Thursday, December 31, 2015

does the control turn me on?

I have been asked in regard to domestic discipline: "do you feel it is the control itself that you find exciting, or the potential for what you could do with it (e.g. make him a better man?)"

I like the control. No doubt about that. I like the control a lot. And I think the reason for that is: In my life, generally speaking, I have to frequently deal with situations that are out of my control. And it costs me a lot of energy to get the situation under control again. I feel like a professional fire fighter. I am often called, when the fire is already burning and the flames are about to destroy the house. I see the situation and I think: "Sigh, there could have been done so much to prevent the fire, why didn`t they just do a, b and c..." But of course, at the point of time when I am called in it is usually too late to do a, b or c. Instead I have to accept the mess that others have created and I have to be super flexible and creative in order to do what is necessary to stop the fire. I am good at it. And I am used to come up with quick and often unorthodox methods. But my flexibility comes at a high price for me. I often feel that I am just a mercenary to my clients` and friends` needs. And in my quest to make them happy I sometimes go over my limits and neglect my needs.

Therefore: I want the man in my life to give me the feeling that I am in control. I have so many intrinsic sensors in me, my need to see him happy and content is so big, there is zero actual danger for the man that I am taking over control 24/7. I want him to be happy. I don`t want a controlled puppy who is not allowed to voice his own opinion. I don`t want him to give up his freedom completely. But I want the right to send him to bed, or spank him or punish him when I feel that he has crossed a line. And I expect him to trust me enough to let me decide where that thin line exactly is.

Other than that:
I like the potential for what I could do with it (e.g. make him a better man) very much too.
I am a bit reluctant to admit that, because one part of my brain knows that it is not my job to make any man a better man. It is not my job to take care of things that the man has to learn for himself. Things that he has to learn in order to grow in his life. And who am I to think that I "know" what to do in order to make him a better man? I am far from being a perfect woman, so I don`t have any business in trying to interfere in stuff that is his business. I do know all that.
On the other hand: I am very good with feelings. I am very sensitive and I have a knack for opening up people emotionally. I find myself often in situations where I do have a very clear picture of how to emotionally proceed in order to succeed. 

There once was a man in my life who was a professional singer. A deep basso. And for some psychological/emotional reasons he had stopped singing completely. I have a semi professional background in music myself and I soooo wanted to make him sing again, because I could actually feel how much potential there was and what a big waste of his talent it was, for him to not sing anymore. He was a good guy who could just not see for himself how good (both in regards to music and generally in life) he was. And it was my pleasure to help him see his potential.
I am only interested in good men. I am not attracted to "bad boys". Bad boys just do not turn me on at all. But if there is a good man, and I can see even more potential in him, I absolutely like the idea of "working with him", "coaching", "training" or even "disciplining" him to make him an even better man. Yes, lol, absolutely!


  1. Excellent response to the question.

  2. @anonymous: your comment was among the first things I read in 2016. What a nice way to start 2016. Thanks :-)

  3. I agree with the previous writer, an excellent response. I sincerely wish 2016 is your year for love and happiness.

  4. @Tim: Thanks :-) Oh, and Tim, please add me as a reader to your private blog.

  5. I was the first man in my girlfriend's life to ever give her the authority to discipline me with spankings whenever she wanted, and she has grown to love "the control." While she gets physically turned on while beating my bottom, I think she derives just as much or more pleasure, putting me in my place when we're out, telling me I'm getting a spanking when I get home; then saying to the other women, "This is how you need to handle your man." She loves the reactions she gets, especially when they ask questions wanting to know more.


  6. @Jim: Thanks for sharing your experience. It is a very interesting comment, need to think about it a bit.

  7. I think it is mutual : satisfying each others deeply felt needs or whishes.
    There are men who crave for a woman who has a leading role in a relation and there are also women who very much like to have that role.
    Often (I would never say always), a man's admiration for strong women can start during childhood.
    Therefore, I think fullfilling each other's needs is of main importance, and becoming a better man is a nice side effect :)

    Please have my best wishes for a healthy and happy 2016.


  8. @appie: A happy and healthy year 2016 for you too!!!

  9. You are welcome. (the first Anonymous) I always appreciate what you write. It just makes sense to me.

  10. I'm quite willing to be spanked by a lady but would not accept other punishments like being sent to bed.
    What would you think of that Tina?

  11. @Tom:
    for me it is a take it or leave it deal.
    I am not willing (any longer) to just let the man choose what he wants me to do and what he wants me NOT to do. Done that, been there, got that t-shirt. It just does not work for me.
    For me, other punishments are as much part of the deal as spankings.