Tuesday, June 28, 2016

meeting the pretty boy

I am going to see the pretty boy on thursday. We are going to spend about a week together.

I am excited and nervous. 

He will pick me up at the airport and he has threatened to fall down on his knees , at my feet, right in front of me in the middle of the airport. When I told him NOT to do that, he laughed and said I was free to put him in a corner of the airport lobby :-)

I am very much looking forward to meeting him. It has been awesome with him so far.

I told him to pray for us. I told him it is his job to make sure we get along as fantastic in person as we get along long distance. I told him we need God`s help because we need all help we can possibly get :-)

At the moment though, the little , insecure girl in me is totally taking over control. I am full of self-doubts. I am afraid he might not enjoy my presence, I am feeling insecure and shy. I am afraid I might be a disappointment for him.

He has given me zero reason to believe that. Actually , he has been nothing but good to me. And if I had the slightest feeling of "nope, I dont want that" he has accepted whatever I decided. My current insecureness has got nothing to do with him or with his behavior. It´s just an old movie that is running in my mind.

I talk a lot about trust here in my blog. And I always  tell people: "you can trust me". The challenge I am facing now is: I have to do what I am always preaching, lol. I have to trust him that he is taking good care of me.  :-)
That´s difficult for me, you know, I like being in control and stuff like that... ;-) 

Monday, June 27, 2016


Another anonymous asked recently:

When you say: "My message is more along the line of: You are a wonderful human being. I care about you. I see you. I want you to be happy. And if this means I have to spank your naked butt every day for the rest of your life, to make sure that the message sinks in, I am more than willing to do that for you." 

Are these things you are actually saying out loud to the man? Or is it just something you are thinking? If you're not actually saying them, how is the message getting conveyed to the man, especially if there is humiliation and pain involved, as is typically the case in any spanking scenario?

I am telling the pretty boy constantly how pretty he is. He sometimes tries to argue with me about it, and he is all like: "I am not pretty". But I always interrupt him immediately and tell him to shut up ;-) And he is smart enough to follow my orders :-)

Thanks to Skype, I have watched him for hours by now. In various vanilla and kink situations. And I always like what I see. I always like it A LOT! He is just beautiful. 

The other day I was already in bed, about to fall asleep, when he still had some work to do, like drawing sketches or something (not really, lol, but I won't tell you what he does in life). I asked him to let me watch him while he is working. Nothing spectacular was happening. He was doing his work, fully dressed, and I was lying in my bed, ready to sleep. But it was a very peaceful and calming and in a way intimate moment. I enjoyed it a lot. And I told him so constantly. He asked a couple of times: "You sure you wanna watch this? " And me, I was all like "Yesssssss, pleaaaaase" lol.

I cannot really speak for him, but I do believe that he is fully aware of the fact that I think he is a magnificent man. 

I tend to especially use the time when he is being punished and silently standing in the corner, with no  distraction for him and no possibility for him to "escape" my long sermons, lol, to explicitly tell him how much he means to me and how thankful I am that he is in my life. 

Saturday, June 25, 2016

More on dd and the crying man

Anonymous wrote:

It was my comment that prompted the post. 
I think the bottom line is that how you think about the crying and what actually prompted it is strongly dependent on the relationship between the people involved. 

I don't dispute that crying can happen as an emotional release that the spanking triggers. I definitely get an emotional release from being spanked, but it's not usually crying. 

However, I have been pushed to the brink of tears by the pain, not by any feelings of being loved or cared for, and I have read descriptions of scenes on other blogs where the amount of pain inflicted prior to the crying suggests that it was not just some emotional release. In my most recent case, it happened within a role playing scene with a pro for whom I had no emotional attachment (and vice-versa). Unless you ask the person being spanked, you don't really know what did it. 

I read one description from a woman who likes to make her man have orgasms before she beats him because he cries every time. That made my skin crawl.  

