Sunday, May 29, 2011

commitment! not games!

I am pretty sure that everybody who still had any doubts if I would be a woman indeed will know now for sure that I am female. I am afraid only women can come up with posts like the following, lol.

In a relationship I don`t like to play games and I don`t do it. I like to laugh and I like having fun, but I don`t like to play. If I am interacting with people, either on my yahoo-e-mail account or in real life, it  means that I put in as much honesty and sincerity as I have. I think about the other person a lot, try to understand him or her. I want to figure out how the other human being is "ticking"

I have been told by a reader that I am way too intellectual. That I would be overly reasonable. But I think I am just the opposite. As soon as I get in contact with another human being, my emotional gates are all wide open. I don`t protect myself much emotionally. I share my feelings openly. I am more than willing to let the other human being in my heart and in my soul. And I am 100 % positive that I overwhelmed one or two of my readers who contacted me with my willingness to share private stuff with them and let them see in my heart.

I had a long discussion with my mother and my sister a couple of days ago. And both told me how much fun it would be for the both of them to go to a place/restaurant/discotheque/gym, only to find out  if the man they are having a crush on is there. They go there, just to wait and see if he will show up or not. Just to get a kick out of the excitement of not knowing if he is there or not. In case he is there indeed, they will be secretly watching him and watching what is he doing. Things like:  Did he order beer or  wine? Is he with a friend or alone? Why is he wearing a red t-shirt today and not the blue one he usually wears?.....

I am attracted to my man because he is not a player! If he says he is going to do something, e.g. call me, he does it. And if he knows that he won`t /can`t do something, he just tells me so. Sometimes he gets pretty silent, but I am able of understanding even his silence by now. In a way, he has almost always been an open book for me.

I do not like to hide my feelings either. I am not afraid of sharing them openly. For instance: If I want to talk to a man, I just call him. I don`t wait for his call in order to give him the feeling that he is still chasing me. If I am interested in a man, I let him know that I am interested in him. Why on earth should I pretend to be NOT interested only to MAKE him interested in me? This is a concept I will never understand.

I am not expecting a fairy tale life and a fairy tale romance. No need to tell me that life can be hard... My life is pretty difficult these days. Just a few minutes ago the ambulance was at our home for the 7th!!!!!!!!!!!!!! time this year. It is UNBELIVABLY exhausting. Almost always a matter of life and death.

And  furthermore, I am a lawyer, I know that a marriage can turn into an ugly divorce. I know that relationships can break. I am not actually dreaming of a knight in shining white armor. I am not expecting my partner to be perfect. I am not even expecting a marriage. But I am expecting a commitment.

(And if this whole post does not make much sense to you, I understand it. I just needed to vent...)

Saturday, May 28, 2011


Just recently a friend did not know if one needs to peel a ginger root before adding ginger to a dish. I don`t like to eat ginger. It is said to be healthy, however it is not what I like to eat.  And for some reasons my thoughts started wandering...

There are other things I would like to do with a ginger root ... Namely: figging. I have never done it (and in case you are wondering : never received it either) but it has a special attraction to me.

I  like to give a spanking. On the man´s bare butt and over my knee. I am just very old school. Don`t let you delude from all the vanilla stuff I am sharing with you! My dominant side is still there!

Once upon a time, when I was giving my first spanking, I learned that it is in fact very difficult to really make an impression on the man`s butt by only using the hand. I realized that only, when the man was already spread out over my knees and when I had no other implements in my reach..... Due to the fact that I did not want to interrupt what was going on, I decided to "sacrifice" my poor right hand to the scene :-) I spanked him with my right hand and with all the force I could possibly  muster. And I can proudly report: I was successfully getting through to the man, lol.

However, after the spanking my hand was kind of damaged too. I remember clearly grabbing the next can of coke out of the refrigerator in order to cool down the hurting hand. Actually, I could feel the hurt even days later...But it did not bother me much, because it was a nice remnant of a great event.

I have been thinking a lot about this spanking since then. And I came to the (not so new...) conclusion that the man clenching his ass cheeks makes giving a hand spanking much more difficult. Of course, I could  have told him to relax his wonderful cheeks, but I was new to spankings and could not think too clearly myself at the time.

Since then I am dreaming of using a ginger root in order to make sure that the man does not clench his cheeks. I just like the idea of figging a man. During a spanking, I would not even need to tell him to relax his butt. The ginger would be a good enough reminder for sure....

Friday, May 27, 2011

christian faith and F/m domestic discipline

I wrote that post in 2011 and I still think it is true.

I am a Christian. I was baptized roman catholic and am lately going to a Lutheran church in my area. Even though I don`t go to a catholic mess too often, but prefer visiting Lutheran services, I would never change from being a catholic to becoming a Lutheran. My friend Tonja did that, and we talked about it a lot, but for me, the decision is made. I want to stay a member of the catholic church even though I know that there is a lot going on that is just wrong... But my roots are in the catholic church and I see no sense in cutting them off! So I will stay a member of that church and I will  keep trying to give the church new spirit from within :-)    

I want to live in tune with my Christian faith.My faith is important to me. There are many aspects that I do not understand and many things I don`t agree with,especially in context with the roman catholic church..., ( AND COULD ONE OF YOU GIVE ME AN UNDERSTANDABLE EXPLANATION OF THE CONCEPT OF TRINITY, lol, PLEEEEEAAAASSE...)  but generally, I consider myself a Christian.I believe in a loving and caring God, a God who will never let us down, a good shepherd who is interested in the well being of his flock. 

