It might sound as if I would not understand dd at all... sorry if I should give you that impression. :-) The problem I am going to address is of course much more complex ... but I have been trying to phrase it as neat as possible.
Over the holidays I have been reading many blogs on domestic discipline. Very interesting stuff... And one big question came to my mind:
How is it possible to get over my self-doubts?
Or in other words: Is it possible to be in a dd relationship and still have self-doubts?
I read Ms.Marie`s blog http://msmariedmx.blogspot.com/2010/12/tenderness.html
and Lady Grey´s http://womanincontrol.blogspot.com/
and I am wondering, if these women have the same self-doubts as I am having?
To me, it looks as being a dominant woman in a domestic discipline relationship calls for the woman to be free of any fear that the man could actually end the relationship. Somehow these women seem to be able to believe that the men will stay in the relationship, even if the demands of the women are really hard to accept for the men.
I told you, I am in love with my man. Therefore I don`t want him to end the relationship. And no, he has not done/said/made/anything to give me reason to believe he wants to break up. And neither did I. Far from it. I just sent him a love message....
I am only discussing a theoretical question, that most likely has its source in my childhood.
The two afore mentioned ladies have both written about "the big take away". Banning the man for good from the one thing he loves the most.(Hunting, soccer, business, you name it...) And the response from the men involved and from the readers of the blogs has generally been overwheming good. There is no doubt, that it is hot to read about it. The fantasy is amazing.
But me, in reality, I think I would not have the guts to resort to such intense and drastic means. "The big take away" is not some game.It is not something to turn the man on. It is not meant to give him pleasure. It is hard on him. He will hate it. He will not be pleased.
And the idea that the man will be pissed off... and pissed off with me...somehow throws me off balance.
Add to these points the fact that the men we are taking about are usually real alpha males, surrounded by beautiful women who are only waiting to please them , only waiting to start a relationship with them....
I am just not sure if I would dare to tell the man I love to chose between me and the thing he loves the most...
Hi Tina,
ReplyDeleteI think that it is wonderful that you are in love with your man. I also think that we all have self-doubts. My advice, for what it is worth, is to be the disciplinarian that you are comfortable being, no more and no less. You don't have to be the same as anyone else. Your man and you will learn what works for the two of you with time and experience.
Enjoy!
Michael_Michael
Tina,
ReplyDeleteSo here I am commenting again :)
I can't and won't speak for Lady Grey because she does it perfectly herself. However, I will say that Lady Grey and I are in relationships that began in very different ways.
My relationship with my sissy began over 20 years ago. Basically, our entering into this femdom lifestyle last year comes after years of marriage and understanding and was originally prompted by my husband. This is what he wants and I am happy to oblige. That is not to say that he is engineering our lifestyle. In fact, I have succeeded in taking over. However, it is the lifestyle he has always dreamed of having. I have zero doubts or worries that the decisions I make will drive him away from me. My confidence is grounded in the knowledge that he is at his happiest in our current lifestyle.
I believe that each relationship is its own. I can't apply Lady Grey's rules to mine and expect the same results and vice-versa.
And I would like to clarify... I took away hunting from my sissy. But I never said it would be permanent. And he has not had any regrets :)
Anway - thought I would chime in here and try to share my perspective directly. My accounts are not fantasy - we live the life I write about. I do, however, reserve the right to leave out the mundane details - because they are just soooo mundane :)
Take care,
MsMarie
Ms. Tina:
ReplyDeleteThe real advice you are being given is that such relationships tend to evolve over time and they depend upon the limits and desires of BOTH people within a relationship.
From MsMarie's answer, for instance, one could take it she loves her husband and if removing hunting truly HURT his heart and their relationship, she would restore it.
You are thinking the right things and you are considering his feelings. Even in dominant /submissive relationships of whatever makeup there is always consideration of the other and of things such as responsibilities towards children or families.
I wish you continued luck with your love life and I hope you have a great new year.
Clarence
Ms. Tina,
ReplyDeleteI think that a good partnership (regardless whether BDSM-style or not) can only work well, as long as it is a mutual thing. If somebody has quite big worries and doesn't feel comfortable with some ideas, she/he shouldn't try to implement them just for the sake of them "belonging" to a "real", say, dd-relationship. If something "belongs" there and if it feels good to BOTH partners, depends on their special relationship and it's long-lasting developement.
Also to me, when I read Ms. Marie's blog, the kind of relationship she and her "sissy" seem to have, sounds quite unfamiliar; although I consider myself a submissive man, I wouldn't want to be treated that way: To my mind come such words/lines from Ms. Marie's more recent posts, like "brutal sessions", taking him permanentely away his beer and letting him stick "with wine and girly mixed drinks", "I am not concerned about his pleasure and it doesn't bother me when it is uncomfortable or even painful for him." or even the "trust exercise" - which I consider anything else than "safe, sane (and consensual)"; in fact I consider it highly irresponsible, since a mouse trap can also snap without anything touching the trigger, or his knees could involuntary have went limp for whatever reason.
For me a relationship, where my lady would want to do such things to me and even enjoy it, would be much more than I could bear; but I don't want to judge others. If it works for them, and is enjoyable to BOTH of them - so it's their way, and I wish them all the best.
But also in their cases, such things were not installed at once - they are the nowadays results of a long-lasting development, tho which both of them made their contribute in small steps. It may seem quite extreme, if you only look at the present situation.
Whether there is a need for "the big take away" or not, for sure isn't decided light-heartedly. I don't know, whether this step is really mandatory to a dd-relationship, but if the dominant partner doesn't feel very comfortable with it in advance, she should think about it as NOT mandatory in THEIR special relationship.
I wish you both all the best,
rené.
I often think about this same question. As a submissive, though, I can tell you, if the connection is real...the energy between you is strong...then your "big takeaways" or more severe actions...will very likely draw him closer...not farther away. At least that's how i feel about my Goddess.
ReplyDeleteMy brief comment revolves around the word "development." I am a dominant woman in a long-term marriage. I have thought long and hard about the nature of my relationship with my little hubby man. Other views their submissive partners as persons who need correction and abuse. I view my abuse as a development of
ReplyDelete1) My relationship with him and
2) His development as a full person, and
3) His development as my ideal partner for me.
In the depth of his soul, he feels the same about me. He genuinely wants me to be a happy and dominant woman with a successful life and career. He also wants to be with me and I want to be with him.
I could meander on and on in this comment but I will not. Just consider yourself a developer and trainer. That relationship paradigm has proved useful to me in pondering life’s mysteries. Maybe it will be helpful for you.
Aberrant Goddess
i would humbly offer the view that taking something away for ever would not help me. Forever is forever. A long time i could see working but there has to be a possibility for me. Weakness i imagine you are thinking.
ReplyDeleteI also wonder what you mean about the "women who are only waiting to please them". Sounds to me like you have nothing to worry about.
lw