However, I do believe that the dynamic described here can be the case. It really depends on the relationship between the two people. I think spanking can be really enjoyable and I really like the stress relief aspect of it. Seeing anyone cry is kind of a trigger for me, but I get what's being said.

Seeing anyone cry is no trigger for me. I see people cry all the time. People laugh and people cry. For me, this is just something that happens and I am completely fine with it. 

My clients, especially the ones who go through a divorce, usually start to get teary eyes at one point or the other while we discuss how to proceed. 

I have seen many of my friends cry. And in my family, we dont hide our tears from each other neither. My sister cried quite a lot recently, when her boyfriend broke up with her. I saw my mother cry very often and saw my brother crying a couple of times. And even my dad cried in front of me sometimes.  I remember one specific moment with him. It was actually quite strange. I had met my dad somewhere, and we both knew the circumstances needed him to appear strong and in control, but he felt helpless and out of control. We talked and he started to cry. I tried to support him as much as I could, and when he was about to leave, he wanted to make sure "the world" would not see that he had cried. We did not have any tissues with us. So, when we were giving each other a good bye hug, he suddenly reached down to my t-shirt and used the bottom of my t-shirt to wipe away his tears. I left the place with his tears on my t-shirt instead on his face. In my mind, it is a very symbolic picture. I have been taught from a very young age on to take care of peoples tears :-)

And in case you were wondering: yes, I do cry too. And many people have seen me cry. Tears don`t scare me.

Pro dommes:
People have different needs, and I am sure many men can find fulfillment when going to a pro domme. These women are usually super beautiful. And they can pretty much cater to whatever need it is the man is having. I do believe that pro dommes are needed, and in a way I do admire these ladies. Every once in a while I am playing with the idea to become a pro domme, for the $$$$$$$, but I always dismiss the idea again. It is just not what I am and what I do.

Me, I have never spanked a man without any emotional attachment. And I dont want to. I only spank a man if I care about him.  I enjoy pampering my man as much as I enjoy disciplining him. I enjoy to be important to him. I don`t like the idea of being exchangeable. I love when his eyes start to glow because he sees me. It is a very good feeling for me to see him happy because I am around. It is a very sad feeling for me though to think that his eyes are not glowing because of me but because of the hair brush/belt/cane/whatever it is I am holding in my hand.

Clinical and cold and brutal canings/spankings, that is just not my flavor of the kink.

My thoughts about him crying:
I give a lot to the man. I am focused on him only. I pay attention to his body language. I try to read his needs as much as possible. I try to understand him. I watch him closely. 

I dont wanna beat him so brutally and so painfully that he literally breaks down. That is not what I want at all. And I have never done that. I dont wanna break him down. I just want to break through some of his protective walls.

And if he starts to cry, I see it as a very, very, very precious gift from the man to me. I know how difficult it can be to let the tears come. I understand how many men are taught to NOT show any tears. And if he does show me his tears, if he dares to let me see him cry, Me, I feel warm and loved. In my mind it is a sign that I have done a good job with him, that there is a special bond between us, that he feels save around me. That he trusts me. That he is even willing to go to very unfamiliar places for and with me.

Friday, June 24, 2016

domestic discipline and the crying man

I ´d like to say a few words to the following comment:

Anonymous wrote: 
While I do like to submit to a strong woman, I have to say the thought of her enjoying spanking me to the point that I cry doesn't sit well with me. I guess some guys like it (and even crave it), but it feels mean-spririted and nasty to me. I can't seem to get past that.
I have met wonderful men in my life. I like men. My overall experience with men is great.

I have given quite a few spankings in my life. And not always did the man cry.  Actually, most of the time the men did NOT cry. 

In my life, there are many reasons to spank my man. And  making him cry is not always my goal. Sometimes I just want to get my point across. 
Sometimes I want to play with his him.
Sometimes I want to punish him.
Sometimes I want to reestablish my power.
Sometimes I am catering to his needs.
Sometimes I want to make him understand that I dont accept his behavior. 
Sometimes I want to pamper him with an erotic spanking. 
And sometimes, ...
sometimes I want to provide him with a much needed emotional release. 

