when my desire to discipline you fades

 In my experience with female-led relationships, discipline is more than rules or corrections—it’s a deeply intentional act of love. It’s about showing care, offering guidance, and nurturing my partner’s growth. 

But what happens when that discipline fades? What happens when the structure, accountability, and leadership disappear?

For me, the answer is simple yet profound: if you don’t love me, if you don’t see me, if you don’t value me—I won’t discipline you.

Discipline in my relationship isn’t about control or domination for its own sake. It’s about connection. When I enforce boundaries or hold my partner accountable, it’s because I care deeply about him. It’s my way of saying, “I see your potential, and I believe in you enough to help you grow into the best version of yourself.”

But here’s the thing: discipline flows from connection. It requires emotional investment and mutual respect. When that connection breaks down—when I don’t feel valued or appreciated any more—my desire to provide discipline fades completely.

When discipline disappears in my relationship, it often signals something deeper than just a change in routine. For me, it means I no longer feel loved or seen in the same way. If my partner stops valuing me —if he takes me for granted or fails to show appreciation for the care I give—I won’t continue to pour my energy into guiding him.

It might sound harsh, but it’s true: if you don’t see me, I won’t give you anything—not my time, not my effort, not my love expressed through discipline. Why would I invest myself in someone who doesn’t recognize or honor my role in their life?

Discipline requires emotional labor—it takes thoughtfulness and commitment. If those things aren’t reciprocated through respect and connection, the dynamic falls apart. 

For me, discipline is a reflection of how deeply I care about my partner. It’s a way of showing him that he matters enough for me to guide him with intention and love. If that love and connection aren’t there, neither is my desire to discipline.

how to get my wife to be more dominant?

A reader wrote : 

 I wish someone would work with my wife to teach her the benefits to being a Domme and help her to learn how to do it more often.

I've been thinking about what you shared, and I wanted to pass on some ideas that might help you and your wife nurture your D/s dynamic. It's great that you're committed to making this work!

One thing that can really help is making sure that the dominance doesn't just start in the bedroom. It's about creating a vibe throughout your daily life. For example, you can show your submission by doing little things for her without being asked, like chores or cooking meals. It's these small gestures that can make her feel more in control.

You might also want to establish some rituals that reinforce your dynamic. This could be as simple as asking her permission for certain things or presenting yourself for "inspection" at a set time each day. Encourage her to explore different aspects of being a Domme too—like decision-making or planning social events.

It's also important to keep the lines of communication open. Have regular chats about what you both want, what your boundaries are, and how things are going. And don't be afraid to be vulnerable—share your fears and feelings with her. If you feel awkward during these talks, don't worry, we all do, lol. But this can really strengthen your bond and help her understand what you need.

Little things can make a big difference too. Like when you're watching TV, give her the remote control. It might seem small, but it shows her that you're willing to let her take the lead in everyday situations. In my opinion. the one with the remote control is the one with power ;-)

Exploring new activities together can keep things fresh and exciting. Look into new forms of play or dominance that you both find interesting. What kind of things do turn her on the most? what is it that she likes about being dominant? what aspects does she love? Focus on these and give her more of it.

Hope these ideas help!

And sure, I am willing to exchange emails with her if she wants to.