Thursday, June 30, 2011

dominance and love

Things are ok here  right now. One major drama occured: my new prof thinks I can not use much of my old 250 pages thesis "draft" for the thesis I am about to write under her supervision. This pretty much means the work of 5 years is worthless...

But I was able to suck up that information much better than I had expected. I am now working on a new thesis structure/outline...

I am feeling pretty content right now. And that is because my man has been chatting with me for hours on a daily basis lately. He is very present in my life these days and providing me with the feeling of belonging, care and love I am needing.

I am enjoying the time we can spend with each other, connected through the computer and connected through the history of about one year of long distance relationship.

To know that we are still together is a wonder in itself. All odds were against us. And there was one moment when I  actually sent him an e-mail, telling him that I am ready to end the relationship because there seems to be no way for the two of us.  But in the very same e-mail I told him for the first time explicitely that I love him. (what can I say... to me such a behavior is absolutely logical, lol).

Yesterday we had a 3 hour long conversation. We only talked about one of my legal cases. No sex talk, no exchange of hot thoughts, no teasing at all. But when I went to bed that night, I felt so relaxed and calm as if he had just given me the best orgasm ever. I was filled with the feeling of contentment, the knowledge that I am loved and I was full of hope that we are going to find a way to hold each other in the arms again sooner or later.

In the beginning of our relationship I bossed him around quite a bit. And he was submitting to me in many ways. I "owned" his body. I called the shots. We did A LOT of domestic discipline related things. Early bed times, lines, orgasm denial and much more. It felt great. I was on a power rush ;-) And it was not bad for him either, I am sure about that!

From todays perspective, it looks as if all these "little exercises" only prepared us - as a couple- for being strong enough to stay together even though we are still in the middle of the economical and emotional storm.

Now, he is submitting to me on a very different level. I have no control over his body right now. He is free to do what he wants as far as me controlling his body is concerned. I don`t dominate his body.

BUT: I am dominating his mind! He is submitting to me in the deepest possible way. He is submitting to me emotionally. He is submitting to me in accepting my love.And sometimes, accepting that one is loved is the hardest thing indeed.

Thursday, June 2, 2011

to clench or not to clench :-)

....that is the question :)

In my "figging" post  I mentioned that the man clenching his butt cheeks makes a hand spanking much more difficult. A ginger root would definitely help to solve that little "problem". But thinking about it, I realized that there is much more to say to the "clenching question".

It is true that I prefer for the man to "unclench" his butt cheeks while being spanked. He should do nothing to make the woman´s job difficult. Bottom line: "Stop wriggling, stop clenching and get your hands out of the way." These ground rules are very easy to understand and not too demanding, don`t you agree, lol.

But, and here comes a big but: At the same time I think it is kind of "boring", only half the fun so to speak, when the man is not moving at all and absolutely passivley and very stoically, just accepting whatever the lady chooses to hand out.

IMHO, for the woman, here is the line between
being a mean, heartless and sadistic bitch who is hurting a man she does not really care about
being a loving and considerate woman who is disciplining her man for some unacceptable behavior or deeds.

I want to see that it is difficult for the man to accept what I am handing out. I want to be sure that it is no walk in the park for him. I want to see him struggle to stay in position. I want to see him fight internally to fullfil my demands. I want to be sure that I am actually making an impression.

But most of all, I want to see him actually submitting himself to my authority. I want him to be active. I want him to actively participate in the punishment. I want to see him honestly comply with what I am doing.

That is probably one of the reasons why I have not used any bondage yet. See, in my way of thinking, once the man is in bondage, he just has to accept. There is nothing he can do to get out of the situation. In a way he is "forced" to take what the woman is handing out.

But me, personally, I like to see him staying in the situation by his own will, determination and resolve alone. For me, the fact that he is submitting himself to my authority is a token of love from him to me. And that token gets bigger the harder it is for him to do what I want him to do.

As for the clenching question:
Actually I don`t mind if a man clenches his butt cheeks in order to better deal with the pain. It is absolutey ok. I mean, lets not candy-coat the reality: Spankings do hurt.....The pain is real...
But in a perfect scenario, I would want him to relax his butt again before each new slap :-)