Wednesday, November 24, 2010


Am about to fly to the US. My plane starts in a couple of hours.
To say it is an adventure would be an understatement...
I am very nervous about meeting my man again. Lately, we had no chance to stay in contact too often, so it is hard to tell what is going to happen.  All I know is: I am thinking about him 24/7 :-)

I realized just yesterday that my credit card is expired. Should have asked for a new one weeks ago. Now it is too late and my bank can not provide me with a new one on such a short notice. In Germany I NEVER use a credit card, that is why I did not notice it earlier...

My mans credit card would not be of any help, because I made my reservations through a German Internet site. And they said explicitly that the good prices are for Germans only and not for Americans. So they want to see a German credit card... (Btw: isn`t this some form of discrimination? Maybe I should sue them, lol)

But, great as I am, I negotiated with the guys at the American car rental counter to accept my cash deposit. And the manager on duty said it would be ok. Hope he is right...

Have been at the hairdresser yesterday. Now I look like an idiot...I almost started crying ... I have know clue what exactly has happened, but I somehow ended with very unflattering hairs.

But at least my timing is perfect: thanksgiving and black Friday, here I come :-)
And since this whole post is off-topic, let me end my ramblings here with this great clip:

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

plot in a spanking clip?

I just read on a great blog that the author, a man, does not like to see too much plot in a spanking video. And I was wondering if that is the same for you.

It might be a female thing, but for me, the plot is really important. Even in a spanking clip. It adds a lot to the coolness of the clip. And if there is no plot at all, I don`t enjoy the video as much as I would if there would be a (good) story around the spanking.


I think for me the atmosphere is really important. I need to know in which setting we are. And why we are in the setting we are.

I have been wanting to share a good sermon with you for weeks, from one of my favorite tv pastors, Bayless Conley. I have been trying to find it on the internet, but it seems as if it is no longer availble. Anyway, he basically had said: the 7 things that make a man happy: sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex and a good hot meal. -Not very new, I know ;-)
But he went on: in order to make a woman happy, it takes much more. For women, it is all about the atmosphere. And he was so right in saying that...

If you wanna have sex with a woman tonight, you better start being nice to her during breakfast. Women, or I at least ;-), need an environment that lets us relax, enjoy ourselves, feel loved, feel cherished. Brings us in the mood. The pure act of sex is not appealing for women like me. It has to be sex with a special man.The setting has to be right. There have to be feelings involved. I wanna know what the man thinks, what he feels, what he is longing for, what turns him on. And I want to be sure that he is having sex with "me", and not with a "female person" who could easily be exchanged.

The same goes for spankings and spanking clips. The act of seeing a paddle or belt or hand crush down on a male butt is not hot in itself. I need to be sure that it is not actually abusive. I need to know that the man is submitting by his own free will. I would like to know what brought him in that position. I want to see how he tries to argue his way out of a spanking, with no success, of course ;-) I am interested to know if she is enjoying it or if she is angry with him. I want to see how she comforts him afterwards, how she tells him all is ok now. How she tells him he has been forgiven.

We all know, there is a difference between punisment spankings and erotic spankings. So I wanna know: why is she spanking him? For what reason?
Has he asked for it?  Did he want her to spank him?
Did he hesitate in getting over her knee?

If I could chose, I would want to have a lot of information. therefore: plot? yes, definitely! In clips and in real life :-)

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

humiliation, part two

Domestic discipline seems to be much more about "humiliation" than I had realized. Don`t get me wrong, of course I still believe that love and respect and trust and all these kind of things should be the most relevant factors in a relationship. I am just tired of writing that down again. I have done that so many times in the past... You should "know" me by now. I am actually a sweet woman. I am not a cruel bitch who gets turned on by other people suffering. However, within a domestic discipline relationship, "humiliation", or the threat of it, seems to be really important too. 

In a way, being in a domestic discipline relationship carries many humiliating aspects per se. In the way I see it, being punished is not really helpful in not feeling humiliated.... 

Is there a mental state in which one can think of punishments and not feeling humiliated? I doubt that. I think the fact alone that you are going to be punished is humiliating.You might tell yourself that the punishment is well deserved, that she is punishing you for your best only...things like that. But the fact remains, that you are going to be dealt with in a way that is not common for grown up men. 

