Sunday, December 12, 2010

power exchange

In the past, I have been able of establishing my dominance over my man. There has been no doubt who is the dominant and who is the submissive one, as far as our relationship is concerned.

Lately however, things changed quite a bit. I told you, he threatened to spank me. As for the background of his threat: I was totally freaking out, due to hormones, biology and -most importantly- my damn legal thesis.

Even though I knew right from the moment when he threatened to spank me, that he would have no chance in following through with it  (due to lack of privacy and due to other people showing up very soon), I nevertheless submitted to his authority right away. I tried to get my act together as best as I could and as fast as I could. I just knew he had a valid point.

In a way I was very curious where that power exchange might lead me and the relationship. And right now I can report to you: It has given me a very freeing feeling, which I will explain in just a moment.

First of all: no worries. There won`t be a permanent role reversal within our relationship. I am sure I will not become one submissive little girl...However, I learned that it is very easy for me to submit to his natural authority. In a way, he plays the power games much better than I do.

Expecting obedience from another person does not come too easy for me. And since I am in love with my man, it is even more difficult for me, to follow through with my approach of expecting him to just do as I tell him to do. The need to please is just embedded too deep in my personality.

And in the way I look at things, it is very important for me to NOT actually force a man to do things for me.
In theory, it has its appeal to MAKE him submit to me, no doubt about that. But in real life, I am far from being a hardcore dominatrix. I do not believe in natural supremacy of women. There is no natural reason for a man to submit to a woman. I see his submission as a gift. A gift from him to me. And if he is not in the mood to give it to me, I will not force him. Because in forcing him, it would no longer be a gift. For me, it feels degrading to have to ask for a gift.

Generally, in my life, I am independent and strong enough to NOT ask for things. 'You don`t want to go to church with me? I will go alone, no problem. You don`t want to go to that party? Ok, I have no issues with showing up alone.' I am used to lead my life alone. And seriously, I can say these things without any hard feelings. If a man does not freely want to do things with me, or for me, I am not going to pressure him in doing it. And there are rarely situations where I actually NEED a man to stand by my side. I am perfectly able of fighting my own fights. It is much easier for me to do things alone, without a partner who is showing me his reluctance to be with me at an event or in a situation.

I can stand the feeling of walking through life alone, but I can not stand the feeling of having somebody with me in a certain situation who does not want to be there at all. Does this make sense to you?

And within a relationship, this feeling gets even stronger. I want  my partner to be happy. I don`t want to see him suffering.And most importantly: I don`t want him to suffer without getting any pleasure out of the suffering ;-) I don`t want to be the reason for him to feel uncomfortable. I want to be the reason for him to have fun and pleasure.

So lets get back to my original point: the spanking threat and the freeing feeling.

When my man threatened me with a spanking, he did it, (as far as I can tell...I did not yet talk with him about it), because he saw no other way of calming me down. He could tell that I was freaking out. It went on all morning, he had tried to stay relaxed and make me relaxed, but I was too much in "I can not do it"-mode. It was his last resort. His last means of bringing me down to earth.

And it was given freely. He did not say it in order to get turned on himself. I am sure, due to real life stress, a spanking was the last thing he wanted to give (or get...) on that day. But nevertheless, he brought it up, in order to find a solution for a problem. He brought it up in order to make me feel better. He brought it up because he was watching out for me, because he was having my six. Because he wanted to make me happy again.

And see, this is something that really makes me happy.


  1. Welcome home! It sounds like a delightful and eventful trip! Wow. Now I have to ask you one question based on the last post you made before you left for the USA.

    What did your man think of your hair?



  2. @servingB: My hair and my man, lol: I gave him fair warning.

    "WHATEVER YOU DO: DO NOT COMMENT ON MY HAIR ONCE YOU SEE ME. TRY TO HIDE THE SHOCK AND PRETEND THAT ALL IS OK!!!!!!! Forget all my talk about: Sharing your feelings: as far as my hair is concerned: DONT!!!!!!!"
    He followed my orders and did not say a word, lol.

  3. Great posts. Cathy and are very similar. She's not over keen on it being known but she does get spanked, for real, on the very few occassions when she freaks out and 'needs' it. And yes, she does want me to even though she doesn't, if you know what i mean. I get spanked mostly for being rude, lazy and stuff like that. And she gets spanked when she needs it emotionally. I think it fits the natural order of the gender's individual needs.

  4. Tina, promise you'll tell us the first time he gives you a spanking.:-)

  5. IF...I should ever get a spanking, I will make sure you all get to know about it :-)