I have done a lot of soul searching over the holidays. I have finally decided to acknowledge my own needs and to take my own needs seriously. And I realized that in 2016 I have to put me and my needs first. I am willing to take my own needs seriously. Especially my sexual needs and my needs in a relationship.
In a relationship I need to feel connected, valued, cared for, respected and loved.
Over the years I had become so afraid of appearing too needy that I had given up a healthy sense of entitlement. Very often I have given up the fulfillment of my needs in order to make the man happy. There has not always been a good balance in my relationship/love life.
I have always been willing to smother the men in my life with attention and care and love and admiration, heck I have been told that I am clingy and intense, lol. And I know I am super intense sometimes. Always interested in "deep" and "emotional" stuff. GIVING and being there for the guy was never a problem for me. But RECEIVING has always been something that is difficult for me.
In theory I should be surrounded by men who strive to please me and who want to fulfill my wishes and needs. Especially taking into consideration that I get turned on by kinky stuff and submissive men ;-)
But my reality is: Way too often I had almost completely lost myself because I was so focused on the needs of the men in my life. I did not pay attention to my own needs because I always thought that once the men`s needs were met, my needs are going to be fulfilled. And so I waited patiently for my time to come. Only my time never came.
It is a bit of a tricky thing for me with (you) submissive guys out there. You approach me with a cute email and big eyes and an open heart, you show me all your vulnerability that you usually hide, and tell me how long you have been trying to find someone like me. I feel flattered, lol, and OF COURSE I want to give you what you are looking for. But I am much more than a dominant woman who understands all sorts of kinks and cravings. I am a complex woman with many vanilla interests, a colorful life, and - most importantly- own needs. And I do think that as much as the kink and domestic discipline means to me, most of all I am longing for a partner who accepts me and loves me with all my facets. And not only for being a dominant woman.
I am not blaming anybody here. I am just stating the obvious: I have done a lousy job in communicating and acknowledging and honoring my needs. And this is now changing. 2016 is gonna be MY year. I will finally be focused on having my needs met.