you, I am willing to give you a lot. And if you are in need of a spanking, e.g. in order to get some stress relief, I will be there for you and give you what you need. It will be about you getting your cravings fullfiled. It will be my pleasure to make you feel better.

Friday, June 18, 2010

Body or mind? Mind!

I have a feeling, that the following post will get me tons of raging emails again.But so be it. I am by now used to standing in the heat...

As far as domestic discipline is concerned, I am not that much interested in a man`s body. I like great male bodies, make no mistake about that.I like to see it and touch and tease and caress and spank. Sure,thats cool.And there are times when I want to do just that. But for me, generally speaking, my partner`s mind is of much more interest. For me,to focus on his body is just a way of getting a grip on his mind.

If I tend to not talk that much about my own body, it is probably because for me, the body is not that important. I do not stand in front of a mirror endlessly each day and admire my own body. My brother, the actor, does that and frankly I think it is ridiculous.I am fine with my body these days. Being a woman, it wasn´t always like this, but today I think "take it or leave it". I know that I look good. Not much more to add here.

I often get questions like:
"what is your favorite implement?"
"Would you ever use a cane?"
"How would you punish me if I would be misbehaving?"
"Would you ever make me stand in the corner?"...

And as a good lawyer, the only answer I can give to these kinds of questions is:
It depends on you and the situation.
There is not just one answer. I would not (and actually do not) treat all men the same.For instance I actually did send a man to bed early while I never in life would have done that with another guy.It´s a matter of what is the best way to really touch my partner to the quick.

It does not come as a surprise to you, if I tell you, that I want to make a D/s exchange a deep experience for me and for the man. A scene that is only cool for me, but not at all for my partner, does not work for me either. Of course I enjoy his discomfort and unease, but I can only enjoy it when I know that he is actually (somewhere deep in his stomach) fine. I do believe in respecting my partners limits.I think that the real "art" is to make the guy "suffer" within his limits.

However, in my understanding, to actually "play" it on a high and interesting level, it is important to know the man pretty well. In order to really get to a man`s mind, I need to know how the guy thinks, what drives him, what he is afraid of, where his sore spots are. And I like doing that. I like people and I like getting to know them better and getting an understanding why they are the way they are.

Implicit in my approach to any relationship is that, in order to open the man up, I need to put in a lot of thoughts, feelings, concern and not to forget time myself. I am investing a lot and I did get my share of violations on that road, no doubt about that. Of course I like to hear that a guy offers to fly in to Germany next week, just to meet me. But I do not like to hear at all that he only wants me to be his dominatrix and nothing more. I see no gain in meeting a man just to spank him, make him orally pleasure me and, I don´t know... use a strapon on him.There are women out there who offer these services,I am fine with that but I am not one of them.I want much more. I do not only want to lay bare my partners bottom but his mind as well.

Friday, June 11, 2010

fantasy...? had enough!

I think I did not yet complain much in my blog. So this post will be about me giving vent to my feelings.

And no, it is not written with a special man in mind. If I choose to exchange e-mails with a man, I am convinced from the bottom of my heart that he is a great guy. Therefore I do not want to get apology-mails.I do not want to hear apologies right now, because then, knowing me, of course I would say.: "It´s ok." But it is actually not.

And what are my options anyway? There is no way for me to actually give an attitude adjustment or administer corporal discipline to any of you at this point of time.

Btw: All I can say is that the Germans could not keep up with the Americans, which does not really make things easier for me....

So I could start a scene. Make the man do or not do something.But the thing is, than I would have to focus on the man again. I would be busy with thinking about what would work for him and what not. And to be honest, that can be pretty difficult and exhausting for me. Even though I am enjoying it, I am giving quite a lot of energy, thoughts, feelings and emotions.

And momentarily I want to be the one receiving care and comfort. I want to be pampered and showered with love. And just a "I would give you a great massage" is not enough. I want my man to pay attention to my needs. Because I am for sure doing the best I can to make it good for him.

I am definitely ready to move from fantasy to reality now.

I know, you men out there are busy, you need to deal with a lot of things. And thats fine with me. Would not want for you to be wimps.I want you to be sucessful and triumphant.And I know being that is a time consuming thing.

For me it is important that the man really "sees" me, that he is taking notice of my whole personality. I am not only a young german woman who can provide you with some jerk off fantasies. I am much more.

And to answer the "faq"s once and for all:
Yes, I am tall.
Yes, I have long legs.
Yes, my boobs are not bad either.
But then keep in mind that I am a lawyer, and not some professional athlet or a hot girl from a table dance bar...

Will be gone for the weekend, hope I am feeling better on monday...

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

my life

A few hours ago I did post about my living situation.FD keeps asking me over and over again about the house (200 square meters living room plus attic floor and basement) I am living in :-) So I wrote a bit about my living arrangements. However I decided to delete that post.Here is a somewhat revised version.

As very often in my life, (some) people were overstrained by me stating the facts only. I really do not know why, really, I have no clue, but it is a reocurring detection that my life and many aspects of it are just too much for some folks.

In fact, personally I think that I lead a decent and in many ways ideal life.

Everybody is talking about cross-generational living,I do it.
By chance I opened my law firm in my grandmothers house. I did not really "plan" that. But after having been away from home, moving very often and even working abroad, it seemed a good idea to spend some time with the family again. Not to mention the financial aspects. Why should I rent a space for my business when I can do it in my own (grandmothers) place?

Flexibility? No problem for me.
I do live with a few adults under one roof.Of course we are considerate of each others feelings. So its an improvising almost all day long. It can be that I am right into writing a difficult pleading and my sister comes in and asks me to help her to write an application for a job with "American Apparel". So usually I stop and help her.( Btw. she did get the job and is working for "AA" now. And did you know that the company does actually cast people to become sales clerks with them...).

Sometimes my grandmother needs help with her meds, of course I get up from my desk and search the house for her tablet dispenser. But then, my family is supporting me too. If I need to hand deliver a document, my brother does it. I once needed to go to some opponents place, was scared to do it alone, my brother went with me. He had no clue what was going on, did not really care anyway, but he went with me. Stood there, silent but terrifying.

Unorthodox solutions? Sure.
I remember one incident where my opponent was not willing to pay his debts. I did talk to him over and over again, but I somehow felt that it would make more impression on him if a man would push him a little ( Hey, I just do whatever works best ...). So I coached my stepfather, who is a md and is not experienced in legal stuff at all, to pretend to be an associate of my law firm. My stepdad called him and said: "Hello, this is Dr.XXX (which he is, but of course not in the legal but in the medical field)from the law firm XXX..." We were all actually rofl. But it worked exactly as we had intended.I got the money a few days later.

Privacy? In my home?
It is difficult, no doubt about that. Many people, different ages, different needs, all living together...But then,the people in my home are actually great and open minded. There is almost always a solution. :-)