Saturday, August 20, 2016

a lesson for Gregory in real life domestic discipline

Gregory was in a sad mood yesterday. He was feeling blue and doubting his professional skills. From my perspective, there was no reason at all for him to doubt himself or to doubt his professional skills, but it was not really possible for me to reach him emotionally.  His inner talk was harsher than I could or would ever be with him.

I wanted to hug him so badly. I wanted to touch him, and feel him, and let him feel me. I know that I can be pretty convincing when I am physically around. I am good at comforting or scolding ;-) But it is almost impossible for me to support him in one way or the other through mere text messages or through Skype while other family members are around.

So I insisted on having private time with him. I demanded his obedience, even though he was not really in the mood for it.

We postponed our "time together" 2 or 3 times during the course of the day, but in the evening he showed up on Skype and was all mine.  

I did not lose much time and told him to strip and show me his cock. It felt unusual cold, because there was no foreplay at all. Not even some amicable banter. I usually try to create a good atmosphere for the two of us first. But I did not do that yesterday. 

I was not angry at him, so I did not bring any fire in the scene. And the warmth of my love did hardly get through to him. He seemed resigned and disheartened. 

I made him present his cock to me, which brought me in a very good mood immediately, and then told him to stand in the corner for me. 

He stood in the corner, and for a while it seemed like he was emotionally getting calmer and more relaxed. As soon as he was motionlessly standing in the corner, I was once again amazed by his beauty and by the fact that this impressive man is mine now.

I made him stand in the corner for about 15 min, during which I once in a while made him change the positions of his arms. He was obeying and quietly following my orders. But I could tell, just by watching his body, that he was not ok. I knew, something was off. 

I told him to turn around and to face me. I wanted to see what´s going on. I looked at him and I saw that he was still very sad and dispirited.

At that moment I wanted nothing more than to caress his face and hold him in my arms.

He apologized to me. He said something like: "I am sorry. I am just not feeling good today. I am not in the mood for "it". I am not in the right frame of mind."

And this is when I - surprisingly even to myself, lol- used all my female power over him and told him: 

"Gregory, I am sorry that you are feeling so sad. But you know, that does not really matter right now. Right now your job is to please me. At the moment, my needs are more important than your needs. This is how it is now."

I will never forget the look on his face that moment. Astonishment, surprise, understanding, acceptance. I could tell he had not been expecting such a statement from me. And at the same time he knew that in a domestic discipline relationship it is my "right" to make such a statement and to demand obedience even when he is overwhelmed by feelings from the realm of "real life". He did not try to argue with me. He knew I was right. But it was tough for him. 

That moment pretty much marks the change from "play" to "real life domestic discipline". He was not in control anymore. He had to do what I wanted him to do, despite the fact that he was not in the mood for it.

I did not make him get back in the corner. I made him sit down with me and talk instead.  I could tell that he wanted to end the conversation a few times, but at the same time he knew that I expected obedience from him and that obedience at that moment meant: staying and talking to me. So he stayed and talked.

We talked for a while, I told him: "Yeah, I understand, your life really sucks. All these problems. And on top of it you are not even allowed to come" ;-)
(He did not think that was a funny comment,  lol, but I do.)

For me, the fact that he stayed in the conversation, even opened up to me, shared some stuff with me, was very cool. I liked it a lot. And the fact that it was difficult for him made it even hotter for me. 

He did relax somewhat during our conversation. I threw some love bombs on him. Told him how much I appreciate him in my life. And after a while I told him that I am now satisfied, that I very much liked his obedience today and that he is now free to go on with his day.

Wednesday, August 17, 2016

orgasm control

Most of the time Gregory has permission to jerk off whenever he wants to. His life is hard anyway, with me being so far away ;-)

But sometimes I just tell him: 
"No, you cannot play with yourself. I don`t want you to. I want you denied, and needy and horny as hell. I want you to wait till you get my explicit permission to jerk off again."

Usually the story goes like this:
He is obedient and does what I tell him to do. 
It turns me on so immensely that I tell him pretty soon again: "Now come for me".
Which he does, and I enjoy.
Win- win ;-)

Yesterday I told him again: 
"I dont want you to come. Wait till you get my permission again." 
He replied by texting me "yes ma `am ".
So far, so good.

