Punishment lines... after I blogged about it, I received quite a few emails about it. And I feel the need to add a couple of things:
Sometimes, very very rarely, I respond to men who ask me to give them punishment lines. I did it some months ago with a guy in Hong Kong who I do not know at all. I know nothing about him and I am not intending to start a deeper relationship with him. He was just lucky that he contacted me during a good time when I was bored and in the mood for some play. I made him write some lines, we used the fond of writing tool, he wanted to have a break in order to go to the bathroom, he did not get a break but had to write the lines with a full bladder instead. It was fun, but there was no depth between us.
Things are totally different with men who I know and with whom I have a deeper relationship.
After my post, a good and married online friend contacted me and asked me very nicely, if I would be willing to give him punishment lines. And with uncertain termes I declined his request. Actually, I was pretty direct and (without wanting it) offended him. I later apologized to him, and things are ok again between him and I.
The reason why I gave the Hong Kong guy what he wanted but did not give it to the friend is:
It would have been too deep and too emotionally intense between the friend and me.
I know, I know, many of you think: whats the big deal with the fucking lines? Why is she making such a drama? All she needs to do is to tell the man to write one sentence X-times and that is all she has to do.
And to a certain degree thats right. This is exactly what I did with the Hong Kong man.
But as so often, the reality is much more complex. If I accept to start a scene with a man, I feel totally responsible for what happens. And it does not matter at all if the scene involves a serious otk spanking, a belting or something as alledgedly harmless as telling a grown man to sit down and write some lines for me.
In all these situations I think it is my job to make sure that he does not get hurt, that he feels safe and loved and cared for. If a scene is going on, there is kind of a constant tension in my life. I feel the need to stay in control and to react to new situations and adapt my behavior to his life situation.
I want the scenes to be custom made for the man`s needs and feelings. The number of lines given, the time until I expect the lines, the lengths of the lines, the text ...there is a lot to consider. Whenever I seriously start a scene, I am totally focused on the man and on his life.
It was not like this with the Hong Kong man, because it was EVIDENT that he was not interested in me as a person and I was not interested in him. It was just two adults playing. A matter of one or two hours. Nothing more.
But with people I care about, the "play" is not really "playing" but a serious matter. It touches the most private and hidden secrets and feelings of both the man and I. We might laugh and have fun , we might joke about it , but it does not change the fact that it is a serious matter.
If I tell a man to sit down and write a sentence over and over again, the message of the sentence better be perfectly fitting to the man`s needs. I know for sure that the results can be pretty damaging if the sentence is badly chosen or if the message is triggering some old, bad feelings.
Plus: The lines only mean much to me if it was indeed difficult for the man to write them. I like the fact that he had to focus for a pretty long time on whatever message it is that I want him to understand.
Dont feel offended if I dont give you punishment lines. It is mostly a matter of me not having the energy to go as deeeply into the scene as I would need to. And it is mostly a matter of the man BEING important to me . Exactly because a man is important to me I don´t hand out punishment lines easily to him.