For me, in my life, generally speaking, it is very easy to open people up emotionally. I do this all the time and I do it with ease and knowledge, both in my private life and professionally. I show them my openness, I make myself vulnerable and usually people can't do anything but reciprocating my openness with openness.

I can be unbelievably understanding, because I am honestly interested in the man and in his story. Even though I might seem strict, and even though I enjoy punishing my man in a domestic discipline context, deep in my heart I am a defense attorney. I dont like to prosecute people. I want to understand them, I want to comfort them, I want to make them smile again.

And often, the men in my life carry a lot of pain with them. I can tell, because I have had my share of pain in my life,

Sometimes the pain is so deeply embedded in the man´s heart that it is very difficult to get access to it. Dealing with the pain seems to be too difficult and bottling it up seems to be much easier for him. But as we all know, suppressing intense feelings can carry a heavy emotional toll.

Spankings can be a very effective means to help him to let go of some of the tension, to let go of the hurt and the stress. During a spanking he does not need to talk about feelings, feelings he maybe does not even understand himself. He does not need to come up with solutions. He does not need to be strong. He can just submit to me and be.

I am taking over. I am taking control. There is nothing he can do but staying over my knee and accepting whatever it is I choose to do next. It might be humiliating, yes.  It might be hurting, yes. But at the same time I am making sure I am telling him: You are safe with me. You can let go now. You are very important to me. I am willing to provide you with boundaries and stability, I care about you very much.  

In such scenarios, the feelings can be overwhelming. And it has happened, that the man started to cry. And these moments are super precious and deep. However: the tears did not come because I was giving him an unbearable amount of pain. Far from it.  My message is more along the line of: You are a wonderful human being. I care about you. I see you. I want you to be happy. And if this means I have to spank your naked butt every day for the rest of your life, to make sure that the message sinks in, I am more than willing to do that for you. 

Tuesday, June 21, 2016

Go and stand in the corner!

Sometimes it takes ages for me to finally get into dominant mode. 

Just today, I texted about an hour with my pretty boy, and only then was I willing to video skype with him. We spoke on video skype for almost another hour. And we spoke only about vanilla subjects.

I was tired from work, I had had a long day, and somehow  - even though I wanted to - I could not come up with the energy to start a scene.

I had threatened to punish him yesterday. Real life had come in the way and I had not handed out a punishment yesterday. I wanted to punish him today though. However, as I said, I was tired and without much energy.

When I started to speak about something he had done yesterday, something I wanted  to punish him for, I realized that him and I had experienced the same situation yesterday completely different. For me, it was obvious that I wont accept such behavior. And he, he was all like: "What did I do wrong????  I have been good all day!!!".

I did not want to punish him for something when he does not even understand why I want to punish him for it. I know, I know, who needs a real reason for a scene, lol? But actually, if there is a real punishment reason, IMHO the scene is much hotter and much more real.

Whatever I did, my timing seemed pretty off today. So I kept talking about vanilla things with him endlessly. It was a good talk though, lol. I love talking with him. He is not only pretty but also a very interesting man. He was lying on his bed, relaxing, chatting with me, and I felt more and more comfortable. He had done an awesome job in unwinding me from work. And all of a sudden my dominant mode was back again.

When I told him to "get up and stand in the corner, now!", his first reaction was: "Do I really have to? Its so comfortable here." But for some reason I was suddenly back in the dominant flow. I made sure he went to the corner right away. He stood there and I just watched him for a couple of minutes. I was enjoying every single moment of it. And the longer I watched him, the more my dominant feelings grew. After a while I started to scold him, and lecture him, and gave him a bit of  a tongue lashing. And the more I turned up the heat, the more submissive he got. And the more submissive he got, the more I enjoyed my dominance...All is good!