During a punishment you can not rely on the things you might rely on during your "regular life". It does not matter who you are, what you have achieved in life, how powerful you might be... There is no way to talk her out of it, to negotiate, to threat, to buy, to manipulate or whatever it is you are usually doing in order to get what you want. It is not going to happen in a dd scenario. She will decide what is going to happen, how long it will last and how hard it will be. Your only "job" is to do as she tells you and accept whatever she decides. Who told you "submitting" would be fun?

I am talking about punishments and discipline here. This means grounding him, sending him to bed early, no TV, no sports and yes spankings. I read about a man whose girlfriend does not allow him to wear shoes and socks within the house. He has to stay barefoot. He has to ask her for permission to take on his shoes once he wants to or needs to. I like that idea. It´s actually pretty harmless. Won`t kill him. However, that way he will always be remembered that she is in charge. 

Many of you don`t like the idea of being sent to bed early. It sucks? Good! It is supposed to do just that. Makes it even more interesting to me. There is no need for you to like it. I might resort to it anyway. I might tell you that it is time for you to go to bed right away. And in that case you have two options: Do it without much fuss. Or don`t do it , get a spanking that makes you understand that you are supposed to do as I told you, and go to bed right after the spanking with a sore bottom on top of it...

For me, there is no need for a link between punishment and sex. I will make sure that within the realtionship all the needs of my partner are fulfilled as much as possible. But this does not mean punishment and sex should be considered to be the same. With me, they are not.   

The spankings I am talking about are different from others you see on the Internet. They have nothing to do with sex. They have to do with real spankings. Spankings that teach real lessons and make you improve your behavior.

Here is another thought I just had: Generally, I want to give my partner the feeling that he is cared for. That he can rely on me. That he can trust me. And sometimes, especially for men, that message is hard to accept. Being strict and no-nonsense and not wavering in administering punishments might be a means of showing the man that I mean what I am saying.

Talk can only help so much in making a man understand that he is actually cared for. But punishments, in connection with the intense feeling of humiliation are a sure way of reaching his soul. Therefore: a humiliating punishment, followed by a very long aftercare might be just the right thing to make him understand that I will stay by his side...   

Monday, November 8, 2010


This post is about my feelings. I do not claim to have all wisdom here. I am just trying to explain my point of view!

It´s quite difficult for me to write about humiliation... Seems to trigger a lot of feelings in me. The cuckolding post was a piece of cake to write compared to the "humiliation" one. As I said, cuckolding does nothing for me. But "humiliation" is a trigger word indeed.

I do not want to be humiliated myself. I have no cravings at all to be the center of any humiliation... 

Over the last months I understood, that "my man"  is the only man in the world who I would ever submit to a spanking for. (Only theoretically speaking...).I have never been spanked myself. And in theory, I think it is not so much the "pain factor" that is preventing me from wanting to experience it, but much more the "humiliation aspect".  The spanking, as far as me getting one is concerned, and I am saying that in a very topping from the bottom kind of way, should not be administered in a humiliating way at all. Being humiliated, I think I would break down indeed. I am afraid that´s the truth...

Even just thinking of my man doing anything that could humiliate me gives me watery eyes right away. And not in a good way, believe me ...I am very lucky that it is just not his modus operandi. I am very thankful for that. There has never been a situation ever when he has treated me in a way that is linked to the word "humiliation" in any regard at all. Never.

When I was at his place, there happened one incident, when I really messed up! I won`t go too much  into details here, but I was surfing the Internet and I did not pay attention to a pet. I still do not know how that could happen... Anyway, the pet went missing and my man was as concerned as one can possibly be. And rightfully so! If he had ever had a reason for being really angry with me, it was on that day.

However, he did nothing to make me feel bad. He stayed as calm as possible, did not reproach me at all.He asked me a couple of necessary questions in order to understand what has happened, and then he just went out in the dark and tried to find  the pet and find a solution to the problems I had caused. He solved all problems- hey, he is a great guy...-and even afterwards he did not tell me how negligent I have been. Did I mention that I am really thankful that he acted that calm... :-)

If he had done anything to humiliate me, I would have cried right away and probably overreacted in a not good way. Like, I don`t know, just feeling unworthy and terrible and devastated... If he, (for the sake of the argument...), would have told me to go to bed right away, or if he had told me to go write some lines, or if he had given me a spanking , it would not have done me any good at all. Just the opposite. It would have made things much worse.

