Tuesday, September 23, 2014

the answer

I got my answer.
I called him and he rejected my call.
No words needed to understand that message. It´s the same meaning in both the English and the German language.

I just had a huge proxy fight/argument with my brother about it. My brother is an actor, a very good looking womanizer and he is always surrounded by beautiful girls who adore and admire him. I know that he has done this "just disappearing and going into no contact"-thing with quite a few girls.

I asked him why he had done it and his reply was: "I just did not want to talk, I just did not feel like saying good bye to her in a decent way."

My brother told me in very clear words that I am an idiot for pining for my man and that I should delete the emails and burn his pictures in the garden. He says that my/the man was sending a very clear message by rejecting my call. 

What both of them don`t understand is:

I need a decent good bye from him in order to be able to move on.
For me, it is very hard to find closure without it.

What we had was very special. In many aspects. The time with him was without a doubt the best time in my life. I still trust this man with my life and he actually has proven many times that he trusts me more than anybody else. And I am still pretty sure that he would throw himself in front of a car for me in order to safe me from harm.

I do understand that our paths are separating now, and I understand that he is not interested in an emotional, dramatic, "why are you leaving me"-scene :-) I do not even want an explanation for the break up. I do have a pretty good idea now why he left. What I wanted is a big picture talk/text exchange along the line of:

Thanks for being a part of my life in the last years.
I wish you well.
Have a nice life.

Sending me an email or text message like this takes about 2 minutes.
And I will NEVER understand why he did not do it.


  1. I am so sorry for your pain. I wish you happiness and relief from this pain as soon as is possible. Bear with it: you will survive this heartbreak.

    All good and positive thoughts your way.

  2. Hallo,

    Reading your posts. Your brother's advice sounds reasonable. Wish I could have a beer with him.

    You certainly never want to force a relationship. I'm 52 and I see so many broken marriages. Worse yet, people who married for not a good reason and are still in that situation and miserable.

    When the right one comes, you'll both know. If either has a doubt then back off.

    I thought I'd never be married. It will be 25 years this June.


  3. I think what he did was very rude. There is a polite way to turn someone down or to end something, and that is not it.
    And taking advice from a womanizer will lead you to believe that all men are womanizers. We don't all feel it is appropriate to simply 'disappear'. Some men have the option to 'spin plates' and have multiple girlfriends and so in fact they feel (like many pretty women do to their usually numerous male suitors)that one is easily replaceable and they hence easily fall into mistreating them. The only way I'd consider such a course (dropping contact with someone I had been close to without even a goodbye or explanation) would be if I was being stalked - repeated (more than twice) contact despite my explicit requests for none.

    I'm sorry for your grief. You do have a brave heart so I feel it will still recover enough for love. Here is what advice I have for you: if you fall for another man find out how he has treated the women in his life from his mother to his girlfriends to any former wife. A popular womans man(like your brother) won't always have good things said about him (some women get jealous and will lie or exaggerate) but the reports should lean positive or don't bother with him. Or try a shy guy.

    Anyway, just my advice. I followed your blog from the beginning. For whatever it might be worth to you over the internet, I do worry about you.

    Good luck, strong woman.


  4. You remain the strong woman I so admire. This too shall pass.