Saturday, November 15, 2014

I am willing to suffer for your pleasure

A lot has been written about the pleasures of being in a domestic discipline relationship. I doubt that I need to talk about the benefits for the men, especially the alpha men, and why a man would want to live in such a relationship.

Only few posts/articles are dedicated to the women and why they would want to live that lifestyle. Sometimes, on their quest to convince their partner/wife to give a domestic discipline relationship a try, men summarize all the aspects that - in their opinion - are suitable to assure the women of engaging in that special lifestyle. 

One of the reasons I sometimes hear/read from men in that context is:
It is good for the woman because "it makes me a better man/husband/boyfriend".
For me, personally, that argument does not kick in at all. In my opinion there is not much substance to that argument.

Before I enter a relationship with a man, I make sure that he is a good man. I check his qualities right from the start and I have no intention to change him and /or "make him better". If he is not a good man he will not be chosen to become my man/husband/boyfriend. And once I chose him to be my boyfriend, I promise to myself to treat him well and to not hurt him and I expect to be treated well by him and not being hurt by him. This is nothing spectacular, just two grown ups treating each other with respect and care.

For me, the pleasure of being the leader in a domestic discipline relationship is based on the fact that I can outlive parts of my personality that I usually hide. DD allows me to go for my needs and my lust and my wishes, without needing to have negotiations with my partner first. Without asking for his consent first. Without having to carry the burden of taking care of his needs too.

In my life, both in private life and in my job, I am constantly busy trying to make other people happy. Helping people, supporting people, fighting for people and comfortig people is what I do all day long. Sometimes I gain a bit of fulfillment by doing it, but most of the time it is just tiresome. I am good at what I do, don`t get me wrong, but my life is dominated by constantly being at the service for other people/clients. I sometimes feel like a mercenary. I fight battles for other people.

I do have in fact the possibility to organize my time pretty freely, but on the other hand I am feeling very much other- directed.

I am trained from early age on to pay attention to other peoples needs. I am very generous, both emotionally, financially and with my time. You need something from me? Chances are very good you will get it. 
And: I am very good at empathizing. 

this is one of the reasons why the current situation with my man is really getting under my skin. To me it looks like: I must have been doing something terribly wrong. I obviously did not see at all what he needed, I let him down to such an extent that he cannot even talk with me now anymore. My instinct is to please him, but at this point of time I do not even know what he wants me to do. What would please him?  Am I expected to fight for him? To wait for him? To give him space? To leave him alone? To fully disappear out of his life for eternity? If only I knew what he wanted, I would give it to him in a heartbeat. 
The fact that I am too stupid to understand what it is he wants pretty much paralyzes me. It hits me in the very core of my being. )

A dd relationship is like a safe haven to me. A place where I can flee to, where I feel security, a place where I can allow myself to take care of my own needs. A place where I allow myself to put my needs first. To me, having control is a turn on. No doubt about that. But the real turn ons in a domestic relationship for me are:
The silent trust that the man is putting in me. When he obeys my demands and when he is freely accepting my authority he is pretty much telling me: 

I trust you. I trust your leadership. I trust that you have thought it all trough. Even if I dont like what you want me to do, or if I dont understand why you want it, I will obey. I will do it because you want it. I am willing to suffer for your pleasure.

1 comment:

  1. I am going to tell you what you may not want to hear. I don't pretend to be aware of the subtleties of your relationship but my take is that he wants you to leave him alone and move on.