Sunday, April 4, 2010

punishment and early bed times

I only hand out punishments if I think the man`s behaviour demands my reaction. If my future partner was very well behaved, I would not punish him. In my view, a punishment is supposed to change the demeanour of the person punished. If my partner was well behaved, nothing needs to be changed. In that case I am going to make sure he has no doubt about how happy I am with his conduct.

But calm down, all you readers who are thinking "too bad". What is the likelihood of a man being in a relationship with a strong, dominant women and not sliping up?

Generally speaking, I do not punish for accidents. Accidents just happen. If there was no intent on my partners side, I am pretty sure we can find a mutual solution.

I am not so sure about "maintenance" spankings. I did not arrive at a decision as far as these are concerned. It probably depends on the man and his ability to obey me in general.

There is no doubt however that I am going to punish my man, if he does not stick to the deals we made or if he neglects the rules I set. In law school  I `ve been taught: "pacta sunt servand". It basically means: "stick to your word or die trying it". This saying has become second nature to me. Therefore I am going to make sure my partner understands it too and acts accordingly. If we agreed upon him not coming home late, he better comes on the dot. If it was his turn to clean the kitchen, the kitchen better be sparkling. If he promised to stop smoking, I do not want to nab him with a cigarette.

There can also be situations where I make my man to accept unpleasant decisions "just because I can". My reasoning behind that is: I do want my partner to keep his strong points. I want him to have an interesting life. I support him to succeed in his job. I encourage him having hobbies and/or doing sports. Therefore I am allowing him great latitude. However, If I have the impression that his attitude towards me is slacking, I am going to make sure he understands that he can not proceed that way.

To me, "early bed times" are an interesting sanction. I am determined of implementing that action in any future relationship. As far as punishment is concerned, I understand many men are only interested in the spanking part. However, spankings combined with other forms of punishments might be much more effective.

In case he screws up, my future partner has to be able to stomach being send to bed by me at a very early time. I know this is hard to take and mortifying but I am not going to refrain from handing out that punishment. I want him to undress and go to bed. No reading, no phoning, lights out and shutters down. And if I think it is time for him to go to bed, I do absolutely not want to get in an argument about it with him. Even if the soccer world cup final is on tv. The fact that he is not tired is of no interest to me either. Far from it. I like the idea of him being forced to lay in bed even though he is wide awake. Gives him the possibility to deliberate his prior behaviour. I want him to understand that even if I let him his space in many aspects, I am still the decision maker in our relationship.

11 comments:

  1. Hello Ma'am - I am not the type of guy that is attracted to a female dominant relationship based on spanking...I actually dislike spankings. I am however, very attracted to female authority and therefore understand and accept the need for punishment from her. Whether that punishment is in the form of spanking, writing lines, extra chores, standing in a corner or early bedtimes to name a few does not matter, I leave that completely to her discretion and obey her completely. I also like your approach to dominance...many women in this scene seem to nit-pick and feel that they need to be overbearing. I am not interested in being a child or a slave, I only crave and need guidance which I feel is best offered from a dominant female. thank you for your post ma'am. :)

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  2. Sending him to bed early is an unfortunate waste of time for a busy family. There is simply too much to do to spend time that way.
    A good spanking takes far less time and a far more efficient form of discipline.

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  3. tom hat gesagt...

    Sending him to bed early is an unfortunate waste of time for a busy family. There is simply too much to do to spend time that way.
    **************************************

    Tom, you seem to be a bit confused about FLR--if she decides that early bed time is appropriate, then early bed time it is.

    Spanking is *not* the only way to punish a man. In fact, clearly it's something you want, so, maybe that would not be the best technique for someone who wants that.

    Topping from below means that things are a bit out of balance.

    There are worse punishments than spankings.

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  4. Early bedtime can be most effective, for the very reasons you mention. It leaves one feeling managed and controlled, being sent to bed like a child, and provides lots of time to think about the behavior which earned you that very treatment. Like spankings and other forms of domestic punishment, it's seems perfectly fitting and appropriate. In addition, it would add to the electrifying dynamic of the relationship, knowing your partner wouldn't hesitate to send you to bed, among other things, if your behavior was less than perfect. There's something very appealing about submitting to that type of control within a female-led household, for many of us. I applaud your desire to include early bedtimes in your next relationship.....that lucky.....oops, I mean, unlucky gentleman. ;-)

    David

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  5. Since so many of you asked,and obviously could not believe I am serious here, I am gonna repeat myself.

    Yes, I would indeed send him to bed if I think it might be an appropriate reaction to his prior behaviour.

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  6. I don't understand why people would think you're not serious. It makes sense to me to send him to bed early if you think it's an appropriate reaction. That would be a sign of your control.

