a sad look back

For those who've been following my blog for years, you know me as The Strong Woman — a woman who has always craved dominance, especially in sexuality and relationships. At fifty, reflecting on my journey, I realize how much I’ve learned—and how much heartbreak has come with it.

I remember when I first started exploring female-led relationships. It excited me, this power dynamic where I could express my strength and dominance. Men reached out to me, drawn to the idea of me leading, submitting to my control. In the beginning, they seemed all in—sweet, caring, and willingly submissive. It was intoxicating.

But over time, I noticed a pattern that left me deeply confused. The men I fell in love with—almost all of them—showed what I now understand as an avoidant personality style. They craved control, but not in the way I imagined. Instead of truly submitting to my dominance, they only pretended to want it. As the relationship grew real, they slowly shifted, withdrawing their submission and stepping into control themselves, often disregarding my boundaries and needs. It was always about their needs being met.

I spent years wondering what I did wrong. How could I improve the relationship? How could I truly live my dominance when the man who was so sweet at the start became controlling, distant, and avoidant? It was always confusing because these men claimed from the beginning they wanted me to be in control—they met me through this very blog, after all, and knew exactly what I was seeking.

But the truth? They were looking for something completely different than me. While I sought vulnerability and real connection, they searched for someone willing to meet their needs on their terms, often withdrawing when I longed for closeness.

Something else I noticed over and over: all these men had dogs—and the dog’s needs always seemed to come first. It might sound silly, but there’s something profoundly hurtful about sitting next to the man you love, watching him pet the dog while your own longing goes unnoticed or even worse, is completely ignored..

I fought so hard for these relationships, for these men. I gave my all, hoping to accommodate their specific needs, hoping things would work. But they never really tried to meet mine. Instead, they withdrew whenever I needed connection. It’s taken me years—and many heartbreaks—to start putting my needs first because, honestly, they weren’t taken seriously.

In a way, my strength became a disadvantage for me. The men I loved often used me as a motherly figure—a problem solver, someone to lean on, someone who didn’t need much from them, and who helped them through their struggles. But the truth is, they never really saw me as someone they could truly submit to. Instead of embracing my dominance, they leaned into me like a refuge, without giving me the emotional surrender and respect I longed for.