Sunday, April 29, 2012

what does the kink stand for?

For you, personally, what does domestic discipline stand for?
What parts of your personality, what feelings, what fears and hopes do you hide in real life and only show them in a domestic discipline context?
What feelings don`t you dare to outlive in the "real world"?
Don`t give me an obvious answer, such as: " it´s hot to be dominated by a strong woman".
I wanna know what is behind...

  • What is it that gives you that special feeling in your stomach? When can you usually feel it the most? 
  • What makes you submit even though you know you are not gonna enjoy the next few moments too much?
  • What is the driving force behind your interest in domestic discipline?
  • What do you (hope to) gain by being the submissive partner in a dd relationship?
Let me know what is going on in your head...


  1. Within the context of a solid relationship, it's the love and trust that drives it. To know she loves me enough to correct and discipline me, to trust her to submit to her will.
    That moment when I accept her authority completely and bow my head and listen to the lecture and scolding, without even thinking of defending myself or arguing. Just "Yes, Ma'am".
    Knowing that I have somehow failed her and truly deserve what I am about to receive, no matter how much I dislike it. Knowing that afterwards I have atoned and the slate is clean.
    The overwhelming desire to please her, to be praised, to feel I make her happy and she adores me.
    The satisfaction of overcoming my own will and desires in favour of hers. It paradoxically takes a lot of strength to submit.
    The cathartic release of letting go during a punishment, feeling safe and loved enough to cry and sob and promise to behave.
    The loving embrace after spanking just before being sent to the corner.
    And although you may not want to hear it, it is also all about the sex. For me, the biggest thrill is knowing that she is as wet as I am hard, that she gets off on it as much as I do.

  2. What does the kink, F/m domestic discipline in this case, stand for?
    I think there is a multitude of reasons, why men possibly could develop this kink.
    In my case I think it was triggered by events and circumstances during childhood. The absolute greater part of your personality is shaped during childhood.
    A strict dominant mother, a strict female school teacher who spanks
    naughty or lazy pupils. These circumstances may be of influence on how your personality develops.
    Fact however is, not everyone reacts in the same way on these kinds of experiences.
    There are plenty of men with similar experiences who are absolutely not interested into a DD lifestyle.
    So you could think something genetic must be involved.
    To many men who are interested into getting spanked by a woman, it is regression: re-experiencing an event which took place a long time ago.
    And that event might get sublimized. I talked to other men who love role play:
    naughty schoolboy, nephew and the lady a strict governess, schoolmistress, aunt, nurse etc.
    Roleplayers fantasize about a form of female, martriarchal power. There are men who go a step further, to them it is more than fantasy.
    When you take a scale and put a role player at the left side, at the other side a slave who is chaste, whose partner cuckolds etc. You can place many dots on that scale between those two extremes. Any point on that scale could be mapped to a DD relation so there are many possible relations. I even think an individual relation is not statically mapped to one point on that scale but could even vary in due course, depending on the compatibility of both partners.


  3. I simply don't know why. It's like explaining why I'm hetero. Desires for Female Discipline and submission made life more difficult - but I'm happy for them.

    My earliest innocent boyhood sexual fantasy was to be undressed by older schoolgirls. Discipline and rendering Obeisance came later.

    A sturdy, confident female in skirt & heel sandals! My mouth goes dry, heart races, overwhelming urge to kneel.

    My Domina was like that. We lived together for several years. She molded me into a man. Taught me the ancient truth: Woman is Life. Man is the servant of Life.

    Her hardest lessons were the most effective, and I eventually adored her for them.

    * Discipline happened on Her schedule. Of Her choosing. I never got a chance to" Want It" - Discipline was too frequent. She used a cane when least expected. Merely seeing the wicked rod in Her hand made me cry.

    * She did (and made me do) things I didn't like. Safe stuff. But things I hated.

    * Maybe hardest was She told Everyone! Neighbors, store clerks, waitresses. Her family and mine. People in my office.

    Endless humiliations. Sneers, leers, giggles. The most amazing part was ... nothing really bad happened. Beyond initial surprise, our work, friends, and family were fine. And why not?

    We were friends with other like-minded couples. But only my Domina was completely public about it. I often wonder why.

    We'd still be together today, if not for circumstances beyond our control.

  4. Hi Tina:

    I really like some of the comments I am reading here. I agree that for many of us (though apparently no all) the desire for submission stems from early childhood experiences with a female authority figure. That is certainly true for me. But as appie shares many men have such experiences and do not become submissive. So yes genetics may also come into play. I suspect submission in a male is born from a combination of nature and nurture.

    In reading your recent posts there is a tangible correlation between D/s and matriarchal ("mommy") style discipline; writing lines, early bedtimes etc. While these are not overtly sexual styles of punishment they certainly do draw on the maternal dynamic.

    That feeling in the pit of my stomach can be caused by many things; Her Majesty's feet casually crossed on the coffee table, a curt command, a sly innuendo, a pair of stilettos spied crossing the street, kneeling to accept punishment, the list seems endless.

