The bar exam and all its related stress is over, I have finally emotionally arrived in the US and I am feeling more self confident and empowered than I have felt in a long time.
When I started this blog more than 11 years ago, my focus was on 2 things:
1. To find a man who loves me
and
2. to live out my kinky side with that man, aka having a female led relationship
As you all know, my journey into the female led relationship world has been quite a rollercoster, with many ups and downs. But I can report that I have succeeded in both aforementioned goals. :-) And not only that, it feels like an added bonus that I "found" you all and the great community that we are. I feel very very blessed indeed.
The things that I actually did pray for 11 years ago when I opened my blog, these things have become my reality now. And I am wondering sometimes: is this really true? Did I really make all that happen? This is all too good to be true. :-)
Over the years, with the help of many wonderful, brave and submissive men, I have finally learned to express my own needs in a relationship. In the past, ( as you all know, lol), even when I was interacting in a femdom context with a man, I was way too often focused on his needs.
But now it seems like I have finally overcome that pattern and I am loving my new life immensly.
I have become so much more self confident, I am amazed about myself, lol.
Stripping myself off of my German lawyer job/identity was one of the most courageous moves I have ever done. Being a lawyer was like an armour for me. Like a protection that makes it impossible for the world to hurt me.
I was always very fine with seeing men in my life/ in my relationships naked and vulnerable, and it was always MY pleasure to tell them that it is ok to be naked and vulnerable. But for myself I had different standards. I did not allow myself to show the nakedness and vulnerability that I demanded from the submissive men in my life. But this all has changed now. Giving up my identity as a lawyer and cutting the chords with Germany was so frigging difficult for me that I thought: well, I might as well do a complete job and get rid of some other " emotional armour" too.
Since then I am so much more emotionally vulnerable in my marriage, I am surprising myself on a daily basis. :-) And the great thing is: Me being vulnerable around my husband helps him in being vulnerable around me (again) too.
As a couple we had experienced what many of you guys experienced too: It was hard to keep the kink alive when the unsexy real life took over. But now , with my new found energy and confidence, our kink life is finally great again. I touch him constantly and ( among else..lol) "force him" into public displays of affection that had been unthinkable just a little while ago.
If you take away just one thing from my blog post today: Keep the dream alive. Be persistent. Dont give up. It is all so worth it. After so many years of search and trial and errors, I finally found what I was always looking for: A happy life in a female led relationship with a husband who loves me.
For me, a male, it was a desire, a need, that I find a woman who would take the lead. I learned that women will not come out and accept that role even if that is what they want. Oh I met some strong minded women, but would not go as far as I was looking for. Older women, I've dated and one or two had no second thoughts of taken the lead. I knew what I wanted, and finally found such a woman. She made the comment early in our dating that men are just little boys in adult bodies, she smiled when she said it. She had purchase a very nice home, had a management job, and as we dated learned of her wants and needs. She allow me to open up, to be myself, and when I said I wanted a woman to take charge, she asked why and I explained. It was a visit to my apartment, a weekend, I went to the store and when I came back, she smiled at me, said explain, and there were my spanking magazines on the kitchen table. How did you find them, you men hide your dirty magazines pretty much in the same place. Back to my question she said with now a sterness, explain. I slowly told her, she listened, and then said, I'm going home, and you best pack a bag quickly. It was at her place that she said the relationship is strong, she was going to take the lead no matter what I thought, and then she dropped the shock of all times. You know where the bedroom is young man, I want you to undress, wait, hands at side, I'll be in shortly. When she did come to the bedroom I was standing naked, erect, hands at side. She pulled a chair out, sat down, lets see what you think of a spanking from me. When she finished I danced around the room, rubbing. No rubbing, stand here, I stood before her, I'm not done with you. You will be facing the corner in the front room, naked. Looking at one of your dirty magazines the husband was calling his wife Mommy, well you best get use to calling me Mommy. We will be getting married, and you will have what you wanted. So from now on, if you need a spanking, you have been a naughty little boy. I will not be your girlfriend nor your wife, I will be your Mommy and Mommy spanks naughty little boys. So have you been a naughty little boy, Yes Mommy. Very good, now get to the front room, stand in the corner, no talking, no rubbing. I stood there for a good half hour, then I got another scolding and when she finally allowed me to get dress she said I'm going to like be the Mommy. I hugged her, she rubbed my sore bottom, I needed a wife/Mommy, so thank you Mommy. She hugged me tighter, now go get dress my naughty little boy, your taken me out to dinner, Yes Mommy. Jack
ReplyDeleteMs. Tina, so happy to read that things are going so well for you, that's wonderful!
ReplyDeleteI hate it when men post their fantasies as if it really happened. That first post is clearly fantasy.
ReplyDeleteTell that to my wife, no fantasie, each to their own.
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