a very personal post

This might be one of the most personal texts I have ever written....I use Marc and Julia to express it, but in reality it is all about me.

Marc sat across from Julia at the small table in their favorite restaurant, the soft glow of the candlelight casting flickering shadows across the room. They had just finished dinner, and the quiet hum of the evening seemed to wrap around them in a comfortable, familiar embrace.

For the first time in a while, Marc felt a sense of calm that had nothing to do with the external world. The business, his personal life, everything seemed to be falling into place, and it was in large part because of Julia.

As they sipped their wine, a thought began to settle in Marc’s mind—a thought that had been quietly lingering for weeks. He had been so focused on how Julia’s structure and discipline had transformed his life, but now he was starting to wonder: What was it that drove her? What was it that had made her invest so much time, so much energy, and so much care in him?

There was something deep and steady about Julia, something that he had always admired, but now he was beginning to realize just how much of herself she had poured into him. She wasn’t just a lawyer, a professional, or even a partner. She was something more. And Marc wanted to understand it better.

He took a deep breath and set his glass down, meeting her eyes across the table. Julia, sensing his shift in focus, set her own glass aside, her gaze steady and expectant.

"Julia," Marc began slowly, his voice quieter than usual. "I’ve been meaning to ask you something. You've put so much energy into me—into us, really. But I keep wondering: What’s driving you? Why have you given so much of yourself? I mean… back then, when I was so wrapped up in my own world, what did you see in me? What was it that made you take me under your wing and invest all this time and care into me?"

Julia didn’t speak right away. Instead, she leaned back slightly in her chair, her fingers idly tracing the edge of her wine glass. Marc’s question hung in the air between them, heavy and sincere. She was thoughtful for a moment, her gaze distant as she considered his words.

Finally, Julia’s lips curved into a small, almost imperceptible smile. “You know, Marc, I’ve been asked that question before, but it’s never really been one I could answer easily. It’s not something that I’ve given much thought to in those exact terms. But I suppose if I really look at it, the answer is a bit more personal than you might think.”

Marc nodded, his curiosity piqued, but he said nothing. He wanted her to speak freely, without rushing her.

Julia took a slow sip of her wine, her eyes steady on him as she began to speak, her voice calm and measured. "When I was younger, I had to be in control. I didn’t really have a choice. My family… wasn’t stable. There was always something. Things that were too big, too messy, to be handled by anyone but me. I had to manage things that no child should have to. I learned early on how to keep things together, how to take charge and try to fix things that were unfixable. It became second nature."

Marc could hear the unspoken weight in her words, the quiet pain and resilience that she never allowed to show. It was a side of Julia he hadn’t fully understood, not until now.

She continued, her voice softening with each word. "I got good at it—too good, maybe. And then, as I grew older, I became a lawyer. I thought that being in control would finally bring me peace. But what I’ve found is that I’m always in problem-solving mode. Every day, every client, there’s always something that needs fixing. The whole world comes to me for answers, to help manage the unmanageable. And in many ways, I’m still that person—the one who takes charge, who fixes things."

Marc listened intently, taking in every word, the pieces of Julia’s life fitting together like fragments of a puzzle. He had always known she was strong, that she had a certain quiet power about her, but now he understood the depth of it. Her need to be in control wasn’t just about authority; it was about survival, about finding structure in a world that had once been chaotic.

Julia’s expression shifted slightly as she leaned forward, her gaze locked with his. "But here’s the thing. In my work, I’m always bending backward for my clients. I’m always trying to be flexible, accommodating their needs, adapting to whatever they throw at me. I’m their firefighter, their problem solver, their support. And while I love what I do, there are times when I need something for myself, too."

Marc’s heart skipped a beat as he realized where this was headed. He had seen the meticulous way Julia had structured his life, the boundaries she had set, the way she guided him with such care and consistency. It wasn’t just about her controlling him—it was about giving her the space to feel in control of something in her own life, something that was hers, something she could shape in her own way.

"In the relationship with you, Marc," Julia continued, her voice steady, "I can be in control. I can have things my way, without the constant need to accommodate anyone else’s expectations or desires. And there’s a certain peace in that. I can guide you, I can help you grow, and I know that it’s working. I see the changes in you, in how you’re becoming a better version of yourself. That… makes me feel good. It’s not about control for control’s sake. It’s about being able to create something positive, something meaningful."

Marc was struck by her words, by the raw honesty she was sharing. He had always respected Julia, but now, hearing her explain the reasons behind her actions, he found a new sense of admiration for her. She wasn’t just powerful; she was human—deeply human, with her own struggles, her own need for balance.

"So," Marc said, his voice quieter than before, "it’s not just about me being your project. It’s about us finding a way to balance everything, for you to have something that’s yours. Something that you can control, in your own way."

Julia’s smile was softer now, more genuine. She reached across the table, her hand resting lightly over his. "Exactly. You’ve become more than just someone I’m helping. I’ve learned to trust you, to let you grow, and in turn, I’ve found something I didn’t realize I was missing. A sense of control, but also a sense of connection."

Marc squeezed her hand gently, feeling a deep sense of understanding settle over him. For the first time, he realized just how much they had been helping each other—how their relationship, built on guidance, respect, and mutual understanding, had evolved into something that nurtured both of them.

"You know," he said with a slight chuckle, "I never really thought I’d be someone who needed guidance. But now I can’t imagine not having it."

Julia’s smile deepened, and she gave a slight, knowing nod. "We all need it, Marc. In one way or another."

And in that moment, as they sat together, Marc understood. Julia’s need to be in control, her desire to guide him, was not just about authority—it was about finding balance in her own life. And in helping him, she had found something powerful, something fulfilling.

Marc realized that their connection wasn’t one-sided. They were both learning, both growing, and together, they were building something stronger than either of them had expected.