    I mostly enjoy submitting to Her Majesty. I suppose it is sometimes difficult when I feel she is being unfairly critical. Then I become annoyed but am conflicted about how I should react. Should I defend myself or submit gracefully to her judgment? The later path is usually the better choice.

    The driving forces behind my desire for domestic discipline are probably those influences from early childhood previously discussed. They are buried deep within me and I don't think I could overcome those urges even if I wanted to.

    What I most desire as a sub is love, acceptance and understanding from my Mistress. I also need to feel that my submission is valued and appreciated.

  5. 1) I have experienced and experimented with a great many BDSm activities, but the two things that I find most erotic are servitude and feminization. For as long as I can remember (literally from the of 3 or so) I have had fantasies of being submissive to a dominant woman. The idea that there are rules set out by her which I am expected to follow and set tasks to perform on a regular basis is what I am seeking in a D/s relationship. Having rules to follow and chores to fulfill, to my mind, underlines the power disparity in the relationship. It reinforces our roles and position vis-a-vis one another and serves as a constant reminder who is in charge.

    Moreover, it also provides me with an opportunity to do things to please the woman that I am serving. Knowing that I am pleasing her, is in and of itself pleasurable to me. In the past I have been delighted when able to run errands for mistress when was sick, or keep her company if she was feeling low in her mind, or massage her feet and her back after a long day. Even mundane tasks can be eroticized if one is doing it for the person one serves. I am someone who likes to do things to make people happy and I in fact keep a cutting garden (Iris, Lilies, Peony, Phlox, Dahlia, Poppies and Aconite) so that I can give flowers away.

    As for feminization, I have always had fetish for women's panties. Even as a very young child I would steal, gaze at, fondle etc, the panties of my sister and cousins. This desire never went away (even though I had purloined panties humiliatingly discovered once) and many a time I have looked at a Victoria's Secret catalog with a friend and hardly noticed the models they were ogling, so transfixed was I by their apparel.

    For me women's panties are a true fetish. I have had sessions with pro dommes that fizzled if my desire for panties was not slaked, to say nothing of incidents with vanilla girls that petered out when confronted with their mundane lingerie choices. For me it is difficult to be aroused without their being some reference to panties: me wearing them, a domme wearing them, me being allowed to smell a pair she has worn, discussing them with her, etc.

  6. 2) I suspect that for some masochistic submissives, the pain of a spanking/paddling/flogging is a reward in and of itself. They derive pleasure from the pain, so, far from dreading the pain, it is what seek. That said, this is supposed to be about me and my desires and I am not a masochist. What I like is the idea that I am suffering to please a dominant. That she enjoys inflicting pain and when she is in the mood, it is my lot to endure it in an effort to please her. My hope would be that, when she is finished that she tells me that I have pleased her and that she appreciates my suffering for her. Being allowed to put my head in her lap, or having my sore bottom caressed or being given a kiss on the forehead, as acknowledgment for what I had taken for her, are the sorts of rewards that I hope for from from a domme while I am being punished; the feeling that I am appreciated is very important to me.

    I saw on professional dominant, with whom I became very close, who is the only person ever to cane me. As painful as each cane stroke was (and the burning the followed a moment or two later) I usually wanted more. She had a way of quietly, almost tenderly coaxing me to "take a little bit more for her". She would often speak to me softly, caress my back/shoulders/legs/cheek and/or let me have glimpses of her figure, as a way to goad me into enduring a few more strokes. Those are some of the most memorable moments in my submissive life and as I said, I usually wished that she had continued.

    Furthermore, I am not a brat and would never misbehave to "earn" punishment, far from it. When I have made mistakes in the past I have felt awful and gratefully accepted corporal punishment, if that was what the domme chose. What's more one domme liked to lecture me after I was punished for cause, have me state what I had done wrong and promise to not repeat my mistake in the future. For me this was a very powerful experience; it not only forced to acknowledge and promise to correct poor behavior, but as importantly for me, I knew I was forgiven. That I had atoned for my mistake and was secure in the knowledge that she still cared for me.

    I should also mention that with one woman I used to see in my personal life, I would from time to time ask her for a spanking. It was still painful for me and it was never because I felt I had misbehaved; it was more just my need to have the unequal dynamic of our relationship reaffirmed. She often commented on how deferential and quiescent I was after this sort of a punishment.

  7. 3) I am not quite sure what you mean by "driving force". My desires, as I've mentioned, have always been with me, or least I don't remember being without them.

    4) What I love most and what I would love to find, is to feel accepted and cared for as a submissive. To be with someone who cared about me as a person, shared my kinky interests and who valued me ASCAP submissive. One of the things about BDSm that is most misunderstood by vanilla people, in my opnion, is the level of caring that a good domme has towards her submissive. When I think of the mistresses that I have known and whose company I have most enjoyed, the thing that springs to mind first is their kindness. Part of this is undoubtedly that I felt safe and as if I was with someone who was not judging me for my desires. I love the feeling that I am serving someone who shares and enjoys my fetishes and with whom I can be honest about my feelings and fantasies.