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I recently started offering interactive experiences like corner time and online writing line sessions to connect more deeply with you and to explore the dynamics we all crave. The responses I received were both surprising and enlightening, revealing a lot about what you really want.
The most striking thing I noticed was the dual nature of your desires. On one hand, you wanted me to be strict and take control, bossing you around and creating a strong power exchange. This was to be expected in a scenario where the thrill comes from giving up control.
On the other hand, some of you wanted to dictate how the sessions went, essentially "topping from the bottom." You told me exactly what you wanted and how the session should unfold. This showed a need for control and personalization, even in a dynamic where one party usually takes the lead.
Balancing these desires was an interesting challenge. It meant understanding your boundaries and preferences while being flexible with the session dynamics.
Did I always succeed? Nope.
I struggle with the aspect of maintaining authority while being flexible. For me, it is important to keep my authority while accommodating your input. It is not easy to preserve the power exchange while respecting your need for agency.
Add to it the element of money and things get even more complicated. Some of you were worried that I would just be interested in getting your money. An accusation that actually hurt my feelings a lot.
Others were trying to make sure I don't scam them. I understand that, taking into consideration the many scams that are to be found online. But then, I am thinking: "come on, man. There are so much easier ways out there to scam someone than writing a blog for over a decade about my own journey, my deepest desires, needs, hopes and cravings."
I made a promise to myself in the past to not give myself away for free ever again. I have done that so many times in the past, I won't do that anymore. That's why I insist on a fee when you want to interact with me personally.
Basically: it's all much more complicated than I was hoping.
If you're still interested in joining a session or have any thoughts to share, feel free to reach out.
Those of us who have followed this blog over the years, Tina, know how earnest and forthcoming you have been in sharing your own evolution and your struggles along its course, as well as how open-hearted and embracing you have been toward men who crave submission to a strong woman. In me, that knowledge has created a felt sense of safety about you. However, that said, wanting to engage with that strong, nurturing woman has sent me back to read most, if not quite all, your posts in Die starker Frau, to reassure myself about what my sense of safety with you is founded upon, whether the degree of that sense is commensurate with the particulars of what you have posted over the years. Such concern in a submissive male about actually bringing something so anathema in the culture into the presence of another might be easily understood by one, like yourself, who understands the dynamic so well, varied though it might be with each individual. I wonder if the "topping from the bottom" that you are experiencing is, in part, uncertain people trying tentatively to negotiate their safety at the outset of a potentially developing relationship that has the prospect of much deepening as felt sense of safety develops. More complicated, perhaps, that what you were hoping for, but I wonder if it's really so very complicated when you regard inquiries as the threshold of relationship. My thoughts in that regard, FWIW. As for people concerned about a financial scam, they have only to read over the history of your posts and I expect they would recognize what you are asking for is paltry in exchange for what you bring to the interaction.
ReplyDeleteThank you for what you bring to the world. I feel seen and accepted when I visit your blog and those feelings are nearly impossible to value in the world of commerce.
I can only speak for myself but I'm fairly sure this applies to many of us.
ReplyDeleteI have been sexually submissive my entire adult life. I have spent years fantasizing about it, manufacturing elaborate scenarios, crafted with great detail. The dialogue, the clothing, the dynamics, the roles, the physical, the emotional, all of it, down to the smallest aspect. By now I know exactly what arouses me and what what doesn't work for me at all.
I have been able to explore these fantasies with willing partners a handful of times in my life. While these encounters were wonderful in their own rights and I am grateful to those women for having indulged me, none of them fully realized my hopes (one came very close).
I have never engaged the services of a professional, though have been seriously considering it of late. And here's where "topping from the bottom" comes in. If I were to pay for an encounter, I would do so in hopes of fulfilling my desires. All of them. And that means describing exactly what I want and how I want it delivered to me.
Of course the woman I'm paying is a human being deserving of respect, that goes without saying. She would also be, presumably, a professional, with the experience and expertise to be able to deliver what I ask for, or be able to explain why it couldn't be done and offer an alternative.
I see it as being similar to ordering a chef-created meal in a high end restaurant, or having a bespoke suit tailored. I know what I want and discussion and negotiation with the professional prior to creation will, ideally, result in an outcome that pleases us both.
It's important to note that once the negotiation is complete and both parties have agreed, I am then firmly in the hands of the professional and trust she will deliver what and as promised.
I hope this makes sense. I'd love to hear your thoughts.
This was me, by the way. I clicked the wrong button before adding my name.
DeleteTina,
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for sharing such deep and personal thoughts, both in this post and so many others. It's refreshing and enlightening to read something so authentic.
i can only add my own thoughts from a submissive's perspective and tell you that it's been difficult from my end to meet the demands of dominant women in an online relationship. As honest and heartfelt as my intentions (and theirs) were, i know that i failed miserably. i tried very hard to not "top from the bottom" and i think i was pretty successful doing that. Where i thought things really fell apart was when the Dommes got upset that i wasn't either available as often as they would like (i'm a post grad student and i work) or when i was late with some of their assignments. Real life gets in the way.
i left sad that i had failed, though both Women in the end were understanding.
i've now been with an older (by 14 years) dominant woman for three months. We do not live together yet but it could happen if things continue to go well. A real life situation is easier in my opinion, though there are still many things to work through. Honesty with one another is most important. The submissive has to "give" a little more in my opinion. For instance, as feminine as she is, she insists that i call her "Daddy." i had a hard time with that at first, (i dont' want to be with a man,) but i've gotten used to it. Both of us envision me as a "sissy wife" for her some day, while still being able to balance my career.
Thanks for a great and honest blog.
Thank you