Saturday, June 18, 2016

the right pain

 Most of the time I am not a super strict domme. Generally speaking: I want the guy in my life to be happy, and I want to be happy. I want us both to be happy. That is the ultimate goal I am striving for. 

And in times of conflict or challenges or misunderstandings, I am usually willing to find fault in my own actions rather than blaming my partner. 

I am however willing to let my full power shine through in a domestic relationship, if I truly and honestly feel the man deserves it.

Strict Julie wrote about her last experience with her husband and her words triggered quite a strong reaction in me. She wrote:
I didn't know it at the time, and he did not use his safeword, but I injured his penis a bit against the tree. He rubbed it against the rough tree bark as he tried to avoid his switching. It wasn't too bad, but it was chaffed from the tree bark and might be sore for a couple of days. I am considering punishing myself for that. It was careless of me. Suggestions, sigh, welcomed.

I am in no position to give any advice to Julie, but IF I could throw in my 2 cents:  you know what I would do? I would not punish myself but him. IMHO: He is the one who deserves a punishment because he is the one who allowed that "unpleasant" pain found its way in the scene. She could not have prevented it, because she did not know about it. He on the other hand could feel what is going on (cock getting hurt in a not good way) right away

I had a similar conversation with my pretty boy recently, and I told him:

I expect the submissive to tell me immediately if something is not good. I expect him to let me know right away when I am hurting him in a bad and unpleasant way. I want him to suffer for me, sure.  I want him to experience pain and physical challenges, yes. And I do of course enjoy inflicting pain on him. But I want to be sure that he is completely ok with the situation. If something is "off" I expect him to let me know about it. Always,

So, to stick with Julies example: if her husband had really been hurt in an "off" way, there is no need for her to ask for a punishment for herself. Instead he needs to learn that there is nothing more important than his physical and emotional well being.

A good domme will feel guilty and terrible when the submissive gets hurt in a bad way. That is why it makes zero sense for the sub to suffer through pain that the domme did not actually want to inflict on him. In suffering through such a situation the sub is experiencing unpleasant pain and later the domme will experience unpleasant pain too. That is a lose lose situation.

Friday, June 17, 2016

sweet tenderness

I put him through a lot today. And he passed with flying colors. He is a good boy.

 As soon as I had started to Skype with him today I had told him to strip completely. I am loving CFNM these days.

He had been horny for days and hated it, he was edged countless times, scolded, threatened with many many lines to write, I had put him in the corner endlessly. I had on times denied him to pee and I had made him present his ass to me in various humiliating positions.

He took whatever I gave him. He stayed polite and obedient ALL THE TIME. His willingness to please me never ceased to amaze me.

For me, the most wonderful moment of the day was a very quiet one.
His "training" had been over, he was still naked and I told him to relax on the bed. He was like: " I am really tired now" and I spoke to him in a soft and gentle and calming voice and told him that it is ok for him to let go of all tension now, that I am so proud of him, that he had pleased me indeed.

And then he fell asleep. On his bed, naked, the camera on his face and on his body.
For about 20 min I just sat there and watched him sleep. I watched that wonderful boy who is in my life now. I am a happy woman!

Tuesday, June 14, 2016

A spanking woman`s guide to English grammar

A long time ago I received the following e-mail regarding my "creative" use of the English grammar. It did not help much, my English tends to be creative still, but I think it is a super cute email :-)

"Dear Tina,

You've sort of got the idea about 'will' and 'going to'. I think you've got it the other way round though.. The general difference in meaning between the two is that 'going to' is more certain than  'will'.  You can actually use 'probably' with 'will' and 'going to'. I'll explain later.

 In English we usually use future tenses in two ways: to make predictions and to express our intentions for the future.

We usually use 'going to' for predictions based on evidence. If there is evidence for a prediction then logically this makes it more likely it's going to come true than if there's no evidence at all.

Example 1: " Oh no, she's going to spank me".