 In the evening I sent him a message:
Gregory, you were allowed to jerk off yesterday night, you are forbidden from doing it tonight.
I made an executive decision. 
Instead of jerking off tonight I want you to write me 50 lines:
"Tina, thank you for keeping me denied."
Stay good for me, my pretty boy! 

It was not much. Just 50 short, sweet and easy lines. All I wanted was a token.

I woke up to an email from him in which he explained to me that he could not write the lines because he was too exhausted after a very long day. He was telling the truth, his day, especially his evening had been filled with other important things he actually had to do. But still, I mean 50 frigging lines of seven words?

My first reaction:
I felt hurt. I felt unrespected. I felt like a fool. I felt like an idiot. I felt not valued and I felt angry. I felt like: I am too fucking stupid to even be a proper domme to the guy I love. 
He is doing what he wants, and I am like a suburban housewife who is pretending to be a domme..

But now my process of coping started by "sugarcoating" the thing for myself. By changing perspectives. By trying to be open minded. By trying to put myself in his shoes, by giving him the benefit of the doubt, by finding lessons in it for me.  

I was asking myself: what can I learn from this? What am I learning right now? why am I in such a situation right now?

My experience is: people rarely try to actually hurt me. Its more that they are dealing with their own life, or acting in a "not ideal" way because they are dealing with own stuff.

For me, it is very important to be in control and big picture and forgiving.   I honestly dont remember one person I hold a grudge against. In a way, I try to see all people as teachers. Of course, it is difficult, and sometimes I am struggling with it, but in the big scheme of things it is highly important for me to not let the actions or words of other people affect me too much. 

I am a criminal law defense attorney in my heart. I always try to find mitigating circumstances in other peoples behavior. Always. And I do believe Gregory when he said he was too exhausted for it. 

He had had tons of things to do, and I had slowed down  his schedule quite a bit by asking him to practice drawing sketches with me in the afternoon for about an hour. Which he had done and which I had enjoyed very much! But still, I wanted to teach him a lesson. I wanted him to know: it pays to be obedient. So I sent him the following message:

Gregory, I am so sorry to hear that you could not write the lines. 
I understand you were too exhausted. I know you had a very long and busy day yesterday.
The thing is: I wanted to give you the most wonderful release this morning. I wanted you to come for me and come under my guidance this morning, and wanted you to be all relaxed and content and happy when you start your super busy wednesday. 
Unfortunately, you didn't write the lines, which means you can't get a release today. 
I hope your hot, sexy cock is not making too many problems today. You have to somehow find a way to deal with being horny and denied today. 
Sorry, my pretty boy. You know, I love your cock. And I love playing with your cock, but we can't do it today.
Love 
Tina
He took it well. He obediently accepted my decision and I got a "yes ma ´am " from him. 

We had a good conversation later today. He is denied but happy, I am happy too and I am enjoying the fact that he is denied. He tells me often that he loves me. And me, I am so much in love with this guy, there are no words for it :-)

Sunday, August 14, 2016

it feels so warm

Spending time with Gregory feels so unbelievably warm and good and familiar, it is as if we knew each other for a long time already. We spent hours together again today, "drawing sketches" together. He is a wonderful teacher and he is  like a muse to me. He inspires me to rediscover old and hidden feelings. My love for art and music is back. I am open and receptive for the beauty of art again.

I had wanted a guy like him for a very very long time. I am sure that it is no coincidence that he is in my life now. I know I attracted him into my life. I had even prayed for him and me and us, during my months of doing nothing but internal, emotional work.  So, in a way, it is no surprise that he is in my life now. I can honestly say: I had done my emotional homework ;-) 

It is very easy with Gregory. Most of the time I can read him pretty well. He is open and outgoing and good at socializing with people. And he likes to brag about me being his girlfriend as much as I like bragging about him being my boyfriend ;-)

I sent him a text message the other day, and  I told him: "I need to talk with you about something. And I need to do it in writing, because I am too shy to say it in a real conversation".Then I was sharing with him some of my personal insecurities regarding being kissed. I was very nervous when I did that, but he was super sweet. He replied by saying: "Yeah, I had thought about this subject recently. And I am all like: I hope I am doing ok". 
I LOVED his reaction. 
And for the record: he is doing more than ok ;-)

I did not do anything kinky with him recently. Real life had been challenging a bit, and I preferd hanging out with Gregory and talking and laughing with him. 

