Body or mind? Mind!

I have a feeling, that the following post will get me tons of raging emails again.But so be it. I am by now used to standing in the heat...

As far as domestic discipline is concerned, I am not that much interested in a man`s body. I like great male bodies, make no mistake about that.I like to see it and touch and tease and caress and spank. Sure,thats cool.And there are times when I want to do just that. But for me, generally speaking, my partner`s mind is of much more interest. For me,to focus on his body is just a way of getting a grip on his mind.

If I tend to not talk that much about my own body, it is probably because for me, the body is not that important. I do not stand in front of a mirror endlessly each day and admire my own body. My brother, the actor, does that and frankly I think it is ridiculous.I am fine with my body these days. Being a woman, it wasn´t always like this, but today I think "take it or leave it". I know that I look good. Not much more to add here.

I often get questions like:
"what is your favorite implement?"
"Would you ever use a cane?"
"How would you punish me if I would be misbehaving?"
"Would you ever make me stand in the corner?"...

And as a good lawyer, the only answer I can give to these kinds of questions is:
It depends on you and the situation.
There is not just one answer. I would not (and actually do not) treat all men the same.For instance I actually did send a man to bed early while I never in life would have done that with another guy.It´s a matter of what is the best way to really touch my partner to the quick.

It does not come as a surprise to you, if I tell you, that I want to make a D/s exchange a deep experience for me and for the man. A scene that is only cool for me, but not at all for my partner, does not work for me either. Of course I enjoy his discomfort and unease, but I can only enjoy it when I know that he is actually (somewhere deep in his stomach) fine. I do believe in respecting my partners limits.I think that the real "art" is to make the guy "suffer" within his limits.

However, in my understanding, to actually "play" it on a high and interesting level, it is important to know the man pretty well. In order to really get to a man`s mind, I need to know how the guy thinks, what drives him, what he is afraid of, where his sore spots are. And I like doing that. I like people and I like getting to know them better and getting an understanding why they are the way they are.

Implicit in my approach to any relationship is that, in order to open the man up, I need to put in a lot of thoughts, feelings, concern and not to forget time myself. I am investing a lot and I did get my share of violations on that road, no doubt about that. Of course I like to hear that a guy offers to fly in to Germany next week, just to meet me. But I do not like to hear at all that he only wants me to be his dominatrix and nothing more. I see no gain in meeting a man just to spank him, make him orally pleasure me and, I don´t know... use a strapon on him.There are women out there who offer these services,I am fine with that but I am not one of them.I want much more. I do not only want to lay bare my partners bottom but his mind as well.

punishment and early bed times

I only hand out punishments if I think the man`s behaviour demands my reaction. If my future partner was very well behaved, I would not punish him. In my view, a punishment is supposed to change the demeanour of the person punished. If my partner was well behaved, nothing needs to be changed. In that case I am going to make sure he has no doubt about how happy I am with his conduct.

But calm down, all you readers who are thinking "too bad". What is the likelihood of a man being in a relationship with a strong, dominant women and not sliping up?

Generally speaking, I do not punish for accidents. Accidents just happen. If there was no intent on my partners side, I am pretty sure we can find a mutual solution.

I am not so sure about "maintenance" spankings. I did not arrive at a decision as far as these are concerned. It probably depends on the man and his ability to obey me in general.

There is no doubt however that I am going to punish my man, if he does not stick to the deals we made or if he neglects the rules I set. In law school  I `ve been taught: "pacta sunt servand". It basically means: "stick to your word or die trying it". This saying has become second nature to me. Therefore I am going to make sure my partner understands it too and acts accordingly. If we agreed upon him not coming home late, he better comes on the dot. If it was his turn to clean the kitchen, the kitchen better be sparkling. If he promised to stop smoking, I do not want to nab him with a cigarette.

There can also be situations where I make my man to accept unpleasant decisions "just because I can". My reasoning behind that is: I do want my partner to keep his strong points. I want him to have an interesting life. I support him to succeed in his job. I encourage him having hobbies and/or doing sports. Therefore I am allowing him great latitude. However, If I have the impression that his attitude towards me is slacking, I am going to make sure he understands that he can not proceed that way.

To me, "early bed times" are an interesting sanction. I am determined of implementing that action in any future relationship. As far as punishment is concerned, I understand many men are only interested in the spanking part. However, spankings combined with other forms of punishments might be much more effective.

In case he screws up, my future partner has to be able to stomach being send to bed by me at a very early time. I know this is hard to take and mortifying but I am not going to refrain from handing out that punishment. I want him to undress and go to bed. No reading, no phoning, lights out and shutters down. And if I think it is time for him to go to bed, I do absolutely not want to get in an argument about it with him. Even if the soccer world cup final is on tv. The fact that he is not tired is of no interest to me either. Far from it. I like the idea of him being forced to lay in bed even though he is wide awake. Gives him the possibility to deliberate his prior behaviour. I want him to understand that even if I let him his space in many aspects, I am still the decision maker in our relationship.