    FD

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  7. I think an early bedtime would be very effective.

    My wife has never done this fortunately but she has mimicked outher little boy punishments such as making me wear a nappy (diaper) in bed (and on occassion during the day) to 'put me in my place. It is very effective and I hate having to wear it.

    I would say however that I am someone who wants regular reminders fo her discipline. Whether as a maintanence spanking or corner time or whatever. It helps me to know the disciplinarian is still there, still watching out for and helping me. As well as still watching over our relationship. Plus, as I said somewhere else, a sore bottom helps me stay out of my head and in my heart.

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  8. Yes, early bedtime is an efficient way to discipline hubby. Mine is now 41 and is tucked up when I want , usually very early before my TV programs start or I go out in the evening.
    I also put hubby to bed early when I have guests to be quiet with my friends. If he isn't already asleep, these ones have even the opportunity to see him in his bed and to wish him goodnight. Last Saturday, instead of going with him to the restaurant in the evening, I changed my plan and decided to go out with two of my female friends . Back home in the middle of the afternoon with hubby and my friends, I ordered him to serve us coffee, to prepare warm cocoa for himself then to go to bed. He only answered "Yes, darling", obeyed and went upstairs after clearing our table. Once undressed and with only his long pink nightie on (he has to wear nightie whilst I wear boys pajamas) he asked me if he had to close straight his shutters and curtains then to turn light off, ("Yes, off course!") and if somebody would come to babysit him. I told him to phone my mother. He did explaining her I wanted to go out and he had to go to bed now. Mom was all right. She lives in the near neighbourhood, visits me often and is gladly used for babysitting her son-in-law in bed. Hubby then said us goodbye, wished us a nice entertainment and kissed me tender before to go back upstairs and get into his bed with light off. When mother came half an hour later, he was already asleep as an obedient little boy as he is.
    At the beginning of our marriage, we had many problems because of hubby's bad habits. To be disciplined with curfews, daily early bedtime, bed punishment, confiscation of money, credit cards and driving licence, has totally changed my husbands behaviour and solved all our problems. No more crisis, less expenses, a boosted sexual life for my greatest pleasure, a perfect submission from him and an absolute freedom for me. A real dream for a wife.

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  9. Your approach is very sane and quite refreshing. I especially like your view about him having an interesting life and succeeding in his career.

    Too often, we hear about FLR scenarios where the wife wants to reduce her husband to a drone that serves her and nothing else.

    Somehow, he's supposed to find fulfillment as a human being without developing any competencies outside of doing the dishes. That's just not healthy or practical.

    Early bed would be a tough pill to swallow. But much like a good cough medicine, it works! I would hate it ten times worse than a spanking; being sent to bed to stew at 9:00. I'm a night owl so that's about the worst thing that could be done to me. It's quite devious ;)

    Don't worry about naysayers. Some men like to tell dominant women how to discipline. What they really mean is, "do me!"

    Anyway, your approach to discipline seems reasonable, practical and honorable.

    I'm looking forward to reading more of your great blog.

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  10. i agree with David and Patrick. i am not married yet and i still live with my mother (just the two of us). She is very strict with me and i know that, when she chooses a wife for me, that lady will be equally strict because i need discipline to fulfil my potential. That is where david and Patrick's points are so important. Mummy has always encouraged me to develop myself and so i am a research student now, having passed my fist degree so well. And she takes me to the opera, to see plays, art galleries, everything. And she encourages me (well, MAKES me i suppose) read a lot. But very little Tv. And her punishments, while firm, are fair. She uses early bedtime as well as the hairbrush! Like Gisela, she sometimes asks other people to babysit me. Mainly it is her friend, Auntie Joan or her daughter who, since she became 16, has full authority over me too. She certainly uses early bedtime!
    steven

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  11. If my wife sent me to bed early, I will comply without arguement. Would I "like" the punishment? No, I would not, making it a very effective punishment. I for one fail to see the logic in giving a person what they would enjoy as a punative measure.

    Yes Ma'am combination punishments are the best/worst depending on your perspective. My wife is my dominant. When she says jump, I am already in the air. I do not like to be punished however, I accept that I need to be disciplined however my wife sees fit. If she would institute this in our home it would not make me unhappy. When my wife punishes me I know it is because she loves me and wants for me to improve upon something about myself. I would never complain once! The fact that you are taking the time to devote this much thought to your future relationship shows me that you want a close, loving relationship, and trust me, he should be very appreciative of the fact that you put this much of yourself into your dominant role. I relize my wife has put forth a tremendous amount of effort in being the dominant woman who runs the household, and I have nothng but praises to sing of her.

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