I know he has physical needs. He is a man. Unfortunately for me, I think he is craving more physical stuff than  mental D/s. That, obviously, is a problem. He wants/needs something and I cannot deliver at the moment. We are trying to figure out what to do with it...

With me and my needs it is much easier: For instance when I hear him address me as  "Ma `am" , I am almost immediately ready to come. I just LOVE when he does that. 

One night, when he was just about to go to bed, and I was already up for my day,  we skyped and I told him to get undressed and to stand in the corner for me. I had not even been planing anything. I just went with the flow. And it felt right to be strict and demanding with him that night. So I made him stand in the corner and I let him stand there. It was a peaceful morning in Germany, and he later told me that he could hear the german birds sing, while he was standing in his corner in the US. He did not have much other distraction, because I was making him stand there a loooooooong time. 

He was all submissive and obedient. I gave him some orders once in a while. Made him change positions, sometimes scolded him for fidgeting, told him that he is my boy now and that he is mine now. I  let him know over and over again how beautiful he is and how much I enjoy having him in my life.  He was totally doing whatever I wanted him to do. It was very very hot for me, to say the least. 

I was so very much enjoying that beautiful naked  man standing there just because I wanted him to, it was WON-DER-FUL. 

He served me for full 90 minutes. You might think; "what's the big deal with 90 min?" But let me assure you, standing in a corner for 90 minutes is not easy at all. Try to do it yourself ;-)  It takes a lot of dedication and a lot of submission. And: He did not get any sexual stimulation during that time, whereas I absolutely used the time to play with myself ;-)  

In sum: I am very glad Gregory is in my life now! He is a very pretty boy, inside and out.

Sunday, August 7, 2016

completely off topic

I had a very good conversation with Gregory yesterday. He reassured me that he is enjoying what I am doing to and with him and that he is completely letting me have the lead when it comes to kink.  He says he feels like it should be my decision when to do what kink wise. I felt very reassured by his words.

Please note: Just for this post, I am going completely off topic now. I just want to write this down, in order to process it better. Its more for myself than for you.

Gregory and I, we then spoke about my Berlin trip, world war 2, and other deep stuff. The meeting with the israeli people in Berlin had shaken me up quite a bit. It was very triggering for both them and me; and deeply embedded feelings of guilt and  shame and blame and sadness and fear came to surface by some of them and by me.

A young man privately shared his story with me, about how he grew up with his traumatized, holocaust surviving grandparents in Israel. He speaks hebrew and has nightmares in german. For him, even though he is only about 30 years old, german is the language of the perpetrators and Germany  the  place of evil. He had always avoided setting a foot on german soil. And one time when he was going on a trip with some friends and it was clear that they had to change flights in Frankfurt, he even begged his friends to book different flights, so that he would not have to enter Germany at all, not even for an hour just to change aircrafts.

We were sitting in a restaurant together and he told me: "it still feels so strange to be here in Germany, seeing all the people laugh, sitting here with you and having dinner together". Both he and I, we knew that we are carrying feelings from our parents and grandparents and even grand-grand parents, but it still affects his life and my life today. Tears were running down my face when we spoke about our common past, even though we had never met.

 It was a very deep and bonding moment between him and I. When we parted, we gave each other a long, silent hug. We did not speak much when we said good bye. We both understood each other silently. And what could  have we said anyway?

I had always wondered, why the ww2 subject is so important in my life.  It has always been very important to me. It is safe to say that I am an expert in ww2. I remember, when I was in 7th grade, I wrote a public letter to a very prestigious german magazine, asking for more information in school about that subject, and that letter was even published.

As far as I knew, there was not a high ranking nazi in my family. My grandma was born 1921, she was 12 yo when Hitler came to power, during the war she was a nurse. And my grandfather, born in 1903, he was "just" a private in the army. He was held captive as a prisoner of war in Norway for some time. I always told myself, and even believed it: "my family did not play a big role during ww2".

Tonight though, literally tonight, I suddenly understood some of my family truth. My grandma, she comes from a family that owned a company that built very very very exclusive music instruments. Tonight I read online that Hitler wanted to have such an instrument for the Reichsparteitag in Nuremberg. I asked my mom about that  and she replied: "sure, I know about it.  The story went like this: Hitler wanted to have an instrument for the Reichsparteitag. Our relatives told /or wrote him that it is impossible to built a new instrument in such a short time. And the answer they got was: "Für den Führer ist nichts unmöglich" Nothing is impossible for the Führer.  So, they made it happen. They built the instrument as quickly as Hitler had wanted it, and the instrument was used by the nazis and is still existing today."

