Saturday, August 21, 2010

new era

I stumbled accross the following quote today and liked it a lot. It fits to my life these days... 
Once you make a decision, the universe conspires to make it happen.                                       Ralph Waldo Emerson
When I opened my blog, I had ZERO real life experience with domestic discipline and women led relationships. All I knew was that these kind of things have a special appeal to me. They always had...
I made a decision to live that part of my personality, without actually knowing where it might lead me. And so far, I have no reason to complain. In the last couple of months I learned quite a bit about female dominance. And I got to tell you, I like what I learned and what I experienced.  
Even though, my lessons were not always easy and pleasant ones. I especially remember one incident, from months ago, when a man from the US, who was already experienced in the scene, wanted to come and see me in Germany. He was honest with me right from the beginning and told me, that all he was looking for with me was for some dd scenes, no relationship. He knew that I was searching something different, but still, we did send a few emails to each other. I thought we could get along well in real life, even on a not dd based friendship. But who knows... and that is not what he was interested anyway...At the time he once in a while did send me an email and I responded. 
One day, for some reason, I felt let down by him and send him an angry email, telling him that I did not like his behavior. He wrote back immediately, but differently than I expected. His shot was on target. He hit me right in my soul by writing something like: "Your last email sounded like written by a very insecure woman. I hope that`s not you."
This happened at a time when I was making my first steps into the dd world. Baby steps! Of course I was insecure. Of course I had no clue what I was doing. But the things I have been doing... I did them with all my heart. I still am that way. And I do not want to change in that aspect. Never. Even if I get some serious strikes regularly.
It was a strange situation. He had asked me many times to spank him, to be his domina, to take care of his needs...and then he is blaming me for being insecure... For a moment I was speechless. But since I am a lawyer and used to getting attacked, I answered back, not letting him know how terrible I felt. I do that all day long with my opponents anyway, I know how to play that game, but to tell you the had hurt. Because I had not seen him as an opponent but as a fellow human being who is just trying to survive in that crazy life like we all do.I have not heard from him again.
Here in my blog, with you, I am not in lawyer and fighting mood at all. I know this might put me in a vulnerable position and might be a bit naive, but on the other hand it does have its advantages as well. People have opened up to me in ways I would have never expected. I had the chance of chatting with awesome people, just because I opened up to them.And there is one lawyer among you, who I approached with a pretty sassy demand some time ago. (Hey, and if you should read that...I do apologise for my request!)  But my point is, even if this lawyer has most likely not been pleased with the fact that I mixed business life and blog life, he answered back right away, and in a very polite, fair and decent way. So in a way, we are one big family :-)
In a couple of days I will fly to the US to meet a man. A man I met through the blog. And this is, as you can imagine, an immense step. In looking back at things, I realise that my adventurous journey has been custom-made for me :-)  In very small steps I had a chance to develop my dominant personality. I think I still am far away from some of the very confident women mentioned for instance by wdspoone over at ma`am, yes, ma `am. Because being really dominant and demanding still does not always come easily for me. Ok, ok, if I am really pissed off I have no problem with being strict and dealing severly with a man. But these situations do not happen that often, because I do have fantastic taste in men :-) 

Being dominant through the internet, thats no problem. I am used to work with words. I love words. However once things get more real, thats a totally different story. So my trip to the USA will be a milestone.

But, I am well prepared :-) From exchanging emails, to audio skyping, to video skyping...I had a chance of getting used to the fact that my whole approach towards men changes.

I still clearly remember when I did send a man to the corner for the first time. I was so nervous, my hands were actually shaking. And when I gave orgasm denial a first  try, I almost could not believe myself that I am baring a grown up man from something so intimate. And to think that the man is now for the first time in many years not able to jerk off... thats such a turn on for me  :-) Making the man write lines as a punishment: Thats definitely something I like, especially if the man does not like to do it.

So my trip to the US is just the corollary of the last weeks and months.


  1. Wonderful! You know...while I have had experience with my chosen role in the FLR lifestyle, it has only been within the last few years that I also made the decision that you mention in this post. To embrace and fulfill a part of me that is obviously strong even though it has been buried so long. When I finally decided to surrender to my desires, despite my experience, I was very insecure as I began to accept the role more fully if that makes any sense? It seems to me that you are right where you are supposed to be as you begin to realize your dominant is a process that will see your confidence grow and mature over time and with the right partner. I hope that your trip to the US will be safe and fruitful my lady. I do hope you will let me know how things go with you....I am very interested in this wonderful story as it unfolds :)

  2. Tina:
    My now husband tried this with me at first and I felt very unsure of myself. To expedite matters for his birthday he took me to a house of dominance. There I was totally awakened and 2 hours later I left a confident domme. Like starting to walk we all are unsure of ourselves at first but we soon learn that practice makes perfect.

  3. Wait a second. You're German, quoting Emerson to a largely American audience, and the quote was likely inspired by, or perhaps taken from, Goethe, whom I an American quote back to you, "At the moment of commitment, the universe conspires to assist you." I love the symmetry of that. ;)

    Criticism is easy. Learning is accompanied by uncertainty and awkwardness. That's just how it is. Even if you're uncomfortable in a given moment you can still be confident. Confident and maybe a little uncomfortable, or unfamiliar.

    Have a good trip.

  4. Tina,
    I just discovered your blog and am enjoying it immensely. You're clearly enjoying your journey of exploration and I only wish you luck in finding your true submissive significant other.


  5. @Tom: I will let you know whats going on :-)

    @Rachel: Thanks for your support. It`s really appreaciated.

    @ air:
    My favorite german qoute, from Friedrich Schiller:

    "Ehret die Frauen!
    sie flechten und weben
    Himmlische Rosen ins irdische Leben"

    I learnde it in school. In 11th grade my German teacher, a man, made us learn it by heart.

    I am glad you like my blog. Keep up commenting :-)

  6. What a beautiful quote - the German one above.

    Interesting you wrote about feeling secure. My wife and I had a long chat about this recently. I'll write a post about it soon - I'm sure it is very common theme.