You have to understand,  in my mind, it does not matter if  the person who would humiliate me loves me or not. The reasons why he would be doing it would not matter either. In a way, if it would be done by somebody who is dear to my heart, it would be even harder emotionally. Again: harder not in a good way...

I think, humiliation is only  not a destructive thing, if the person administering it is in fact the "weaker" one. And with me and "my man", even though I am the dominant one, he is in fact the stronger one. He is somebody  I can look up to.  I am admiring him for so many things.I have asked him for his advice many times and he has always given good advice. He is older, more experienced, smarter and even taller than I am.

And he is giving me the wonderful gift of submitting to me. I think he does not really understand how much he is actually giving me...

Having said all that, I still believe in "humiliating" a man myself. Does not sound fair, I know...

I have done quite a few things to a man that can be considered humiliating indeed. I have sent a man to a corner, made a man write lines for me, I have used orgasm denial in order to make an impression and I have given a man a spanking.Just to name a few...And to tell you the truth, I think I will not hesitate to do all these things again in the future.

I said right from the start, right from opening my blog, that I am searching a strong man. And many strong men have written to me. And for them, it seems as if "being humiliated in a domestic discipline setting" is not something that will be as harmful as it is to me. I dont know, it´s all difficult...

Here is what works for me in order to find the humiliation of a man attractive.And again: I am only talking about humiliating a man in a dd setting. ...

It has to be a strong man, a powerful man.
He needs to have messed up in a big way.
He needs to know that he is deserving a punishment indeed.
The humiliation needs to teach him a valuable lesson.
The humiliating act needs to be something that is very hard for him to stomach.
She needs to be interested in helping him, rather than harming him
There has to be an understanding between her and him that things will be good again later.
She needs to be willing to comfort him afterwards for as long as he needs her to do that.

It is all still very rough in my mind... will think about it and maybe write about it again.

Sunday, November 7, 2010


I am not a fan of cuckolding. However, if you wanna do it in your relationship or if you are doing it and having fun: good for you. Fine with me. I am not the one to tell you how to lead your life. I am not (yet...) a televangelist :-)

I am just sharing my feelings here. In MY (!) opinion cuckolding is the opposite of what I truly want. In my understanding and in my way of thinking, it is not a cool thing.

First of all, sex is not what I am most interested at. Me, personally, I know that I can "survive" a very long time with masturbating only. Might be different for you, ok, but I just know I can. There are other things I am searching and hoping for and craving. I am interested in honest talks, in sound feelings, in deep emotions, in sharing my life with my partner, in supporting each other, in being unguarded around my man. I want a feeling of security, the feeling of belonging to a man.

Secondly: I understand the reasoning of men who want to submit to their woman in all aspects of life. And cuckolding seems to be the most significant, the ultimate way of showing submission. But the question that comes to my mind is: Where is the appeal for the woman? "Submission" is linked to the wants and needs of the dominant partner. But why would she want to have an extra lover besides the man/husband/boyfriend she truly loves and cares for?

That question gets even more important in a domestic discipline relationship...In a dd relationship the man strives to make the woman satisfied and happy anyway. And the woman gets turned on by him doing just that. So why should she hand over the sexual part of "making her happy" to another man but not the husband?

I have had many talks with women. And we talk about everything....And NOT ONCE has a woman told me that she is unsatisfied with the "general" performance of her man in bed. Of course, there is good sex and bad sex. I know that, sure. And it has happened that women have complained to me about the fact that the sex with the boyfriend is not good because he is not paying attention to her needs. And in very general terms: if the sex is bad, if there is no sex at all or if it does not click in the bedroom, in that case the two people should really consider, if they should stay together at all...

As far as I can tell, from a female point of view, bad sex is in most cases linked to a relationship problem. I doubt that there are many cases out there where the man is really physically not able to "perform" and make her sexually happy, and therefore the woman feels the need to get satisfaction from a "bull". And even that idea seems pretty theoretical. Because in my experience, real loving women are willing to stick to their men in all kind of difficult situations..