Friday, August 5, 2016

It´s cruel to be nice?

Real life has come in the way for Gregory and me a bit recently. He had to focus on buying car(s) and he is super busy in his job.  I was in Berlin meeting people and working on highly emotional stuff with them. I was somehow dealing with the german -israeli relationship and we were talking about world war 2 and all sorts of related subjects. Heavy subjects. Very heavy subjects.

In the evenings, I just fell into my hotel bed in Berlin and slept immediately. I was completely drained. I had to process so much in Berlin, I did not feel like playing at all.

I texted with Gregory and even skyped with him a few times. And I told Gregory something along the line of: "I know, I am somewhat neglecting you at the moment, but you are just so damn cute and I just "have" to be nice to you at the moment. It´s impossible for me to "punish"you or to be "mean" to you. You are so sweet and all I wanna do at the moment is to caress you and be nice to you." 

And Gregory replied by texting: "it´s cruel to be nice"

I have been pondering about his words a lot. 
I want him to be happy with me. 
I want him to be fulfilled with me.
I dont wanna do anything wrong. 
I am always a bit afraid that what I am offering to him is not good enough.

I dont want to be cruel to him. 
Being cruel does not turn me on. 
And I really don`t wanna be cruel to him by being nice to him. 
I want to be nice to him because he is a very warm and good man. He deserves to be treated nicely. It is fun for me to be nice to him. It makes me happy to be nice to him. It makes me feel good.

Sometimes I just want to hang out with him, talk about food or coke zero or how to mow the lawn. I need these moments because they make me happy and they make me regain my strength. I need these moments when I have his shoulder to lean on or his arms to relax in.

For me, these moments are as important as the kink. Actually, the kink is most fulfilling for me when I have these vanilla and nice moments with the man too.

I think for me it is like this:
The man, by submitting to me in the kinky/domestic discipline context, "proves" to me that I am special to him. He allows me to do things with him and to him, that other people can't do to him.

His submission to me in the kinky context allows me to "let go" a bit of my tension in the vanilla context. For me, it is generally quite difficult to show weakness and exhaustion. I am so used to being the strong one, that showing anything but strength does not come easily to me at all.

In a way, these "vanilla" moments are some sort of foreplay for me. I need these moments with the man in order to recharge my energy. Once my energy is back, there is no doubt what I want:
I want his submission and his obedience and I want to hear him say "yes ma` am".  I want to play with his cock and keep him denied, I want to give him a spanking, I want to play with his ass, I want him to lick my pussy, I want him to present his ass to me during a caning, I want to send him to a corner for punishment, I want him to write lines for me, I want to hear his voice change its color into submissive mode,... I want him to be my submissive pretty boy.

In sum: I am not trying to be cruel when I am being nice to Gregory.
For me , it works like this:
Be nice to me and let me be nice to you, and then will I be "cruel" to you ;-)

Not sure if this makes sense to you, but it totally does make sense to me.

Sunday, July 31, 2016

how can I make my wife dominate me?

Once in a while a guy sends me an email and asks me:

My marriage is not too god right now. We have kids but we have not had sex in a long time. I am thinking about getting a divorce, or having a mistress.
Tina, how can I make my wife interested in domestic discipline?  How can I tell her about my submissive side? How can I make her wanting to dominate me?

Here is what I think:


Begin by loving your wife. In the English language, "to love" is  a verb. It is actually possible to actively love somebody. Love her, even though she might not give you much love, affection or comfort lately. If you love her with all your heart, she will sooner or later feel it. And it will give you the very cool feeling of doing the right thing.

Take a deep breath, relax and try not to push things as far as the relationship is concerned.


There is a masterplan in order to come successfully through med school or to pass the bar exam, but there is just no such masterplan in regards to your marriage.
 
Both of you, you just have a huge responsibility with work and family, socializing and school/kindergarden (whatever). Having a hot and fullfilling sexlife under these circumstances is almost impossible. So what I am saying is: you are not doing worse than other couples are doing. Don`t panic, stay calm and don`t do anything stupid.

  • "it is NOW without any intimacy and closeness"
The good news is: intimacy and closeness can come back. You once had it with her, this indicates to both of you marrying for love reasons and not for money or reputation or stuff. So there is a strong foundation where the two of you can build on again. I am sure your wife does not want to lose you. You are the father of her kids, you care about the kids.