There is no doubt about the fact that domestic discipline and Christian faith are going very well together as long as the woman is the one who submits to the man. There are quite a few bible verses that point in that direction, e.g. "For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. (Ephesians 5:23)". 
Or this one: "Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting for those who belong to the Lord" (Col 3: 18).

Generally speaking, it is often said that it is the woman`s job to serve the man. But as you all know, in my relationship, I am the one who wants to be on top. I want to be the one who administers domestic discipline.I want to be the "head" :-)

This seems to be a strong contradiction.I know. However, seriously, this has NEVER EVER given me the slightest headache at all. For me it is very easy to be a dominant woman and at the same time a faithful believer. And especially after having started to write a blog on F/m domestic discipline, I became even more convinced that it is absolutely ok to be a Christian woman and at the same time feeling an attraction to F/m  domestic discipline.

I am convinced that by being a dominant woman I am actually serving my man. I give him what he is longing for, I provide him with what he needs, I take care of things that he can not take care alone of. Ever given yourself a spanking? Not really hot or satisfying, IMO.

I would even argue that in most dd relationships, the one who is on top is actually serving the one who is on bottom.

When I opened my blog, I got e-mails from many, many men who wanted me to dominate them. There is without a doubt a lack of dominant women out there. And these men are craving the strong hands of a dominant woman.I am having what many men want from a woman. A sincere and loving and dominant heart.

Did you ever read Ms Marie`s blog ? I like it very much. She seems to be tough and dominant and fearless. And her man has to undergo quite a lot of really difficult and challenging tasks in order to fulfill her remarkable demands. But at the same time, it is clearly to be seen ( at least for me...) that she is putting a lot of thoughts into giving him exactly what he needs. The fact that she is enjoying it as well is a nice addition, but overall, I think the one who profits most from her newfound dominant behavior is her husband.She keeps telling in the blog, that it has not always been a femdom relationship between her and her husband. She says that in the early years of their marriage he was the one who called the shots. In the past, she was the one who was submitting to him. And I think, as strange as this might sound, this serving heart of her can still be seen in the new F/m relationship.

Take this picture for instance. Did you see how nicely she is dressed? I am sure you did. But the question is: why did she chose these hot clothes? she could have worn just any regular clothes. She knew she would whip him and that he would probably cry from the whipping. But there was no need for her to get dressed up for doing it. You know, there are no hot, long, leather boots needed to spank a man in the woods :-) And did you see how lovingly she puts her left arm on his butt? To me, this does not look threatening at all.

She might be strict with him, she might expect him to do things that many men just would not do, because they would be too afraid of doing it... but whatever she is ordering him to do, she ALWAYS keeps his well-being in mind.

Furthermore: I have been aproached by quite a few men who - without making much polite conversation- wanted me to dominate them verbally/in writing. In my very beginnings as a blogging woman, I once in a while answered these men and went along with what they wanted me to do. But whenever I did that, I felt as if I would be used by them and in a way I felt abused. These men did not see me, they did not see the person Tina, all they saw was a woman who could give them what they needed and wanted. After all of these "sessions" I felt as if I just had served a client. All of my focus had been on the man and -even though I like dd and dominating a man- it had not been too much fun for me. It felt too much as if I had just been used.

In my relationship with my man however, everything is different. I love my man. And I know he loves me. He made sure that I know he cares for me. And I think he has no doubt in his mind that I care for him too.Our relationship is based on a solid foundation of love, respect and trust. In such a relationship I don`t mind being dominant with him and by doing that, serving him.Don`t get me wrong, I generally like to be dominant, however, what I don`t like is the feeling of being used. With him, I never had the feeling of being used. It always felt right, whatever we were doing, vanilla or dd.

Me, personally, I chose a strong man. I am convinced that he is even stronger than I am ;-) In a way, if he is submitting to me, he is giving up his natural authority over me freely. He trusts me and loves me enough to hand over all control to me. And by doing that, he allows me to serve him.

How on earth could I not care for his well being ? Whatever I do, seriously, WHATEVER I do, I am always considering his well being too. I want him to be ok, I want him to get what he needs, I want him to be happy. And now tell my, don`t you think I am serving him? I surely do! And the woman serving the man, isn`t that what the bible tells us to do, lol ?

Thursday, May 26, 2011

attitude adjustment

Here I am again. My spirit is high, my mood is good and: Yes, I am still interested in domestic discipline :-)
I gave myself an attitude adjustment recently. I knew for a long time that I needed to change a few things in my life and now it looks as if I was able of changing the most important part: my attitude.

All problems I ever mentioned in this blog are still there. But my attitude towards it changed. It looks as if I found a way for myself to deal with all that is going on without ruining my own health and life.

I missed the domestic discipline aspects in my life in the last couple of weeks or months, but it just did not feel right to get involved in anything dd. Neither for me nor for my man. I sometimes come up with creative ways to discipline a man, but without a sense of humor these punishments just don`t work. And due to enormous real life problems, both of us were lacking our sense of humor recently...

I know, I know, punishment is punishment, and discipline is not supposed to be fun.I already told you: Actually the more the man does not like "it", the more I am interested in doing it to him.  But nevertheless, my caring and loving traits are very strong. I see no sense in adding problems to a persons life by expecting compliance with the unorthodox (but still hot!) ideas I sometimes have. Dd might be a good means of letting go of some of the stress that has been building up over time. But in my experience: there is a point when the problems are so prevailing that punishing and disciplining the person you love just does not make any sense at all.I am following one basic rule: whatever I do in the area of dd, I do it out of love for the man.

Last week I was (hopefully) reaching the peak of my despair. And now I set my mind on enjoying life again, come hell or high water....