Assuming that both partners do get along, love and care for each other, why would SHE want to have an added lover? There are so many ways for a man to make a woman happy and satisfied, and the size of the penis is not a relevant factor in that regard at all. Far from it.

From my point of view, there are other ways for men to submit to their woman. Things women just like, but doing these things might feel like submitting from a mens point of view :-)

With me, these things might be for instance:
-going to church with me
-not feeling bothered by the fact that I will end many conversations due to the fact that my grandma needs me
-sharing your feelings with me
-watching below average TV shows with me
-accepting that I might overwhelm you sometimes with my ideas

I think you get what I am talking about.... This is not "hot stuff" per se,  but it is a sure way of making me hot. And once a man does all that I want to have a good sexual relationship with him as well. Thats a given!

So now from my point of view:

Why would I want to prevent my man from having sex with me, only to meet another man and do it with him? Think about it: If I have a man who is willing to submit to me, who does all the hot and not so hot things for me to make me happy. A man I developed a strong emotional link to. Why should I not allow him to have sex with me only to have it with a man who is FAR from having the same high emotional status? As a woman, it is not difficult to find a man to have sex with him. The difficult thing is to find a man who is the right one for a special  emotional relationship. So assuming that the emotional relationship is good and the "lust" is there, why should one add another man?

Does not make sense to me.

Just my two cents...

Saturday, November 6, 2010

that `s good!

My grandma, she is the coolest ever!  I love her so much. The whole family does. Right now, my almost 30 yo brother is napping in her bed...

This morning, while making scrambled eggs and thinking of my man I said to her:

Grandma, "my man" wrote me tonight. I am happy!

She suffers from dementia, therefore she forgets a lot.
She replied: Have you already met him or do you know him through the Internet only?

I said: Hey, I saw him, touched him and kissed him.

She asked: Have you done even more with him?

Me: Yes, I have.

She smiled at me and only said: that`s good!

Friday, November 5, 2010

market value

Before opening my internet blog, I have not been big in the man`s world. Hard to imagine, I know ;-)
It is a strange thing.. I always wanted to have a real man, not a boy..and I always liked americans.
And I was never willing to compromise in order to have "a" man at all.

In the past, I sometimes missed having a man in my life, I complained a lot about being single, but to tell you the truth, I was doing pretty good as a single girl.  And I am using the term "girl" here for a reason...
I felt like a girl. I might have been a business woman, and might have already had my own law firm, but in a way, I still saw myself as a girl, acted like a girl and felt like a girl.

But suddenly, this year, without me consciously doing anything differently, my whole life got turned around. The girl is nowhere to be seen and a woman arose.

I have a very good male friend, Paul. He is about 60 years old. I know him since I was 14 years old and since I was the babysitter of his two sons...At the time he was married to a beautiful, blond, tall , smart and slim woman. When his marriage broke down, me and my family tended to be at the wifes side, because he was the one who had been cheating on his wife...

After a couple of years, when the wife still was not able to get emotionally over the divorce, when the two sons were having big troubles with the fact that they had no relationship at all with their dad, when he had long ago moved from my small town to the big city and when the whole situation was a mess, I started praying for them all. For many months, whenever I had a moment of time, I spoke a prayer for them. I did not tell anybody about my prayers. I just felt the need to do it. I could not stand the idea that the family, that had been so close to me and had almost been "family" to me, was actually destroying themselves.

I had lost contact to Paul and had not seen him for some years, when one day, at the train station in the big city, I suddenly met him again. The train doors opened, I wanted to get in, and Paul stood right in front of me. He was about to exit the very same train that I was about to enter... I remember, as soon as I recognized him I screamed: "Paul"!!!

Looking back, he might not even have recognized me right away. I am pretty sure he had not thought of me too much in the years we had not seen each other. But for me, with my background of prayers for him and his ex-family, he had been one of the most important people in my life. We only exchanged telephone numbers and parted right away.