  • "I discovered the world of D/s"

 D/s is a great way of letting go in a controlled and safe environment. And in a way it is good for you that you found that way of letting go some of the tension through it. Better than drugs and alcohol and stuff. :-)

Do not push your wife in that direction too much.  
Start by courting her again: in a very very very very very very very  vanilly way of life. 
Did I make myself clear? let me repeat it: court her in a vanilla way.

And when you are courting her, do NOT expect anything in return. 
Love her, nothing more. Tell her that she is doing a good job with the kids. Tell her that you are glad that she is in your life. tell her that you are happy that she is so successful in the job she is doing

  • "She wants equality in marriage"
She wants equality in marriage?  thats fine. I want that too.
Sometimes I lead and sometimes the man leads. Its just a matter of finding the right balance.

 What is something small you want her to do to you in the kinky context? I dont know, I am asking you, what is it that you would like her to do to you?
denying you an orgasm?
telling you that you can't watch the MLB game on tv?
be more bossy with you at home?

Become clear first about what it is that turns you on. What is it that you want from her for a start.
Depending on it, it is important that you explain to her what you need and why you need it.
tell her that you are feeling very afraid and shaken and insecure. that you dont want to overwhelm her. But that it is just something you would like to explore with her.
Tell her, that it does not affect your ability to be her rock and her equal partner  when the two of you are facing the world, but that it is just something you want her to do to you in private.

Give her time to ponder.
Find something that is hot for you, but not too hardcore for her ;-)
And build from that slowly but steady.

Give her a chance to learn and understand this thing we are doing.
And even if she is not jumping into it enthusiastically , it´s not the end of the world, It only means you need to do a better job in explaining your feelings to her.
There is not a woman on earth who does not like it when a guy shares his feelings with her, believe me :-)


Basically: TALK TO HER. Share your feelings again with her. Write her a nice text message, saying that you are missing her when she is on a business trip, all these little things that make a womans heart melt. You know exactly what I am talking about, because you did all these things when you were newly engaged... So use your brains and do these things again. make her fall in love with you again. 

Relationship problems are about the last thing she needs. Most likely, if you are not happy in the relationship, she is not happy either. So work on making both of you happy again!!!!

If you have any money left  take a day or two days off from work and spend it with her only. Go for a walk, or play tennis with her or go and have a nice dinner together, no need to fly to NYC and go to the opera there. Just have a relaxed and fun day together with her doing nothing but pampering her and having fun with her. At this point of time you have to invest in the relationship. and I think the two of you, more than anything else you need time together. 

Only when the relationship is stable again bring up the kink. She might even give you what you want in that aspect then. But not now. 
If she is at least a bit like me, she needs to feel safe and cared for and loved and cherished and valued as woman, only then will dd and kink bring her pleasure. 

Friday, July 29, 2016

my birthday

Toady is my birthday.

If you have somewhat enjoyed my blog in the last 12 months, drop me a private message (diestarkefrau (at) yahoo(dot) com) and write me a few nice words.

It will mean a lot to me. A LOT.

I´d like  to have the feeling that I am surrounded by like-minded and caring and loving souls.

I´d like to be showered in your warmth and friendship.

And: feel free to send gifts too. I am open to receive all the abundance that the universe has to offer to me. :-)

I`d like to get as many tokens of love and friendship as possible. Tokens that remind me that I am valued and appreciated.

This is the day the Lord has made. I will rejoice and be glad in it.

Wishing you all a fantastic day. 

Will write more awesome stories about me and Gregory soon.  Keep us in your prayers. :-)

Wednesday, July 27, 2016

being slapped in the face

 Judging from the stats of my little blog , you all wanna read more about face slaps. Your wish is my command.

I have been asked:


He said he was forcibly resisting being spanked, and that led to him being slapped in the face. I'm interested in your take on that, especially as a lawyer. From a legal perspective, the most logical inference that people would draw from forcible resistance is that consent to the spanking has been withdrawn, making it an illegal assault. Of course, the chances that it would be pursued legally are probably nil. However, that still begs the question of how to DD partners conduct themselves when consent has apparently been revoked.  
in that situation of forcible resistance, would you consider consent to be withdrawn, and if so, would you continue to try to force compliance via face slapping or otherwise? 