I feel fairly sure about this prediction because there is some evidence for it: She's glaring at me. She's just taken her hairbrush out.

Example 2: "She`s definitely going to spank me".

Evidence: She's now yanked my pants down. I'm over her knees.  My pale white bum is trembling like a blancmange as it waits for the first twack. There seems no doubt now that this spanking is going to take place. :-(

We use 'will' in predictions if we cannot be certain what we predict will take place.

Example. "She won't spank me tomorrow".

I feel fairly certain that this won't happen. She's just spanked me. My bottom is smarting. My eyes are full of tears. I intend to be a good boy from now on. She couldn't spank me twice in two days. Or could she ? In the end I have no sure way of knowing. Ultimately  the  fate of my bottom is up to her. If she decides to she wants to spank me again, then she will. What will be, will be. It's not my bottom.

Use 'going to' if you want to express an intention you've had for a long time: i.e. it is a plan.

Example: " I am going to give you the spanking of your life later".

I know when she says this she's been planning this for a while. I know there's going to be no way out of it. She's arranged to take some time out from her busy schedule to put me over her knees. (So nice of her, don't you think?). She's even bought a new hair brush. Later on, after she's spanked me, she's going to send me to bed for an early night without any dinner. She's arranged to go out with her friends.

Use 'will' when making a spontaneous decision.

Example: " I will spank you so hard you'll be screaming like a baby".

She's has just spontaneously come out with this decision. It's probably a response to something I've just done. Whatever the circumstances, things aren't looking too good for me.

'Probably',  as I'm sure you already know, means something is approximately 75%-95% likely to happen. If she tells me "She's probably going to spank me" that's slightly better news than her telling me 'She's going to spank me',

All the rules as laid out above still apply when using 'probably'.  Compare the two examples:

Example 1 " I am going to spank you".
Example 2 " I am probably going to spank you".

Both these statements express a plan she has (i.e they are expressing a plan she has. She has taken time out of her busy schedule etc...) However, in Example 2, although she's has made plans to spank me, she also acknowledges that there is a slight chance she might change her plans later.

The same logic applies to the use of 'will'. Compare the examples below:
Example 1 : " She won't spank me tomorrow"
Example 2" She probably won't spank me tomorrow".

In both these examples I'm making a prediction about the future. I recognise when I'm making these statements that I can't be entirely sure they'll come true. ( Note: I would be a lot better off if Example 1 is true. Example 2 may be true and yet I still might end up with a red bottom).

These are the general rules for using the simple future, but even though these are the general rules, many native speakers often break them. A lot of times in everyday English 'going to' and 'will' are used interchangeably."

Monday, June 13, 2016

in command again

Ladies and gentlemen ,

It is my pleasure to inform you that there is a new submissive man in my life.

The time of my (unpleasant) suffering has ended.
The time of his (hopefully pleasant) suffering for me has begun ;-)

I am in command of a very cute, submissive man again.

He is american, and he is totally catering to my fetish of "american men" ;-)
He pleases me, he takes whatever I am handing out to him, and being able to outlive my dominant side finally again is frigging refreshing and energizing for me.

We talk a lot, we Skype a lot, and I am about to spend a week with him shortly.

It´s all still new and I have no idea what the future brings, but I can report that I am incredibly turned on by the things I am doing with and to him.

Here is to a happy and fulfilled sex life!

Sunday, June 5, 2016

being made to write lines

I am usually the one handing out lines.

There is one guy however who made me write lines.
And I wrote them.
It happened only once.
It is not easy for me to submit, to let go, to give up control.

I wrote them because it comforts me to know that he cares.
I trust him and value him enough to let him have the lead here.
I enjoy the calmness that comes with writing the same sentence over and over.

