Saturday, September 12, 2020

A shattered dream.

It is with deep sadness that I am writing this post. I do feel a need to inform you guys first, before I even tell it to my real life friends and acquaintances. It feels safer to tell it to you first, because you all have been so supportive to me over the years.

I feel deeply humiliated, shameful, and hurt. My life is pretty much shattered and I have no idea how I managed myself to bring me in that crazy situation that I find myself suddenly in.

As you all know, I am German. But for some reason I have always been attracted to american men and the USA. I cant explain what pushes me into that direction, I just know I feel that internal push all my life.

When Gregory came into my life, a big dream came true. I finally had my american man who loves me and cares for me and is happy to commit to me. We dated for 2 years, got married and decided to start the process to live together for good.

Gregory has strong ties to the USA, he cant just move to Germany, and I was more than willing to move to the USA and to him. We started the legal proceedings for my big move almost 2 years ago. 

It was an exciting , emotional (and very expensive) "journey". Never in my life had I expected that my decision to move to the USA would have such a strong impact on my German family of origin. They pretty much all freaked out and were angry with me for - I quote- FORSAKING them. My decision to move to the USA had a huge impact on their financial and personal life too, and it took us all months to emotionally deal with it. Never in my life have I felt so alone. We argued all the time. It felt like my German family blamed me for choosing Gregory over them.

Gregory asked me all the time: when are you finally moving to me? when are you finally coming? and the Germans asked pretty much the same question: when exactly are you leaving? Give us a specific date when you are leaving the (German) house. And I told to all of them: "I cant give you a specific date. It´s just not in my power. I keep the German law firm as long as I can, make money in Germany as long as I can, and as soon as I get the visa/working permit from the USA, I will move to the USA. Me moving to the USA without a working permit does not make any sense. I need to be able to make my own money in the USA. I cant just live off of Gregory for the rest of my life. He´s not loaded with money."

Things went on for months and months, and the pressure I felt under got stronger and stronger. And Covid made things more complicated and even harder. Gregory missed me in the USA and my German family wanted solutions for German (financial and emotional) questions, And I could not satisfy neither Gregory nor the Germans,

When things moved on with the legal proceedings re me moving to the USA, I started to tune my law firm  down. Slowly but surely I accepted less cases, got rid of unnecessary stuff and sorted things out, to eventually move. There were hundred of legal questions. Let me assure you, it is not an easy thing to have a running law firm and intending to move away. But I somehow managed. And found solutions for everything.

I was determined to make it happen. And I made it happen. A few weeks ago I had my interview at the general consulate in Frankfurt. It went well. 2 small papers were still missing, but the case managed actually congratulated me already. He was all like: "Congratulations. Welcome to the USA."

I forwarded the 2 missing papers to the consulate, and started selling all my private belongings. I gave away stuff, sold stuff, threw away stuff and ended up with pretty much 2 suitcases full of items that I would take with me to Gregory in my new life. Nothing else.

I told clients that I am leaving soon, contacted colleagues and made deals with them to take over my running cases that I cant finish myself anymore, due to me leaving on 9/14/2020. I even managed, with the help of a reader of this blog, to make a big dream come true by getting a business class ticket for my one way flight to the USA. My motto was: "Flying business class into my new life". :-)

A few days ago the consulate asked for one more paper, which I sent to them immediately. 

I was expecting to receive my passport with the visa within this week. On Tuesday I thought: It´s getting close now. I hope the passport comes in time for  9/14. 

I was saying good bye to friends, colleagues and acquaintances, my office is empty, my room is empty, everything was ready for the big move.

And yesterday, without any warning and without any explanation I was noticed that my visa has been refused. I have no idea why. No reason was given.

It was a shock, to say the least.

My brain is still asking me: Is this really happening? Is this really true? 

And unfortunately it is true.

I am here in Germany now with just a few clients left, no belongings, no office rooms, and no idea how to proceed. I dont even know where I am gonna stay in the future. My office rooms are about to be rented out, my sister has canceled her rental apartment and is about to move in my room, my clients and colleagues think I will be living in the USA soon and instead I am here in Germany without any job, any plan or any hope.

My passport is still at the general consulate, therefore I cant even take the flight on 9/14 to travel to see Gregory for a few weeks at least. 

And who knows what disadvantages it will bring on the border, if the border agents see that my immigrant visa has been refused. It´s all a nightmare.

I have no idea what the legal possibilities are to "fight" the decision to refuse the visa, but I guess there there wont be a quick fix.

In sum: I am devastated. I am so shocked, I am not even crying anymore.


22 comments:

  1. Noooooooo :(. I'm so so sorry to hear this. It's devastating even reading this.

    I can't even imagine how you must feel :(((.

    Sending all the love and strength, and the fervent hope that you can work this out.

    Ferns

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  2. Hmm. See if Gregory can do something.
    And yes, there are appeals. I have no idea why this would happen to you, provided you were going to become his wife. And even if you were just living over here, you do seem capable of supporting yourself and you'd have his help at least initially, so I remain puzzled. Good luck, and I will send a prayer your way.

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    1. Keep the prayers coming, they are much appreciated.

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  3. Wow, i have followed your blog and did a quick google:
    https://visaguide.world/us-visa/denials/

    Maybe the paper they requested didn't get to them? It sounds highly unusual after all you went through and after all that has been said to you.

