Lately, it feels very strange for me to keep expressing my dominant feelings. Of course, I still find BDSM and everything we do stimulating and sexually exciting. But I’ve noticed that my interest in actually living out this side of myself has decreased. It seems as if I’m a bit tired.
I find less joy in taking care of other people, in bringing them under my guidance or taking them under my moral wing, so to speak. For me, it still often feels like I’m giving more than I’m receiving. In my personal experience, it’s often been the case that men, in theory, are very willing to submit and look for a dominant woman—but in real life, I encounter a lot of resistance.
I know from many emails and exchanges with others that, from a certain perspective, men do indeed seek out and even enjoy being in long-term, successful Female Led Relationships or D/s relationships with different partners. But in my own relationships, I’ve often experienced that men were “all in” at the beginning, only to pull away later or, in a sense, take the power back from me.
It might sound strange to say, “they took the power back,” but it’s important to remember that this dynamic is always based on consent. Without the man’s consent, nothing in this world works. It’s a very fine line to walk—being dominant in a session while also making sure you don’t traumatize the man or cross his boundaries.
I have no interest in “breaking” a man or forcing him into anything. What’s important to me is that he gives himself to me willingly. Yet somehow, I feel like I haven’t found the right partner for this kind of relationship lately.
And honestly, this whole situation makes me very sad. The truth is, I’m still genuinely interested in female-led relationships, in femdom, and in BDSM. But as we all know, it takes two to tango—I can’t do this alone. I need a partner for this journey. If my partner withdraws, I’m left feeling helpless and sad, no matter how dominant I might be. I don’t want a slave in real life; I want someone who gives himself to me willingly and wholeheartedly. Whether I’ll ever find that again remains to be seen.