Things are ok here right now. One major drama occured: my new prof thinks I can not use much of my old 250 pages thesis "draft" for the thesis I am about to write under her supervision. This pretty much means the work of 5 years is worthless...
But I was able to suck up that information much better than I had expected. I am now working on a new thesis structure/outline...
I am feeling pretty content right now. And that is because my man has been chatting with me for hours on a daily basis lately. He is very present in my life these days and providing me with the feeling of belonging, care and love I am needing.
I am enjoying the time we can spend with each other, connected through the computer and connected through the history of about one year of long distance relationship.
To know that we are still together is a wonder in itself. All odds were against us. And there was one moment when I actually sent him an e-mail, telling him that I am ready to end the relationship because there seems to be no way for the two of us. But in the very same e-mail I told him for the first time explicitely that I love him. (what can I say... to me such a behavior is absolutely logical, lol).
Yesterday we had a 3 hour long conversation. We only talked about one of my legal cases. No sex talk, no exchange of hot thoughts, no teasing at all. But when I went to bed that night, I felt so relaxed and calm as if he had just given me the best orgasm ever. I was filled with the feeling of contentment, the knowledge that I am loved and I was full of hope that we are going to find a way to hold each other in the arms again sooner or later.
In the beginning of our relationship I bossed him around quite a bit. And he was submitting to me in many ways. I "owned" his body. I called the shots. We did A LOT of domestic discipline related things. Early bed times, lines, orgasm denial and much more. It felt great. I was on a power rush ;-) And it was not bad for him either, I am sure about that!
From todays perspective, it looks as if all these "little exercises" only prepared us - as a couple- for being strong enough to stay together even though we are still in the middle of the economical and emotional storm.
Now, he is submitting to me on a very different level. I have no control over his body right now. He is free to do what he wants as far as me controlling his body is concerned. I don`t dominate his body.
BUT: I am dominating his mind! He is submitting to me in the deepest possible way. He is submitting to me emotionally. He is submitting to me in accepting my love.And sometimes, accepting that one is loved is the hardest thing indeed.