It feels like a meditation.
Calmness and peace washes over me.
I enjoy the fact that the job is clear and easy: "write the lines".
Nothing else to do.
Life can be so easy :-)

Friday, June 3, 2016

insight, insight, insight

So much has happened in my life in the last weeks, I don`t even know where to start :-)

Since January 1, 2016 I have been actively working on myself. I did course/class after class.
I lost weight with Paul McKenna, I focused on my love life with Katherine Woodward Thomas, I worked on loving myself and the people in my life more with Catherine Ponder, I tapped with Brad Yates, I listened to Abraham Hicks, I worked with Scott Grace. And I found Byron Katie and "the work." All of these "spiritual teachers" have given me valuable input. 

I did nothing but trying to improve me, myself and my life. After all, I had nothing else to do in my private life because there was no man left to focus on ;-)

And the insight I gained was pretty much  mind-blowing. 

I did Byron Kathies work on my believe of: "My ex does not love me anymore" (and I mean "love" in its broadest form, as a woman, as a friend, as a human being,  physically, psychologically, mentally, spiritually etc.)

And man, did I get answers! It was like I opened the door and saw a whole new world.

I felt like a fool for a while. I can`t believe how ignorant I had been. For months and years I had been trying to understand what is going on between ex and I, and now I finally see clearer. 

Only I don`t like too much what I see. Because I can see now how much I contributed to the unsatisfying situation between him and I. 

I can see crystal clear now how he has been trying to communicate with me,
how I did not listen carefully enough to the words he was saying, 
how I blocked his efforts to make me understand his side of things,
and I can see clearly how much he had showered me with his love.
I can see how emotional giving he was, 
how open and vulnerable he had been towards me. 

He had no problems showing me his feelings openly, as I had always so strongly demanded. Only I was not able to see and understand the depth of the gift he was giving.

I can see clearly now how I threatened him with my behavior 
and how I contributed to him feeling uncomfortable.

I kid you not, when I first understood as what /or how he might perceive me, I got stomach pain and almost vomited.

(On a side note and only for those of you who are interested: A very eyeopening video I saw is this: eyeopening video. This video was super interesting for me in regards to domestic discipline  as well. It is pretty mind blowing how courageous and open some of the men in the audience share their feelings in the end of the video. It made me realize over and over again how careful I have to be with a man who trusts me enough to be in a domestic discipline relationship with me. I can't watch this video without wanting to frigging spank myself for being sooooo dumb and ignorant towards my Ex.)

In Byron Katies work, one needs to meditate on the specific believe (here for me: "Ex does not love me anymore"), is it really true? how can you positively know that it is true? and then meditate on and work with variations of it:

"I don´t love Ex anymore": The answer was clear as always: Not true. :-)

The key answer for me was found in:
"I don`t love myself anymore"
This has nothing to do with my ex at all. It is just stuff that I carried from my past.

Good news is: I am learning to love myself again :-) I know I am on a good way. 

Not too long ago I read and commented on Lady Greys blog.  You can find the post and comments here:  https://womanincontrol.blogspot.de/2016/05/a-referral.html

There was a misunderstanding, anonymous had made a harmless comment and Lady Grey felt attacked.

Anonymous wrote (to Lady Grey): "all i said was, i like your blog like many others and i wish you'd update it more often, i said nothing rude, my ex was like you, whenever i said something that could mean 2 things, she always assumed the worst, try to change that, people don't like it."

Even though anonymous comment was directed towards lady Grey, I knew immediately that the shoe fits me too. (is this even a saying in English? Not sure. With ex out of my life, my English is getting worse again, *smile.)

And, lol, my feelings did not betray me. Read what fur sissy wrote: 
"Tina, I have followed your blog for years as well. I used to comment there, but I remember you not agreeing with my comments very much (~2012) so I pulled back into the role of spectator. I still am a reader though. "

See, my dear readers, here it is again: i am obviously pretending to love openness and honesty and sharing feelings. And at the same time I am behaving in a way that makes the man withdraw himself and shut up because I did not create an environment where the man feels safe enough to give me his honest thoughts. Pretty interesting thought.