punishment, panties and tears

I like the idea of punishing a man and bringing him to tears through that punishment.What a beginning, don´t you think?

To be honest I have not yet done it, so basically I am talking about a fantasy here, but then, I do fantasize about such a scenario a lot. However, I am not at all into just being brutal to any guy on the street. Actually I am not into being brutal at all!!! And I am not thinking of deliberately hurting someone for no reason at all, just to get me a power flash. I am only talking about "Mr. Right", his punishments and his tears here.

As far as the punishment aspect is concerned: I am only refering to a punishment in a loving, consensual domestic discipline relationship here. A woman who loves her man and thinks that, for some reason, a punishment is needed. A punishment and tears. That is the scenario that interests me. In that context, the idea of bringing my man to tears does have some appeal to me.Why is that?  

First of all, I do very rarely see men cry at all. My brother, in difficult situations, he just walks away and starts writing a poem or a songtext. That is his way of dealing with problems. My clients usually don´t cry in my office and if they do, I actually do put a lot of effort in making them stop crying asap. And I have not even once in 27 years seen my stepfather cry.

My (biological) father however, even though he is questionable in many other aspects of his life, was able to cry in front of me. He did not feel embarrassed. I remember a couple of situations where he did shed tears in front of me. And thinking back at these times, I still have the feeling, that these moments were the most honest and most "intimate" within our sometimes difficult father-daughter relationship.

So basically the fact alone that a man is crying at all is a pretty good indication that something special is going on. And I like everything that is extraordinary. I like the idea that I am witnessing something that only few people were able to see before.

But that is of course not the only reason for my attraction to tears.

Me, personally, I have no problems crying in various situations. And I think crying  is almost always a fantastic way of just letting go of my stress and problems. If I cry, I do not care what other people think of me, I do not pay attention to who is watching and I am absolutely lost in the moment. Crying is an emotional release which I would not want to miss in my life.

Every so often men, even men in dd relationships, report, that their male pride is preventing them from crying in front of their lady. I will make one comment to that remark: Isn´t a big part of  the female led relationship concept about outplaying a mans pride?

There are so many aspects in a female led relationship which are probably not easily to reconcile with the male pride and still, the submissive men are willing and able to deal with it. A good example is the subject of "panties". I am not an expert on the male pride, but I doubt that it is easy  for any men in a "not horny" state to accept or even admit, that he might be obsessed with the panties of his lady. And I do know that there are many men out there who are just that. I once even read about some vending machines in Japan, where men could buy panties that were used by women. Not sure if it is true, but it would not surprise me if that would be the case. So it looks like somehow men can concile that craving with their male pride.

And here comes my question to the men:

I am wondering why it might be easier for submissive men to accept the fact that they dream about the (used) panties of their ladies than to cry in front of the woman they love?

I do not want to  follow the next line of thought too much... but I think it is because the men are still in control when they ask the ladies about their used panties. They want something from the women. The woman is the giver in a way and the man is receiving something he does want to have, even though some men might probably not like the fact that they indeed wanna have the panties... 

If a man cries however, he is the one giving. He is giving away all his emotions and feelings, his sorrow and pain, his guilt and fears.And the woman is the one receiving. She finally gets to see her man in a way nobody else ever does. He shows himself to her unguarded and unprotected. And that is something I love.I love to understand my partner, love to know what he is thinking and feeling and appreciate it very much if he is opening up to me.

And then there is still the fact, that most men are just bigger and taller than their lady. So there is no way for the woman to actually "force" the man to do something or force him to accept a punishment. In a way, a man who submits to his girlfriend or wife for punishment is giving her a great gift. And if he is opening up emotionally so much that he is actually crying, the gift to his woman is even bigger. And yes, I realise that for many men tears do not come easy.

So in a way one could argue that  if a man gets over his male pride and just accepts that the punishment is delivered, that the woman he loves is in charge and that there is indeed no need to repress his tears...that such an attitude does make the man even stronger. I have been told that "submissiveness in its truest essence comes from strength". And I think that is absolutely right, especially if men and tears are concerned.

what´s in it for me

Shortly after opening my blog, when the whole D/s or domestic discipline concept was still new to me,  I read the following lines.
 
"The submissive is, in their own way, demanding. In particular, the submissive demands attention and a lot of it. It looks to me like that's inherent in the relationship and not a matter of the submissive acting badly. If someone is going to be in control they have to pay attention. "

When I first read these words, I was sure that I would have no problems dealing with the demands of a submissive man or even submissive men. Alone the idea of getting in contact with a submissive man seemed to be so unrealistic. Even though it did not bother me at first, I had these aforementioned words in the back of my mind since then. I somehow knew that they would become relevant to me one day. And I was so right...! Today I do know a lot about men and their huge expectations towards me. Even though they do not know me in persona. Maybe that makes it even worse, because for some readers I seem to be that mystic woman who could possibly fulfill all their wishes, fantasies and demands. I know that I can be pretty open. I do talk about my preferences in a frank way. And I like to question people about the things they would like to do. I want to know how people "tick". On the one hand that is quite a strenghts of mine.On the other hand it can bring me in a vulnerable position as well. Because, as I mentioned many times earlier, in "real life" I am not as experienced as one might think. (If you like discrepancies, then you might be at the right place with me...). I have no problems with "opening up" to others. And I do my best to make others feel good.Whatever needs the others might have...

I think it all leads to the question: "what´s in it for me?" And I can say one thing for sure: If the man is not  (at least theoretically) interested in having a relationship with me, than there is indeed NOTHING in it for me. I need to have the feeling that the man cares about me in general, not only as far as sexual aspects are concerned. Of course I do realise that it takes time and luck and many other things to find the right partner for a relationship.And even more of these things if you are searching the right person for a domestic discipline relationship. However, I need to know that the guy is accepting any punishment I hand out because it is ME who wants him to accept it. Actually, the more I think about it, the more I realise that for me a very interesting aspect is, that the man, in order to make ME feel good, does things or accepts punishments he would normally not do.

And one last, spanking related, thought: There´s another thing I learned lately about me and what I want.
I do not want to make my partner feel bad about crying in front of me. I have been told that there are women out there who show an attitude like:  "this needed to happen, and you're crying, but it's not because of weakness, it's because it's part of it....." Thats´s exactly the way I want to be too.