    Ask why it was done and the best to you that you can hopefully figure it out.

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  4. Perdón por escribir en español.Creo que para ser la parte dominante está dominada desde abajo por él.Dejar su trabajo,sus raíces para ir a un EEUU donde no podrá trabajar de abogado es una verdadera locura.

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    1. Entschuldigung dass ich auf Deutsch schreibe, aber mein Spanisch ist nicht sehr gut :-)

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  5. For what it's worth, I am saying a prayer for you.

    Diane

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    1. Keep up the good work. It`s much appreciated.

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  6. I sympathize, but I would also suggest that you think twice before moving to the functional equivalent of Germany 1933. Nuff said.

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    1. I hear you. And I see terrible parallels indeed.

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    2. If you REALLY BELIEVE that Trump is some functional equivalent to Hitler, maybe that answers my question as to why they didn't want you moving here. Trump Derangement syndrome is a thing and lots of the news foreigners get about America is skewed. I don't want someone in my country who is going to call me a racist or even worse a Nazi for voting for Trump.

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    3. I didn" t say a word about any american politician.
      And I didnt call you anything.

      Your words are hurting me. If that was your goal, you succeeded.

      All I am saying is: I see terrible parallels. I am an expert on Germany and the German situation in 1933 to 1945. I have studied that time for decades. I have been in Dachau and in Yad Vashem. I have actually spoken many many times with Holocaust survivors and with perpetrators. And I am well aware of the history of the lawyers and judges in Germany and how they all failed.

      Sometimes people in the US think that the Germans during that time were all evil and bad. But that´s not the case. They thought that they are doing the right thing. They felt threatened and were full of fear and full of self-righteousness. And in doing what they did and thinking what they thought they caused terrible harm to millions of people.

      In a way, your comment totally proofs my point of seeing parallels. You are lashing out to me and attacking me personally and causing me pain, just because you THINK I might do something.

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    4. "Functional Equivalent of Germany, 1933": Let's see, Germany in 1933 is when Hitler got like 30 percent of the vote and was made Chancellor in what was (at first) a coalition government. The country was in the midst of the Great Depression and had just gotten over a period where authoritarian rightwing and leftwing fascists (Nazis and Communists loyal to Stalin) fought in the streets. I'm sorry, but I can't help but read that as saying Trump is Hitler and his followers are modern Nazis. Also, Germany was NEVER like the United States. The United States was based on Enlightenment ideals (and not perfect at first, of course there was slavery but gradually the Enlightment ideals won) and was a nation of vast lands, a weak federal government, and small farmers. Germany, since Bismarck was authoritarian to its roots. So comparing the USA today to Weimar or esp early Nazi Germany (within a year of taking power Hitler had managed to ban opposition parties, started the prosecution of the Jews, and started violating the Treaty of Versailes) is offensive in and of itself. And yes, since most foreigners who get American News tend to be limited to CNN (and of course whatever their own news says about America) and not FOX (which has people that hate Trump and people that love him and a more balanced take) all they basically get is that Trump is some sort of (Thankfully, I guess?) incompetent wannabe Hitler and his followers are all horrible people. In fact, all Trump is is a Populist Nationalist , who , in many ways treats the country as a business and is always looking to get a better deal. He's got a more nationalist economic policy, which drives large parts of the powers that be (Internationalists of all stripes, Multinationals, some of the military industrial complex and their pet (brought off) Senators and Representatives crazy.

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    5. Your words in your first comment hurt me a lot.
      Honestly, I was hoping to get an apology from you. But you obviously dont see a need for it.

      I feel hurt by you on a very personal level.
      You obviously wholeheartedly think that you know what´s right or wrong. I dont agree with you on many points. But we never walked in each others shoes. I accept that we come from totally different worlds.

      May your life be happy and healthy and may you always feel loved and valued and seen.

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  7. I am so sorry. I know it must be incredibly painful. Hugs. SB

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    1. Thanks for your support. It is very much appreciated.

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    2. I missed reading your blog for a while, you haven't been posting regularly.

      I'm a lawyer too, and a submissive American man. Its not a good fit for me.

      I know you are disappointed but it's a pebble in the road not a wall. The visa will come in sooner than you think I am guessing and you will be on your way although not as planned.

      I'm interested in why you were so attracted to the US it seems like a lot of foreigners (relatively speaking) don't have a high opinion of the US. Its also funny you like American men. Stereotypically the ultimate domme was a blonde haired German woman.

      I thought you gave up on being dominant and wonder where you are these days with your guy? Are you Dominant or vanilla if you don't mind answering?

      Good luck in your move.

      s

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    3. @S: Good to hear from you. man, you missed out on a lot, lol. There is always so much going on in my life. Unfortunately I recently deleted all my posts till June 2016. My husband didnt wanna be involved in the blog.

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  8. I might be wrong but I was under the impression that the USA was willing to allow its citizens to move freely abroad ( no extra charge for virus carriers) but was denying access to people from other countries
    So sit it out - get a reason from the US Consulate- appeal. The refusal might only be temporary

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    1. Thanks for your support, Stephen. It is much appreciated.
      We will see how things go. :-)

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