A couple of days later he came to see me in the city where I lived at that time. We went to an ice cream place, I asked him a few questions and he started talking and talkig and talking...It was the first time after many years that he had the chance to explain his side of the story to a "represenative  of the other side". I am pretty sure that`s what he considered me to be...He was so full of hate, full of anger... He told me if he would see his ex-wife passing away in the streets, he would just walk away...he would not help her, maybe even give her a kick...

I did what I am best at. I listened,and talked, and listened and made him think...He started to call me regularly and we became very close friends. I told the ex-wife about it and asked her, if she would be ok with it. She said yes, even though she was not... I looked very good at the time, had lost enormous weight, and soon she thought him and I , we were an item.
Which we were not. ...

Some time later I got the chance of  working in the US. He came to visit me, and we spent many nights together in one room. I just trusted him. I still do. But he NEVER approached me sexually. I think he did not even see me as a woman. I was just "Tina". The friend. The person to talk to.

Since then we spent a lot of time together. We have even been together in the sauna many times -And to all you unknowning americans out there: Europeans don`t wear a bathing suit in the sauna. It has to be done fully nude! :-)

I have been talking with Paul today. I told him about my plans to travel to the US and to my man soon again. And suddenly he said: "Tina, your man, he is quite a bit older than you are. So you could have chosen me in the first place..." In the last 15 years, he had not once indicated to be interested in me. And now, as soon as he hears how happy I am with another man, he starts flirting with me , calls me "my princess" and is sweet as never before... I cut him off right away. I was very clear and he got my message. Not hard to understand: NO!

But the question remains:
I just don`t get it.
Why is it, that as soon as there is a man in my life my market value goes way up?

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Sir Yes Sir!

It even makes sense that perhaps many women have been reluctant to accept the lead and adopt this lifestyle simply due to the enormous pressure of the implied perfection required to assume such an authoritative role? 

Monday, November 1, 2010

dd and the female body

The good news is: I am writing on my thesis like crazy. I am making progress indeed!
The bad news is: Since starting to work on it I eat constantly. I just can not work on my thesis and not eat, lol, really. That is an impossible thing to do.

DD had helped me so much to get over all body issues I had, and now I am destroying everything again....

I was supposed to run the marine corps marathon yesterday. But did not do it because I will fly to see "my man" in a few weeks again.

I had a conversation about my body with my mom the other day and I basically told her: "We (as a family) have two options: me slim and just a lawyer or me big and a "Dr." on my name".

Without hesitating she went for dick (german term for "big",) and doctor...

Ok, ok, maybe I should not have discussed that with my mother, but with "my man" ... lol, sorry :-)

But: two things as far as he is concerned, well three actually:
First of all: he is a VERY private person. No chance for me to write about him.
He is absolutely supportive as far as me finishing my thesis goes. In a way I am writing it for him as much as for my "german" family.
Basically: I have no chance to ask him for his opinion on my body these days. Even though, I just realise the fact that he could say: "Tina... please stop eating" worries me quite a bit...

Anyway, my points are:

Through dd I  got the chance of feeling much  better in my body. It might be because the "market" is much smaller for the men as it is in the "vanilla world" and I developed an attitude of:
well, if YOU don`t like it/me, there are already 10 men waiting in line to get me

In a dd oriented relationship- at least from a female point of view, don`t know if the men agree with me- the body is not the most relevant factor. There is so much more a woman can give to the man than "just" her body. In fact, I think if the woman does have no brain, there is no chance to establish such a cool dd relationship as lets say the new internet dream couple B and serving B are having :-)

I know, men are picture oriented, but in a way, I can not believe that so much depends on the woman having size 0 or not. It is interesting to see, what kind of pictures wdspoone posts. He does not pay attention -as far as I can tell- if the woman is small or big. As long as the "scene" on the picture is hot, he seems to  post it. And from the many comments it seems as if  most men do not pay attention to it too much either.

I might be totally wrong here

OnHerKnee said...I would be a liar if I said I didn't find a small female bottom in a tight pair of jeans attractive.
 Ok, I get that. Its the same for me. I like a good male body.
The question however is:
Is it a "conditio sine qua non" for being in a relationship or starting a relationship?
For me, it does not really matter. As long as the emotional bond is strong enough, I don`t care about his body too much.