I can say one thing for sure: If I have the SLIGHTEST feeling that the man is withdrawing his consent, I stop whatever I am doing. I am not stopping because of the cops or fear that legal problems might arise. This is not something I even think about. I never even had legal problems in my whole life. In my life, with the relationships that I have, 3rd parties are never a problem. The bond between the man and me is always very strong. 

Even today,  without having spoken with my ex for about 2 years, I am 100% confident that he would (if actually necessary)  throw himself in front of a car for me. And the very same feeling I have with Gregory. Even though we only know each other a very short time, for me it is clear that he would do me no harm and that he cares about my well-being very much. And I care about his well-being very much and would not do any harm to him. We never speak about it because it is so obvious for me. 

Gregory and I had a huge as in HUGE argument when I was visiting him. I had done something that led him to believe that I had caused him A LOT of problems. (I had not actually caused any problems, but he did not know that at the time.) He was FURIOUS with me. And I was not exactly happy with him either. His emotions were super raw that night. And despite the feeling of betrayal he was feeling, despite his anger, despite his fear, we still spent the night in the same bed, next to each other. That night he probably had felt like I had stabbed him in the back, and still he let me be close to him. Despite the fact that he felt very much betrayed and hurt by me, he trusted me. And first thing in the morning we cleared the situation and the misunderstandings.
In hindsight, this night and our huge argument that night only strengthened my believe in Gregory and in the fact that he is worthy of  my attention and love.

So, if I have the feeling that the man is withdrawing his consent, I dont stop because I fear legal problems. I stop because if he is withdrawing his consent, I immediately lose all interest in "dominating" him. Gregory could tell you that he encourages me often to be strict with him, to punish him and to let my dominant side shine through.  And there are times when I am super strict with him. (I will tell you one day about the night when I told him to strip and stand in the corner. I watched him over Skype and let him stand there for 90 full minutes....). I need him to encourage me to be strict with him because I want to be sure that he is actually ok with what I am demanding from him.

If a man withdraws his consent, I see no sense in dominating him anymore. Because what I want from him is a gift. I want the gift of his submission. I want him to be strong, and strong minded and independent, and if he is all that, his gift of his submission to me is super valuable to me.

If I tell my partner in a domestic discipline context to do something, and he does not do it, I feel like a fool, like an idiot. I don`t get angry with my partner, and I don`t want to slap him in the face. I just feel very humiliated and tell myself: "well I am not gonna give him that much power over me again." 

From my point of view: the kink is something that we both have to want. Both the man and I need to want to do this. And if he refuses to obey, I am not gonna force him into submission.
In a way, I let him  have the power. It´s his decision whether he obeys or not. It´s his decision to resist or not. I don`t want him to test out some boundaries. I don t want him to brat.  I am offering him my heart, and it is his decision whether he takes it and obeys or ignores it and shows defiance.  

Monday, July 25, 2016

a slap in the face?

My 27 yo, very smart and very beautiful sister has very stormy relationships with the men in her life. She is currently dating a 22 yo german-turkish macho boy. She is older, smarter, richer and more experienced than he is. And I know that my sister `s independence and strong will is sometimes hard to stomach for that young man, who grew up with very different role models.

My sister and the young man, they actually physically fought in our kitchen the other night, and they both ended up on the kitchen floor with blisters and bruises on their bodies. They stayed very quiet while fighting, because allegedly they did not want to wake me up. (which I appreciated, lol). They are fine with each other again already, "Cads' fighting when ended is soon mended".

My sister told me all about the fight and the bruises the next day. I could see that she was not hurting in a bad way. She seemed to like the "drama". And she likes the fact that he is treating her roughly. Him treating her like that gives her a possibility to get physically with him too.

I listened to her story and tried to stay completely non-judgmental. The only thing I said was: "If a man treated me like that, I would lose all interest in him immediately."

And my sister asked me very bewildered: "Have you never slapped a man in the face?"
And my honest answer was and is: "No, I have never done that."

If a man acted around me in such a way that I wanted to slap him in the face, I`d leave him. 

In my thinking, in a vanilla context, slapping the partner in the face is super humiliating. It´s just something I am not willing to have in my life.

I saw my stepdad slap my mom in the face years ago. And it is a picture I never want to see again.

I think my point is:
It is a very strange thought that my little sister thinks it is completely normal for a woman to slap her man in the face.